0:02
All right.
0:03
Hello.
0:03
Hello, everyone.
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Welcome to lean into your superpower.
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I am Zeina and I'm here with, I'm Kathleen and we are the lion and the ram and we've built an entire podcast on harnessing and utilizing your superpower.
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That's right.
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Let's get into it.
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Ok, Zeina, what is our wish, Kathleen, what is our wish?
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Our wish is to create a safe place for our listeners and our community to talk and to develop our knowledge of our superpower, knowing what your superpower is, how you can connect that to your success and how we can all help each other grow professionally personally and financially.
0:51
Right.
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Right.
0:52
Right.
0:53
Right.
0:53
So, last week we discussed imposter syndrome, your superpower kryptonite.
0:59
I guess it was, yeah.
1:00
Well, we recorded it last week but it was like it was posted two weeks ago, but, or I should say last podcast as a means to finding your superpower and how it is key to recognize what's holding you back and draining your authentic self.
1:15
So today we are tackling, fueling your superpower, leaning into discomfort, right, as a means of igniting, you know, your authentic self.
1:27
So we are super excited for you all to be here with us today.
1:31
First, what we do, we like to do what we call a check in, right?
1:35
So just kind of checking in with each other seeing how we're doing with our crazy lives.
1:40
How are you today, Kathleen.
1:43
I'm good today.
1:44
We've had a busy weekend.
1:47
We had my, my middle child, my son, my only boy, he turns 10 tomorrow, but we did his birthday stuff this weekend.
1:57
So what we did for him is we did a yes day where he kind of gets to pick everything that we do for the day within reason.
2:07
So, you know, we're not like spending $1000 at Target.
2:10
We're not jumping off of buildings, but, you know, he can pick where he had breakfast and then, you know, he wanted to go to a main event and play video games.
2:19
So we did that and so just kind of that sort of thing.
2:22
And so, I had a parenting experience that I know every parent can relate to where, you know, one moment you are like parent of the year and you're like, I am rocking this parent thing.
2:35
I am so successful.
2:36
Everyone should take notes from me because I have a, I have a down now I shall write a book and so we did that and it was going well and we went to a movie and all that sort of stuff.
2:49
And the end of the day, he wanted to go to dinner at this Mexican restaurant so he could have their hamburger.
2:54
His favorite meal is their hamburger at the Mexican restaurant.
2:58
But ok, fine.
2:59
So we go there and we're, and we have our friends meet us there by the way.
3:05
And one of them might be listening today.
3:06
Shout out to you for riding this wave.
3:09
And so we were sitting there and then all of a sudden my son starts to have a meltdown in the middle of the restaurant in front of my friends and it went from 0 to 100 in about half a second and bless my friends who pretended like they did not see this and it was just time for them to go.
3:30
And so they graciously left and left us to deal with this mess.
3:34
And so the day ended, you know, it started with us, you know, at IHOP and everybody was super excited and it ended with my son yelling at me in the middle of a parking lot in 20 degree weather.
3:46
And me thinking, ok, well, I have now fallen from the Zeus of parenthood into the pit of parenthood.
3:55
And, you know, at the end of the day when everything was calmed down, he apologized to me for yelling at me, which was sweet because he's 10 and nobody made him apologize.
4:06
And you know, we came together and, and resolved it, but it's still, you know, it was such a letdown because the day had been so good, you know, and you wanted it to like, continue on and then you're just kind of like, well, great.
4:17
But, you know, we were all fine today, so we all recovered the roller coaster ride, right of, right, of the kids and, you know, and just, you just never know no matter what you do, no matter what intentions you have.
4:30
And I think that's the thing that I struggle with the most is I have such expectations and I don't think they're that high, but everyone thinks it says they're high, maybe they are.
4:40
But I've turned, especially now after having kids, my expectations have gone.
4:48
Can we get in the car and travel somewhere without killing each other?
4:52
Things like that or having arguments and, and then it's like, and then things are going well and then you just never know and it just, it just, it's, you know, just like that and then you feel like you're coming off the scene at the high of a great parent and then now all of a sudden you, yeah, it's, it's a rule of life.
5:12
Right?
5:13
So how do you like deal with it?
5:14
How do you, how do you, you know, I consider myself to be somewhat emotionally immature and I'm working on it.
5:26
I'm definitely not perfect.
5:27
, I, you know, my son is a lot more sensitive than I am so for him to be yelled at is a very big thing.
5:39
It's very upsetting for him for me to be yelled at isn't that big of a deal.
5:47
Now, if a kid's yelling at me, that's disrespectful, disrespect to me is much worse, but he was frustrated and I knew he was frustrated and that's where it was coming from.
5:58
So, but I do have these moments of just immaturity and where I, you know, can feel myself reacting in a way that if my child was reacting in the same way, I would be getting on to them.
6:11
And it makes me, you know, it doesn't make me feel great as a parent.
6:16
But I know that, you know, being aware of these things is the first step to being able to try to turn it around.
6:25
And I think having a good relationship with your kids goes a long way.
6:30
And by that, I mean, my kids know that I love them and my kids know we have fun times together often we joke with each other.
6:41
You know, my kids are fluent in sarcasm so, you know, we can like rib each other and have a good time that way.
6:49
So I think kind of having that as a basis allows us to be able to kind of heal from these other little wounds that we give each other a little bit faster.
6:59
And do I do try to use humor,, to kind of lighten the moment my husband and I both do that and we do it with each other.
7:06
My husband and I do it with each other.
7:07
, and, you know, we apologize to each other but we don't actually apologize to each other.
7:13
So when we apologize, when we apologize, we say I'm sorry, you were offended.
7:22
I'm gonna use that.
7:23
I could and we know that the other person is, is apologizing, but we really don't want to.
7:29
And that is our way of trying to make it better.
7:32
So when we have that understanding about each other, so we're not perfect, we're not a perfect family.
7:37
But I feel like, you know, when you have some love and have a really kind of good loving base, it helps you kind of move over those little humps a little bit faster.
7:47
So it's about growth, right?
7:49
Not perfect.
7:50
I got that.
7:53
And speaking of growth, right?
7:55
This is like a new year.
7:56
We're now about two months into the year or so.
7:59
And you know, it's that time to kind of shed our our old skin to grow.
8:05
That's just kind of what I think about when I think of like, I think of nature and animals, you know, snakes, but I think of like the shedding process in order to grow, you got to get rid of the old, to welcome the new and it's really all the emphasis on today's podcast is how do we shed our old skin, so to speak, or our old mindset to be able to grow?
8:29
Right.
8:30
So how do we do that?
8:32
And this is about fueling your superpower.
8:36
I really think that you need to do this if you want to really get to the next stage in life or to really go into your authentic self and purpose and that's through challenges.
8:49
Absolutely.
8:50
I don't, I don't know of any other way to grow besides meeting challenges and being stretched.
8:56
I mean, when I think of challenges and this is not something that I had planned to speak on, but when I, when I think of growth, I actually think of a muscle.
9:07
Mhm.
9:08
And the way that we grow muscle is that we stress it and we tear it a little bit.
9:15
So when you're, when you're building that muscle, you're creating little tears and when those tears heal that muscle is stronger and it's bigger and it's able to carry more weight.
9:25
And so when you're growing muscle, that is the process of it.
9:29
And I can't think of anything better of a, of a, you know, image in my mind than that with growth because I, when I, I have never grown so much as when I've been through trials and tribulations, right?
9:45
You know, and it's funny you say that there is, there, it's actually they're beginning to find out that it's actually is kind of like a muscle in your brain that most people don't know that.
9:57
And there's a lot of recent I'm talking about the last I would say three years or so.
10:02
research on this, there's, they found a structure called the anterior mid cingulate cortex.
10:08
OK.
10:09
And I hope I pronounce it correctly.
10:11
I'm gonna say A MC C for short and I'm, I'm gonna put in the show notes.
10:16
There's a, lots of articles, I'm gonna just put one by the National Institute of Health.
10:20
And then from there you can go and see many other articles about this, about the actual research on this and what they find or found rather is that that's that li like that structure literally in your brain plays a central role in establishing tenacity and and it plays a central role, tenacity plays a central role in achieving goals and this is key, right?
10:49
When people do something.
10:51
So how do you get tenacity?
10:54
And they found out that it's not about working more, it's about that little area in your brain grows bigger when you do things that you do not want to do.
11:07
So it's not about adding more work, but it's about taking action on the things you don't want to do.
11:13
And now when that brain area gets bigger and it gets larger and grows larger in people that confront challenges that are uncomfortable.
11:26
Yeah.
11:26
So and the larger this area gets their finding, the more motivated you will be to achieve a desired goal.
11:36
So it's absolutely like building a muscle, right?
11:40
You can.
11:42
Isn't that interesting?
11:43
I was just doing research for this puzzle.
11:45
I was like, this is so interesting.
11:46
It's like, it's something that I always knew was true.
11:49
But now there's actual brain science.
11:53
Right?
11:53
It's interesting because I'd seen a quote and it really struck me and now we have science apparently backing it up.
11:59
What I see on social media, it was this quote that said the thing you're avoiding is the thing you should be doing.
12:05
And this is exactly what you're saying is like these things we don't want to do are the things we should be doing in order for us to take ourselves to the next level, right?
12:17
So people are like, well, I don't want to do something until you, I get motivated.
12:21
Well, I'm telling you, you're not gonna get motivated until you actually do it until you actually challenge yourself, right?
12:29
So you gotta build like, like you're not gonna get muscles by just looking at the gym or saying, oh, I wanna be in shame.
12:36
You, you know, you have to actually go, you may not be motivated who's like whoever some isn't there something about not acting your acting yourself into the person you want to be rather than thinking yourself into acting into that person.
12:51
Like that's what actually creates the change in you is the physical manifestation of what you're doing rather than, oh, I'm gonna get my mind right first.
13:01
And like, no, actually you should probably be doing those things.
13:05
And so when I'm thinking of where I wanna be, I sit myself down and I think, ok, how does the person I want to be?
13:13
How did they act?
13:14
What are the things they do with their day?
13:17
What do they do?
13:18
And I try to get my mind around, what are the actions I need to take in order to be this person that I want to be.
13:26
But yeah, so it's funny you say that because I literally have the quote right here on my computer.
13:31
And I don't know who said it, but I, I, but I wrote it down.
13:34
It's easier to act yourself into a new way of thinking than to thinking then thinking yourself into a new way of acting.
13:42
That's the one that's the one I was thinking of.
13:44
So,, and I think that's true.
13:48
I think that's true because I have tried a number of times to do it the other way, change my train of thought into, well, I need to in whatever and I'm trying to think of a good scenario, but in whatever position I'm trying to move into trying to think that way first.
14:05
But what's really taking me to the next level is when I take the step, even if I don't know what I'm going to say or I don't know what the next step is supposed to be.
14:14
But if I move towards, then that is what creates much more momentum and growth than sitting and thinking about it and trying to get ready.
14:24
Right.
14:25
And the key is, is not just working more, you know, not just doing, doing, it's all about literally doing the thing that you do not want to do.
14:35
It's like, like you got to like, really lean into and literally seek out discomfort.
14:42
Yes.
14:46
Well, it strikes a chord with me with something that we've done together where, you know,, you know, you're my business coach and you help me, you know, get to where I need to be.
14:54
And we've done a lot of growing together and a lot of discussions and there are not always discussions I want to have, but I don't particularly like to talk about numbers, right?
15:07
My brain doesn't like that.
15:09
It's just not something that's my strong suit.
15:11
It's also, it's not something I've ever been good at.
15:14
So I think that's why I don't enjoy it and I have avoided it.
15:19
But I know also that that is the key for me to know what's happening with my business and for me to grow.
15:26
I have to know my numbers, right?
15:28
So we sat down one time and I said my goal for this year is to fall in love with my numbers, right?
15:34
And that it, I don't love my numbers, I haven't gotten there yet still, but I'm doing better and I don't have the same feeling about that as I used to and it's definitely the thing that I focused on has started to grow and, and improve.
15:52
Right.
15:52
So, definitely, yeah.
15:54
So we all have things, we all got areas that make us uncomfortable, like we all know what that is and instead of sticking our head in the sand, pretending it doesn't exist, pretending it's, you know, just go on its on its own, right?
16:06
We, we have to seek it out and deal with it the best way we can and it's not going from 0 to 100.
16:14
It's not like, ok, I'm just gonna, you know, it's going to be perfect.
16:17
I'm going to deal with it.
16:18
Perfect because then you'll never act on it.
16:19
It's just taking the first little teeny itty bitty baby step, right.
16:26
You know, for you, for instance, was just, hey, let's open up our books and just look at them and see what the story tells us and not attach emotion to it like it is what it is.
16:37
It's not about, you know, going from where, wherever you are to where you want to be immediately.
16:42
Right?
16:44
It's about little just taking the little step because,, this is another, you know, research thing,, that it takes people at least 1000 times of doing something repetitively before they become competent at it.
16:58
So you're not going to just be competent at anything.
17:01
So 99 9, 199 times you're gonna fail, you're gonna do it wrong, you're gonna mess up and it really doesn't get until you get to the 1000th time of trying something.
17:13
Typically speaking, you're not going to be competent at it and you've got to be ok and you, and so what you have to do is just start with that one.
17:23
Yes, that one.
17:25
Well, and I wanted to, this segues directly into what I kind of wanted to, you know, people always talk about what is, what does it mean to be or to be uncomfortable, you need to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.
17:37
But I kind of wanted to get a little bit granular on what do we mean by being uncomfortable and kind of flush that out a little bit.
17:46
, because when we're talking about being uncomfortable, we're talking about taking a step into something that you're not used to doing that you don't feel is your strong suit that is outside of your comfort zone.
18:01
But it's something, you know, you need to do.
18:04
This isn't just something random that you're like, oh, I'm not used to doing this.
18:07
So I'll just go do this thing.
18:08
This needs to be something that, you know, you need to do and that will drive your growth.
18:14
That's the thing you need to do.
18:16
And so when you're starting this thing, just like Zayna said this whole 1000 rep sort of thing.
18:23
When you're uncomfortable and you're doing this, it's that feeling of uncertainty.
18:29
When you, when you're taking that step, it's that feeling of a lack of self confidence, you're not gonna feel confident at all.
18:37
And then when you do it, it's gonna be that poor initial execution.
18:41
It's not going to go well, the first time it's going to be messy and that's OK.
18:46
That's where people usually quit.
18:48
They do it the first time and they go, I'm not doing that again.
18:50
That was so uncomfortable and it was awful.
18:53
And I sucked at that.
18:54
I'm never doing it again.
18:56
But that, that you're wasting that opportunity.
18:59
That's the first step that you took to try to figure out this thing that you need to figure out.
19:05
So I'm going to encourage whoever is listening that when you're in this process and you've taken this step, that poor initial execution is a gift to you because that is where you're going to learn.
19:17
That's where you're going to be able to fine tune your process and your technique and that's where you're going to learn what you're missing.
19:25
So please don't miss the gift of failing right there and being uncomfortable because that's what it is.
19:30
And,, I did find a quote that I like, you'll see as you listen, I love quotes, a quote that spoke to me,, that I liked is by and I don't know if I could say his name, right?
19:41
Epic Tti, which is a Greek philosopher and his, he said, if you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid and you're gonna feel that way at first, but that's OK.
19:56
Sit in it for a little bit.
19:57
This is where this is where the growth happens.
20:00
So I kind of wanted to just flush out a little bit what that looks like and what that feels like when you're in it.
20:05
So I, I'll take what you said and I'll even add to that other than just feeling uncomfortable or anxiety.
20:14
I want you guys to think about a place that you have a lot of fear around.
20:21
Mhm mhm.
20:22
It's not just like, oh I don't want to do it or whatever like that.
20:25
Like if you are really fearing something, if you're going down a path and you're terrified, you know, you're on the right path and that is exactly where you need to be.
20:38
I'm getting goose bumps.
20:39
I am too.
20:41
Because it's so true and it's so hard for people.
20:44
People want to be like, oh, I wanna, I wanna feel good and this is making me feel bad.
20:48
So I must not be on the right track.
20:49
And what I'm telling you, it's the exact opposite.
20:52
If, if what you're on is not going to kill you like literally OK, like, you know, then you're on the right track because the, because the fear is telling you you wouldn't be afraid of something that you do need to grow in.
21:07
Right.
21:07
Right.
21:08
So, one telltale sign that you're on the right track that, that, you know how you said, how do we know how to be comfortable being uncomfortable is if you have a lot of fear and, or anxiety but particularly fear?
21:22
Right.
21:23
And it's not going to be pretty and it's gonna be, you're gonna, you know, be it's going to be very, like we said before in one of our messy, it's gonna feel horrible, it's not gonna feel good, you're going to get up, you're gonna fall, you're gonna have to do it again, you know.
21:38
but, but that is what adversity is, that's what increases that brain area in your, in your brain that increases tenacity and that's what gets you to be motivated if you're not, you know, I don't know what I wanna do.
21:53
I'm not mo that's what gets you to be motivated to achieve your goal, right?
21:59
There's no magic pill.
22:01
You're not gonna be able to skip this.
22:03
There's no magic wand.
22:04
You can, you can wave right to, to get you to be motivated if you want to be motivated, do it first.
22:12
The doing is way more important then the motivation, right?
22:18
So just, and it's not just doing, you know, here and there, it's the consistent, the consistency of it.
22:25
Right.
22:26
I was gonna say, for me, I feel like motivation is, I mean, it's fleeting because motivation is in those moments where things are going good and you can finally start to see kind of the progress.
22:39
But before, for me anyway, for, before that motivation hits, I've got a period of that consistent slugging along to try to make this work and get to where I, where I really believe in something, let's say one of my businesses or something, I believe this will work.
22:58
I've got to keep pushing along, pushing along and pushing along.
23:01
And then all of a sudden you'll have this breakthrough where you can see this is working.
23:06
That's when the motivation hits.
23:07
But motivation to me is emotion and it's fleeting and what really gets you there is that discipline, like you said, of the consistency and that's what I'm trying to apply to my life is the consistency of being disciplined and doing what I need to do because I know, you know, instant gratification isn't gonna help me.
23:28
It's the long term, I'm playing the long game.
23:31
So for my long term investment and whatever it is, I'm looking at, that's what I need to do is do that consistent work.
23:39
So I, I like the term motivation, but I also don't like it in a way because it comes and goes and if you rely on how you feel, you're, you're never gonna have that consistent path that's gonna get you where you wanna be, right?
23:54
So right.
23:55
So just to kind of sum up what we're saying here is the one thing that people do not tell you is that you do not need to be motivated to feel your superpower, ok?
24:07
You need to be consistent, right?
24:10
So you need to make a decision, not have a feeling, right?
24:14
And people, people who have a hard time with decisions, you got to understand that the only bad decision is what, no decision, which is really a decision, right?
24:25
It's not making what just make it.
24:27
What's the worst that could possibly happen?
24:30
You're not gonna die.
24:31
No, if you're not doing something super risky, ok, you're not gonna die.
24:35
Most of us are not doing the fear that comes from childhood and that's a whole other podcast about terror barriers and all of that subconscious and all of that, it wants to stop you because it's uncomfortable.
24:46
It's strange.
24:47
You've never done it before.
24:50
You know, I come across that my business a lot.
24:52
, we'll come, we'll come into, you know, we'll come up against something that we've never dealt with before.
24:57
Right?
24:58
And we don't really know what the best path is.
25:01
So, I'll say, well, let's do this, let's try this and there's always this hesitance that we don't really know if it's going to work.
25:10
But what if it doesn't work well, then we won't do that anymore, right.
25:14
We won't, we know it's wrong.
25:16
But the thing is that we have such a fear of wrong and I just want to get rid of that.
25:21
It, who cares if it's wrong?
25:23
Unless, then you've figured out a way not to do it.
25:27
I hate that that keeps us from actually moving forward and making a decision because you feel like you're safe.
25:33
I haven't made a decision and I'm not wrong, but you actually have made a decision.
25:37
You've made a decision not to act, right?
25:42
You know, our society, particularly there's this like huge fear of failure, right?
25:46
Particularly in high achieving people, high achieving women, they don't want to, you know, and, and the thing is, is, is any time you're around.
25:54
And I think I've mentioned this in another podcast around anybody who's truly successful, right?
25:58
You always hear they fail their way to the top.
26:01
It's about really leaning into that and it's not really failure.
26:05
I, I like I change it around and say it's challenges, right?
26:08
Because you need those because if you don't do them and quote, fall on your face, you're never gonna learn and if you don't learn from it, you can't pivot and keep, you know, getting there and, and there's no like, well, I'm gonna sit there and think for weeks and weeks and plan it out just so every possible scenario because that's how I used to be when I was practicing law and lo and behold every single time there was always something that I didn't anticipate and I would, you know, and I was so scared of failing, especially when you're in front of a judge or you have so much on the line and your clients paying you thousands of dollars, you, there's just such a fear there.
26:45
Right.
26:46
But we gotta just be ok with that and just say to ourselves, you know.
26:50
Yeah, I'm not.
26:51
II, I but me failing has allowed me to learn and guess what?
26:54
I'm never ever going to do that again.
26:56
Or now I know better and, or now, you know, I, I can pivot but you can't do that unless you do it right?
27:01
And I think that once you step out and you start doing these things and, and you just get rid of the worry of being wrong.
27:07
I think that will start to build the confidence that you can pivot, you can figure it out.
27:14
It's ok.
27:15
If you don't know the answer this time, you've tried this, it's not right.
27:19
OK.
27:19
We'll try something else that will help build that confidence that you can figure this out, right?
27:26
I wanna go back to what you said about emotions, right?
27:29
Being kind of led by your emotions.
27:31
I think women especially you know, tend to we allow our feelings to dictate our actions.
27:40
I see it quite a bit in the work I do, especially with when it comes to quitting, right?
27:44
When I feel like so much and you're just like, you know, I'm not saying men don't want to quit too, but it just like it's, it's more, this is, again, totally generalizations and I hate generalizing.
27:55
But I want us to know, especially as women, right?
28:01
That we can feel all those things and still do them anyway.
28:09
You don't have to feel perfect for you to whatever I know you used to, you know, sing on stage, you to get up on that stage.
28:19
You don't have to not feel anxious before you ask for whatever it is you want a raise, whatever it is or quit a job or whatever you have to do to get you to where you want to eat.
28:29
You don't have to just be sure of yourself to go before you go on a diet, right?
28:34
, you, you don't have to not be feeling overwhelmed before you apply for that job or do take that test or whatever, you know,, something I heard,, high achieving women say is, you know, you ask yourself what would someone who's not afraid do?
28:51
.
28:54
And that's a little bit what you were referring to.
28:55
But when you think of people, you know, that you feel like it's, it's kind of the same around, along those same grounds.
29:03
It is.
29:03
It is.
29:04
That's so interesting.
29:06
And,, what that tells you when you look at and you put it from that perspective is that tells you that if you do it anyway, the fear is going to go away.
29:17
The fear is from the unknown.
29:20
The fear is worse than actually doing it.
29:22
I know that because I do it.
29:23
, I will, I'll feel the feelings.
29:28
So let's say I have a client and, and I need to fire them as a client because it's just not working and, you know, it's a volatile relationship and we're getting yelled at and all sorts of things and, and I know that I need to get on the phone with them and I need to fire this client.
29:43
I don't want to do that.
29:45
It is not fun for me.
29:47
I do not like it.
29:48
I will dread that phone call, but I will still do it because I know I need to and, and honestly, the, the dread leading up to it is so much worse than actually doing it.
30:02
It's so much worse and, and you just do it anyway.
30:05
I mean, you can feel the anticipation, you can feel the dread, you can feel whatever it is, but you shouldn't let that hold you back.
30:12
I don't know why we've decided that if we feel dread of something or we, we feel like we don't want to do something that means we shouldn't do it sometimes that means we should be doing it.
30:21
And I think that's what you said about the fear and, and that should, you not sometimes rather you, you, you got to do it, you have to do it.
30:31
That's the only way you're going to grow.
30:34
That's the only way you're going to grow.
30:39
So it's not just about being comfortable, being uncomfortable.
30:42
And I do use that quite a bit.
30:43
It's literally seeking out discomfort.
30:47
Right.
30:48
And putting yourself in those situations that you really don't want to be in.
30:54
We're talking about a new year, new year.
30:57
You want to really have a new year, you really wanna make change and do make change quickly.
31:02
And that's what I've realized, the more you put yourself in discomfort, the quicker you're going to get to where you want to be.
31:13
Right.
31:14
Right.
31:14
Right.
31:16
I totally agree.
31:17
And so for me, honestly putting myself out there in this podcast as a per personal person is uncomfortable for me, but I feel like I have so much to give to people and I feel like this is the way that I can give back and help that I am stepping through that discomfort to try to connect with the people who are listening to this.
31:43
So as we are talking about being uncomfortable, I am actively doing uncomfortable, I'm actively doing what I'm telling you all that you need to do.
31:55
So, you know, part and parcel picture right here.
31:58
This I am actively doing that because I feel like I've been through so much in my short life.
32:05
and I feel like it would be a waste if I didn't share all these things that I've learned with everyone.
32:10
And like I said, I'm not an expert by any means, but I have been through some things and I have, what is it?
32:17
A MC C something?
32:18
A MC C A MC C.
32:22
I have developed that part of my brain quite a bit with all of the things that I've gone through and, and we'll get into, I mean, that those things will come up later throughout the podcast.
32:31
But I'm actively doing that now so that I can reach out to our community and help other women.
32:38
So don't let it stop.
32:41
You, don't let it stop you.
32:43
Right?
32:44
And just, I mean, don't overthink it just think about the baby step, whatever your fear is, you're talking about your financial, you know, lack of financial, whatever prowess.
32:54
So it's not about, it's not about being a accountant.
32:58
Ok.
32:59
It's about like, what is the first step?
33:00
Well, being open to sharing my financials with other people, you know, not keeping it a secret, right?
33:08
Not having that shame associated with whatever that is.
33:13
And, you know, it's funny that you say, you know, you're referring back to the A MC C region or whatever that area of the brain is that the data would also shows is that not only do you got to build that up, but we got but if we don't continue to invest in things that are hard and doing, you know, the uncomfortable things,, not only,, you know, do go, not our, our, our will to live.
33:42
They're beginning to find out, literally begins to dissipate.
33:48
Really.
33:48
Yes.
33:49
It's so interesting.
33:52
It's not just, yes, you want to build it up and do the hardness so you can, you know, be motivated to achieve your goal.
33:59
But they're even finding that it, it's associated with a will to live.
34:05
It's that interesting because it kind of feeds into that discussion about grit.
34:10
You know, and they talk about, you know, when you're talking about the will to live, you think about these people that have been in these, you know, survivor kind of situations and the people that make it are literally the people who will not let go.
34:23
Right.
34:24
They're the people that will not let go.
34:26
And I just think that's so interesting because it's, it, these people and I find that it, it's a parallel.
34:33
You might not think this is extreme.
34:35
But it, to me it's a parallel in thinking the people that succeed in business don't let go, they don't stop, they keep going.
34:43
People that survive these survival situations, they don't let go, they keep going.
34:47
It's not because they're better skilled.
34:49
It's not because they have all of this knowledge about survival or whatever because they wouldn't give up.
34:54
Right.
34:54
You know, I mean, some 12 year old girl fell from a, an airplane in the 19 seventies and spent 10 days in the jungle and lived.
35:03
Right.
35:04
How is that possible?
35:05
She didn't give up.
35:06
I mean, it's just kind of amazing.
35:08
And if you can train your brain to, to get to that level, like, that's pretty awesome that we could do that, you know, and that we're able to, I could actively take steps to build that in myself.
35:23
Like, that's awesome.
35:24
I don't have to be born with it.
35:25
I can develop it.
35:26
Yes.
35:26
Isn't that interesting?
35:27
That takes all other level?
35:30
I wasn't even aware of this until I started doing research for this podcast.
35:34
So this takes it to a whole other level of a biological, you know, it's not just, oh have the gumption and just do it, you know, it's literally like building a muscle exactly in your brain.
35:47
We are, we are literally manufactured biologically spiritually, whatever you want to call it to grow and to get better and continue getting better for the rest of our life.
36:00
Right.
36:01
You know, you know, there's this other saying and I know there's a lot of sayings but saying to me is what kind of goes into my brain.
36:09
It's easier for me to refer back to the sayings than to think of a whole paragraph.
36:14
But changing nothing changes, nothing.
36:17
Right.
36:18
Yeah.
36:19
Right.
36:19
I don't know if I'm saying the saying, right.
36:21
But that's basically what it is so, or doing nothing changes, nothing or whatever that saying is, is, you know, take the risk, the person who never risks it,, who never puts themselves out there, even if they're comfortable and even if all their needs are being taken care of at the end of the day or at the end of your life, they're gonna have a nagging sense that more is, or was possible.
36:48
Yes.
36:49
Yes.
36:50
I, it's funny that you say that because as I was thinking about this topic, that is what I ultimately got to in my thought process was, you know, this is a continual process in growth.
37:02
And when you push yourself to a new level, you're in, you're at some point going to be comfortable at this new level, you're no longer uncomfortable.
37:10
Now it's time to push to that next level of discomfort and it's a continual process and discomfort can be hard.
37:19
But so is regret.
37:21
And I would rather walk through temporary discomfort rather than live with lifelong regret that I didn't even try to me that is so much worse and I would rather just try and fail.
37:36
And at least I tried.
37:37
And then, you know, to me it's an adventure.
37:40
Honestly, I, I don't want to live an ordinary life.
37:43
So to me to try is to try to have an adventure and what better life can you try to have than that is to have this adventure and it gives me all of these experiences and this growth, like you said, and as you continue to grow, you have more adventures and it just, it just opens up the world.
38:02
And so I would hate for anybody to have that lifelong regret that the fear kept them, you know, from moving forward.
38:10
Right.
38:11
And, and I think, you know, a lot of us and I don't necessarily think this is a bad thing.
38:17
I think this is a good thing.
38:18
Use fear to motivate us or to run away from something or to prove something to someone.
38:24
And that's not necessarily.
38:26
So if you're going to use fear, you propel you to move, move and take the action that you're uncomfortable with versus stopping you from it.
38:36
The fear should be, like you said, I don't want to live an ordinary life if you have a fear of that or the fear for me was, you know, I wanted to prove to others that I could do it right.
38:47
There was a lot of like stigma associated with me when I was younger.
38:51
And I can get into that a little bit later here, but that's what kind of motivated me how as a young child to do this very, very difficult things.
39:01
I didn't know what I was doing, but I was like, you know what I'm going to prove to, they say I can't, I'm going to prove to them that I can and it was that fear of, of, of, of really meeting their little expectations of me.
39:12
You know, there are low expectations of me that drove me into being tenacious and moving forward.
39:22
And,, I don't know if I mentioned this in another podcast, but I'm originally from Beirut Lebanon and I was born there and right in the smack dab in the middle or the worst part of the war, there's been a, you know, a 40 year plus war going on there.
39:36
And I was born right smack dab at the height of it.
39:40
And,,, and when I came,, and to the, to the U si was nine years old, I didn't know English.
39:49
And,, I always told myself even at a young age, if I could survive bombings and seeing all the blood and all the things I saw as a child, I can survive this.
40:00
Like, that's really what propelled me into doing a lot of things into teaching myself English because there was no el A back then.
40:06
Ok.
40:06
No, there wasn't.
40:07
I remember they put me in a really remedial,, you know,,, class with people with disabilities, mental disabilities because they didn't know what to do with me.
40:20
And I just made it my life purpose at 9, 10 years old every single day to not go to recess and not go to lunch and just sit there and,, in the cafeteria and not go out and just teach myself English.
40:35
There was no hooked on phonics.
40:37
Then there was no, you know, phones.
40:40
Then it was just literally me like trying to as a and my parents were checked out.
40:46
They didn't, they had, you know, they were immigrants and they had their own prop issues going on.
40:51
So it wasn't like I had a support system in, in trying to develop this, this for, there was no Google translate and I can tell you, I mean, we had, we had a girl in my class.
41:01
I remember third grade having a girl move here from Venezuela who became a really good friend of mine.
41:06
But I remember her first day in class and they're trying to communicate with her in broken Spanish.
41:12
I can't imagine what that's like.
41:16
And for me, it was Arabic.
41:17
So it was completely different.
41:19
I mean, so yeah, it's like the alphabet is different the way you open books, right?
41:24
You guys open it right, right to left, we open it left to right.
41:28
We read, you know, the other way.
41:31
It was a, it was a lot.
41:32
But even and so that's so anytime I face difficulties in my life, I always go back to if I could survive that, right.
41:42
So I can survive anything.
41:44
So whatever that in you guys propels you whatever difficulty we've all been through challenges.
41:50
Not a single one of us has made it to adulthood has not been through a challenge.
41:56
And we've survived all the challenges that we have faced so far.
41:59
Exactly.
42:00
And so that's the key, you know, is looking back at your life and really taking a moment to reflect and be like, if I could go through that, I know I can go through this because I remember when I was going through that, I didn't think I was going to get through that.
42:13
But now looking back, not only did I get through it, I learned from it.
42:18
I grew from it.
42:19
I'm a better person because of it.
42:21
No matter how difficult and the whole thing is, the more heartache and difficulty you go through, the more growth, this is really what we're talking about.
42:29
It happens to you in life, right?
42:33
And it's painful.
42:35
But like I said, with that muscle, I mean, you stretch it and you, you tear it and, and that causes you to grow.
42:42
And I mean, I can think of several instances that I've been through that caused me to grow.
42:49
And,, yeah, they were really painful, but I, I'm actually really grateful for those experiences because they made me into the person that I'm growing into now and it made me into, I'm becoming the person that I want to be in business and, and all that sort of thing.
43:06
And so,, I'm grateful for the experience, right?
43:10
You're not going to get to where you are now without going through without putting yourself out there taking the risk,, seeking the discomfort doing it anyway, saying it sucks falling on your face, you know, you know, if it's not going to kill you do it anyway.
43:30
Right.
43:31
And, and, and, you know, and again, I wanna say this because it doesn't have to be like going from 0 to 100.
43:40
It's about, it's about just taking that first step because you got to take the first step before you can take the second step before you can get to your 1000 step.
43:49
Right?
43:50
And getting to your 1000 step, you're going to look back on your first step and you'll be like, oh my gosh, look how far I've come.
43:56
And I didn't even know that I was going to get to this thousands from back then because every time every step I took, I fell, I failed.
44:05
I got up, I looked at it.
44:06
I said, OK, I failed.
44:07
I can't do it this way anymore.
44:09
Let me try it a little bit differently and see what it.
44:12
Right.
44:13
Thank you.
44:15
Yeah.
44:17
I, I don't know if you have this in your life, but everything that I've done in my life, I've literally did not want to do.
44:28
I know it's really, I mean, I shouldn't say everything but for a lot of things that I didn't really want to do like English was my second language.
44:37
I was more math and science oriented growing up.
44:41
Right.
44:41
That was my forte and what do I decide to do?
44:44
Go to law school?
44:46
I literally sat with myself and II I graduated and I, I took some time off before I went to law school.
44:52
And I was like, what is the one thing that I really have difficulty doing?
44:56
And it was just English, obviously, I've always struggled in English.
45:01
And I was like, what can I do that can literally force me to develop because no one really taught me because I was like stuck in third grade and then, you know, no one really taught me grammar and all of that.
45:13
And I was like, oh law school and talking about seeking discomfort, everybody looked at me like I was crazy.
45:23
Yeah.
45:24
And the funny thing happened is when I was there, I found out that being more mathematical and, you know, minded and de and detailed, over oriented and extremely analytical was actually an asset.
45:37
I actually thought the opposite about law school.
45:39
Like English majors would be amazing.
45:41
And journalism majors are really the ones that are going to succeed until I actually got to law school and realized it wasn't that way.
45:49
No, no, no, I wouldn't say that the most of the things that I I've done in life are because I don't want to do them.
45:57
But I would say that I've, in the past that I've walked, I have had multiple problems come up, not of my making that and not that I'm a victim, but I'm just saying,, that came up that were unexpected that I was forced to walk through because I really didn't have any other choice.
46:16
So, a couple of those I'll throw out and I'm not, we can get into that details later.
46:23
But,, you know, I, my first law firm, I had a couple of business partners that went south.
46:31
When I left those business partners, three months later, I got pregnant with my youngest and I was a solo practitioner.
46:38
Anyone that knows what a solo practitioner does understands that if you are a solo practitioner and you're pregnant now, this is kind of a problem.
46:47
This is gonna be really, really hard.
46:50
Then in that pregnancy, I found out that my daughter has a chromosomal disorder which then opened the door to hundreds of other complications that we were facing that we did deal with.
47:02
My daughter was born and she had heart surgery five days later.
47:06
all kinds of things and that's not the end of the road for her medical interventions.
47:10
We continue.
47:11
She's six years old now, or sorry, seven, she turned seven in November.
47:15
She's seven years old now we continue with those.
47:18
Those are not things that I ever wanted to deal with, but they've made me a stronger and I think better parent.
47:25
And so I walked through that I was diagnosed with breast cancer.
47:31
I never ever considered myself or saw myself being someone who would ever have cancer.
47:37
Especially at 41 I felt like I, and I was fit and I was doing crossfit and I, how could I have cancer and aggressive rare cancer?
47:47
I had inflammatory breast cancer and that is not something that I would have ever expected to have dealt with.
47:54
And then in the middle of my treatment have a toxic employee, create a coup essentially of my firm and try to destroy it.
48:01
I mean, I was four weeks away from my mastectomy surgery.
48:07
None of these things did I want to deal with.
48:10
But all of these things have made me better and have made me stronger.
48:15
, and could and really had the potential to make me bitter, right?
48:21
But in the middle of it and I'll give you this little piece because I feel like this was God speaking to me through my, my dad.
48:26
I was really starting to lose faith in people and I was really starting, I'm a very giving person and I really tried to help people and I really tried to help my staff and I really try to care about them and, and I felt like I had just been so betrayed, you know.
48:42
, and I would just, I was starting to be like, I'm not gonna help people anymore.
48:47
I'm gonna protect myself, that sort of thing.
48:49
And my dad just said to me, don't let people change you.
48:54
Yeah.
48:55
And, and that just stuck with me and that literally changed my mindset from right then because yes, some people will do that, but not all people.
49:03
And I just didn't have the right people and that can be an, you know, conversation for another time too.
49:06
But,, be the person you wanna be and, and have faith that there are good people out there.
49:14
But all of those things pushed me through growth.
49:19
That was real painful and that I didn't necessarily wanna go through.
49:23
But I'm so grateful that I did.
49:25
Yeah.
49:26
And that's what I really mean when I say, you know, I did not want to do like I didn't, I didn't want to go through it.
49:31
I didn't, this isn't something that was comfortable for me that I didn't,, you know, seek it out because it was comfortable.
49:38
I actually seek something out even though it put me in a very uncomfortable situation, you know, or, or having a very uncomfortable things happen to you and not just, you know, fall apart and end it all or whatever, right?
49:51
Just to keep yourself going.
49:53
That's what I mean.
49:54
But, you know, you don't want to do it or you may not feel like you can go on and God, that's a lot that happened to you and I was there for part of that and I know how hard it was, but look where you are now.
50:08
Looking back and I honestly haven't worked with you as long as I have, I don't think you would be as successful as you are.
50:16
Now.
50:18
Remember, I remember when we were talking, I mean, I don't know, but I think it was in the middle.
50:22
No, it was before COVID.
50:24
But you were working out of your home.
50:26
Oh, yeah.
50:27
You know, I totally agree with you.
50:28
Not that there's anything wrong with working out, but that was like before COVID that people didn't really do.
50:32
You know, it was just, you know, and you were, there was a lot of, that's not what I wanted though.
50:36
If I had wanted to work out of my home, that would have been great.
50:39
But that's not, I wanted to build something bigger than myself.
50:41
But you're right.
50:42
I would never have had the personal growth that I've had to get me to where I want to be.
50:48
And, yeah, that stuff was so hard.
50:50
But the thing is, is when you're walking through it, you're, when you're in the fire, when you're in the storm, you don't have to see 1000 ft out.
50:59
Like lean.
51:00
Like Zaya was saying, you don't have to see that.
51:03
All you need to be able to see is the next step.
51:06
Just take that next step because that's all you can do when you're going through cancer treatment.
51:11
You're just one treatment at a time, one day at a time.
51:15
Same thing, all that stuff it's one step at a time.
51:18
That's all you need to see and do it if you don't.
51:22
I know, I know when I was with you, when you're doing some of the cancer, if you didn't want to do it, you didn't feel like doing it.
51:27
You were sick.
51:28
It was horrible.
51:29
Get up.
51:30
Do it anyway.
51:31
You wait anyway, getting, so you go through it anyway.
51:34
This is such an important message, I think out of all our podcasts up to now, I feel like this is probably the most important one is, yeah, is really building up your tenacity and it's not some mythical thing.
51:49
Oh What's tenacity?
51:50
It's literally doing the things that make you uncomfortable leading into it, not shying away, sticking your head in the sand.
51:57
The one thing I know for sure, If you stuck your headset in the head in the sand, the cancer is not going to go away, it's still going to be there.
52:05
Even if you don't want to deal with it, it would have taken my life, right?
52:10
And, and, and that's an extreme example.
52:12
But whatever it is, this is one thing I know for sure.
52:16
And I hate to say this, this is Oprah says this, I'm taking this from Oprah Winfrey.
52:20
One thing I know for sure is that the more you try to ignore something that's uncomfortable for you, the more it's going to grow, it's never ever go.
52:34
So it's snowballs.
52:35
It's never gonna go away.
52:37
It's gonna start out as a little snowflake and you're gonna ignore it and then it's gonna become whatever a snowball and you're gonna keep ignoring it and then it's gonna become, you know, whatever a boulder and it's just gonna keep going and then become an avalanche and it just gets worse and you look back and be like, oh, if only I dealt with it when it was a snow flake.
52:58
Right.
53:00
Right.
53:00
I I'm really passionate about this stuff.
53:03
So so vital to just, you know, to just living in this world and, and, and, and being your best self and, and really what this pod is all about is being your authentic self and really finding, not just finding your superpower like we did, not just, you know, knowing what it is, but also fueling it and the fuel is the, you know, your tenacity, you're challenging yourself and you being able to lean into the discomfort of it.
53:39
The fuel is the fear.
53:41
Yeah, and it's the action, it's the consistency and the action just so that's really our summary here to kind of you know, kind of en en end it a little bit is I put making it into a AAA little bow for you is that the more things you do, the more things you can do to just, I hate, I hate the thing just do it.
54:04
It sounds like such a cliche but really just do it, just go through the fire.
54:10
Yeah.
54:11
And please you guys reach out to us.
54:14
If you're in the fire, please reach out, message us on Facebook or on our Instagram or whatever it is because we've been through the fire and the purpose of this community is to walk with each other through the fire.
54:29
Tell you what we've learned, give you hope and encouragement and any help that we can because the fires are gonna come for all of us.
54:37
We will all go through them.
54:38
You know, none of us are going to avoid that.
54:40
And so, I just want us all to be there to be able to encourage each other.
54:45
So please reach out if you have anything that you need help with or if there's a topic you want us to cover, please reach out and let us know.
54:53
Yeah, absolutely.
54:55
Thanks everybody.
54:56
You know, you have a support system here.
54:59
That's why we did it.
55:00
We both me and, and Katherine kind of went through a lot of the stuff on our own and then, you know, we kind of joined forces a little bit and started helping each other and, and, and having different support systems.
55:10
It's, it's important.
55:12
We want to be that support system for you guys to develop that emotional resilience.
55:16
You don't necessarily have to go through it on your own, especially when there's other people like us or whoever that have gone through it.
55:25
Yeah.
55:26
And we've only touched on a little bit of our background that we've had to go through.
55:30
But,, that's really why we joined forces because we both have gone through so much and I'm confident in saying there's no, there's nothing out there that you guys are going through that we probably either haven't gone through ourselves or something 100 times worse,, that we can, you know, help you guys get through and, and overcome, right?
55:53
Yeah, definitely.
55:55
All right.
55:56
Well, we will end it there.
55:58
Thanks everybody.
56:03
We're gonna post the resources in our notes section, you know, subscribe, you know where to find us as always.
56:10
We will see you next time.
56:12
Warriors.
56:12
Thank you very much, you Warriors next time.
56:16
Bye bye bye.
