Speaker 1:
0:01
I'm noticing a lot of low-level depression, you know, and it's to the point where people are starting to wear it like clothes and they begin to accept it as the norm, this low-level depression, and we have to accept the fact. I can't go further. I'm going to have to admit to myself this is as far as I can go.
Speaker 2:
0:25
Welcome to the New Horizons podcast. I'm Brian Curie.
Speaker 3:
0:29
And I'm Shawna Curie, also known as Mr and Mrs Killer B, in virtual reality.
Speaker 2:
0:33
So this podcast is recorded live from the metaverse at the Killer B studios.
Speaker 3:
0:38
Where real life stories and experiences are shared in a way only the metaverse can offer.
Speaker 2:
0:43
With that, let's go ahead and dive into today's episode, All right? Well, tonight, tonight, our topic we're going to be talking about stress and anxiety. Now I want to share just a little bit of why we decided to get on this topic. After our promo video, someone was asking me about it. They were dealing with some stuff and they said, hey, would you guys ever consider talking about stress and anxiety? And I said, yeah, I think we would definitely do that, but I don't want to do it just me and Mrs Killer Bee talking about it, because I knew that we're not really experts. You know, we're not experts, we're not life coaches or therapists or anything like that, but we can share our experiences. But we wanted to make sure we had somebody in here that can speak into that from a professional point. And MetaCoach that we'll bring out here in a little bit is that he's a certified behavioral life coach. I think that's right. I think I got it right there, right.
Speaker 3:
1:34
The certified behavioral life coach. We'll have to ask him when he comes out. He'll correct me if I'm wrong. Make sure we're saying the right thing. Yes, but he is.
Speaker 2:
1:42
he is legit and he is, he has got a lot of wisdom. As I was preparing for this, this show tonight, you know, I was doing some research on stress and anxiety and I was kind of shocked, did?
Speaker 3:
1:58
you know that stress and anxiety are not exactly the same thing. Yeah, I think so. Ok, so I don't know. I just want to take a guess, okay, about the difference. So I would think that stress is like a reaction or response to something that you're dealing with, and anxiety seems to me like anticipating what you're going to have to deal with.
Speaker 2:
2:24
So does that have something to do with the difference? I think that's really good. I'll read what I wrote down. So I want to get MetaCoach's ideas on this too.
Speaker 3:
2:30
Yeah, me too.
Speaker 2:
2:31
Because this is the first time I actually ever put this together by doing this research, and I remember recently we had just talked about in a show that I said. You know, I never really categorized things as stress, because maybe I wasn't understanding what stress really was too. So here's what it said. It says stress is more like the demand placed on your brain or physical body. It says like something in life that makes us feel frustrated or nervous or you know cause. Like nervousness, it triggers stress, which is what you're saying right there. You know it's something's happening to you or in your life and it can cause you to feel frustrated. This is what's interesting too. It says anxiety is more like a feeling of fear, worry or uneasiness, and it can be like a reaction to stress.
Speaker 5:
3:17
But what I?
Speaker 2:
3:18
really thought was interesting is that it pointed out that anxiety can happen without an obvious trigger too. Up that. But anxiety can happen without an obvious trigger too, and and I thought that was interesting because I know we had josh wilson here recently that was talking about anxiety as well. So, knowing a little bit of how these two things are different and not exactly the same, would you say that you're more likely to deal with stress or be anxious? Which one are you more likely to fall into sometimes?
Speaker 3:
3:45
Definitely stress.
Speaker 2:
3:46
Yeah, definitely stress.
Speaker 3:
3:47
Yeah, because and I don't know if this is a common thing for people I am not as prone to have anxiety because I don't think very far ahead about things. So I think in one way that helps me, because you know, I don't anticipate like, oh no, what if this happens? Oh no, if that happens. You know, that's not really kind of how I am, but where that's a downfall is I'm not good at anticipating when I have scheduled myself for too many things. So then when I feel overwhelmed and I feel that stress, then I do that kind of often and I'm getting better. I think I used to be just a hopeless people pleaser. I mean, if anyone said, hey, will you do this, will you help me with that, yes, yes, I was saying yes all the time and I got to a place where I realized that I was neglecting my own family because I was saying yes to all sorts of other people about all sorts of other things, and so I'm definitely much more likely to feel stress than anxiety, and that's part of the reason why.
Speaker 2:
5:00
When I was thinking about this question to ask, I feel like I fall I'm more likely to fall into the anxious side Really, and that's probably because, like you know, as you know, running a business and stuff like that, I'm always thinking ahead and trying to plan and orchestrate things and so if you say that that kind of clicked like that's why I probably get anxious more, but I really never realized it as being that.
Speaker 3:
5:27
Let me do say this I don't really know if that makes sense. We'll have to ask Medicoach if that even makes sense how I said that because I'm not sure if that's the reason why.
Speaker 2:
5:36
You guys, as we get ready to bring on our guest, let's please rain him with some confetti. Let's go and hit that guest music and welcome our guest to the stage with the confetti way. Can I hear music? Yeah, I hear it there. It is there. It is there, it is awkwardly trying to give you a high five.
Speaker 3:
5:57
Yeah, there we go, now we got it okay, I forgot to show them where to go, so okay, oh
Speaker 2:
6:04
you come right here, medicoach. Here we go Right behind this mic. I should put like a little thing that says yes, mic right here.
Speaker 1:
6:09
Thank you for being here, medicoach, you're welcome, and what I want to say is that's the show. You guys answered everything.
Speaker 3:
6:17
Oh no, there's a lot more questions, Don't you worry.
Speaker 2:
6:21
There's plenty of questions. Well, metacoach, some people here might not know who you are, so would you take about 30 seconds and let everybody know who you are and what you do?
Speaker 1:
6:31
Sure, I'm MetaCoach and I'm a behavioral life coach and I do a show in here called Coached and it's on Wednesdays at 4 pm Eastern time and I do also one on Thursday nights at 9 pm Eastern time. So 4 pm Eastern time and I do also one on Thursday nights at 9 pm Eastern time. So 4 pm Eastern time on Wednesdays, 9 pm on Thursdays. But tonight may bleed over, so some of my people will probably be popping in here tonight.
Speaker 3:
6:53
So we're good. I was just going to say we better get you out of here on time then.
Speaker 1:
6:59
They'll probably pop in here. They'll see me online, so they'll probably come in here tonight.
Speaker 2:
7:02
Oh, that would be amazing and you're on social. Which social media platform are you most?
Speaker 1:
7:08
active on too, instagram and X.
Speaker 2:
7:10
Instagram and.
Speaker 2:
7:11
X. Okay, cool, awesome, awesome. Well, thank you for joining us. Metacoach, he's no stranger to Horizons. He's been here for a long time and great friends, really great friend. I really trust this guy. Guy a lot of wisdom and I thought when we this topic came up I told mrs killer b is like we've got to see if meta coach will come in, because, talking about a subject like this, I want to really make sure it's somebody up here that has a lot of wisdom and I know their heart and where they're at and he is a person. If you need someone to talk to, please reach out to meta coach. So, meta coach, I to ask you just kind of start off, what are your thoughts on the difference between stress and anxiety? Did we miss it up? Can you help clarify a little bit?
Speaker 1:
7:52
giving us a definition of what these two are. I think you all were on the right track and I want to lay a simple foundation to prepare the talk, just to kind of bucket it Now. I see stress as what's happening now physically. It's impacting me physically. I see anxiety as perceived or anticipated. And so take, for example, you're working, you have a deadline and you're currently working on that deadline and you're stressed because of the time factor. But if you're anticipating not making it the deadline now, you start moving into a phase of anxiety. So you can move from stress into a moment of anxiety, because sometimes stress has you motivated to plow in and to dive in and to keep going. But when you start to get anxious, you begin to lose some of the fuel that may be provided by the stress. So now, when you move into anxiety, you're perceiving an outcome.
Speaker 3:
8:56
I knew you were going to have some picture that would pull it all into place.
Speaker 2:
9:00
I knew it, yeah you see, you got to give him some applause for that. That was pretty good.
Speaker 3:
9:05
He really clarified that.
Speaker 2:
9:06
For us, that makes a lot of sense, because that's one of the things I was thinking about too when I was researching. I'm like so there can be a good type of stress too, and a bad type of stress. And what you're saying, even with a timeline, you know you have a deadline to have to hit, so you might be a little bit stressed, but you know it's, it's a is that would be like a good stress, like it's going to help you, motivate you to get this done, but it can transition to bad. How about that?
Speaker 1:
9:33
Well, for some that stress can be good, you know, sometimes you know that that stress kind of fuels your mindset, you know, and you can have that good stress. Now, when it gets to the point where it becomes debilitating, you know you're driving to work and you're anticipating something and you know you feel a little stress because, hey, there's traffic around me, they're stressing me out. But you start looking at your watch and what happens now?
Speaker 3:
10:04
Then you're getting anxious because you're feeling like you're going to be late or whatever. Is that?
Speaker 1:
10:29
Yeah. So now here's where the stress gets bad. Now I start stepping on the gas, cutting people off, you know.
Speaker 2:
10:37
Yeah, that's a good one.
Speaker 1:
10:38
And that's just a visual picture. But we do that in other areas of our life where we get stressed out and we start to react in a negative way. We either become combative or distant so many other aspects that can come out when stress moves into that negative zone.
Speaker 2:
10:56
That's a great way to put it. Now I can realize that I have been stressed before too, so I probably stumped on that gas. I could have told you that I probably stumped on that guess. I could have told you that.
Speaker 3:
11:05
This is the beauty of co-hosts that are married is. I can call it out and tell you all the truth when he's like, I don't know if I've been stressed Yep you have Medical coach.
Speaker 2:
11:18
when we think about stress and anxiety, what are some common symptoms that we should be aware of when it comes to stress and anxiety?
Speaker 1:
11:34
Well, stress is kind of sneaky and I think we need to think about in the moment if I'm starting to get stressed. One of the things that I've noticed about myself is I start to get quiet for a minute Now. But I know people who when they get stressed, they get more animated. So first of all, I look for what's the noticeable change in behavior and reaction right now. So for me I start to get quiet because I'm trying to focus on what's what's bothering me, what's what's stressing me right now. And that's a good thing. And it's a bad thing because sometimes, if you're focusing too much on it, you're not really thinking clearly, because it's like one of those things the forest and the trees. So I'm thinking about this issue as opposed to let me. Let me put it out here so I can take a look at it, so I get quiet and I can get tunnel vision. So that's one of my cues.
Speaker 1:
12:26
People that I know, that I see them start to get nervous, chatter or more boisterous or more agitated. I can tell there's some stress that's taking place there. So I think if you know yourself, know your behaviors, know your keys and your triggers, then you can begin to notice that in yourself. Now here's one thing that I've noticed and I'm in the metaverse a bit real world. Well, I got chastised for saying real world I would say physical world, so I chastised myself for saying that. But I'm noticing a lot of low-level depression among people yes.
Speaker 1:
13:07
You know, and it's to the point where people are starting to wear it like clothes. Yes, you know, they begin to accept it as the norm, this low-level depression, and people are finding themselves there, depression, and people are finding themselves there, and that also to me becomes kind of like a fertile bed for stress, because I'm already not at peak performance, peak thinking, because I got this low level depression going on. So now things begin to hit and stick a little differently, because I see this low level depression kind of like depression, kind of like a muddy pool of water that's really kind of murky and you're stepping in it and you're getting stuck. So those little things that normally, if you weren't in this low level depression, that you would say, okay, that's what that is and move on. These things are getting stuck, they're hanging on and I liken it to a river that has a lot of debris in it trees, stuff flowing downstream gets tangled up in it, and then when you see the tide or the water go down, you see all these branches with bottles and paper and all this stuff that's entangled in it. So I see that like that.
Speaker 1:
14:19
People are dealing with stress and anxiety of things that already passed or gone, but it's still stuck in that mud in their life because of this low level depression. They haven't figured out how to let it go. So that's one of the things that I see with stress right now. Now the anxiety comes Now, once I've realized I got all this stuff on me. How did I get it off? What do I do? I'm stuck. I'm here, but not only am I stressed now, I'm anxious because I don't know what, what's next. So I'm perceiving a threat that may or may not be there. Hope that's kind of making sense, that it's right.
Speaker 3:
14:59
I'll be there.
Speaker 2:
15:00
No, that's a powerful picture yeah. What do you do when you get in that that kind of place, like when you're, when you realize that or how did? How do you start recognizing?
Speaker 1:
15:09
that Well, if you recognize it, one of the first things you have to do. It's like we used to do the little fire drill stop, drop and roll. So I use that in dealing with stress. First of all, I stop, all right, and try and get a visual what it is. What am I really really dealing with? Am I? Do I have a deadline that I got to meet? Do I have some pressure on me? You know, is there something major that's happening that I may feel that's a bit out of my control? So I have to assess what am I really feeling.
Speaker 1:
15:50
Once I can get to the point where I say, ok, this is, I'm feeling stressed because I really this is over my head, but this is big, I can do it, but it's bigger than what I thought. So once I can make that kind of assessment, then I can begin to back up and say, ok, what can I do now? Here's a, here's a way to kind do what I call stop, drop and roll. When you ask yourself, when you're stressed, say what is the worst thing that could happen if I don't get this done or if this thing proceeds? What is the worst? So now, if you can get a picture of what is the worst thing that could happen and you could stop this in my mind, this is the worst thing I could see happening. Then you can begin to back up from that point and say, okay, I see what the worst can be. Let me start backing up to the point where I can keep it from going there. But that relieves a lot of stress because I visual, visualize the worst already.
Speaker 3:
16:52
That's one of my favorite, very favorite tools to use, and I think we've actually talked about this before on a different show. But I have a personal story that kind of relates to that, which is I used to have a baking business and it was when, you know, we were raising Ashton. He was little, I was staying at home but we needed some extra money, so I was baking different orders and stuff like that, and this one particular order came in that I was so excited about because it was such a big job. And that's another one of my probably downfalls is no matter how big of a project comes along, I always think I got it no problem. So I'm not good at predicting like, hey, that's actually a little beyond my ability right now, but that's a different story for a different time.
Speaker 3:
17:40
So I started baking all these cakes. It was an order for 40 cakes and I had to deliver it in two phases, one day apart from each other. So I got the first 20 cakes done, but it almost killed me and I didn't sleep. I was crying, I was having all sorts of issues and that day when I delivered the first 20 cakes, I could not imagine even baking 20 more cakes, cannot imagine even baking 20 more cakes. And I had to have that done within one day. So I had to call and say I cannot make any more cakes. I think I'm getting sick. I can barely stand, I can't do it, I have to cancel this part of the order.
Speaker 3:
18:26
And at the end of the day I remember telling Brian I was like I have to make this call, it's humiliating, I'm going to ruin my business. At the end of the day it wasn't that big of a deal. They were like, okay, well, that's disappointing, but we'll just go to Publix and we'll get some more cakes for the rest of our clients, because ironically, these cakes were for a dentist who was giving cakes to their clients or something. I don't know exactly who they were giving them to, but it was like a Christmas present basically. And yeah. So now I love to think about that. That was the worst possible thing that could have happened during that project. I ended up not making any money on that project because I had bought all the ingredients ahead of time. So what I got paid for the 20 only covered the ingredients, and then I didn't make any money for all that work. So that was the worst case scenario, basically for that.
Speaker 6:
19:18
But at the end of the day.
Speaker 3:
19:20
It wasn't that big of a deal. It didn't ruin my business, it didn't ruin me. I still have the people I love. It was an embarrassing thing, but you know it was fine.
Speaker 1:
19:39
And see that's a perfect example of dealing with stress, but kind of like saying, ok, I'm at the point where I can't go further, so I'm going to envision the worst, that I'm not going to make these cakes, and accept that. So what that immediately does your anxiety. Now just came the dread of making a phone call. It wasn't the anxiety of trying to finish the cakes, so that anxiety now was probably smaller than putting yourself at health risk.
Speaker 1:
20:03
And that's one of the most important things that we can do. When we find that, hey, I'm at the end of what I can do, that's where the stop drop and roll. I'm at the end of what I can do, that's where the stop drop and roll. I'm rolling out of this because I can't go a step further. I'm going to have to admit to myself and to whoever I'm this is as far as I can go.
Speaker 1:
20:20
Yeah, and once you can admit that to yourself and accept that, it becomes easier to tell whoever may be depending on you. Yeah, I can't go a step further. And here's one thing to keep in mind too when you get to a point where you cannot physically, emotionally, intellectually, financially, whatever move another step, then you need to accept that you're at the you're at the limit of your responsibility, and that's a hard thing to do, that we have to let go, because we don't like to feel like a failure. Yeah, when it's impossible for you to take a next step, you have to accept this is the end of what I'm supposed to do here. Wow, that's good, that's really good.
Speaker 3:
21:08
That takes a lot of pressure off just in itself. Like thinking about that, like this is this as far as I can go. This is the end of my responsibility.
Speaker 1:
21:16
I really like that and sometimes, when we get to that point, we find that we're actually giving some empowering somebody else.
Speaker 2:
21:25
Oh yeah, that's a beautiful thing that's so true you stepping back can be empowering somebody else that's been waiting for that opportunity. I love that. That is powerful, really good. That's good, all right. So we have Okie. Okie, come on down, come on down the mic. Thank you again for joining us.
Speaker 4:
21:46
Can I do two? I can't do two. Can I do two? I can't do two. Can I do two?
Speaker 2:
21:52
questions Sure, go right ahead.
Speaker 4:
21:54
First one is for Mrs Killer Bee. I always thought I was a people pleaser too, until I realized that it's less I want to please people and more I don't want confrontation. Do you think maybe that's the case for you?
Speaker 3:
22:14
too. I would say it's probably half and half for me, because it is important to me to bring joy to people, to be helpful to people. I love to be there for somebody and when someone says I need help with this, I love to be the person to say I can help with that. But I also don't like confrontation, so I think that's definitely part of it. I do not like disappointing people. I hate making people mad and I hate the idea of someone yelling at me. So, yeah, I think it's definitely. They probably go right hand in hand for me.
Speaker 4:
22:52
yeah yeah, we, we have a lot of comments it does sound like that can I?
Speaker 1:
22:57
can I share a thought on that too, please? People pleasers tend to have the biggest backpack of anxiety. And the reason. The reason I say that? Because when you're a people pleaser, you're kind of anticipating what can I do, how do I get ahead of this, you know, and people will dump on you because they begin to sense that you're a people pleaser. You're going to try and fix it, you're going to try and answer it, you're going to try and be there and it's going to put you in that place where you know you might have some other things that you need to be doing personally for yourself, but because you're a people pleaser, you begin to neglect yourself and I don't want to disappoint anybody.
Speaker 4:
23:42
Yeah.
Speaker 3:
23:43
I can see that.
Speaker 1:
23:46
I posted in my Instagram about three weeks ago a diagram called this is how you know if you're a people pleaser, and I'm going to post it again.
Speaker 3:
23:56
Oh, yes, I would love to see that. I would love to see that. I already know the answer, but I still want to see it.
Speaker 2:
24:02
We'll share it on the Killer Bee Studios too.
Speaker 3:
24:05
I'd love to see that, definitely, definitely Okay.
Speaker 4:
24:08
What's your? Second question I don't remember.
Speaker 2:
24:11
Well, you can come back up in a little bit, absolutely.
Speaker 3:
24:14
Just hit the button.
Speaker 2:
24:14
If you remember, hit the button again, All right. So, Angela, come on down. Angela.
Speaker 6:
24:19
So I do feel both, by the way, quite a bit More anxiety than stress, and I am also not so much a peeper pleaser as say, but I am somebody who wants to take care of people. Yeah, more like I had a bunch of kids and then I, you know, get these. You know all these people that need my help all the time in my family like so-and-so has cancer. Well, angela will take care of them. You know, I'm that person for everybody. I'm the caregiver.
Speaker 3:
24:57
That's a gift, Like being a caretaker. That is a gift. You have a heart for people and that is a beautiful thing, you know, we just have to be careful not to neglect other important things in our life.
Speaker 5:
25:10
You know, and it's a whole thing about boundaries.
Speaker 3:
25:13
You know, if you can't learn how to set boundaries, then you will allow yourself to get worn down to where you can't help anyone anymore, because you can't even help yourself.
Speaker 3:
25:23
You know and that's you know the person he's talking about. That's the position she's in, where she's never been willing to set a boundary. So now she's spent, she's literally just spent. She can't even get out of bed sometimes. And so if we can look at a situation like that and see I don't want to get to that point, because now I see you can be no good to anyone, not even yourself, if you don't set a boundary that will protect actually everybody in the situation, it really does protect everybody in this situation.
Speaker 1:
25:57
You know I did a talk a few weeks ago called the Liberating Power of the Word. No and I close with no is a complete sentence.
Speaker 2:
26:08
Oh, that's good, that's good.
Speaker 1:
26:12
That's really good. Sometimes we don't need to give somebody an explanation of why we say no.
Speaker 3:
26:17
Yeah, yep, isn't it weird that all of these things are tying together, that you're already talking about and we've been talking about and thinking about like we didn't know that medical coach had talked about any of these things recently. It's just interesting that all these things are tying together.
Speaker 1:
26:33
There's a common theme that's going on right now People are realizing they have needs and people are starting to express needs, but people are starting to look for answers and looking for a safe space to say hey, you know the bouncy houses are fun and you know this is fun, but I have some questions that I need answered. Yeah, you know things aren't fun anymore. You know life has gotten real and I need to deal with the real.
Speaker 1:
27:05
Yeah, yeah for sure, and one of the reasons why I did the talk on the liberating power of no is for people pleasers.
Speaker 3:
27:15
Yeah, yep, definitely.
Speaker 1:
27:18
Like you said, getting worn out. And here's what happens before you get worn out, sometimes you get bitter and you get angry and then you miss opportunities to really help somebody who really, really needed your help. But you can't see it because you're so burnt out and you're so tired from helping people who either didn't need it or didn't respect it or misused it.
Speaker 3:
27:42
Yeah Well, it's a tricky thing too for someone who likes to take care of other people when you get to the point where you don't feel like anyone's taking care of you and then you think why am I doing all this? Nobody even cares about what I'm dealing with, you know. So then you lose the joy of serving people, which if you're not serving people out of joy and out of love, then it's no good anyhow. So it's definitely it's a risk. It's a big, you know, can be.
Speaker 2:
28:13
So that leads me to another question, because when you get to this point and we're going to bring up loss here in just a second, that leads me to a question. When I'm hearing you guys talk about this and from a people pleaser too, is there a and when you get to that point where all that pressure is coming and you start getting bitter because that can I've definitely seen that in myself, I know you've seen it in yourself where we've taken on so much and we start becoming bitter, I noticed that we're likely to start becoming bitter to the people closest to us first, not the people that's doing doing this. So say it again yes, yes, exactly we, we, we, the people closest to us. We are bitter to them, not to the people that are actually causing this problem. Right? But my question on this is what? How would you suggest bringing this up to, to somebody that's close to you?
Speaker 2:
29:09
Because for myself, this is me. For myself, I've had people ask me before, not ask me. They've just said you're stressed. Well, I don't like it. If someone says you're stressed, I'm like. Now, you know, I'm like that, just like you don't know, I'm like I'm not stressed. I'm not stressed at all. Just what you're doing is not okay. That's kind of like a thing there. But how do you approach somebody? Because some ways I'm like, if they ask like hey, are you okay? Or you know, you think you might be a little stressed. I don't know. I don't know what's the best way to approach somebody that we care about that is turning into that bitter monster that we're like whoa, what's going?
Speaker 5:
29:47
on.
Speaker 2:
29:48
I told you you had too much on your plate. You need to take some of this stuff off, like because I mean I don't know. What are your thoughts on that?
Speaker 1:
29:57
First thing, you have to be honest with yourself. Yeah, because when you say I'm not stressed, yeah, maybe you are Okay. So you know, and I think, looking at yourself, it's okay. All right, I am stressed. Now I'm going to say something about us guys. How many guys are? Just just three of us? Is that what it?
Speaker 2:
30:17
is OK. There's four of us.
Speaker 1:
30:19
There's four Good soldiers, ok, good soldiers. Here's what happens. Here's what happens when us guys you know we don't like to admit that we're out of control or there's something that's slipping past our control.
Speaker 2:
30:32
Before he goes any further. Ladies, you cannot tell us this if we're acting that way. Look, you don't like to be told that you're out of control.
Speaker 3:
30:43
All right, please continue. Take that off of my list real quick.
Speaker 2:
30:46
Take that off your list, Mrs Kelly.
Speaker 1:
30:49
It's like it's a badge of honor. I'm not stressed, I'm handling this, but I'm hollering at the wife, the kids, the neighbors.
Speaker 1:
30:58
I'm hollering at people, but I'm not stressed, you know, and I think being honest with ourselves and say, okay, I am, and we have to accept the fact we can't do everything. You know, our capes are probably torn from so many battles and we can't fly like we used to, and you know we're not made of steel anymore, so we have to admit, okay, uh, this is. This is getting a little bit beyond me, and so sometimes just being able to be honest with myself also gives me a different perspective on my load, because maybe the load is bigger in my mind than it is in my hands.
Speaker 4:
31:36
Wow.
Speaker 1:
31:38
Because I'm, you know, I'm stressed and anxiety is starting to build in. Everything is piling up, kind of like that. All that brush underneath that water, all this stuff is just getting snagged there. And you know, this debris, yeah, and I need to stop and say, okay, this is what's really bothering me, but all this other debris is dragging me down and let me be honest with myself, this is what's going on. You know, honey, I'm sorry, I am stressed, you're right, I didn't want to hear it. But practice this price, honey, I am, I am stressed, you're right, I didn't want to hear it, but practice this, brian. Say, honey, I am stressed, say it with me.
Speaker 3:
32:13
Let me put this on the record I'm practicing right now.
Speaker 4:
32:16
Please Ms.
Speaker 2:
32:16
Kilbrey, she's interrupting my practice. I'm not getting bitter, I'm just no.
Speaker 3:
32:22
I just want to put this on the record that he wasn't talking about me. It wasn't me that brought up he was stressed, it was somebody else.
Speaker 5:
32:28
I just want to put that on the record Okay, it's on the record.
Speaker 3:
32:36
Take note everyone. I was just thinking while you were talking about that too, medicoach, you know if you need to bring that up to somebody, like for whatever reason, like I feel like you're stressed. I kind of put myself in that position while you were talking about that and I thought you know what I want someone to say to me if they're going to say, hey, you look stressed, cause I get what you're saying, mr Killer B. Like it annoys me If someone says you seem stressed, because it's probably that what you're talking about. Like I don't want it to look like I'm out of control in my life, even though sometimes I am. But what I would want someone to say to me is I can see how much you're doing, I can see how much you're carrying. I'm sorry, what can I do? Or whatever, Maybe even just acknowledging, because then it's not like an accusation You're stressed, it's more like I see you, you, I see where you're at, I see why you're feeling this way.
Speaker 2:
33:37
That'd be kind of like approaching it with like empathy.
Speaker 1:
33:39
First I would say so standing like yes I think, so yeah, I recognize this is disarming, because now I don't have to defend myself.
Speaker 2:
33:51
All right, so let's bring up. We have three more questions Lost virtually. Come on down, can you hear?
Speaker 5:
33:57
me. We can hear you. You know, the great part about going through the pandemic is that we were able to see how everyone around us handled stress, and we were able to see who tapped out. We were able to see who became afraid and just shut down, closed down, and we were able to see who persevered and kept climbing the hill. And so we were able to see and the thing about it is that overcoming stress it's a character trait those who don't overcome stress and let stress handle them.
Speaker 5:
34:36
Needless to say, I mean, you know so. So at least that's what what I've discovered with the, with the pandemic, and some people responded this way. And some people responded this way, and the people with the great character, overcome, persevered.
Speaker 1:
34:54
Can I clarify something there? Yes, I hear what you're saying with the character flaw, but there's another word that I like to use, that I think that really even fits even better, because I hear what you're saying Personality traits have a big to do with how we handle stress and manage things. I don't know how many of you are familiar with Myers-Briggs personality assessments anybody familiar with that.
Speaker 1:
35:24
I'm a practitioner of that and I've done thousands of those assessments for people in my practice and many of them that had to go through this, and I've done thousands of those assessments for people in my practice and many of them that had to go through this came through because they were either failing at their job or they were having some kind of other issue. And I began to do some metrics and begin to identify people, which personality types were more prone to stress and anxiety, which ones probably had the fastest recovery and those kind of things. Oh, and I hear what you're saying with character, because there's a part of character that does deal with that too. But I like to use personality trait because it gives a bigger picture at least to me it does of dealing with those kind of, with those kind of things. So I hope that helps. But you know, but you're on the right track with the, with the character things also thank you lost.
Speaker 2:
36:19
Yeah, you know. Can I ask you medicos too, as lost was sharing that, like during the pandemic, when people became to get, uh, you know, stress or anything like that, fears started creeping in. Would fear fall more into? Like the anxiety side of it? It's like an after effect from the stress, like the anxiety started kicking in which was causing the fear. Was it anxiety or was it stress?
Speaker 1:
36:42
I think during the pandemic, from my observation, I think the scales tipped on the anxiety side and the reason I would say that because there was so much uncertainty, people didn't know what to expect. You know we were washing our hands 15 times a day. We were wearing masks. You know people wearing snorkels and you know has mask suits and you know.
Speaker 3:
37:06
Lysol-ing in our mail.
Speaker 1:
37:10
You know, and so we were doing all this stuff because we were so anxious, because we didn't know what was going on. Now there were people who were stressed because, hey, they lost their jobs. So now they had current pressure on them like, hey, how am I going to feed my family? So that's stress. But the anxiety was, you know, I got to keep getting COVID. So I'm spraying this down, I'm doing this, you know, don't cough. You know, oh, I cough. What's wrong with me? Do I have it? You know, you know, oh, I sneezed, oh no, yes, brings a whole nother level into it.
Speaker 1:
37:47
Yes, I would say, the scales tip. I think more toward anxiety, because we just didn't know.
Speaker 3:
37:54
I could see that.
Speaker 2:
37:54
No, yeah, good soldier was going to ask you what are some ways that you would recommend kind of dealing with stress, like moving beyond it, like you know. For himself, he said he likes to pray, that helps him. So what are some ways? For himself, he said he likes to pray, that helps them. So what are some ways? And to add to that I would like to add do stress balls or those things even work? So I mean, I'm curious about that too.
Speaker 1:
38:23
Yeah, I think, distracting yourself from the moment. So stress balls you know you're manipulating your hands, you're doing something and, believe it or not, it's starting to relax you because now you're focusing on moving these balls around in your hands and stuff and, as you're starting to do that, begin to kind of relax a little bit more, because you're focused on this movement and it also kind of untangles thoughts sometimes.
Speaker 1:
38:50
So it's a relaxing motion, it's a sensation. So it's a relaxing motion, it's a sensation, it's a repetitive motion Breathing, getting outside, getting fresh air. Oh yes, here's something that I learned from my mom. When she would get stressed out, she would start singing hymns and praises. Oh, that's so beautiful. That's when I could tell that something was going on. She starts singing and as a kid I didn't, you know, know that she was dealing with something. I just thought mom's singing, you know, yeah, but as I grew up I realized that's how she dealt with stress and anxiety. She starts singing these songs. So anything that you could find that kind of relaxes you, that puts you in a frame of mind where you're not so focused on the issue at hand, is healthy. And a lot of times the physical things really help the emotional and psychological things, because you're doing some movement, you're getting blood flow. Um, step it into light. When people have had some kind of psychological episode, one of the worst things they could do is be in a dark room.
Speaker 3:
40:02
Yes.
Speaker 1:
40:04
So finding, finding light, sunshine. It's amazing how, when you're stressed, if you can step out into the sunshine and take a deep breath. What an amazing moment it becomes when you do that.
Speaker 3:
40:17
There's so many things about sunlight and the way that we respond to it physiologically that are good for our brain, good for our body, good for our immune system, all of that. Yeah, that's such a good point.
Speaker 2:
40:29
Yeah, Mrs Kilby. How about you? What are some ways that you let go of stress? Is there anything that you practice to do?
Speaker 3:
40:35
Yeah, so most of my stress comes from when I'm overwhelmed, like when I've got too many things on my plate, I've overscheduled or whatever. So my trick that helps me every single time is, if I start feeling overwhelmed and stressed, first I'll stop. I'll write down what I need to get done. That kind of gets it out of my brain and onto a piece of paper and then it feels more manageable. When I can look at it on a list I think, oh well, it's not that bad. When it's all just swirling around in your brain it feels so much bigger.
Speaker 3:
41:09
But then when I plan my days, I try to build in some time to stop doing everything and do just something I enjoy, something that relaxes me, you know, reading, or taking a bath or taking a walk or whatever. And when I have that time, when I tell myself like this half an hour, I'm taking it for myself, have that time. When I tell myself like this half an hour, I'm taking it for myself, I just set a timer on my phone. That way I don't have to think about what time it is or what else is on the list. I just set the timer and I think I'll do whatever I want right now for this 30 minutes or how you know. You might not have 30 minutes, but if you have 10 minutes even, it's amazing the difference it makes in the way your day feels. If you're clicking from one thing to another, to another, to another, it can feel so stressful, even on your body, because you're never giving yourself a break. So that's my trick, that's my go-to trick.
Speaker 2:
42:06
That's the interesting thing is, like this stress and anxiety definitely plays a role in our health. I know we're not even going to get into that, but I mean I've been around where, even if somebody is talking negative, I can feel like the tension in my body now, like, yeah, I don't want to be here, like I don't want to listen to this, like I can feel my body tension up. I don't know if that's just because I'm getting older, but I can feel it.
Speaker 3:
42:27
I don't know. I think you're just more in tune.
Speaker 1:
42:30
That's a show within itself. If you ever deal with that topic, call me back.
Speaker 3:
42:34
All right, so I was just going to say can we just do a stress and anxiety part two, like can we get that scheduled? Because I feel like I have a lot more to say and I know you have a lot more to say, and I got a lot more to say too, so maybe Thanks for giving us confetti, all right.
Speaker 2:
42:47
Well, we'll talk to Medicoach to see if we can do that. We would love to do that, Awesome, Okay. Well, we'll continue this conversation later as we get ready to wrap it up. Medicoach, what would be a takeaway? You would hope anybody listening to the podcast or anybody here live with us. What would you hope their takeaway would be today?
Speaker 1:
43:05
That we all have stress. You know nobody's immune to it. So take some time to get to know yourself, know what your triggers are, because if you don't know what your triggers are when they hit you, you don't recognize. You just know that you've fallen to this place and learn to take breaks, If you enjoyed this episode don't forget to follow this podcast and leave us a review.
