Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco:
0:07
Hello, my dear passengers, and welcome aboard the self-growth train, a podcast that combines personal stories, opinions and research in order to better guide you through your self-growth journey. My name is Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco and I am your tour guide. First, I just want to say: Thank you, thank you, thank you for tuning back in for another episode of season number 6. Today we're going to be looking into an archived episode, but before we do, I want to give you a little update. Okay, if you guys remember about I want to say like a month or maybe two months ago I talked about how, instead of saying that it's going to be an episode every Tuesday, it was going to be on two random Tuesdays of the month. Okay, well, I'm going to change it again because I've been keeping it consistent and I think I can handle it. So now, for sure, for sure, we're going to be releasing an episode every other Tuesday. What does that mean? That after today, next week, there won't be a new episode, but the week after there will be one. So I fully, fully, fully would like you to be involved and, you know, come back and, like, tune in and listen to that new episode. In the meantime, I'm just saying there's a lot of episodes that you can listen to, from seasons one through six, okay, so whenever you get a chance, I would definitely, definitely recommend you going back to all of those seasons and checking those episodes out. Listen, maybe you have not gone through any of the topics that I have been discussing over the last three years. I know it's been three years. I can't believe it either, but, yes, you might have not been dealing with any of that stuff, but you might know someone that has and who knows, maybe when you listen to the episode, you might be able to say, hey, I listened to an episode that might help you. You know, it sounds weird, but it has happened before and I've had people reach out. Some of my passengers have reached out and they've been like telling me this. So that's why I'm like you know what. I'm going to start saying that in the podcast because, at the end of the day, that is the purpose of this podcast. Like I want to make sure that people don't feel alone and I want to know what people want to talk about, which reminds me if you're not following me on social media, what are you waiting for? I have Facebook, instagram, youtube, obviously, and I also have email at the self-gross train podcast at gmailcom, so you can definitely reach me at any of those and talk to me. Tell me what things you like about the podcast, what things you don't like about the podcast and also what topics you want to be talked about, because this is our podcast and I obviously want to hear from you. As I mentioned earlier today, we have an archived episode and it's featuring one of my really close friends, April Sunshine, where we talked about body dysmorphia. Well, without further ado, here's today's episode. Stay tuned.
April Sunshine:
3:01
For me personally, body dysmorphia it's something related to a negative body image that you have which affects, I believe, most people personally and physically. So physically and mentally it's an issue revolving around how a person feels about how they look or act, or it's both internal and external. I have body dysmorphia. I have reverse body dysmorphia. So for most of my life I was underweight because I had kidney surgery and everything. So I was underweight and I was always told there were issues with my body. You know, I was just giving us two balmy, I didn't have boobs, and then very quickly I gained weight and I did not realize until about two years later and all of a sudden I was fat, I had a belly, I had, you know, everything else under the sun that I didn't have before. But in my brain when I think of myself, I will revert back to I'm 98 pounds, I'm underweight, and then I take a picture. It's like, no, I'm nearly 200 pounds and I have a double chin. So, and then that really beats me up mentally and physically.
Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco:
4:15
So I'm working on it, though it's interesting because you're the first person that openly talks about it with me. So you use of hearing about the body dysmorphia when you look at yourself in the mirror and you see yourself as bigger. So it's very interesting to see that there's also reverse body dysmorphia. So that's quite intriguing for me. My body dysmorphia it's kind of weird and I say that lightly because there probably is other people like me out there.
April Sunshine:
4:44
Well, everybody has it. There's nothing weird about it.
Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco:
4:47
Yeah, like we all have. Obviously we all have moments where we have a poor body image or like negative thoughts about our bodies, but for me, my body dysmorphia comes more when I take pictures.
April Sunshine:
5:01
Okay, yeah, that makes sense.
Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco:
5:03
So when I take a picture and I look at the person in that picture, I do not recognize her. Yep, I have the same thing. It drives me nuts, and it's not necessarily weight related, it's more of like feature related. Like I will look at my nose and I'm like that's not how my nose looks. Or I will look at my teeth and I'm like that's not how they look, like on my lips. Or I know that the thing that like messes up with me the most is my eyes.
April Sunshine:
5:33
So question then have you you've seen the photos I post on social media? Have you noticed a commentary between them? I roll my eyes. I do that because I have a lazy eye. Okay, I do that because I was taught by society and everyone around me that a lazy eye is wrong. It's an issue I have and it comes out in photos. So I roll my eyes in the photos and yeah, what? So nearly every photo from middle school, throughout, maybe three years ago, I roll my eyes in, unless someone has specifically asked me not to what, and even then I don't look at the camera because it makes my eye go in. I look off to the side.
Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco:
6:15
That is so intriguing. No, so, so it's more than just weight. Yeah, yeah, wow, no, no, no, like I just I'm telling you I'm learning a lot from you and like it hasn't even been three minutes, I'm learning a lot from you, but no like for me. It's like I will look at myself in the mirror right and I see a serenity image. Like I know I'm not skinny, I know I'm not like super overweight, I know I am overweight, but if I put on a shirt and it shapes my body differently from what I'm perceiving, it fucks with me for the rest of the day. And I distinctly remember last year I want to say it was February or March I went to Pennsylvania and keep in mind that, yes, I'm aware of my body weight, but at the same time, I'm also very conscious of how my body feels. So I'm usually pretty good at saying like, okay, I've gained weight.
April Sunshine:
7:10
Okay, you look completely confident Every time I talk to you. I want your confidence. I'm just saying.
Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco:
7:15
But it's not like it's not a real. Okay, yes, there is some confidence behind it, but it's like I'm confident in real life. So again, we're going to get off track because I need to talk about this. I am very confident in real life situations when it comes to social media. I am not confident about like I overanalyze the shape of my again, my eyes, for some reason. A lot of times I would look at my eyes and I'm like that's not what it looks like. Or I would look at my lips and like my smile. If I can look at my smile and know that that is not my happy smile, it messes with me, because then I'm like wait, what was I feeling that day? It looks post, yes, it looks post, and I'm like wait, like what's going on. A lot of times what I do in order to not get quote unquote, party dysmorphia or not to endorse those thoughts is that I rely more on videos than in pictures, because in a video you're getting different angles, you're getting the micro, not micro, emotions, what is it called? Micro expressions, and you're getting all of these things that I recognize when I look at myself in the mirror. Because when you look at yourself in the mirror, obviously you can scrunch up your nose, you can lean in, you can lean forward, but with a picture you're like getting one second, one moment. I don't know about you, my dear passengers, but I have struggled with body dysmorphia for years. Okay, I'm 28 years old today and I can tell you that the majority of my life, I have been dealing with body dysmorphia, as you guys just heard, and sometimes it gets easier, sometimes it doesn't get easier. I think that right now, where I am in my life, I'm very focused on getting better, okay, and that means, like you guys know, I went to my psychology psychiatrist program for a while and I graduated from it, so I'm very, very happy and excited about that. I am, finally, on meds, but meds don't cure you, okay. They just help you get stable enough for you to start making changes in your life that will help you become healthier, which is how, thanks to the meds, I was able to start, like, focusing more on, like school, the podcast work, also focusing on my health, like I've been working out a lot. I've actually lost 25 pounds already and you know we are just progressing but, like, my focus is no longer on my body, meaning my physical body. My focus is on my body and everything that is inside of it, like the essence of my body, my soul, my spirituality, my thinking, like every single thing, because the reality is, when you're dealing with body dysmorphia. A lot of times, you are able to help yourself get out of that like rabbit hole by arguing with yourself with facts, right? So, for example, if I'm looking in the mirror and I see myself as bigger than I actually am, I'll be like Francis Mari Rivera Pacheco. Let's take a second and like let's look at each other. Okay, is this true, what you're seeing? Is it true or are you projecting an image that you are afraid of? Or are you projecting an image that used to be true? Right? And when you start questioning yourself and you know, arguing with yourself with facts, it kind of helps you become better at like realizing, oh my gosh, like wait, hold up. Like what am I worrying about? Like there's nothing going on here. Or it might actually help you see areas that you still need to work on because you're struggling a lot with. And the other thing, right, because this episode is about body dysmorphia one of the other things that I have found out is you need to have grace with yourself. Okay, you need to have grace with yourself and with body dysmorphia. I think that a lot of times, at least for me, okay, whenever I see an image that I don't wanna see, I start talking down to myself Like I'll say things like you're such a piece of shit, which is not healthy at all. You're a pathetic, you're an idiot, you're ugly, you're la-la, you're not worth it, all this stuff. And it's like sometimes we gotta take a step back and think of how we would talk to our younger selves, or if it makes it easier, right, if you have a son or a daughter or a sibling that you're very close to, usually it works better when it's somebody younger. Just think about how you would talk to them when they're going through something like this. You know, and use that voice for yourself, because you deserve to have that grace. Why are we not allowed to talk to ourselves like with love and compassion and understanding? Why do we have to like hammer on ourselves? I don't know and I don't get it, but I know that I've been doing it for so many years and it's a learned behavior from like how I see other people talk about themselves. As a reminder, if you ever feel like you need to talk to someone and you don't know who to talk to, please, please, please, reach out to me through social media. I, like I mentioned earlier, I have Instagram, Facebook, Youtube and even my Email, right. And here's the thing a lot of times it's easier to talk to a stranger than it is to talk with a friend. I'm not saying that you shouldn't talk to friends. I'm just saying that in those moments when you feel like a burden or you feel like you don't wanna reach out to someone because whatever you wanna talk about feels like too much, just know that there's another outlet and I'm here for you. Okay, and I just don't want you to feel like you're alone, because you really are not. As always, I cannot wait to hear from you and see you again. Well, until the next step, dear passengers, safe travels, bye!
