Speaker 1:
0:00
Before I was in my mother's womb. I'm a product of rape my mother. She was diagnosed with bipolar and schizophrenia. She was going back and forth from mental institutions. So many people were telling her to abort me. Even the doctor and she said God told her to keep me.
Speaker 2:
0:25
Welcome to the New Horizons podcast. I'm Brian Curee.
Speaker 1:
0:28
And I'm Shauna Curee, also known as Mr and Mrs Killer Bee, in virtual reality. So this podcast is recorded live from the metaverse at the Killer Bee Studios where real life stories and God experiences are shared in a way only the metaverse can offer.
Speaker 2:
0:42
With that, let's go ahead and dive into today's episode. Well, bernice, we're so happy to be here. We're so thrilled to be here. I would love like the way we like to start off all the events is just kind of ask our guests to take about 30 seconds and tell everybody a little bit about who you are.
Speaker 1:
0:59
Yeah, so you mentioned I was an entrepreneur. I'm from North Carolina, but now I live in Savannah Georgia, so hopefully I definitely shared that transition and what transpired from there. I mean, I'm a woman of faith, I love God and I love people. I love music, ministry and ministry as a whole, and I just love connecting with people and helping people through their entrepreneurship journey.
Speaker 2:
1:25
Can you explain? Some people might be listening Like well, what is ministry? What does she mean by that Serving I?
Speaker 1:
1:30
love serving people. I am a minister of music at my church. I serve at a beautiful Zion church in here in. Savannah, Georgia yeah.
Speaker 2:
1:40
And.
Speaker 1:
1:40
I also help with youth, youth ministry and also with media, so a little bit of everything and just helping Like. Even this week I was help serving, teaching the teens. We had a vacation Bible school this week, so it was very exciting. When I think of ministry, I just think of serving, you know serving and helping Perfect way to put it.
Speaker 1:
2:01
Yeah, helping and helping people get better. Yeah, I was listening to a prior podcast that you guys had and you were sharing about. This podcast is to share your story and to make people better, and so, yeah, just make people better, you know.
Speaker 2:
2:17
So, bernice, yeah, I would love to. I know your story. You've overcome some, some challenges and circumstances in your life. Can you take us back to that time and share what were the challenges that you faced?
Speaker 1:
2:32
Yeah, I can take you all the way back Before I was in my mother's womb. I'm a product of rape my mother. She was diagnosed with bipolar and schizophrenia she was diagnosed with bipolar and schizophrenia, and at the early age of 17 and going forward to 23, she was going back and forth from mental institutions. At the age of 23, she was raped and there were people, even in the family and people surrounding her was telling her because of her circumstance she wasn't mentally capable to have a child, which was me.
Speaker 1:
3:13
And so, so many people were telling her to abort me. And she said God told her to keep me. And and I'm I mean even now, think about it. I'm like I mean just to see her life now and how she is going through life. I know is nobody but God that allowed her to allow me to live. She said even in the hospital they were still convincing her. She said even the doctor was telling her, because of her condition and how she wasn't able to articulate and do things responsibly for herself, that they were even encouraging her to you know, abort me. And she said there was this lady at this hospital and the lady told her, said no, she is keeping her daughter and if I have to help her, I will remember this lady to this day. She's an angel. Even now she prays with me. Her name is Tanya. I remember even her son. Her son name is Charles um, because they were in the hospital giving birth at the same time. Charles birthday is September the 8th and mine is September the 7th.
Speaker 1:
4:27
And so, yeah, I mean even I was going to say, even before my mother's womb, like I have a story. How a story of resilience, of story of you know, keep going in spite of people, people, just the odds. You know cause we struggle in the house. We we went through a.
Speaker 1:
4:47
I was a single um.
Speaker 1:
4:49
I was a child in a single parent home and watching my mom trying to go through life, trying to figure out life as a bipolar and schizophrenic person.
Speaker 1:
4:58
I remember, even at midnight, sometimes two or three, in walking the streets with my mom because she didn't know sometimes how to get back home, like I went through that moment of even not even having food, not even having food Glad to go to school to have a meal and to come home hungry. I remember all of that. I went through so much poverty and watching my mom just maneuvering through life, going through mental institutions back and forth. My aunt and my uncle would come and try to step in and I would stay with them because my mom was in mental institutions, institutions watching her. I mean really I have a story and I mean overall, as I see it, like I know Brian and Mrs Kelly B see it like I know brian and um this is kelly b, I know is. I know it's god, I know it's god that has um allowed me to go through life and that's my story and how even that and someone asking about entrepreneurship like that came later in life you know um.
Speaker 2:
5:59
So it's definitely god at that time, at that time, going through that, how did you feel? At that time Did you know it was God? Then, at that time, did you not realize that Great question.
Speaker 1:
6:09
So I learned about God when I was about five or six years old. Although my mom went through that, she stayed in church and that's how I was able to watch a woman of faith, to watch her relationship with God, regardless of what happened. Her going back and forth from mental institutions, her you know her. I'm watching her mood swings, like I'm watching her cry one moment and then I'm watching her angry and then I'm watching her like really sad and low. Imagine that now me at like five or six, trying to help her, like God is going to help you and going through that. And you know, I've seen the changes with medicine and everything now because of technology, but then it definitely is not like now. And so I just watched the changes.
Speaker 1:
7:09
And so, to answer your question, yes, for years I've known that God had a play in it, because she will always take me to church, like I've always heard. You know, I've always heard the word of God. Didn't always understand it, but I knew I had to get saved, because we had somebody at church and say, if you don't get saved, you're going to go to hell. So you know. So I always had that fear of God some way or the other. So, yeah, I for years I've known God had a play in some of this. Because I was, I was accustomed to going to church, I was a church baby, like I've, I've. I was in church for a while years. So, yeah, definitely, I grew up, I was born in church.
Speaker 2:
7:58
Well, I could see, I could see, like I could see, probably a lot of people. You that don't understand. You know god in that way yeah could look at those circumstances and think like how, how can you say god was in this? Uh, how would you respond to somebody like that?
Speaker 1:
8:17
yeah, I've had moments now let me, let's, let me keep that real now. I have had moments, especially when because I told you my mom, we went through poverty, my mom was going through bipolar schizophrenia so she didn't drive. We literally would walk to church many times and I would see people that were going to the same church pass us by and I would get so angry with God?
Speaker 1:
8:42
Like God, how not Like. I literally used to tell God I hated him because I couldn't see how we would be walking to the church and how faithful my mom would be paying tithes. Yet I come home sometimes and there's a hole in the floor. I remember being in a bed and seeing a snake come from the hole right on my gosh.
Speaker 2:
9:05
No, we'd be moving right down. I'd be like, nope, we're out of here, we're going yeah yeah, so I'm.
Speaker 1:
9:10
I'm literally, you know, imagine going through seeing all of this like we would see snakes, like like all the time because of the holes in the floor and not having food. So I'm literally seeing all of. But I'm going to a church when people saying God will supply and provide, I was angry with God for a while. So listen, don't say I always felt like this. So if you you've ever been like that, I can. I can totally relate.
Speaker 1:
9:38
It didn't take it, it only took a personal relationship. Got like I literally one day, I remember, in my room, like God, if you are real, you have got to show yourself, because this does not look like you, this does not look like you, like we are struggling, we are walking to church, people are, you know, passing us by, we need help and I just don't see you. And that's when the personal relationship I would literally feel God in my room, like it was so tangible and it wasn't until a personal relationship. So what? I would definitely advise somebody. You are not alone Because, trust me, I've been there plenty of times. Like God, I can't see you, Like this is not you.
Speaker 1:
10:17
I mean, you got to show yourself to me and it only took a personal relationship, so I would definitely, you know, tell people, you know, seek that encounter with God, seek that encounter with the Holy Spirit, because it's not until then that God will truly be real to you. If not, you're just listening to others.
Speaker 2:
10:37
I think it's a beautiful thing that you're sharing that too, about you know, when it comes to you getting to the point where you realize that, about God, is it? It was it took seeking, it took that relationship, which takes time. It takes time building a relationship, takes time really leaning into him. But I think it's beautiful that you shared the real side of your frustrations too, because God's bigger than that, like God, god can handle that. It took me a while to realize that too, like God can handle me getting upset and frustrated and not understanding, because he knows that we can't comprehend or comprehend what he's doing. And he's bigger than our circumstances. But that's hard for us to see when we especially when we haven't we don't have that relationship with God yet. So I'm so glad that you shared that, bernice, thank you so much.
Speaker 1:
11:30
And you know, when you were talking I was thinking too. That's when a lot of my writing came, because sometimes I didn't have the words to even verbally express, so I would write letters to God and my letters became sometimes songs and poetry, and that's where the music ministry was. Were were birthed literally around eight years old. Um, I had learned how to learn melody and start playing and writing. Um, I would play the drums and the keyboard. That's where all of that came, literally through my struggle, and just writing, um, writing a, a letter to God and letters to God, yeah, I love it.
Speaker 2:
12:05
That's beautiful. You know you're an entrepreneur now and what was the turning point that caused you to realize that that's the path you wanted to go down? Because, I mean, you had to feel like the odds were against you. I mean, if this is the you're growing up with holes in the floors and snakes, I mean I would be like I'm probably going to be like a what do you call those pest control where I'm out killing snakes. That's what I'm like, that's what my career path is. Maybe. Maybe that is your entrepreneurship, maybe you are, maybe you are a pest. Nothing is wrong with it, I am so grateful for pest control people, because that can lead you to that decision.
Speaker 1:
12:38
So All right. So let me see, I'm going to try to condense this Right. Let me see I'm gonna try to condense this right. So that went through. I mean I went through that all through high school, all through middle school, all through all elementary, all of the years, and I would have my mother and my uncle and my aunt that would say you need to go to college, and I told them that I struggled, so we struggled so much. I just wanted to get a job so that I can have my own money, so that I can like I mean I wanted my car. I went to man, I had a white Ford Escort, y'all. I went and got my first car. I mean it was like so amazing and but I realized it was. I mean I was going through job from job to job and it just seems like it wasn't enough, like I, I mean I wanted to do more. I was creative, I just wanted to do so much more. And back then, um, uh, what was it? My space was like really a big thing.
Speaker 1:
13:41
I started learning a code.
Speaker 2:
13:44
You're telling your age.
Speaker 1:
13:44
now, bernice, you're telling your age, I was learning to code and I wanted to build websites and social media pages and things like that.
Speaker 1:
13:53
I really felt like that was something that I truly love to do, but I just it was a prayer, it really was a prayer Like I had went through so much, going through from job to job, and then, in fact, I had stopped going to church. At one point. I was mad at God. I mean, I was going, I had accepted God and then I was like, oh no, I'm getting older, this is something I just wanted. My mom was so strict. I'm like man, let me, let me, let me go get a job. My mom was so strict. I'm like man, let me, let me, let me go get a job, let me just go from job. I was going to job, going from job to job, and I mean, it was just so much.
Speaker 1:
14:33
And I just felt like my turning point at one point was I was a creative, I was an entrepreneur. I just felt it within. I just wanted to. I wanted to do something different. I don't know if anybody ever can relate to that. Like you, as you're doing it, you're going through with everything, but it's you. Just know in you you it's something different that you must do. And that was my turning point, literally with prayer, I prayed. I just felt like it was where, where I was. It was just so it was. It was painful.
Speaker 1:
15:02
I remember going to a job and literally when I got there I went to the bathroom and cried like I was so depressed and I just asked God like what is it that? You know what had me to do? I had to reassess that. I had to ask him back into my life, like it, because it was just so much and where I felt that I was trying to trying to go and trying to do it really wasn't working. So I'm like God, this is. I'm just so frustrated.
Speaker 1:
15:32
Frustration and irritation was my turning point. Like I got to do something, got my bachelor's degree. At that time I went back, I went to college, um, got from there, went and even got my master's. So God gave me another chance to do what I felt like I should have done and from there I was like OK, I started working more, so in the health field, believe it or not. In fact, my concentration I have an MBA, I have a master's in business, but my concentration is health administration and I was doing a lot of great things with the managerial side of health care. But then I realized OK, I only chose that, though, because of the money.
Speaker 3:
16:17
And so really what I?
Speaker 1:
16:18
wanted to do was what I'm doing now, and that was my turning point. Like, okay, I'm going to step out, I'm going to step out. Even with a nine to five I had stepped out and to start a company Loman Creative Services and the rest is history. We could talk about that from there, but that was my turning point. That really was just an irritation, like there's more.
Speaker 2:
17:07
I can't. I just I didn't feel like it was the place for me. Um, did you, did you struggle with realizing this is what? This is what you wanted with your past? Was there things that creeped in that kind of like would get in your own mind to try to hold you back?
Speaker 1:
17:17
no, unless I'm unaware, but that's awesome.
Speaker 1:
17:21
I love that, no, no, not at all. In fact, um, most time I talk about my past or opportunities like this, or opportunities to minister to someone, um, usually I'm just stepping forward, moving forward to, you know, great things that God has for me, for the business in my life. Um, so much ahead and um, yeah, that's pretty. I don't even think too much of the past. Only, you know, like, like I said, opportunities like this, and then when I meet someone I can tell God releases me to express things that I've gone through for his glory, you know, um, but yeah, yeah, it sounds to me like sounds to me like somehow you've been able to take those struggles from the past and let them make you a stronger person, a more resilient person.
Speaker 1:
18:11
Yeah, I really think so I really think so, Because when I think of when I, when I just look now and how he's allowed me to travel and speak and all those great things, yeah, I really feel like it's the strength. Definitely it has some way of connecting from the past because of what I've gone through and I guess inside I'm like no, I'm not going back to that. God have your way. I'm not going back to snakes, god you know.
Speaker 1:
18:48
You know, but yeah, I think you know somehow, yeah, there's a, there's some kind of connection there where there's a resilience and there's a push to know that, yeah, God has something greater.
Speaker 2:
19:02
Oh, I love it. I love it. Thank you, bernice, for sharing that. I love that. I love Ms Kilbreed you pointed that out because yeah, I mean, I mean she knows like I'm an entrepreneur and there's things that's in my past that has actually passed, things that have kind of held me back in ways like I had to get past and it was so hard, and sometimes those things can creep in even today. So I love hearing this side of it. I see that we have text. Paps has something that he would like to share. If you want to bring up the mic.
Speaker 3:
19:28
I've often said that the same things that will crush one person will cause the next person to succeed. That being said and you kind of alluded to it, but knowing that the odds were stacked against you, knowing the struggles you faced, what was it that made you feel you'd succeed, or did it even matter?
Speaker 1:
19:47
I'm a risk taker yeah.
Speaker 1:
19:49
I think, with everything that I and that goes back to Mrs Killer Bee question I think because of my past it has made me a risk taker. I've noticed that with me I'm a big risk taker. Yeah, like the one pastor told me recently. We talked about it before but one of the Kenya African pastors. He said when I went the very first time I went by myself. I had never met them like physically. I just knew that God had connected me to help them with. It was a connection, and they said they look, when I finally arrived they was like wow, she got big faith. She's a risk taker.
Speaker 1:
20:31
Cause I didn't have a team to go with me at that time they just started going with me. But, yeah, I think, yeah, texas, I think, yeah, I look at it now. Yeah, I'm a risk, definitely a risk taker. God leads me. I ask him to lead me Like I cannot. I'm like God. I talk to him so real God, I can't make this without you.
Speaker 3:
20:51
You got to help me today.
Speaker 1:
20:53
Like for real God. You got to help me and that has truly like God has truly helped me. That has truly helped me and I do believe, of course, also just knowing my past and what I've gone through has allowed me to be, you know, a risk taker.
Speaker 3:
21:08
So yeah, and if he told you to do it, he's going to see it through, right.
Speaker 1:
21:11
Yeah, I believe it. Awesome, Awesome. Thank you, absolutely. Thank you, tex-fab. Thank you.
Speaker 1:
21:48
I've had moments where I've interviewed entrepreneurs and I would listen to a lot of their stories and they would say, oh, my father or my mother is a business owner and I've had people that I've never had that story like literally, and I would often think, like man, what would it be like? Because, like I said, I'm a product of rape, like my dad. My mom told me about him. In fact, their family like denied me for so long. I'm going to tell you his mother told my mom do not tell anybody what happened because they were afraid that he would get locked up and it will be so much like literally. My mom went through moments where she didn't even tell many people literally what happened and so she went through that moment.
Speaker 1:
22:23
I'm telling you when my grandmother, my dad's mother y'all hear this my dad's mother, my mom, said she took me as a little baby, took me there because they still was saying my mom was lying, that he didn't do it, and said they stripped all my clothes off and says we need to see if she has any features like my, like us or my son till this day. This is how I know about my one of my toes looks just like my dad. They looked at my show and said that baby toe looks just like Charles, which is my dad, and it's crazy. But literally to this day that's how I know some resemblance of him. And they said that I walk like him because they took all my clothes off, didn Didn't believe my mom. And yeah, so little. And I tell y'all, guys, I got a story. I'm talking about my granddad. When we went there one time my mom said he shot at us, he was trying to kill us. They didn't like us. I'm y'all, I'm telling y'all like this podcast would have to be episode five.
Speaker 2:
23:40
Season eight. Now everybody, you know what's beautiful Bernice. It's like you know, I hear everything that you're saying too, and it is like you know different entrepreneurs have went through different you know they've had different lives. You know you're saying like I don't know, like what would it be like if I had a father? But I think the beautiful thing is that you actually did have a father and you do.
Speaker 2:
24:01
You just didn't realize who that was until later, and I think that's part of where well, you've made it clear, that's where your faith is really lining. I mean, to be an entrepreneur, you have to be a risk taker, you have to be right. I mean Mrs Killer being as we've taken a lot of risk and she's actually been there to help, support me and has kind of helped me at times and said let's look at, let's look at what's the worst thing that can happen.
Speaker 2:
24:28
If this doesn't, succeed and I'm like, oh, ok, and it's great to have support from a spouse or a friend or a loved one, somebody that you can lean to, but you have God that's doing that with you too, and that's a beautiful thing, like you know, no matter what God's with you, even if things you know. We look at the story of Shadrach, meshach and Abednego. You know, when it came to the faith it was, you know, they were being thrown into the furnace, to the fire, but they said, you know, they believed God was going to deliver them. But they said, even if he doesn't, they had understanding. No matter what way it went, god had a purpose for it. And those that don't know the story he did take them through the fire. You know they didn't get even a scent or even didn't even smell like smoke when he came out. So but that's kind of like that's the father that you have as you're stepping out and doing more and more as an entrepreneur. So it's beautiful. It's beautiful to hear your story and I would.
Speaker 2:
25:22
So I want to ask you something because, as we're talking about entrepreneurship, I know and you probably have the same thing as your social media feed I'm going to ask this as like a personal question Is your social media feed filled with entrepreneur stuff? Because mine is. That's all I see. Okay, that's all you see, right? If you're all I see, okay, that's all you see, right. If you're an entrepreneur, that's what all you see every time you open up social media. If you take care of plants, like mrs killer b, that's all she sees is all plants. Uh, I'm sure everybody here could probably share what their feed is. Um, but what I want to ask you let me tell you this, though recently.
Speaker 1:
25:54
So my mom loves animals, oh I mean all sorts of animals. So every time I see a reel about animals, anything funny, I try to lighten up her day so I would share it with her. Well, I guess, because of algorithms, all I'm seeing a lot of times is monkeys gorillas, oh my god it was just for my mom oh my gosh you show interest in one thing and it is over, right, like I'm constantly seeing Like, so every day I'm sharing it to her. Like okay, here's a video of a cat and a gorilla.
Speaker 2:
26:29
Yes, you know, we might have some people that's listening to this podcast too that are like, yeah, I want to be an entrepreneur, just like I want to ask you this, because entrepreneur life, especially on social media, can look very glamorous, glamorous you know. So I want to ask you this, because I know there's challenges in that as well what has been like, what's been a challenge for you as an entrepreneur that you had to move beyond?
Speaker 1:
26:54
One of the challenge is I have a passion to help ministries and I believe that one of the challenges has been, because I have a passion to help ministries, a lot of ministries don't see the need for technology and it is like a hard push. And it is like a hard push so I went through so much of a challenge of we have the services but we also want to serve and help ministries as well. So, like getting past that push to also help those in the faith community because our value also is faith and I mean I boldly share. We are Christian business owner with Christian business. We have a Christian business fellowship network. So, yeah, that's been one of the challenges for me. Like to get that balance. Like I'm I'm I'm in ministry, right, I'm also ordained minister, right, so I'm a minister, I love music ministry, I love serving people and helping people and I see the need to help with ministries and I have the services. But a lot of times these ministers and ministries don't see the need for the service.
Speaker 1:
28:15
And so it's kind of like oh man, but I love to serve in this area too. So, yeah, that's been, that's been one of the challenges.
Speaker 2:
28:22
Your heart is you want to help. Your heart is to help. We'll definitely be praying for you about that too, Cause I think that's it's definitely a heavy thing to carry.
Speaker 1:
28:31
It is a challenge. Especially, you know God has called you to help a certain group too, especially you know, God has called you to help a certain group too.
Speaker 2:
28:41
I think that that's where it comes like with ministry is is helping them see that the value is the people. It's not about, like the different technologies, but it's the people on the other side.
Speaker 2:
28:49
I think that, you know, we've kind of went into this, this era where even on social media, people are looked at as numbers, like they want to see more numbers, more views. But it's not about the more numbers. These are real people on the other side of social media, on the other side of these avatars. These are all real people that we're connecting with, and less is more. We can go deeper. Me and Mrs Killer Bee are reading a book right now, called One at a Time, and it's about how Jesus zoomed in on. He did a like a zoom lens. Whenever anything was happening around crowds, he would zoom in and be present with that one person. Everything else became a blur. It's hard to remember that and think about that approach in this kind of culture that we're in, you know, but that's a great thing, is like you'd love being an entrepreneur, because because of the freedom, probably right.
Speaker 2:
29:38
You love being an entrepreneur because, because of the freedom?
Speaker 1:
29:41
probably Right, yeah, I love the freedom. You know when, even when I, even before that God had told me that he wanted to use me more with traveling and speaking and helping leaders, whether they were ministry and business, and also with music ministry and so he literally showed me and told me, like literally what I'm doing now. God had already showed it to me, he prepared me for it. So, yeah, it's the freedom. Like I'm going to see my mom next week. I blocked my schedule Like I didn't have to ask nobody, Like literally, you know.
Speaker 1:
30:15
I blocked my schedule so I can go see my mom. You know just the freedom of that. And if I get tired, like all my Mondays are off, I take a rest on Mondays. You know, it's definitely. Although it's a challenge, it has its great benefits. Like I travel across the country. I travel across the country. I could block, maneuver my schedule, connect with the team and help them train them so I can do what I do as well. So it's I mean it's definitely great.
Speaker 2:
30:47
That's amazing. That's amazing. Well, I'm going to ask you two questions before we wrap up. Miss Kilbrey, did you have anything?
Speaker 3:
30:53
good.
Speaker 2:
30:56
Go right ahead. So I'm going to ask you two questions. The first one I'm going to ask you is what you know, what would you tell your younger self if you had an opportunity, Like, if there's something that you've learned, if you could go back and give yourself the younger version? Of you some advice? What would it be?
Speaker 1:
31:10
Start a business early, oh yeah, much earlier than I did.
Speaker 2:
31:15
If there was one takeaway that you would hope people would walk away with today, what would that be?
Speaker 1:
31:21
In spite of your past, look to God, pray, have a personal relationship with God. You know, it wasn't until I had that personal encounter with him that he was then real to me, in spite of what I went through with church and everything. It wasn't until then. So, yes, get a personal encounter with God, holy Spirit, and, in spite of your past, move forward. You're resilient, just go forward. Go for what you want to do, what God has called you to do. You can do it. Allow your gifts to make room for you.
Speaker 1:
31:55
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