0:03
Hi, everyone.
0:04
Hello and welcome to Lean into your superpower.
0:09
We are Kathleen and Zeina, A K A, the lion and the Ram.
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We've built an entire podcast on harnessing and utilizing your superpower.
0:20
And our wish is for this to be a safe place where we can talk about why knowing your superpower is vital to your success, whether that's personal, professional or financial, right?
0:32
So the last podcast we discussed fueling your superpower, right?
0:36
Leaning into discomfort.
0:39
We talked about how to be comfortable being uncomfortable.
0:43
What does that really mean in our day to day today?
0:46
It's going to be all about falling in love with your superpower?
0:51
Why other people's opinions are none of your business, right?
0:56
And how we go about falling in love with our with our authentic self.
1:02
So we recently celebrated Valentine's Day and this is kind of apropos on love.
1:08
Valentine's day is all about loving others, but I believe that even more importantly than loving other people is loving yourself is the love of self.
1:19
If you can't love your own self, how can you, you know, show love to others?
1:24
So that's what our topic about is today we are super excited to be here with you.
1:29
All our warriors.
1:31
All right, let's do a check in.
1:33
Does, how are you today, Kathleen?
1:35
, does this topic bring anything in you?
1:40
How are you feeling?
1:41
I'm good.
1:42
Good today.
1:43
I have lots of thoughts on this topic about people's opinions of you and whether or not you should care and,, it does bring up for me, a time in my business where I had a toxic employee and how that affected staff and kind of what that turned into during that period of time.
2:04
And we'll get into more of this specifics in a little bit, but that's kind of what it brings up for me.
2:11
Yeah.
2:12
How about you?
2:13
For me, it brings up self care, it brings up having, you know, clear boundaries, all topics we can dive, you know, flesh out maybe later episodes.
2:24
But I think it brings up more than anything is just kind of being the exception and not the rule.
2:32
You know, sometimes our gifts are not supported or nurtured by the people around us.
2:38
And, you know, we have to remember that if you want to be exceptional, you are going to be different and do things different from everyone else.
2:49
That's literally what makes you exceptional and superpower.
2:52
All that is, is about being exceptional, finding your own authentic self, your own authentic superpower.
2:59
Yeah, I think, and for those people that don't, aren't supportive.
3:03
I kind of want to throw out there sometimes it's not always because they are trying to not be supportive.
3:09
I think it's because sometimes they don't understand what you're doing and, and because you are exceptional, it goes against the grain.
3:16
So, just love those people where they are and understand that that's where they are and that their path and their understanding isn't necessarily your path and your understanding and they don't necessarily have to understand why you're doing what you're doing.
3:32
Right?
3:33
I think that's a good point.
3:34
You know, it's not about us trying to get people to understand it and, you know, have to like, sway them to our way of thinking so that they can support us.
3:43
We can just be like, OK, I get it.
3:46
You don't believe in this or whatever, but I'm going to do it anyway because this is my power, my calling, my whatever, you know, my, my, my, what I need to do to leave my mark on the world.
4:00
You know, I think in our society it's easier to conform to the notion of what the rest of the world is doing than to go our own way.
4:10
Yes, it's easier.
4:12
And I think this is something that not a lot of people talk about or maybe don't even realize is that even when you fit in, you have internal conflict.
4:24
Yes.
4:25
Yes.
4:26
Because inside you know that you are supposed to be doing something that you're not doing.
4:32
Yes.
4:32
And it will plague you.
4:34
Yes.
4:35
It will bother you until you do this thing.
4:38
You may as well start.
4:40
I mean, I've lived with that so long.
4:43
You know, my wanting to appease my parents, have them be proud of me doing everything they want to do.
4:48
But I'm, I was eating like it was, it was almost eating me away from the inside out because I was not being 100% me.
4:57
Right.
4:58
You know, that brings up for me.
4:59
You know, I used to do opera and, when I started thinking about doing something else because I felt like this wasn't my path.
5:09
I got a lot of pushback from my peers because,, it was, oh, you've spent so much time on this and you've, you dedicated so much, you know, time and effort to this and it's been so much part of your life for so long and I got a lot of pushback and, but inside I was thinking, but this doesn't feel right.
5:29
It doesn't feel like this is what I should be doing.
5:31
And I actually delayed moving out of opera for several years because people were telling me, well, no, you should be doing this and I thought, ok, well, maybe I should be doing this.
5:42
And so, and I didn't listen to that voice and it just delayed, you know, moving on to something else.
5:47
But,, yeah, and so the majority of the people were telling me, no, you should not do this thing.
5:54
You should not leave opera even though I knew that that's really what I should be doing because you're so good and this is where you want to be and it kind of kind of feeds your ego.
6:02
Yeah.
6:03
You've got such a talent for it and all this sort of stuff and that may very well be, or maybe I was horrible and that's why I didn't get that far.
6:10
But, I mean, whatever it is, something kept me from going, you know, full force down that path and it was because it wasn't my path.
6:21
So I think we got to decide either you fit in and have this internal conflict where to eat you up or you are exceptional or, you know, you're loving your superpower, whatever and you have external conflict because everyone else sees you as different.
6:39
Your, your peer circle, your group circle sees you as different, you know, and we've got to pick one.
6:45
Yeah.
6:46
I mean, it's like that whole thing of, like, pick your heart, right.
6:49
, those things you see on social media, it's hard to be overweight but it's also hard to work out.
6:52
It's, you know, all that sort of stuff.
6:54
So you are going to have conflict in life and so I would rather have conflict doing what I know I'm supposed to be doing.
7:01
Where I feel fulfilled, you know, where you have a passion than have conflict internally and doing something I hate day in day out, you know.
7:10
So, yeah.
7:11
Pick your heart.
7:12
Yeah, you gotta pick.
7:13
Yeah.
7:13
I mean, what, what, you know, well, what's the alternative?
7:17
Right?
7:17
Are you, are you willing to sacrifice your authentic self and have it eat you up from the inside out to appease people and maybe you are.
7:24
I don't know, but I'm, I'm, if you're listening to the pos guest, probably not, I would presume or, or are you be like, well, hey, this is, I'm listening to this something speaking to me about, I need to do something that's been eating at me despite regardless and yes, I'm going to have to deal with the external conflict, right?
7:45
Here's something that that happens a lot is, is I think we need to change the narrative about when your friends or your family or anybody comes to you and says that, you know, it says, oh, you've changed.
7:57
I think we need to understand that they're saying that because they don't know how to say you've grown.
8:06
Yes.
8:08
Right.
8:08
Yes.
8:09
And your growth may be making their non growth.
8:15
I have another word in my mind but it's not positive.
8:18
So I won't say it.
8:19
They're non growth.
8:20
It makes them uncomfortable because they see you growing into someone else and you may be developing new skills and maybe advancing and it makes them realize that they're not.
8:31
Right.
8:31
And sometimes that makes our family uncomfortable or our lifelong friends uncomfortable.
8:37
You know.
8:37
And I don't think that so when someone comes to you and says you've changed, there's automatically that negative connotation to it.
8:44
It's, it's, 00, I've changed.
8:46
Oh, that's such a bad thing.
8:47
That's not good.
8:48
But it should be a good thing to change.
8:51
We should change over time.
8:52
We should grow over time.
8:54
I should not be the same person at 40 that I am at 20.
8:57
So if my friends don't come to me and say, oh, you've changed over the, you know, last 20 years, I think that should be a red flag, you know.
9:05
But yeah, I think we need to change our mindset about the word change.
9:10
But you're right, it does mean grow.
9:13
And sometimes that can trigger in them, you know, a thought in them is like, well, why am I not different?
9:18
Right?
9:19
And hopefully they will see your growth or your change as, as propelling them to get better.
9:25
And sometimes not, sometimes they want to keep you the same person as 20 because that's who they know.
9:32
And that's a whole other podcast about how to let those kind of people go get out of your life.
9:39
So you can continue to be the best version of yourself because having a lot of people like that around you will hinder your growth for Sure.
9:48
Right.
9:48
What do they say you're the, you're the makeup of the five people you hang around with, spend most time with, you, spend the most time with.
9:56
So something that I read the other day that really, I think is apropos to this and to talk about is you don't reap what they sow, meaning your peer group, the people around you or even your family, even the people who love you, you reap what you sow.
10:12
So to me that means like the path of being, falling in love with your show, Papa or being an exceptional person, being authentic to who you are is a lonely path.
10:26
It can be.
10:27
Yeah.
10:28
Right.
10:29
And, and I think rather than fighting it and, you know, I think we need to see it as an indicator that you're on the right path because I do believe that if most people are cheering for you and saying, yeah, that's what you're supposed to be doing like they were with you in opera, but they want, you know, they want you, you become like everyone else and that may not be where you want to be or should be or need to be if that makes any sense.
10:56
Yeah, I mean, it's, it makes me think, you know, if they wanted me to stay in opera, even though I'm telling them, I don't think this is the right path for me.
11:06
You know, it makes you kind of wonder maybe I was fulfilling some sort of me being an opera singer and being friends with them or being in their circle served them something.
11:17
It gave them something in their life.
11:20
And if I was no longer an opera singer and I was just a regular attorney or a regular person who doesn't go on stage anymore and doesn't perform anymore.
11:29
Maybe they felt like that was a loss for them.
11:31
Yes.
11:32
That's a very interesting way to look at it.
11:34
I think that happens quite a lot with athletes, you know, entertainment, people, actors, you know, obviously musicians, that kind of thing is the kind of the people that you bring along with you, they need to keep you at that level in order for them to, to, you know, I don't know, to work, to feel good about themselves.
12:01
All right.
12:02
All right.
12:05
OK.
12:05
So we have to understand that.
12:08
I believe everybody listening to this podcast today is exceptional, right?
12:15
But how do I know that because each of us have our own superpower or else we wouldn't if we don't believe that or we don't, you know, we, we listen to this, we have an authentic self and we may have learned over time to stifle it because we want to be accepted by most people or by other people, right?
12:35
And we gotta understand in doing so, if we keep that stifle, then we're never going to accomplish what we want to do.
12:44
Right, because we're conforming.
12:47
Right.
12:48
And sometimes that little voice gets drowned out by everybody else around you and you need to sometimes spend some time alone and try to really think about who am I?
12:59
And what do I want?
13:01
, because everybody has an opinion and,, in my experience,, people's opinions are fickle and their opinions about you are fickle.
13:15
And so if you're gonna base your thoughts or your authentic self on what someone else's opinion of you is you are going to be tossed about with the wind because that's how quickly people's opinions change.
13:31
Right?
13:32
Gotta give yourself permission to do things that are different from the people in your social circle or in your life or even age group.
13:40
Yes, you've got to let go of, of that.
13:43
What am I supposed to do is what everybody else is doing.
13:46
Well, if you do what everybody else is doing, then you won't be exceptional because then that's what everybody else is doing, right?
13:51
It's literally right.
13:54
It's literally like letting the opinions of other people deny you from your legacy, your history, you're from a life, you know, that is meant for you, right?
14:08
When you think about people that have done exceptional and amazing things, they did things differently than everyone else around them.
14:17
And that's why they, they were exceptional and that's why they, you know, made a mark wherever it was that they made a mark, you know, for, I don't know anybody who's exceptional.
14:26
I can't think of a single person in the entire world that I've read or been a part of, or been around where they haven't forged their own path.
14:36
Right.
14:37
And, and if you look at what they did, I mean, and I'm, there's multiple people and I, I'm thinking of right now Ford.
14:43
Henry.
14:43
Ford is one.
14:44
Oprah is another one.
14:45
, but there's hun hundreds of people that have done these things.
14:49
But when you think about these people that have changed the world or, you know, become elite in their field, it's because they knew what their gift was, they knew what their talent was and they leaned into that and that's what made them different from everyone else in their field.
15:08
And if our listeners would just do that, I think it could change so many things for them.
15:14
And I also think in addition to that something was in their brain that they could not shake.
15:19
Yes.
15:20
Right.
15:22
Yeah, because it was just like, whatever, whether it's, you know, Thomas Edison with electricity or whatever, it's, you just, no matter what anybody tells you, you can't do it.
15:32
It's impossible, you know,, Steve Jobs with, you know, the phone and the microchips and I don't know if you've read his biography but it was just like, he, he didn't know how to do it.
15:42
And he was actually the one that had the, the technical knowledge to make this a reality.
15:48
But he knew he just had to figure it out.
15:51
Right.
15:52
But in shaking you couldn't show.
15:54
Right.
15:54
I mean, and that's the thing.
15:57
It's, it's so funny because it's such this dichotomy for us that we don't, we don't wanna step out of line, but we want to be exceptional.
16:05
And like it goes back to what you were saying about that whole thing about choose your heart.
16:11
It's either gonna be hard to stay in line with everyone knowing that you're, you're not fulfilling this passion or this skill or this superpower that you have, that's gonna be hard or you're going to step out of line with everybody and you're gonna say, I'm gonna follow my superpower and I'm not going to listen to everybody else gonna listen to or that has happened to you personally in your life, professional life.
16:34
I have had a couple of experiences with them.
16:38
It a little earlier and you know, when we first stepping in, I was just wondering if you felt like diving into it a little bit.
16:45
Yeah, let's dive into it because this was a big learning experience for me.
16:50
So I have a law firm and I have got employees and I hired someone that turned out to be a toxic employee and I had never dealt with a toxic employee before.
17:04
So this was a learning on many levels for me, but tied into what we're talking about today.
17:11
, I discovered after the fact that she had gone to all, all the really, all of the employees and told them that,, I only cared about money and they couldn't come and talk to me about any issues.
17:26
Even though I constantly tell my staff if something's not working, I wanna know, I want you to come talk to me about it.
17:32
She told them that they couldn't do that, That I wouldn't listen to them.
17:36
She was the only one who could talk to me.
17:38
So she had created a divide between me and my staff where and then she would come to me and tell me, well, the staff is, they're afraid of you.
17:46
They're intimidated by you.
17:47
And I couldn't understand why that would be because I always have my door open and I'm, I think I'm pretty accessible.
17:52
So I was very puzzled by that.
17:54
So lots of things happen.
17:56
But let's cut to, she ends up leaving the firm and when she leaves, you know, that pulls her out, now it's me versus the staff.
18:06
And I'm not really understanding why there's why that is.
18:10
So we have a, we have a meeting to address that and one of the staff members tells me that I don't treat people like human beings because, and I will never forget that phrase.
18:20
And, and, and I was shocked by that because I truly do care about my staff.
18:26
Like I truly care about them and I take pains to show them that I appreciate them.
18:32
I thank them, we will give like gift cards for, you know, exceptional work.
18:37
We'll give bonuses.
18:38
I mean, we, we try to really treat them well and show them that we appreciate their hard work.
18:44
So that really shocked me and it came from a staff member, who had been very ill from COVID.
18:52
She was actually hospitalized on a ventilator for several months.
18:56
I paid her for six weeks while she was out, which was all I could pay her at that time.
19:00
And then I held her job for her until whenever she could come back.
19:04
And then I kept in touch with her husband and I checked in on her and during this whole time, by the way, I am going through chemo for, you know, I had cancer.
19:13
So I was going through that and I went to visit her in rehab and all this, I held her job.
19:19
so that I knew that that was her interaction with me and that was her.
19:25
you know, that was the relationship that we had.
19:26
She would tell me she loved me and she thought of me as a daughter.
19:30
And then it was the same, I don't mean to, but this was the same staff member who said that you don't treat people like human beings.
19:36
Yes.
19:38
Yes.
19:38
And so I was shocked by that.
19:40
And I started thinking back on our relationship and because I thought how we have had this interaction.
19:47
So how could you tell me that I don't treat people like human beings when this has been our relationship?
19:53
And it hurt me for a long time and I struggled with it and struggled with it because it really made me doubt myself.
19:58
And I started to think, am I do I really lack self awareness to this level where I could treat people so badly and not even know, you know, and, and I really struggled with it for a long time.
20:10
And then I realized that her feedback to me was not based on our relationship.
20:18
Her feedback to me was based on what this toxic employee had told her about me.
20:25
And that the toxic employees information to her about me was more convincing than her actual one on one relationship with me.
20:34
And I decided that this feedback was tainted and was not accurate.
20:41
And I ultimately rejected it because I determined after a long time that no, I don't treat people that way.
20:50
I do care about people.
20:51
And so I ultimately rejected that, but if I had allowed her to tell me who I am, right, it would have destroyed me really because it was so hurtful to think that I could actually be that kind of person and and knowing who I am allowed me to reject that and not internalize it, right.
21:17
How did you get to that point?
21:19
I mean, I, I know I was, I was with you when kind of that started happening.
21:24
I think you came like we started working together around that time.
21:30
And look how far you've got, you know how you let it stop you, right?
21:35
You would have taken me out.
21:38
That would have destroyed me for, right?
21:41
So how did you, it was a lot of self reflection and I had done a lot of self reflection before that.
21:49
So before that happened, I was very cognizant of how I treated my staff.
21:55
I was very cognizant of our relationships and all of that sort of thing.
21:58
So if I had been just been running on autopilot, I don't know that I would have been able to reject that information because I wouldn't have been intentional about the things that I had done, but I was intentional when I worked with my staff.
22:11
And I, and I did do a lot of self reflection about what kind of manager am I do?
22:17
I, you know, do I communicate effectively?
22:20
And I, and, and it's very important to me to be respectful always to people.
22:25
So I would never degrade someone or, you know, talk down to somebody because that's, that's not who I am and that's not what I think.
22:36
And so, I don't think my staff is less than human.
22:39
So why would I treat them as less than human.
22:41
It's all about perception too.
22:45
Right.
22:45
So we have to understand that other people's perception and maybe even our perception doesn't mean it's true.
22:53
Right.
22:54
Right.
22:55
So that's why it's important to say to yourself to recognize, hey, this is who I am and I know this, maybe I can learn from it because I do know once that happened, you were more focused on making sure, you know, you were, you know, the whole thing about how to build your skills about managing people.
23:17
Maybe you didn't have as much attention on that, but I didn't because at the time, like I said, I was going through chemo.
23:24
So I was operating at like 50%.
23:26
I mean, I really was just trying to get through.
23:29
So I, I definitely wasn't as present during those couple of months that that was happening as I as I needed to be in the office, but I just could physically couldn't.
23:39
And if you know anything about toxic employees, if something's happening, they take advantage of that.
23:45
And later after she left, I had staff come to me and say, oh she would do this and she would do that when you weren't here and nobody bothered to tell me that these things were going on.
23:53
So yeah, that's definitely played into how I manage my staff now and you know, setting up systems and things like that.
24:03
But so I did, I learned like I said multilevel learning in that scenario.
24:08
But I think if I hadn't done some work on myself before receiving that feedback, I do think it, I probably would have internalized it and I do think it would have set me back and would have really made me feel bad about myself like that this is who I am, you know, or, or this is not something you should be doing, like managing other people or having your right, even though you knew in your heart that this is what you should be doing by having other people not validated.
24:43
In this case, it was your employee.
24:45
Right.
24:46
Right.
24:46
Right.
24:47
And knowing what you have just, you know, felt right and knowing what kind of environment we create in the office and knowing and because I've worked in other offices and so I know that our office environment is a lot different.
24:59
It's very supportive.
25:00
You can make mistakes where, you know, we, we created that environment.
25:05
So then to have a feedback of, no, that's not correct.
25:07
And you know, yeah, it threw, it definitely threw me and I'm not gonna say like day of I was like, no, that's not right.
25:14
I'm self aware.
25:15
I, I reject your feedback.
25:18
No, I went home and I cried and I, I mean, it, it was hard, I would keep it together at work and I would go home and I wrestled with this for a while before because I really did think, am I really do?
25:32
I really lack that kind of self awareness because I do work on that and I do try to be self aware because I'm not perfect and I do have things to work on.
25:39
And that's when I ultimately thought well, and with the help of my husband too because I talked to him about it.
25:44
And,, and he was like, he's the one that kind of helped me see what our relationship was like.
25:52
He was like, you visited her in the hospital, you went and saw her in rehab, you held her job for her, you did all of these things just to work with her and you know, that that's not true, you know, you don't.
26:04
And so that kind of pulled me out of it a little bit out of the emotion to be able to look at it analytically and say, do the facts match up because the emotion keeps you from seeing the reality of it, right?
26:19
And so, so he really helped me see that as well.
26:23
Now, looking back at that time, I know it was years ago.
26:26
Do you, are you when you reflect, how are you, how do you feel about that time now?
26:37
It's, it's interesting because it's not something, I mean, surviving a coup in your office is not something you ever expect to survive.
26:46
And I'm grateful for the experience, which sounds weird and it was very hard.
26:52
So I don't want anyone to think that I'm, I, this was a light thing.
26:57
It was not, I had a lot of staff leave because of this whole thing.
27:01
, well, basically because I was there with you and it kind of happened, all your staff laughed or most of it while you were going through this very intensive chemotherapy process with a very aggressive form of cancer.
27:15
And I don't think people, you know.
27:17
Yeah, it was very hard.
27:20
And,, what I learned, I mean, it's a very hard process but if you don't learn from it then it's a waste.
27:28
So all the pain is a waste.
27:31
So I learned from a lot of things I learned that I need to change my hiring processes.
27:36
I learned how to find, figure out who is a toxic employee who's not.
27:40
I learned that you can manage people to quit.
27:43
So you don't necessarily have to fire people.
27:45
You can manage people to quit because once they know that not that in an abusive way, but once they know that you're checking on them and you're checking your, their work and you're holding them accountable.
27:54
That's right.
27:55
If you're not willing to be held accountable and the trash does let itself out.
28:00
Yeah.
28:00
So they'll quit.
28:01
, so I learned a lot through that process, but the biggest thing that I had to learn from that was I think, yeah, the biggest thing I had learned from that was not caring what other people were going to say because what I was worried about was my whole staff has left me.
28:19
Everybody is gonna think I'm a horrible boss even though I really haven't done anything wrong.
28:26
And they're all gonna go out and say that I don't treat people like human beings and all, all this sort of stuff and I was very worried about that.
28:34
Has that happened?
28:35
No, I still have a good reputation in the community.
28:39
People respect me.
28:40
, and they respect the work that we do so, but I had to let that go because I, this toxic employee is gonna go tell people what she's gonna tell people.
28:50
I don't know what she's telling people.
28:52
I have no idea, whatever it is.
28:54
I'm sure I wouldn't agree with her connotation of what happened, but I just can't care about that and I just have to trust that the truth will bubble to the top.
29:05
The truth will come through the lies, the truth will come out always.
29:09
And I just have to rest in that.
29:11
Well, that's why other people's opinions is none of your business because like you said earlier on, everybody has them and you can't allow and dictate your life and your, you know, who you want to be in this world and how you want to move based on their opinions because they then you are constantly kind of chasing a moving target and you will, at the end of your day be like Woulda Coulda shoulda Right.
29:38
True.
29:40
Yes.
29:41
So you are the most powerful when you are the most you, and really the only opinion that matters is your opinion of yourself.
29:51
And you knew during that process what I heard from you, from what you were saying, you knew that you were not what they said you were, despite everything, you were not what they said you were.
30:06
And if you know that at your core, nothing anybody says to you will actually hurt you.
30:14
You know, I have this saying with,, you know, the people I work with and when I had my firm,, it was a long time ago where there were like switchboards like, so I'm like 1920 it wasn't that long ago.
30:31
But, you know, like, you know, everything has like an office line, you know, line one is whatever, line two.
30:37
And so next to everything with my line always said HB IC.
30:42
Oh, I never like it took me a minute, like my fax line, my copy line, everything, all my staff would put HB IC next to everything.
30:53
And finally I figured out what it stood for and I'm not gonna say it on here because this is supposed to be a kid friendly, but it had, you know, be in charge and look it up and,, and, you know, and I could have taken it as Oh, how did they know I was this person and, you know, oh my God, they outed me.
31:15
But I didn't, because I knew in my gut and my soul that I wasn't a bee.
31:20
I just knew it.
31:21
So it didn't matter to me.
31:23
It's like I, I say this example to me was like, somebody calling me a bird, you know.
31:28
So it was like, oh, you're the biggest ugliest, whatever bird in the whole world.
31:32
And I just hate like you, you, you being a or whatever, I'd be like, you just laugh and you just say to them you're just crazy.
31:40
Like you didn't, you wouldn't lose any sleep over it, right?
31:44
But you don't resonate as a bird.
31:47
They can't get to you, right?
31:51
So that's why you are the most powerful when you are the most you and when you know who you are, despite what everyone says because then it becomes laughable.
32:02
You only take it.
32:05
you, you only get hurt by it in some way if you feel like there's some sort of validity or you're not sure about who you are or you get your sense of self from other people.
32:20
Right.
32:22
Yep.
32:22
This is a huge point that we're making today.
32:25
Yes.
32:26
Yes.
32:27
You really have to know who you are.
32:31
You can't be led by other people because they don't know you, they don't know you inside, there's a part of you that they don't know.
32:38
And there's always going to be a part of you that somebody doesn't know, like even your spouse, I've been married for over 20 years.
32:45
There are parts of me, I'm sure that my husband doesn't know.
32:49
And there are parts of my husband that I'm sure.
32:51
I don't know either because there's no way you can know someone to that level.
32:56
So why are you trusting someone else's opinion of you who doesn't know every piece of you like you do?
33:01
Right.
33:02
And the only real opinion that matters and I keep saying this is really the one of yourself.
33:06
So if you think you're a bee, then when somebody calls you a bee, you're going to take it personal.
33:11
If you don't think you're a bee, when somebody calls you a bee, you're gonna think of it like they're calling you a bird or any other ridiculous thing.
33:18
And I think that's also important to pass on to our Children or if we have kids, even if we don't have any Children, if you have any, if you're around kids or have you work with kids or you have kids and you life, right?
33:29
It's important to,, you know, put that in them sooner than later, right?
33:35
It's interesting that you say that because it, I just realized we do do that with our Children.
33:39
, because they'll, you know, kids get all upset about something.
33:43
Somebody said, you know, well, they said this about me and, and I'll go well, is it true?
33:49
No play with the way you care when it's not true then why?
33:54
So what they could say, whatever they want doesn't matter.
33:57
And, you know, so teaching your kids that, I mean, because when you're a kid things that people say hold a lot of weight, you know, and the sooner you can break them of, of that I think is, gives them a lot of freedom.
34:11
Mhm.
34:12
OK.
34:13
So how do you fall in love with your superpower?
34:17
You know, I call it a gift, right?
34:20
You have to become obsessed with it.
34:22
You have to get intimate with your gift.
34:24
You have to know it from every angle and you get what you call superpower or authentic self or the real you, it's all kind of the same thing, right?
34:33
You gotta know who you really are.
34:35
You got to honor who you are.
34:38
Your gift, your power, you got to know it from every angle, right?
34:42
The happy, yes.
34:43
People in life decided not to do what other people want them to do or believe what other people you know, say about them, whether it's good or bad.
34:55
Right?
34:55
Here's something else, you know, somebody could say you're the best thing since sliced bread don't allow that.
35:01
It has really nothing to do with you and it mostly has to do with them and, and what's going on in their life, right?
35:10
You see it goes both ways makes me think of two things.
35:16
I know.
35:16
I'm the tangent person.
35:17
That's like I thought of this.
35:18
, it makes me think of, you know, there's those, you know, a bottle of water is $2 at like the grocery store.
35:28
And then if you go to the airport, that bottle of water is $4 and then if you're on the airplane, the bottle of water is like $6.
35:35
So it's the same bottle of water, but its value is different based on where it is.
35:41
And so you should, you're, you know, when you're on an airplane, a bottle of water is real important.
35:47
And,, so it's, has more value on the airplane than it does at the grocery store.
35:52
So take yourself and your gift and go around those people that recognize your value and, and quit assuming that because somebody values at $2 that that's really your value and you can't be valued at $6.
36:07
That's not the case or even better yet.
36:10
Figure out what you yourself think of your own value.
36:15
You will find those things because I had a situation last week where in one instance it was all on the same day.
36:22
So it was weird.
36:23
, but it was just, it's the same dichotomy in, in one afternoon I was being told that I hadn't done everything I was supposed to do and all this sort of stuff.
36:32
And then that evening I was in another at another event and I was telling, being told what a great job I was doing and how lucky they were to have me and all this sort of stuff.
36:42
And it's really two ends of the spectrum.
36:45
And if I believed both of them innately, right.
36:50
I would be so confused.
36:51
Right.
36:52
My daughter or am I not good?
36:53
Right.
36:54
I don't know.
36:55
I always give this kind of analogy or story, you know, let's say you're sitting there at your house or at work or wherever you are and somebody calls you and unbeknownst to you, that person, you know, just won the lottery.
37:08
Ok?
37:09
You're still, you, you still have in the same positions doing the same thing and you know, how do you think they're going to be on the phone?
37:16
Oh, you're amazing.
37:17
You're the best person I've ever met.
37:19
I love you.
37:20
And you're like, ok, great.
37:21
But you're just now imagine that same person just went bankrupt.
37:27
Nothing has changed in your life, but their reaction to you is going to be vastly different based on what's happening in their life.
37:37
And something that we got to realize from a mindset perspective.
37:41
Everyone thinks the world revolves around them because they are the center of their own world.
37:48
It's true.
37:50
Yeah.
37:51
And we got to get out of that and realize that how people act literally has nothing to do with us and has everything to do with what's happening with them.
38:02
Right.
38:02
Which is all the more reason why you need to to internalize and self reflect and figure out what your superpower is, what value you bring to the table and go to those places where you can develop that superpower and use it to benefit other people, right?
38:27
So here's the work, right?
38:28
So how do you fall in love with your superpower?
38:32
First, then we, we discussed this in the, in episode two, finding your superpower, you got to get some clarity on what you're naturally good at what you're naturally attracted to.
38:45
You know, if you're still struggling with finding that superpower, whatever, go back re listens to that episode too, right?
38:51
It'll kind of guide you through a little bit about how to go about that.
38:55
Yeah, then you got to channel those natural inclinations, right?
39:01
So OK, but how do I even become aware of them?
39:05
Well, you can visualize one or more of these things that you're thinking about that through finding your super value like, and I think I'm naturally inclined to wear this or, you know, this is really what I'm naturally, you know, attracted to, then visualize them as, as things as those things becoming a superpower for you, right?
39:28
Lots of studies have shown how vis visualization of doing something literally tricks your brain into believing you're actually doing it and it becomes more of a reality.
39:42
We hear this all the time.
39:43
I mean, I don't know if you got this when you were doing opera, but you know, before you get on stage, you visualize like how it's going to be and how you're going to walk and sports people do it quite a lot.
39:57
So, you know, what is visual visualization for those that may not know.
40:02
And I just looked up the dictionary definition of it and it's literally the act of visualizing something or someone or forming a picture of it in your mind.
40:12
It's almost like looking through a particular lens, you're like unconscious, your imagination, your deepest desire and seeing how your life unfolds within your, within your, within your inner self.
40:26
I would say, I mean, you can do it in your mind for sure.
40:29
And I think you should get as granular as you can when you're doing that.
40:33
It's like smells and, and feel textiles and all that sort of stuff to create that reality that helps you achieve this thing you want to achieve.
40:44
It's to me, it's similar also to one of those vision boards because it puts it in front of you and you look at it and you're starting to visualize it and create it.
40:53
So in a way, it's sort of like that, right?
40:57
So if you're having a difficulty, you know, actually seeing it, maybe starting with a vision, I think that's a very good point.
41:03
So, and this is I'm gonna go into research here a little bit I'm not gonna get too deep into it like the last episode.
41:10
But, you know, there's tons of research of visualization acts directly on the brain.
41:17
It actually alters your brain wave activity in biochemistry and it literally affects like every aspect of your life.
41:26
There's lots of research that shows how mental practice those visual boosts confidence, enhances moods, helps the healing and processes increases your effect on your performance, right?
41:40
And, and even doing physical tasks.
41:42
So I'll, I'll refer to some of the sources and articles and research, you know, in the show notes.
41:48
But that's important, taking a moment and visualizing what does your superpower look like if you spend time with it and doing it and working to get it to a place of, you know, excellence or exceptionalism.
42:04
And it's also important to visualize what it might look like if you don't do it, if it's not channeled and how does that feel?
42:16
I like that angle too.
42:17
No.
42:18
Yeah, because sometimes we feel like we've done something when we, when we've, you know, visualized it, we feel like, OK, well, now I've done something but we haven't taken that next step to actually start it, but we've kind of relieved the tension on ourselves because we feel like we've done something, but we haven't done anything outward to actually begin the process.
42:42
But now we don't feel as stressed because OK, I did something.
42:46
But I think it's good to look at it and think.
42:48
OK, well, if I just visualize this for the next 20 years, where am I gonna be?
42:53
Still visualizing it?
42:55
OK.
42:55
So if I visualize it and then do one extra step, where could I be in 20 years?
43:01
Right.
43:02
And I'm and I also I was also referring to the fact like if you, if you can visualize what would happen if you don't, what would happen if you don't pursue whatever it is, that inclination, that thing that you're, you know, that's been in your brain that you just can't, that's just eating at you.
43:19
What ha what does your life look like without pursuing it?
43:24
Probably the same as now or worse like, yeah, well, that was my thought.
43:28
I was like, if you just visualize it and do nothing else and don't take any steps to it, you're basically not pursuing it.
43:33
So yeah, you're getting older and it's like you do it or not, right?
43:41
But, and then back to the previous episode, you need to then take the step to be uncomfortable, right?
43:48
The fourth thing is you've discussed this, you can visualize it all day.
43:52
You know, Kathleen referred to this, you've got to take action.
43:57
It takes courage to be your authentic self.
44:00
It takes courage to love your superpower.
44:03
It's easier to conform, to be on the hamster wheel.
44:07
Do the same thing day in and day out, you do you have the courage to act outwardly on what you see in, inwardly internally?
44:18
Right.
44:19
Right.
44:20
And otherwise, what's the alternative?
44:23
And I, and I referred to this earlier, it's regret.
44:27
It's, would have, could have, should have.
44:31
Yeah.
44:31
Isn't that what they say?
44:32
That people who are on their deathbed or at the end of their life, what they regret are the chances they didn't take, not the chances they did take.
44:41
It's usually what they didn't do.
44:43
And, and for some reason that scares me more than anything else I feel like, because I, I would hate to get to that point and just think, man, I wonder what kind of life I could have had if I just tried, you know.
44:55
Right.
44:56
You know, I, I don't know why it, and it goes bad and, well, at least you can look back and say, oh, at least I tried, you know.
45:03
Well, and the thing is, is if it goes bad, this is what I go back to.
45:06
If it goes bad, that tells me that's not the, that's not how you do it and I can learn from it and change it and maybe I could create this amazing life by failing a couple of times early on.
45:16
You know.
45:18
So anyway, and, you know, this kind of reminds me of, you know, for those of us who have kids or have kids in our lives, you know, that look up to us is, is is, you know, is that how you want them to live?
45:29
You know, you as their parent or mentor or coach or whatever you are?
45:33
Do you want to tell her?
45:34
Do we tell our Children don't dream?
45:39
Don't, you know, that's scary.
45:42
So small, you know, make sure you do what other people want you to do and don't have a life on your own yet.
45:49
We go through our own life and let our dreams die.
45:54
We do and how sad for us, how sad for us.
45:59
OK?
45:59
But we're not going to do that and our warriors are not going to do that.
46:02
We are going to take action and we are going to create this amazing life with our superpowers.
46:07
I know that our listeners will do that.
46:09
We're, we're doing it with this podcast and other things in our lives.
46:14
So here's the deal warriors when you take action because I know you will, the people around you are gonna notice this and they're going to form an opinion because everybody has an opinion about everything, right?
46:27
We all think we're smart enough to know everything.
46:29
So when they form an opinion, they're going to give you some feedback whether you want it or not.
46:36
And I want you to do this analysis because the analysis that I do and it really helped me when you get this feedback, look at three things.
46:45
Who is the speaker who's giving you this feedback?
46:48
What is their motivation for the feedback and does this comport with what you know about yourself?
46:55
So, first the speaker, is this someone you respect?
46:59
Should this be somebody that you respect for me?
47:03
It would be to have, you know, if they're giving me business advice, are they giving me business advice?
47:08
And there's someone that's built a business I respect, admire.
47:11
if they're giving me family advice, is this someone who has a great relationship with their kids that I wanna emulate or a great relationship with their husband?
47:20
Basically, what gives them the, you know, the right or the authority to have an opinion?
47:28
Then the motivation?
47:30
Why are they telling me this?
47:32
Are they telling me this to make me better or are they telling me this because there's an ulterior motive here?
47:37
So look at why they're telling you this and then analyze it and reflect on it and decide if this comports with what you know about yourself.
47:47
And this goes back to the experience I had with the toxic employee and about being self aware and taking that feedback and really kind of rolling it around and living with it and, and deciding whether or not this is a legitimate piece of feedback that you should take in or whether you should reject it?
48:05
Right.
48:06
Right.
48:07
Because we're not saying, hey, everybody's feedback is shit and you should never, you can become like this narcissistic person and your opinion is the only opinion that matters.
48:18
We're not saying that but you gotta, you know, yourself at some level to be like, ok, holding yourself also accountable.
48:26
Is this something I should truly work on and change or is this something that is just, you know, just completely invalid to who I am as a person and the person is just, that's just their opinion and how they see it and then it is a kind of a really difficult, you know, balance to go through but such an important one and right.
48:57
Yeah.
48:57
Ok.
49:00
All right.
49:00
So what can you do to take care of your superpower and advance it every day?
49:04
And how do you, you know, take the action, you know, you do it a little bit each day.
49:09
It's about consistency, it's not about and this is again, research.
49:14
it's been shown, you know, it's not about throwing everything in and then quitting.
49:18
Ok.
49:18
It's about, you know, you see these people were like, whether it's a diet or whatever, you know, I, OK, I, you know, I want to lose £100 in the one month and then they don't do it.
49:27
Yeah, it's, it's a lot easier to just do a little bit every day.
49:31
I have a saying, I know I heard it from somewhere and I can't, no, I can't remember who it's, this isn't me.
49:36
Someone said this to me.
49:38
I heard it but it really resonated with me where small hinges, swing big doors.
49:44
Yes.
49:45
Right.
49:45
So, it's about the teeniest tiniest baby step.
49:48
And yet you may feel like, oh, this is baby stuff is just so small and it's not going to have, give me any, you know,, it's not going to get me to where I want to be, but doing teeny, tiniest, smallest digestible steps are going to swing those big doors for you and because they're going to give you momentum and they, they're not, they're, they're not this huge audacious step where you're, where you're looking at it and don't even know how to start.
50:15
So you just kind of maybe end up quitting before you start because it just seems so big.
50:21
Let's break down the steps right in my line of work.
50:27
We have outcome goals and we have process goals.
50:30
So the outcome goal may be whatever it is.
50:32
I want to make a million dollars.
50:33
But then, then you go, ok.
50:35
What are the process to get that?
50:37
Well, I don't know, 250 every quarter.
50:39
Ok.
50:40
Well, what is the, you know, what are you going to do every month?
50:44
Whatever that's divided?
50:45
Ok.
50:45
How do you do that?
50:46
What's the first step?
50:47
And they literally just keep breaking and breaking and breaking.
50:49
And the first step is I'm going to pick up the phone and call my friend and see if she's interested in this.
50:55
Hey, whatever, that's the thing because that's more digestible and doable than making, then if you're just looking at making a million dollars in a year, it seems so out of reach.
51:06
I kind of see that as like backing into backing into it.
51:10
So you start with like your goal and then you start backing down to each step further and further.
51:15
Ok.
51:15
Well, what do I need to get to the million?
51:17
I need to do 250,000 a quarter.
51:19
What do I need to do that?
51:20
I need to build this many hours in a law firm to build this hours and then how am I going to do that?
51:26
And and you just kind of back into it until you have that first step where you're like, ok, I'm going to take the first step, right?
51:36
So we have a challenge for you guys.
51:39
We're calling it, love your superpower challenge.
51:42
Ok?
51:42
And we want you to post it.
51:44
We want to be able to help you guys through it.
51:47
And if you guys can't get to the baby step, this is literally what we do.
51:50
We can help you figure what that is out.
51:53
But and we want you if you if you haven't joined our Facebook page or Facebook group do that because that's where a lot of this kind of private communication is gonna happen is in our Facebook group.
52:05
Yes, so love your superpower John.
52:07
What is that?
52:08
It's we want you to spend time with yourself.
52:10
Find a quiet space, place rather or space and place 20 to 30 minutes where you can spend 20 to 30 minutes just visualizing, making notes or talking to yourself or doing a vision or whatever about what you love and what you're good at or what you're attracted to.
52:30
OK.
52:30
That's step one.
52:31
Then I would want you to find some clarity about how you want to cultivate your superpower and where you want to go with it.
52:39
You know, what do you desire to achieve?
52:41
What is it, what is the end goal here?
52:43
Right?
52:44
Because we don't just do things just to do things.
52:46
There has to be some sort of fruit to our labor.
52:49
Why are we putting in the work?
52:51
You know, what are we trying to achieve?
52:52
So think about that.
52:54
Mhm Then create a list of ideas about how you can begin activating your superpower in big ways and small ways don't be scared, dump it all out.
53:07
Then we break it down on what you can do each day, right?
53:12
And you start with like a year or five years and you like Kathleen said, you work your way up backwards to the day or the week.
53:23
Yeah.
53:25
What can you do over the course of the next month or day or week or whatever or year?
53:30
Make a list of books, programs, documentaries, people places that will inspire you to activate it and then make a decision every day to wake up and use your gift or you, or, or, or get some momentum on the baby step and if you're having a hard time figuring out the baby steps or if you just want to run it by us or you just want to take this challenge and do it.
53:53
And maybe Kathleen and I haven't talked to you about, maybe we'll give people a prize or something who, who do it to kind of motivate them.
53:59
We can, you can post it and we'll definitely help you.
54:02
Yeah, definitely reach out if you're, if you're having trouble thinking of that first step, reach out to me or Zainah on the Facebook group.
54:10
You can send us ad m probably in the Facebook group and we can kind of, you know, help you work through that.
54:17
So you can, you can also email us.
54:20
I don't think we've ever like said that, but we have an email account.
54:23
It's called admin at Lean Into your superpower.com.
54:28
So you can also do that if you want.
54:32
All right.
54:33
So I think that's it today.
54:34
I will put the resources in the note sections.
54:37
We're gonna start this challenge.
54:40
Right after we, we, we air this episode excited about it.
54:45
So don't forget Warriors to like and subscribe to the podcast.
54:50
Don't forget about our youtube channel where our raw and uncut footage is going to be if you want to see our pretty faces.
54:56
That's where it's gonna be.
54:58
And then you can also join our Facebook page,, and join our Facebook group so that we can post all about, you know, loving your superpower and how you're doing the superpower challenge and you know, any steps that you're taking to, you know, develop it.
55:14
We'd love to hear it and I want your takeaway for today, Warriors is that it's better to walk alone than with a crowd going in the wrong direction.
55:24
It's all right.
55:25
Thank you guys.
55:26
Till next time, Warriors.
55:27
Bye bye.
55:28
Take care.
