Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco:
0:07
Hello, my dear passengers, and welcome aboard the self-growth train, a podcast that combines personal stories, opinions and research in order to better guide you through your self-growth journey. My name is Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco and I am your tour guide. I don't know if you can tell, but, um, your girl is wearing a crown. Yes, okay, listen, this season we are starting the seventh season. Okay, this is the new season of the podcast and with the new season of the podcast, there's gotta be more confidence. There's going to be more new things. There's also going to be a whole lot of tiara or crown, depending on who you are, because some people call it tiara, some people call it crowns, it doesn't matter. I am so excited that I get to say I have been on for seven seasons. I have been on for three years. Yes, if you didn't get a chance to watch our Facebook live, please, please, please, go to the Facebook page at the self-growth train podcast and go and watch it. I had an amazing, lovely time doing this on December 22nd at 3pm, which was again the third year anniversary, and which is why I picked it at 3pm, because I was like it's symbolic. You know, it's just what we're doing this year and, yeah, so I am now wearing my crown because you know what guys Like. I'm a princess, like I have been a princess since birth, because my dad's name is Rey and that in Spanish means king. So I have been a princess for literally all 28 years of my life. But just now is when I'm finally stepping into my role and I'm wearing my crown in my tiara. And also I'm about to be turning 29th, on January 12th, which is going to be 10 days from now, and I'm very excited. And there's so many exciting things going on in my life. There's also so many other things that it's like it can get overwhelming, but I've decided honestly, after last year being hospitalized yet again, that from now on, I'm just going to be grateful. From now on, I'm going to focus on the fact that I am so blessed. I am so blessed with another day to live. I am so blessed, even in my adversity, because let me tell you today's episode ooh, I am obsessed with this episode. Alright, and this is not to say that I don't love every single other guest that has come on the podcast, because, trust me, I do. I have loved every single one of them, but this podcast episode is just very special. It's with someone that I love a lot and it's someone that, like, really embodies everything that I am, and it's just so amazing to see a mirror image of myself in an attitude and poise and just love and understanding and support, like ugh, I cannot wait. And again, again. If you haven't seen the Facebook Live, you probably don't know. But guess what y'all? I'm writing a book about my self-growth journey and I'm halfway done with it. It's probably not going to be published this year because that is a very long process, but I just wanted to announce it because I have been keeping the secret in for so long. Initially, I was going to do something else for the third year anniversary, and I was like no, no, no, no, no, no. Francis, look at your vision board. You said that by March of 2024, march 26th of 2024, you would write a book. Guess what? I got inspired and I just said God, lead the way. And he's been leading it. And here I am and I'm so, so proud of myself and I'm so excited for you guys to see everything that is coming this year. Well, without further ado, here's today's episode. And today I am here with, honestly, one of my best friends, and I know it's crazy because people think oh my gosh, best friends are people that you've known for years. Well, let me tell you, I've known this woman technically, technically for two years, but in person, I met her I don't know like maybe seven months ago.
Ellen Mulholland:
4:30
Yeah.
Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco:
4:31
I think so. I just know that this woman oh my God, I'm so proud of her. She makes me so happy. I'm so blessed to have her in my life. Welcome Ellen Mulholland.
Ellen Mulholland:
4:44
Thank you for having me.
Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco:
4:45
You're very welcome. I'm so glad you said yes. I know that you are thinking about starting your own podcast, so this is kind of like a come help me at my podcast and also let's try to figure out if this is something that you want to do for yourself.
Ellen Mulholland:
5:01
Oh, absolutely yeah. I think it's a nice little intro into what I might want to do.
Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco:
5:07
Yeah, and also can I just say I am digging, loving this lip color, Okay, the whole book, but the lip it's just in the turtleneck. It is giving. It is giving Audrey Hepburn right now and I am here for it.
Ellen Mulholland:
5:25
Yes, it's Mac Ruby Woo or something like that, but yeah, one of those iconic shades.
Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco:
5:33
Iconic. I love it. I'm going to have to start buying I'm literally going to have to start buying lip color. Yeah, what is that called Lipsticks? I need to start buying lipsticks because I'm just like a glowing, not a glowing like a lip gloss. Anyways, we're getting like so off tangent already and that's on me, I'll take into it. So today we're going to be talking about healing.
Ellen Mulholland:
5:59
Yes, are journey and self growth.
Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco:
6:03
Yes, exactly, healing, especially for self growth. But you know, usually, usually for these episodes, I have a definition ready for healing. But I'm going to be very honest, I was so excited and also, like I was so focused on the books, I never looked up the definition of healing For this episode. Fyi, we are defining healing in our own words. So, ellen, how do you define healing?
Ellen Mulholland:
6:33
I think I define healing as going one step or getting one step closer to your original goal, and I think that can be in numerous ways, I guess. So, whether you're trying to lose weight, or whether you're trying to get a job or maybe achieve something different in your career, I think a part of healing is learning from your past mistakes, doing some self evaluation and then learning how to move forward from there.
Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco:
7:07
I love that because before you said your definition, I was like healing is taking care of your wounds right, and it's taking care of the things that hurt you so you can feel better. But I love the part where you said it's learning from what happened so you can move on. I think that is such a powerful description of healing. So we're going to go with yours, yours won. Yay. Good job, ellen. You can work for Webster now. So have you had to deal with healing this year?
Ellen Mulholland:
7:47
Lots of it, yeah.
Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco:
7:50
I mean, I know the answer because we're besties, but for the purposes of this podcast, oh my gosh, you have. I am so shocked.
Ellen Mulholland:
8:01
Yes, and I know that you've had to deal with some healing yourself. So I think this is going to be a really great podcast where we can talk about that and talk about our experiences and how we are doing our self reflection and learning how to move forward.
Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco:
8:18
Yeah, no, I agree, and I think like to get started, just because this aspect of feeling we both had to deal with healing our self-esteem slash confidence right. So I'll let you get started, like, how have you? Maybe you haven't healed 100% because same, but how have you been able to start your healing journey when it comes to your self-esteem, your confidence and your self-love?
Ellen Mulholland:
8:49
That's a really good question, I think acceptance, acceptance that things don't always go my way and that's okay.
Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco:
8:59
I love how simple and simple and like straight to the point it is. I mean honestly though well, you're right, acceptance, like I think that, honestly, acceptance is a concept that I struggle with a lot. And now I'm going to be writing here that we need to talk about acceptance because, honestly, I'm such a resilient, slash, determined person that when people tell me no and I'm not talking about sexual consent, I'm talking about outside of the bedroom, right when they tell me no, you're never going to get this because you look a certain way or no, you're never going to get this because you don't have quote, unquote, what it takes. It boils my blood and it fuels my determination to make it happen. So, because I'm such a go getter, hard worker, focused person in that aspect, when it comes to acceptance, it's hard for me because I'm like, wait, how can I accept this for what it is when I know for a fact that if I put in the work to do this stuff, I'm going to be able to make it happen somehow someday? I don't know, I don't know, like I, just I struggle with acceptance. So I am going to highlight this because I'm going to find a professional to come here and talk to us about acceptance. So for you, were you, did you have an easy time to like, accept it then?
Ellen Mulholland:
10:32
Oh, I don't know about easy, but it was definitely something that I had to take my time with and that kind of took years, because I Got out of a situation where I was really hopeful about what could happen with someone and it didn't end up working out the way I thought it would, and it's okay. But it took me a while to accept that that person wasn't going to be the person I needed them to be, and I also needed to accept that it wasn't my role to change that person. It was just my role to support that person.
Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco:
11:16
Ellen calling me out while calling herself out. I love it Can you repeat that Please. I want to write this down.
Ellen Mulholland:
11:24
Yes, I needed to accept that. What did I say? I'm sorry, the ADD hit.
Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco:
11:30
Oh my gosh, you said it wasn't my role to change that person.
Ellen Mulholland:
11:38
Yeah, and it was my role to accept yeah that's what you said.
Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco:
11:42
You said support, but let's just say a support. It wasn't my role to change that person, it was my role to support them. Wow, wow Z. I personally feel very attacked by that statement because, as you know, I went through a similar situation. I was in a relationship for the past two years and a little bit more and you know I I Still struggle to accept that it's done. I do there's days where I'm like you know what? This is what needed to happen. We are both in different states, we're both in different mindsets, we're both in different paths in life, and then there's days that I'm like again going back to that thing of like, but I but, daddy, I love him. You know, I will go from a mermaid to a human for you, sir, and the reality is that as much love as there was and there is, like it shouldn't be that way, like I shouldn't have to feel like I have to change him or myself. I should just support them for who they are and they should do the same for me. And like, honestly, at this point in life, neither one of us is in a position to be able to do it. So I think that now it's kind of stepping into that grieving process, right, and they talk about, like, the steps of grieving and how it's not linear and how anger is one of them. And you know, recently I've been dealing with the anger portion of it and I know, you know this because we talk about this. But, like for my dear passengers, right, it's funny because, even though we broke up, even though I'm still in love with him, right, there are days where I don't like him. I don't like him and I don't wish him the best. I'm not talking about in life, I'm talking about in love. I'm just like, no, I hope he never finds love, or, if he finds love, I hope he, he gets his heart broken. Why? Because that's exactly how I feel. And then there's like that quote-unquote Godly believing woman in me who is like Francis, but that's not being a good Christian, that's not being a good woman, and I'm like, I don't care, that's just exactly how I feel. So I've been struggling with that a lot and again, it all comes down to accepting because, like for me, it's so hard to just come to terms with what was and what is and what is not going to be, not because it couldn't be made possible, but because, not, the both of us are not in the same mindset, so it's never gonna come to fruition unless the both of us align miraculously somehow something.
Ellen Mulholland:
14:30
And I wanted to like go back for a second, because you said that you were still in love with him, and I think that's something for me and my situation, where I had to learn the difference between I'm in love with this person and I have love for this person, because I I was for a long time very in love with this man and I Really felt like you know we could. There was a chance. There was a chance that he could be that perfect person for me and After years of us going through this like back and forth, like weird thing, I realized all the love that I had was slowly falling apart because I was holding on to this person that he used to be versus the person he is now. So that was very difficult for me.
Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco:
15:24
And I think that, honestly, with time I'll get to where you're at, and I think that Every day gets easier. Obviously it's been. By the time this episode comes out, which is coming out in January and we are in December, it's going to be like Seven or eight months since we broke up. Well, okay, I say since we broke up, but you know, there was the whole thing of like you're still in town, we're still together, but without a title, but also we're not together, but yet we are Um. So really, I think that that also contributed to my healing journey taking so long To get started. Right, because I will start and I'm like, okay, I, I am single and I am going to get ready to work on myself and only on myself. But wait, he's moving to another state and I want to spend time with him and I want to make sure that I tell him I love him because, god forbid, something happens and like I have him right beside me or I have him ten minutes from my house where I can like, still see him, still go to him, still hug him, still do all of the things that we used to do, and so once he finally did move, it kind of like changed things for me because, like I'm gonna be very honest, there were days where it became really easy. It became really easy to say he's no longer here, um, so I don't have to worry about that. And then there were days where it was like I miss him. I miss him so much that it like physically, emotionally, spiritually hurt. I'm talking about boo hoo balling. I'm talking about I don't want to get out of bed, I don't want to. Well, I never did not want to brush my teeth, but it was like I don't want to shower.
Ellen Mulholland:
17:19
Right, you just don't want to take care of yourself anymore.
Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco:
17:22
No, no, no, because you started getting into this like rabbit hole of like what is the point? I mean like you were in this habit of seeing this person for two years and all of a sudden what they're gone. And it's very ambiguous because, again, I'm super glad that he's alive, I'm not wishing him to be dead, obviously, but I'm saying like it's very ambiguous because when somebody passes away, it's like that's it. You lost all your chances, like whatever you didn't get to say, whatever you didn't get to do, that was it. When you have someone that you still love or you're in love with or you care about them, and you're not able to do the same things because there are way or they're not Feeling reciprocate towards what you want to do, it becomes a bit harder because there's always that possibility that it could happen. If only, if only somehow. The planets and man, mercury and the retrograde, you know, like all of it. I lied and it worked out for you. There's this book yeah, it's called so broken a guidebook tour your journey through ambiguous grief, and is by Stephanie Sarasim and she was actually on the podcast and she talked about her book and I recently started to be reading it and it's so interesting how hope can keep you in a place for so long, even though you know you need to get out of it.
Ellen Mulholland:
18:54
I think that's what was holding me back for a long time with my situation was that it was just I was writing on hope. I was just so hopeful that things would change and actions would change. The words, would you know, even though and you know my situation but, like, even though maybe he wasn't as I'm like blanking on the word, but maybe he wasn't as eager as I was, he was still providing a sense of hope and when I was, when I would hear that or I would see that text or hear his voice or something, it gave me a lot of like hope for the future and it was just really disappointing at the end, but it is what it is.
Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco:
19:48
And that's on a acceptance with Ellen Mollahan. Well, you know, okay. So, again, like, I have the book Soul Broken and it has been helping me a lot through this healing journey of taking hope for what it is and not letting it be the thing that determines how I approach every single thing in my life, even though hope is good. Hope is good. You just have to write, you just have to write. You just have to use it in the right way. Right, have there been any books or journals or anything that has helped you along the way, or anything really Like? It doesn't have to be a book. I'm just like an avid book reader, so you know nerd.
Ellen Mulholland:
20:33
Yeah, no, it's actually really great to read because you take a moment away from the screens, you take a moment away from the rest of the world and you get to really just dive into something that is speaking only to you in that moment. And something that I read every single year because I always feel like I gain at least one little thing from it is the tried and true you are a badass.
Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco:
21:03
And.
Ellen Mulholland:
21:04
I honestly, I love this book. I have like a bunch of notes in here, and every year I read it I gain something from it, so I just finished that one, and I actually have three books that I'm gonna talk to you about. So this is the one you Are A Badass is the one that I read every year. I just started Take your Life Back, and that is by Stephen oh, I'm gonna ruin his name Arturburn and David Stoop. It's more of like a religious book, if I'm being honest, but what I have read so far, I'm only on like chapter two, because I literally just started it. So what I've gotten from it so far, though, is pretty impactful and empowering, because it really makes you look within and kind of figure out okay, what is it that is going on in my life where I feel like I'm out of control or I feel like things aren't going the way that I wanted them to go, so I got that going for me, and then, recently, from work, I just got this new book, becoming More, and this is from Diana Kokoskysko I'm gonna mess up her name too.
Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco:
22:23
It's okay, because I'm going to put all of the books that we talk about on the episode's description, so that way my passengers can go and check them out. So you're good.
Ellen Mulholland:
22:32
Yes yes, so I actually got this one from. She works with Keller Williams and she actually did a. We had this like team meeting and she talked about some pretty incredible things and I'll send that over to you too, because I think it's pretty cool to hear us career women, you know.
Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco:
22:57
I love it. I think like this is a book moment, so you got to share your three books. I'm gonna share my three books. So again, soul Broken by Stephanie Sarasen, and again she was on an episode. And guess what? In two weeks you're going to get an archived little sneak peek of that episode, because I knew I was gonna bring her up and I was like no, I need to bring her up again because her podcast episode was amazing. Then I also have a book that I read, not every year, but pretty consistently, especially when my self-esteem is down, and it's called Getting Naked Five Steps to Finding the Love of your. Life Well, fully Cloth and Totally Sober by Harlan Cohen. This book, oh my gosh, I'm going to make a bossier and talk about this book. I have talked about this book so much, whether it be to my friends, and I think I've mentioned it on this podcast a bunch of times as well this book was what helped me gain confidence in being naked. Now for background. When I was little, or when I was younger, I was always told that I wouldn't find love because I was overweight. And yes, I was pretty, but you're overweight, like nobody is going to be interested in you, which created this really negative view towards my body. And just the idea of being in love and one day being naked, as in like physically naked in front of everyone, was like terrifying. Like I didn't want to think about it, like it used to give me, like literally I would shake, I would like sweat so much. And there was this one day for, like around my birthday time, that I went to bars and nobles and the title like if you look on the side, it just says Getting Naked. As you can tell it's broken, but anyways, it just says Getting Naked. And I was like, oh my gosh, just somebody understands exactly what I'm going through and I bought the book. I just read the little side. I never read the actual front until after I bought the book and I sat down at the Starbucks, not to promote Starbucks, but just saying. I sat down at the Starbucks and I looked at the front of the book and I was like what is this? Like true love? Like that's not what I wanted, like I just wanted to know how to get naked. But anyways, this book has been amazing and it has these exercises where you mentally and physically put on a thong on your head, on your heart and on your body and you kind of like just analyze what's going on and you determine for yourself am I able to change these things that I don't like about myself? And if I can't or I'm not willing to, it's time to. Yes, you guessed it, accept them for what it is.
Ellen Mulholland:
26:01
We love that word.
Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco:
26:02
We love that word. This is the word of the day and the last book that I have been reading and completing and I'm almost done Like I'm literally a chapter away from being done and I wanted to finish it before this episode, but life got in the way. It's called Slingle is your superpower, catch feelings for yourself, a dating workbook by Kase Kenny, which, by the way, if you guys like podcasts because you definitely do, because you're listening to this podcast you need to check out his podcast. It is called New Minds. It who this? He is amazing and this book was actually recommended by Victoria, one of my friends who won this book when I did the drawing. I think it was not the drawing. I did the giveaway. I wanna say in 2022. Yeah, either 2021 or 2022. I did a drawing of, like Kase Kenny's books and she won it and then, when she found out that I was single, she was like you need to read this book. This book is gonna change your life. So that is where we're at with that book.
Ellen Mulholland:
27:10
Yes, and I also. You gifted me the New Minds.
Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco:
27:16
It who this and that thing has I didn't get it to you. Let's be clear you won it in the giveaway. There was a random wheel generator and it got to you.
Ellen Mulholland:
27:27
Yes, it did, and I have been so grateful. And I haven't been consistent, because when I journal, I typically type it up on my laptop or something. And I actually just finished. I just graduated this class, bold, with Keller Williams. We're so proud of you. I have a little plaque and everything. It's so cute. But in that class they made us journal as well, and it made me. Every single time I get to journal, it makes me look within again, figure out what my emotions are, why my emotions are the way that they are and again, how to move forward from there. So, but that book was truly inspirational and it got me back into journaling.
Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco:
28:16
I need to read that book and I need to get, honestly, I want all of Case Kenny's books. Like I want all of them. He has two more and then he has like these little I think it's like cards that he has. I just want them all because the guy is a genius, I love him. I've been trying to get him to come to the podcast but it's kind of hard, like getting in through all of the emails. It doesn't matter, I'm going to manifest it and someday somehow Case Kenny is going to be in an episode here and I know it and I can feel it in my heart. But because we have been talking about relationships, right, I do want to take a second and step back into the single. It's my superpower because this book, oh my gosh. Let me tell you one of the things right, that we were talking about acceptance. Let's go back to acceptance. In my healing journey, one of the things that I have had to come to terms with is I didn't know what I wanted. I didn't. I never took the time to sit down and say in a relationship, I want A through Z. I didn't. There were moments where I could feel myself, see things that I did not want and I would voice it and say, hey, I don't like when you do this and this and this, but for me to actually step into my power and say, hey, in a relationship, I need A, b, c, d, e, f, g, no, I didn't have that. And it all comes back to having that confidence of being in the relationship and also having that confidence in myself to say I am lovable and I am enough the way that I am right. So this book has been amazing because it has helped me to figure out what it is that I freaking want. Okay, it has been amazing because I am realizing patterns in my previous relationships which, to be fair, like when it comes to dating, I've only had three boyfriends. I've had flings, I've had, you know, like the typical one night stands, like all of that stuff. Like I've had a mixture of all of that. But I was never, because of the mentality that was ingrained in me from a young age, like you're never gonna find love until, like you are a certain weight, I gave up on love. Like I never really thought that love was a possibility for me. So why would I strive for love when I can just have pleasure and I can have lust and I can just have momentary moments with people and then just have fun, right. But through reading this book, oh my gosh, like I wanted to share one of the exercises that I had to do, and it was I wanna say it's the first one and like listen, I'm not trying to, what is it to copyright his content, but it's just writing this down was really powerful for me. Okay, so there's this page where you have to write down why you're single right now, right. So I wrote I am single right now because my ex broke up with me. I'm still in love with him, yet I have noticed that my heart is also open to meeting someone new, even if it feels like I'm cheating. I know it, I deserve someone better, but I want to take my time being single and finding love for myself again. And writing that down was like wait, I'm open to meeting people. That was very eye-opening for me because, again, you gotta think about the fact that for two years I have been loyal and super into this one person and then, when finally it clicked for me like hey, this person is not gonna meet you where you're at, and it's just like it's not worth it anymore. Like it's not worth it trying to wait and trying to make something work that obviously the other person is not willing to meet you. There it was like, okay, I'm down to meet people, but I want to take my time with dating and I want to get to love myself again. Because here's the other thing because of the mentality that I've had, I haven't really dated much. Like you asked me the other day I think it was you or it was somebody else you were like when was the last time you went on a date? Or like what's your favorite day? I don't remember how it was the question and I was like well, that's the thing, I didn't really go on dates. Well, you know what? I think it was Lily and I was like I didn't really go on dates. She said wait, wait, wait, even in your relationship, and I was like no, not really. Like. We work together, we live together, we watch movies together and sometimes we went to dinner and, yeah, we sometimes went on trips, but personally I don't count that as dates. There was never like I don't know, there was never like, hey, let's meet at this place and let's do this together. It was just kind of like mm up in the air. So one of the things that I'm very, very excited about doing this year is again taking my time, but I want to go on dates. I want to go on dates and I want to see what things I like and I want to see what things I don't like. I don't want to jump the train. Oh well, I want to jump on the self growth train, but I don't want to jump on the train of like meeting person person person person person is like no, I want to meet people that I can generally hold a conversation with, that I find attractive and that I can potentially see a future with. But more than anything, I want to go out there and try it out and like just have fun with it. And I don't know if you guys noticed, but my beautiful, beautiful tiara. I now know that I am a fucking princess and this is the attitude that I want to bring it to the table, like I don't have to necessarily be wearing my crown, but let me tell you it's a cute one.
Ellen Mulholland:
34:21
You're so iconic, I love you.
Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco:
34:24
Thank you, iconic. I don't need to bring my crown, but I, from now on, you know, I was thinking about this today. I was, like the last 10 years, right From the moment that I started dating and started getting into, like let me go out there and explore. I was looking for validation. I was just looking for validation, okay, and I realized that now, at 28 years old, what I want is reaffirmation. I don't want you to affirm for me that I'm a queen, that I'm a princess, that I am worth it. I want you to know that. Yeah, yeah, I know it. Now, I know it, I'm stepping into my power, girl. Like I'm sitting in my throne just chilling and I'm like where's the jester? I'm ready for my entertainment. You know, like I've already stepped into my power. I don't need you to affirm, I need you to reaffirm with your words and your actions and the way that you take care of me, because, if not, the door is right there.
Ellen Mulholland:
35:27
Girl, you just said right, right. You just said with your words and your actions, and I think for me and my past relationships, the biggest thing was I heard all the words. You could say everything I wanted to hear, but your actions were always lacking. There was never any action behind the words. And I would just like going back. I would hold on to that hope of oh well, they said, they said that they would work on it, they said they would grow, they said they would be better, they said they wouldn't cheat again. And then what happened? Their actions never followed through. So that, right there, I'm so happy you just said that.
Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco:
36:10
Listen, and I just thought about something because, again, you and I we're not religious per se, but we do believe in God and this is something that, within our friendship, we've talked about a lot. We've talked about God a lot and I just had literally a voice in my head just tell me this like listen, I Bible and the words of the Kardashians Bible. This just happened. Okay, as you know, I'm half deaf because I, like, I can't hear from this ear. And then you were talking about the words, like you were, you were reaffirming what I just said about the words, like following the actions, and then I just heard a boy, who said my set in my head, say that's why you're half deaf right now, because I want you to pay attention to what you're seeing, not to what you're hearing.
Ellen Mulholland:
37:01
Oh yes.
Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco:
37:05
Goosebumps. I'm like, like it got to me, okay, and we're going to ignore the fact that I wear glasses.
Ellen Mulholland:
37:17
That's okay, I got my contacts in right now.
Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco:
37:23
But the point is that right now, like it just, it was like a very clear voice to say like that is why, like I don't want you to focus on what you hear, I want you to focus on what you're seeing. And again, like people, I know we go through things and I know that sometimes we feel down because you're talking to the queen of feeling down sometimes. But then there's times where, like, whatever you believe in God, the universe, like the stars, the energy, the vibrations, whatever that you will get reminded like how blessed you are, how lucky you are, and it's like even right now like again, like I had that voice in my head and I'm like, wow, like there really is something in reshaping how you see things, because I can sit here and be sad again about like I lost half my hearing and I'm very sad about it and I'm angry and I'm frustrated. But if I should see it like I shut out one ear so you can hear, I still want you to hear, but I want you to pay attention to what they're doing, because you keep saying that you want people that follow their actions and not their work. I mean, sorry, that follow their words with their actions, instead of just giving you words. And you know what I'm going to do. I'm going to make it easier for you. I'm going to put double the focus on the eyes and half the focus on the ear.
Ellen Mulholland:
38:58
Mm-hmm, I know that's right.
Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco:
39:00
Yes, I'm in, I'm in the mirror.
Ellen Mulholland:
39:08
But it's really like, honestly, it's really eye-opening when you have a moment and you do accept seeing those blessings. There's that word again, because there's some people that they can have all the blessings in the world and they'll still find all the negative things going on in their life. Girl preach, mm-hmm, I was one of those people. I really was. I had all the blessings in the world. I had a roof over my head, I had food in my stomach, I had clean water and, you know, I had good people around me, and I was still finding things that were just wrong in my life. And I would always be like, well, why am I going through this challenge right now? Why, you know, why are all these things happening to me as if I was a victim? And the reality was I wasn't a victim, I was allowing myself to be a victim, and it was just pretty eye-opening once I really, like, took a look within myself and tried to figure out okay, all these things are happening, but am I?
Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco:
40:13
manifesting those things. Talking about manifesting, though? Let's talk about that, because we have been very clear, capricorns, as to what we're manifesting for 2024. So go ahead, ellen, take it away. What are we manifesting for 2024? Oh girl, so much, so much.
Ellen Mulholland:
40:32
So I have a strong focus on my career right now and that's been my main focus at the moment. So my manifestation for 2024 with my career is that you know, I can really dive into real estate and just take over this market and really try to help people find beautiful homes for themselves. Because I always had a servant's heart. I just never knew what it was that I needed to do to help people and my mom thought it was like oh well, go be a nurse. And girl, I'm gonna be honest with you, If I was a nurse, I would have quit with the first hour being there, Like I wouldn't be able to do it. So all the power to the people that become nurses and doctors, because it takes a strong person to do that. But yeah, so once I got into, I realized it was actually us working together. I don't know if we should say where we worked, but it's working.
Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco:
41:39
It's up to you, you can say it. But if you want to say it, go ahead. I don't care about them.
Ellen Mulholland:
41:44
Okay, I mean same. But when we were working together at Tech Systems, I felt like you know what, like, maybe sales is something I can get into. I feel like I connect well with people and I talk to people a lot. I talk a lot in general, but so I figured let's try it, and it ended up not working out over at Tech Systems. But then I was like you know what? Real estate there's a lot of power in real estate and there's so many opportunities in it. There's more than just like selling houses. You're doing so much more. You can get into investing, you can get new builds, it doesn't matter. There's just a huge array of things that you can get into, all while helping others. So that's something that I'm really focused on in 2024 and just really shooting to help as many people as I possibly can. As for my love life, you know I am open. I'm definitely open to seeing what God has in store for me and, you know, if it's not next year, maybe it's the year after. So I'm just kind of. I'm kind of just open to what could come.
Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco:
42:54
I feel that. I think that for me it's very similar, and maybe it's because we're Capricorns, but my focus this year is career. It's my focus is on the podcast, my focus is on acting, my focus is on directing, my focus is on I want to get into sales too, and, who knows, maybe by the time I finish this podcast episode I'll have a job that is in sales. Like I think and I've told you this in private, but I'll say it here in public it's nothing bad. I promise no secrets, no, nothing. No, I think that one of the great things that you and I both have is, even though we would be amazing at sales because we can sell a product, the intention behind us selling something is to help people, and I think that that's way more powerful than stepping into a job and saying I want to do sales to make money. The money will come, the money will go, the money makes itself. Like money works for me. I don't work for money. I'll be very serious Like I don't work for money, money works for me. What I do work for is quality, customer service, customer satisfaction, and I work for purpose. Like I have to believe in the product, I have to believe in the company that I'm working in. I have to believe in all of that because if not, what am I doing? I'm just adding to the capitalist mindset of like, yeah, we're just making money up in here, yeah, but I'm ruining lives. That's not my purpose, that's not my ethical moral compass. So no, not doing that. And so that's for the career aspect of it and then for the love life. I'm just like you. I am very open and I'm open again. I'm open to go on dates, I'm open to letting people try to woo me, because that was another thing Like again like being told you're not going to get this. I was like, okay, then automatically get away from me. Like no, I don't trust your intentions or whatever. So now I'm like no, I'm open, I want to see what you got. I want to see what you bring to the table. How will you help me create something? I don't need you to bring me up 100% all the time, I just need you to be willing to work with me and I also need you to accept me for who I currently am. I'm still growing, I'm still moving and, yeah, I think that one of the hardest things to write beside the self esteem aspect is having a bleeding disorder. I think that this year, especially because of my recent surgery and just like spontaneous hospitalization yet another one it really put things into perspective of I want to be with someone that understands there will be times where I might have to be in the hospital or a prolonged period of time, and I do need that physical support. Like I need those hugs, I need those kisses, I need those verbal affirmations of like baby, I'm here for you. Like, let me help you. I need the financial help as well, too because it's like well again, like it has affected my ability to like maintain a job, but it hasn't changed, like where my heart is, and my heart is like I'm worth it, like I don't know, I just I give so much love, and so do you, ellen, like we, just we give so much love that it's time 2024 is time for it to come back full force. And I'll add this this is the other manifestation that I have for 2024. I want to travel, I want to travel. We are going traveling, baby, and you know what I have manifested traveling since 2020. And every year I've traveled more and I keep traveling more and I keep going to different states, but I want to. I want to travel internationally 2024. That's like my new goal is like I want to travel internationally. I want to go South Korea.
Ellen Mulholland:
47:05
I can't wait for that trip, girl. I'm so excited, I'm so excited.
Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco:
47:12
Yeah, like I want to travel. I want to experience new cultures. I want to experience new food, because we love food. Up in this hair we are foodies, we are, foodies, we are foodies. What is there anything else that you want to talk about, like your healing journey?
Ellen Mulholland:
47:32
You know, kind of. I think that I think that it's also good too, because we were talking a lot about relationships, and I think it's also really important to think about the fact that this goes beyond just personal relationships. This is also something that can go into work relationships and, you know, even just acquaintances. So, and I think, something else really important that I don't know if you want to talk about or not is the importance of boundaries, because yes, we talked about that, and boundaries, yes. So that boundaries aspect is really important because you basically, within the first few interactions you have with a human being, you teach them how to treat you and if you don't set those boundaries upfront from the very beginning, people will think they have access to things that you might not want them to have access to.
Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco:
48:39
Ellen, ellen, ellen and coming in for the win. Listen. Boundaries is definitely a topic that has to be discussed in this podcast, but for the purposes of this episode, what you should say powerful within the first few interactions, you let people know how they can treat you. I learned that the hard way and you know what. I'm a girl, capricorn but I was going to say, and you know what, there was this TikTok video that I saw and I wish I could find it. I'm going to try to find it and add it on the list of resources at the end. I don't necessarily agree that it has to do with gender, but I do agree with the point that she made. She was talking about it in terms of romantic relationships. She was saying that women and men are very different. Like when you hear of a guy that is going on a date with a woman or have seen a woman multiple times, you'll ask him hey, what do you think about so and so? And they'll be like oh, they're cute, they're nice, but I don't really know.
Ellen Mulholland:
49:59
She's cool yeah.
Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco:
50:01
But I don't really know her right. And then when you ask women, you know, you know, according to this woman that posted this video, women tend to be like, oh, he's such a great father, he's such a good saver, he's such a good thing. Because we like to start with our trust at 100% and start subtracting, whereas according to the tech talker who did this, men like to start from zero and start adding up. And when I saw that video again, I don't necessarily think it is to the genders, I do think that, seriously, typically speaking, it is true, but I loved her point of view of saying, instead of meeting a person at 100 and start subtracting, meet them at zero and start adding to what they bring to the table, because at that point you will have an accurate vision or visual of who they are, instead of thinking again when it, when it comes to a job or when it comes to relationship, when it comes to whatever, thinking like, oh, this, this person, this job is the best they give me. You know, pizza parties every Friday.
Ellen Mulholland:
51:21
Which can be misleading. If someone's love bombing you, that's misleading.
Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco:
51:27
Yes, yes, yes, party. No, pay me what I'm worth, anyways, done with the shade. But it's like, oh my gosh, this job is the best, this person is the best. And then you start seeing things and you're like, wait, but wait, they don't pay me what I'm worth. So all of a sudden you're taking 20 points off and then you're like, oh wait, but they gave me a pizza party, let me go up five points. And then you keep going down and you keep going up, and then you can go down and up, down, up, and that is what keeps you in a place. That is what keeps you in relationships that don't work for you, whether they be work relationships, romantic relationships, platonic relationships, and it's also where it keeps you in a job environment at church, at your group, at, like your favorite coffee coffee shop I don't know Like there's so many places where this applies to that. It's just honestly easier for you to start adding instead of subtracting, and Mr Roman from sixth grade will be so proud of me saying that we need math in life.
Ellen Mulholland:
52:40
Right, we really do. We really do. What did they say in mean girls? What, what did? What did Katty say, or Katie say in mean girls? She's like math is the same in every language or something, and I was like, oh stop.
Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco:
52:58
Listen, I don't love math. Okay, like as a tutor, just as a avid mathematician, I love math, I love numbers, I love making them work for me. Again, talking about that money, I love making money work for me. I love numbers making work for me. That's just how I feel. But thank you for bringing in the boundaries because I think that's definitely important and, like I don't know about you, but I feel like we learned a lot, like just having this discussion just now.
Ellen Mulholland:
53:26
Oh, absolutely yeah, and even, just, even maybe, things that we already knew. But having that conversation again just kind of reaffirms what we're going through and reaffirms that, yeah, we know what we're talking about, we know what our experiences are and we know how to move forward from here.
Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco:
53:44
I love it. Well, Ellen, I have one last question for you.
Ellen Mulholland:
53:47
Okay.
Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco:
53:50
Ellen, where are you in your self growth journey and where are you striving to get?
Ellen Mulholland:
53:59
That's a good question. So right now in my self growth journey, I have done the self reflection part already and now I'm figuring out the steps to move forward. So that's kind of where I'm at right now, and eventually I will be at a point where I'm achieving all my goals and achieving great dreams that I never thought I could achieve before. So I think that's where I'm at right now. What about you? I want to know where you're at with things.
Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco:
54:28
Stop it. She's overtaking the podcast. You know what's funny? You're the first person ever who has asked me that question, really, yes, yes, and it is a great start to season number seven. Okay, from now on I'm just going to be like listen, ask me that question to me, ask me back again, ask me no. Okay, well, now I have to think about it. Where am I in my self growth journey? Because I wasn't expecting you to ask it back to me. So I'm like this time, you know she's my best friend because she's just over here like throwing it back to you, always checking in. Yes, it's like I'm going to check you. For me, my self growth journey right now, or where I am in my self growth, is I know my worth, I know what I want. And now it's more of requiring people to meet me at my level, requiring jobs to meet me at my level, and it's the moment of requirement. Okay, because I think that people get so focused on expecting people. No, when you expect things from people, people don't have to follow your expectations. But if I set a requirement for you, if I set out a definition as to what does it mean to be a friend? What does it mean to be a partner? What does it mean to be a family member that I'm willing to keep in my life? What does it mean to be a non-toxic work environment? I am setting those boundaries. I know a little bit of shit again, but a little shit never hurt nobody. But the point is that for me, right now, it's I know what those requirements are and I know how to ask for them, and I also know how to maintain them, and I think that in the past. I wasn't as willing to lose people or wasn't as willing to seem difficult, because I'm already a dramatic person and I'm already like too much. But right now I'm like my girl. I am too much. And guess what? If you want less, go find less. Go find less. Because this personality right here is not somebody that is willing to go back to not the closet, but like step back. I'm not really to step back, I'm ready to be on the spotlight baby, and that also includes with theater. Like I think that theater has helped me so much these last couple of months into stepping into myself. Like one of the things that I love about theater is that you get to be extra. Like they want you to be extra. They want you to really interpret those characters and like give your all. And so now I am stepping away from like the spotlight in the stage and adding it to my real life and being like this is how it used to be and I was so happy when I used to be this way. Why did I tone myself down Like nope Tone on the spotlight? I want it back on me. It's amazing.
Ellen Mulholland:
57:48
Yeah, you know what and you said to be, or that you're. You feel like some people think you're too much, but like are we too much or are you just not enough? Because I just feel like why are we always told, why am I always told that I need to tone it down, that I need to not be so emotional, that I need to, you know, be less? And it's like no, I am perfect just the way I am. You need to do some self-reflection about why you feel uncomfortable of me being so confident with who I am as a person and as a woman. Like I just feel real strongly about that because I've been told my whole life you're too emotional, you're too this, you're too that, and it's like okay, and like let me be happy, let me be loud, let me just enjoy my life, let me be the person that I have grown to be. And you know, like when I was a little girl, I would put lipstick on and I would walk around the house like I was a queen. What happened to that energy? It was cute then, but now I need to tone it down Like no, no, no, no Girl, bring back that five year olds with a lipstick energy.
Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco:
59:01
Let's go.
Ellen Mulholland:
59:02
Yes, I have to send you that video you need to send me that video.
Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco:
59:06
I mean, it's kind of like me with the tiara, like when I put it on, my mom was like you're being ridiculous and I was like it's not my fault, you're not comfortable with your power, I am.
Ellen Mulholland:
59:16
That word that word power.
Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco:
59:19
Yes, listen, I'm here for the compacts, I'm here for it ain't time giving, but I'm here for the clap backs, like I'm like yes this is my crown, this is my power, this is my time, and I am going to require you to step it up. That's just it, this episode.
Ellen Mulholland:
59:40
Girl, we could, we could go on forever, but we could, but there's work to be done.
Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco:
59:45
We both have work to be done. So I just want to say thank you so much for agreeing to be on the episode again. I love you so much, I'm so proud of you. I am so excited to see news, to see the woman that you are flourish under the spotlight yes, ma'am and to bloom under the sun. And I'm just gonna go continue going with metaphors because, like that's my area of expertise and I just I know this is gonna be your year. Like I know you and I say it to each other every single day. We say it to each other every single day, but I'm telling you, like there's just God is telling me this year is gonna be so good and I'm just so ready for all the things that are heading our way.
Ellen Mulholland:
1:00:28
Oh yeah, they're gonna be good, they're gonna be amazing and we're gonna be empowered from it.
Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco:
1:00:35
Well, you have listened to episodes before, so you should know I have a lot of friends after this.
Ellen Mulholland:
1:00:40
Yes.
Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco:
1:00:41
Okay, can I get a?
Ellen Mulholland:
1:00:49
Wow Okay girl, I feel like such a fake fan.
Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco:
1:00:55
I'm sorry You're like, yeah, I listened to your podcast. I know exactly what happens.
Ellen Mulholland:
1:01:01
Like I don't remember if it was toot toot or toot toot. No, we don't toot, toot, toot.
Frances Marie Rivera Pacheco:
1:01:07
Here we're princesses, so we're gonna try that again. Can I get a Toot toot? Well, my dear passengers, the time has come for me to thank you so very much for coming back for season number seven. As you know, self growth is an endless journey to our self-improvement. However, you don't ever have to do it alone. As your tour guide, my goal is to guide you with the best intentions and the best research available, which means, after you are done listening to this episode, you should totally go back to seasons one through six and check them out. Why? Because you never know which one of the episodes from a previous season is something that you need to listen to. Or, as it has happened a lot recently, maybe the episode is not for you and it's for somebody else. Having said that, a quick reminder to please go to Spotify, go to podcast there and Apple Podcast and rate this podcast. Obviously, I want a five star review because, again, I'm a princess and I deserve it. But also I know that this might not be everybody's cup of tea, and that's totally fine. The only thing that I'm asking is for you to write one to two sentences letting me know what things you like and what things you don't like, because, at the end of the day, that is the purpose of this podcast. Oh yeah, and, by the way, if you're not following me on social media, what is you waiting for? I have Instagram, I have Facebook, I have YouTube and I have TikTok. Go ahead and follow me on all of the social media pages, because then you get to find out about cool things like live events and giveaways. So I'm just saying it might be helpful. If you're following me already, all you got to do is search for the self-growth chain podcast and, trust me, it's gonna come right up. If you want to give me ideas, comments, recommendations I don't know your contact information and you want to talk to somebody, you can always also reach me at theselfgrowthchainpodcastcom. Yes, I've had that email for a while and, trust me, I will be waiting for your message, because when I get messages, it makes me happy. I just want to make sure that you know that you're never alone, so no excuses, you know where to find me. As always, all of the resources used today have been added to the episode's description. Well, until next time, dear passengers say travels, bye.
