Speaker 1:
0:00
Metal Livia. Have you ever been stuck somewhere? You didn't want to be anymore.
Speaker 2:
0:05
Absolutely.
Speaker 1:
0:06
Well, in this episode we're going to talk about those why moments? And the choices that each of us have to move forward, to move beyond those. Why moments? So with that, let's dive on in. How many of you have here have ever wondered at some point in your life why am I here? Now, that doesn't have to even be yeah, I see, hands up, yeah, that could be. You know, just in life, overall it can be at a workplace, like why am I here? And maybe where you're living your living situations. Tell us about your why am I here moment? Do you mind to share a little bit Metal Livia?
Speaker 2:
0:41
Yeah. So I guess this isn't like a particular why am I here? Place, but more of a like why am I here? Like situation. I guess, if you will, like I still struggle and definitely really used to struggle with anxiety and like panic attacks and things like that. So for me, in the midst of like my anxiety and just like when I hit the most extreme point with it, I often, you know, would say like why am I here? Like, why am I stuck in this, you know, in this constant cycle of anxiety, when you know I didn't used to struggle with that and all of those types of things. So it was like really hard because I thought it was like a failure on my part and, you know, in kind of like the Christian world sometimes like mental health can be like well, you just need to pray more type of situation. So it was like all of those things where I was like if I'm a follower of Jesus, then why am I here, trapped in this anxiety?
Speaker 1:
2:05
So yeah, so you feel like it was like something you had done wrong. Like you said, it's somehow weird or full yeah.
Speaker 2:
2:13
And just like wishing that. Basically I was like why am I here in this brain? Like I just wanted a different, I wanted someone else's brain, basically because I'm like there's no way that they have these like thoughts that I have, and life would be so much easier if I didn't think this way.
Speaker 1:
2:36
I don't think that that's something that we talk about so openly so much, especially as a Christian too. So because we you can feel ashamed by that I met Olivia, my my story started. I guess I've had several fine white year moments, but there was something that I learned back in early 2000s, like 2006,. I started working at a company and at that company I was. I was excited because I was just now to get into computer science and I was. I was like I got to find a job that I can actually use the skills that I'm going to school for. So I did. I got. I got a job doing that, doing websites, servers and stuff like that, loved it. And when I first got in there great company and well, it just kind of mixes in. It was a Christian based company. It took pride in that. I'm like cool, this is gonna be a cool place to work. I worked there from 2006 to almost the end of 2009. Now this is what started happening was a good, a great, a bunch, great, great bunch of people there that I met and come 2009,.
Speaker 1:
3:38
I knew at the beginning of 2009 that something was going to change because there was a shift happening and God had revealed it to me that I wasn't going to be there much longer, but I needed to wait for him, that he was putting things in order. I'm like, what the heck does that mean? I don't know. Like, so I was like, all right, well, that's fine, I'll do that. But here's what's happened is, during that 2006-2009, what started off great started becoming really not so great, because some of the things I noticed that was being proclaimed like we're Christian company, they were doing things that I didn't think were very Christian, like what they weren't, and with that I would withdraw for some of those things.
Speaker 1:
4:22
But there was a guy there. His name was Greg. I'm sitting in my little cubicle office area and as I'm sitting there, I'm talking to these people around me and he heard me say something about church and, and Greg, I heard him in the corner. He was like in a cubicle on the other side, like where that plan is over there. Where that plan is over there is like kind of like what Greg see was. And Greg's like oh no, you're one of those Christian people. And I was like whoa, whoa. I was like what do you mean, greg? He's like I get it, I get it. You're always gonna like you know, you're gonna tell me what you need to be doing and you know, kind of picking apart things. I was like, well, I was like well, let's, let's, maybe, maybe I'll be a little bit different Than what you're used to, so you know. So with that, I would poke fun at Greg sometimes, like we became really good friends and I'm around, come in and I started this thing called P F G Pray for Greg.
Speaker 1:
5:11
Now this pray for Greg went like this I came in one day and Greg was over in the corner. I knew he was always listening to what was being said. Now I had no idea why, and maybe this, maybe this isn't the reason why he had this bad taste as Christians. But some of the things I was talking to you about with this company was, if we get together every Thursday and in the mornings they would have prayer time together with the people that were Christians at this business Now, not all of people, they were Christians, but would they would make this this ordeal. They go back in the paper room and they would do this prayer together. Well, what my problem was was some of those people that was in leadership would come in and brag about how they made a waitress feel really bad about something that they didn't that they would get their food for free and I was like what the heck? Like, this isn't adding up. That's not the way we're supposed to be. So I finally stopped going back and praying because I'm like I'm not praying with these people like this. It's like it's almost like a fake thing. I don't want to be a part of that. So one day I came in Knowing he's listening to me, and someone said, hey, how'd your weekend go? I was like, oh, it was great. I went to church. It was really good. I'm like, oh, yeah, how church guys like it was great, except for during prayer time.
Speaker 1:
6:22
There's a lot of people that were just a lot of bad stuff just happening, like would you please pray for me because going through this and this happened and this is going on, and they're like, oh, wow. I was like yeah, so I stood up and I said you know what? Everybody, I think we should just PFG, we should pray for Greg. And he's like I knew he was listening. So he turned. He's like wait, but why would you tell me to Pray for Greg? And this is me just poking fun at my friend. I was like well, I figured that if all this bad is happening, you have something to do with it, greg, you have to have your hands in there somewhere. You're the one causing all this, you know. So we had a lot of fun and laughter out all that.
Speaker 1:
6:56
Greg has been playing music for years. As a drummer he had a band and I found out that he'd always try to get people to come out to one of his shows at a coffee shop and I asked everybody's like hey, are you guys gonna go? And they're like I don't know why, are you gonna go? I was like yeah, so I ended up getting. I think it was 15 of the people to go. I think it was 15, 12 or 15 people to go. But it was a big surprise for Greg. I was like this is gonna be awesome, we're all gonna show up. And I ordered pray for Greg t-shirts. So it was black t-shirts and it was like a road sign. It was black t-shirts and it was like a road sign of a guy praying and said pfg, pray for Greg. So we all walked in, surprised him at this event, had our jackets on, we all sat right up front and we took off our jackets and we all had pfg shirts. So this guy praying so just made his night Okay. So that's kind of that story there building that friendship.
Speaker 1:
7:46
So, after going through the time getting closer to 2009, seeing how the company is being ran, I was like I started asking why am I here? Why, like this is ridiculous, like these people are not being the way they should be as Christians. And here I am, sitting here in it and I don't like being here. I don't like the way they're running stuff. I don't like the way they're talking. Why am I here? I don't get it.
Speaker 1:
8:12
So during that whole time was the same time that I knew God was making a shift and I had to wait. But during that time I kept getting frustrated. Has anybody ever here been at a workplace? And you're like, why am I here? Like this place is just terrible, I can't stand it here. Has anybody been there before? Anybody, yeah, yeah, okay, cool, all right, I mean cool in some way. Hopefully you're not still there, but maybe you are.
Speaker 1:
8:34
But Even if you are, what I learned at that moment was there's two different ways to ask why am I here? And At that beginning time, when I knew like, okay, I'm on my way out. It took me. I was there for another whole year, guys. I'm was the whole year before things changed. And as I'm sitting there, at the beginning I was negative and I was like why am I here? I don't get it, why am I here? But then I realized I had to change my attitude and, instead of asking why am I here? Of a question mark and exclamation point, I had to Start changing my attitude, saying okay, god, why am I here? Why am I still here right now? There's got to be a reason why I'm still here right now and I'm like I don't know, I'm just gonna do my job the best. I can not let this, this attitude, come over to me where I treat people differently or I do my job differently. I know that there's preparation, that something's going to change, I don't know when, but if I'm still here right now, there's got to be a reason for me to be here right now. I Kind of calm down. I was okay, I'm gonna do the best. I can try to help the companies as well as I could Towards the end of 2009.
Speaker 1:
9:48
It was, I believe, november of 2009. I believe is when it was. It was like the day before all this happened, I was sitting on my desk and I had a bunch of stuff you know. You know I've been working there for since 2006 and as I sit in there I felt pack your stuff up and take it home now. My Okay, I guess I better do that. I don't, I don't make a big scene. So I packed my stuff up, made sure nobody could see that I was, you know, getting this stuff up, but I did that, came home. I came home. My wife said Did they let you go today? I was like no, but I had this weird feeling, which, which I knew, was the Holy Spirit, kind of give me like a heads up, pack your stuff. I don't know what. I didn't know what that meant. And she's like interesting. So I go in the next day. I'm working, you know, connecting for everybody. I Kid you guys not.
Speaker 1:
10:42
Five minutes before the end of the day, I was brought into the office and and the leadership said, hey, this is right. During the economy crash, when everybody was struggling with the economy crash, right, you know, begin of 2000, 2010 that I was brought in the office and they said hey, you know, we wanted to let you know, we're gonna have to let you go Because of you know how much you're making and we have to make some changes here. And I was cool with it and they're like all right. But when I walked out of that office I only had time, you guys, to say goodbye to one person, one person, and guess who I want to. What's a great Greg? What's a Greg? Because I'm like man, I and I had other people that I'm still great friends with today. I mean and they know who they are if they're hearing this really good friends.
Speaker 1:
11:31
But I knew this might be the last time I see Greg. I don't talk to him as much as everybody else, but I wanted to connect with and let him know. And he, he sat down with them. I told him I was like Greg, I don't have time to tell everybody, but you know they just I just came out of office or letting me go. It was the. There's the first and only job I've ever been let go of In my entire life. And here's what Greg said. He's like hold on, I don't get it. How are you so calm right now, like you don't have a job anymore? I was like you know what, greg? That's an interesting story. As I was leaving, I was like Greg, here's the thing. I was like. I already knew this was coming a year ago. I just didn't know when, but I knew that God was preparing something else, so I got to say goodbye to Greg.
Speaker 1:
12:19
Now, going into that, why am I here? I'm going to share a scripture here from Colossians 2-6. I think this is so important Now, if you've never been here, we are Christians, but everybody's welcome. You don't have to be a Christian to come. We're just sharing this story about. Why am I here? You might be asking that.
Speaker 1:
12:39
Here's a scripture that gave me some encouragement. This is Paul in prison, and Paul says in Colossians 4, chapter 4, verses 2-6,. It says devote yourselves to prayer with an alert mind and thankful heart. So he's talking to other Christians. He's in prison, writing this letter. He says pray for us too, that God will give us many opportunities to speak about his mysterious plans concerning Christ. This is why I am here in change. Okay, that blows my mind right there. This guy's in prison and he's writing to other believers and he's saying this is why I'm here in change is to look for opportunities to speak about the mysterious plans of Christ. He said pray that I will proclaim this message as clearly as I should Live wisely. This is my favorite verse. Live wisely among those who are not believers and make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversations be gracious and attractive so that you have the right response for everyone.
Speaker 1:
13:36
Now I share that because when I look at the why am I here moments Olivia, I don't know if it's the same for you, but I mean a lot of my why from here moments before I wasn't paying attention to my conversations and how that could affect other people. It was about me and I'm like why do I have to go through this? Why aren't those people listening to me? Why am I here? And this process changed it for me, because here's what happened. I left that job, I got let go, I went home, for it was, let's see, yeah, it was two years, guys. Two years after leaving there, I hadn't talked to Greg. I talked to some of the other people still, but me and Greg just didn't stay in touch. We had moved, I had moved further away, but this is what happened.
Speaker 1:
14:26
I don't know Greg's personal life, like in church and stuff like that, but I do know this I got a phone call two years later from a lady from that company. The company closed down so everybody from that whole company split up. The whole company shut down. Within a year they shut down.
Speaker 1:
14:42
So two years later I get a phone call and they said Brian, I don't know if you heard anything, but did you hear about Greg? And I said no, what's going on with Greg? And she said Greg passed away last night. He had a heart attack. He was in the hospital. She's like. We've been going and seeing him, she's like, but I wanted to call you because I was the last person to see Greg and I wanted to tell you something. And she's like, when I was leaving the hospital that night, greg stopped me and said hey, wait before you go. And she said I turned around and I went back to the room. He said, hey, let everybody know to PFG Pray for Greg. And I was like what? Two years later, guys, you know we ended up, was able to go back. We went to the funeral. It was at a church. We saw that he's playing drums at the church and stuff.
Speaker 1:
15:32
Again, a great guy. I don't know where his life was, but I realized, like if I were to win though that last year from with the mindset of who am I like? Why am I here? Why do I have to go through this instead of all right, god, this isn't the circumstance I want to be in, but why am I here? There's got to be a reason why I'm still here right now. Let me pay attention to that. I don't know how that affected his life, but for him to say that she said I really felt like I needed to call you and tell you. That meant something to him so much that he remembered it two years later. And she said he still said it all the way up until that last day. And I was just like balling. I'm like, wow, like man, have you ever thought about why am I here? Moments like that? Before met Olivia, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:
16:24
No, I haven't. That gives you a really good perspective of like you know, like you said, you could have went the opposite way and had a terrible attitude, and so that's how you would have been remembered. And now I'm thinking about how I've acted in situations and I'm like that's you know, the kind of mark that you can leave as well.
Speaker 1:
16:51
Well, and I don't like and I don't share that for anybody to have any guilt things, because, let me tell you, I have left plenty of places with the why am I here? Attitude. That was not healthy at all. It may really have even today. I have to be very careful because, I mean, the world that we live in today is very we're taught to be me focus. I shouldn't have to go through this. Why should I have to do this? Why should, why can't I have that like, why can't it be easy? For, like, I mean, there's things happening just today that you me was even talking about.
Speaker 1:
17:23
I know, why I don't get it. That's, that's it. It's how we handle those. People are watching this. People were watching Paul, yeah, and he said he's looking for the every opportunity, like our conversations, like when he said that. He said live wisely among those who are not believers and make the most out of every opportunity. Let your conversations be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone. So the thing is, if I would have went through that whole process of Greg and then I got a lot go and he's like I don't know if he would have asked me like why are you at so much peace about this? He probably been like man, you've been complaining about this place for the last year. You've been ready to go.
Speaker 1:
18:05
Yeah, Maybe he might not even say he might have been like oh yeah, cool, Okay, I'll see you later. Man, that's great, I'm glad. I'm glad to get your negative butt out of here. I mean really. I mean I know what it can be like working with people. I've been that person. I don't want to sound like I've not been. I've been that person that has been negative. That probably didn't help somebody else's day be better. Yeah, that's probably going through their own situations, you know.
Speaker 2:
18:30
I feel like we need to hang banners with that particular scripture, just even in the climate of the world of everyone forgets that we need to be gracious in our conversations. That we have Because you know people are talking about God in the most hateful way, to other people, in such judgmental ways and things like that. I know that's a little different than what you're talking about, but that scripture I was just like gracious that needs to be, you know, blasted everywhere.
Speaker 1:
19:07
Yes, but you know, there's actually. There's a book I'm listening to right now and they're talking about how it's actually. How many of you guys does anybody here? Let's see my hands? Not even there it is. Here's my hand. Has anybody here got slow hands today in the metaverse? No, does anybody here listen to Max Locato or reading Max Locato books at all? So okay, so Max Locato has got a hands book on anxiety.
Speaker 2:
19:33
that really helps Really yeah.
Speaker 1:
19:36
I actually just got his new book called he Gets Us and it's very interesting and it even talks about how, like you know, there's people that's tired of Christians and frustrated because you know they're so religious and so many. You know sticklers and rules and poking out, you know picking people apart and he points out, like Jesus was the same way, he didn't like religious people either. But it takes me back to what Jason Gray said that night when you're talking about putting that scriptures up and stuff like that for people to remember. Like Jason said that night when he came here to perform that song Be Kind, be Kind. He said, be Kind because everyone you meet is fighting their own battle and needs to know they matter. I actually talked to Jason about that. Because the new studio. I said, jason, we have studio rules, but I would love to put that quote up from you up in our new studio. He said, oh my gosh, I would love that. So that is gonna be in the new studio because I think that's important for us to remember. I mean, we're look, sills is probably going through stuff. I'm like we all go through different stuff and different seasons of our life, but we come together here and that's what I want the studios to be.
Speaker 1:
20:42
I was like this is a safe place to be okay and say you know what? I have actually asked that. Why am I here right now? I don't get it. I don't get it. But I felt like you know, I'm gonna share the story tonight because I wanted you guys to see that maybe maybe you're where you are right now to encourage somebody you know it might not be the perfect situation and the job that you want to be in, or the or a financial situation, like maybe it, maybe you're somewhere. I've been in places where the leadership I'm just gonna say the leadership sucked and I'm like why am I here? Even here in horizons, guys, even here in the metaverse, why are you here? It doesn't have to be a builder. You could be a communicator, you could be a friend. I can connect. You could connect with people, showing people that they value, value them. That goes such a far away. It really does.
Speaker 1:
21:29
Today I went out to launch of a business guy. He drove an hour and 15 minutes. I drove about an hour to meet him. As we connected, guys, this is what happened. We connected. I was like hey, let's go ahead and order. And I was like you know, I'll go ahead, I'll cover it, don't worry about it.
Speaker 1:
21:46
And afterwards he came up to me he's like you know, he's like that's really good. He's like I've been running my business for I think he's like 13 or 15 years Runs a big, really successful real estate company. And he said, brian, you might not know this, he's like, but every time I go out with people I always buy their lunch. He's like, and I buy their lunch because it makes them feel valued, like they're like wow, you paid for my lunch. He's like you know what? I don't think I've ever had anybody pay for my lunch and I'm like wow, that's pretty cool. So that meant something to him. To me it was just like I paid 15 bucks for his lunch. You know no big deal, but it meant more to him. So even taking a friend out and saying, hey, even sending somebody a text, wherever they're at a moment they might be in a moment too of going why am I here? But how we approach this could have a positive effect on how they approach it.
