Brian (Mr.KillerB):
0:00
But, Jon, when we met, one of the things that came up was how to overcome unknown pain. What do you mean by unknown pain?
Jon Jarman:
0:08
I mean my dad was an extreme alcoholic and very abusive. You know, I woke up one night and he was beating up my mom to the point where I went out to the kitchen, grabbed a knife and told him if he didn't stop I would kill him. And I always thought that I escaped the abuse. I didn't escape the abuse. I was part of it. Not realizing it affected my life so much in my life choices. That's the part of the unknown, because I didn't realize that I was a victim of abuse.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
0:34
Welcome to the New Horizons podcast. I'm Brian Curee.
Shawna (Mrs.KillerB):
0:38
And I'm Shawna Curee, also known as Mr and Mrs KillerB, in virtual reality.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
0:42
So this podcast is recorded live from the metaverse at the KillerB Studios.
Shawna (Mrs.KillerB):
0:47
Where real life stories and experiences are shared in a way only the metaverse can offer.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
0:52
With that, let's go ahead and dive in to today's episode. Hey everybody, welcome to the KillerBee Studios. I'm going to shoot some confetti over here to Iris and Love.
NoThumbGamer (Live Q/A):
1:03
You get confetti, let's throw some confetti at.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
1:04
Dina and Mrs KillerB, you get confetti. Over here to iris and love, you get confetti, a dinner. And mrs killer, you get confetti tonight. Our guest is. His name is Jon jarman. Now, we're gonna bring him out in a minute. He's an author of broken and redeemed. Uh, we're really excited to have him come and share his story with us. Uh, tonight's topic, uh, mr KillerB, I don't know if you can relate to this or not, but tonight's topic is about facing pain that we may not always even recognize. Is there? You know, we had a guest, our last guest.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
1:36
I think this is going to kind of tie in a little bit with similar stories from the last guest, which is so, so interesting to see where this goes. I would like to ask everybody here in the audience has if you've ever had a moment in your life where everything just looked fine on the outside, maybe to all your friends, but on the inside you were struggling. If you can relate to that three, I see some confetti coming up already. So if you can relate to that, I think this is going to be a powerful story. Mrs KillerB, have you ever been in that place?
Shawna (Mrs.KillerB):
2:06
Yeah, definitely, I think my generation and the generation before us. It was really just normal to hide your pain and to pretend you were fine even when you weren't, because it seemed like weakness if you talked about what was wrong. And so it's such a beautiful thing that's kind of becoming more common, more normalized and encouraged even to be willing to be vulnerable and say when you're struggling.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
2:35
I agree, I agree 100%, and I think that's one of the great things about when we have guests here to come share their stories. I love that people are open to share not only successes, but some of those times, those struggles and sometimes failures that we go through and when we're not willing to share those, that's really. Those are the really the gold that those gold nuggets that people are looking for, that you can really pour into people and help. So, even during this event, if you guys have something that it might bring something up that you guys want to share again, click the kiosk, we'll bring you up. This helps us all grow together and I love it because we get to learn that we're a lot more alike than maybe we realize, even behind these avatars.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
3:16
So so, with that, I'm going to quit rambling on. I'm going to get ready to bring our guest out. So you guys listen, our guest has never been in the metaverse this and I'm going to get ready to bring our guest out. So you guys listen, our guest has never been in the metaverse. This is his first time. He's been learning the controls, so you guys can show him some grace for that right, which you guys are good at. You guys are really good at showing grace on that.
NoThumbGamer (Live Q/A):
3:34
You guys are amazing at that.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
3:36
We're going to bring him out, but I want you guys to reign him with some confetti to let him get to know what the metaverse here is all about and the community. So, diener, go ahead and hit that guest music and, guys, please welcome to the stage all the way from, I think, wisconsin, I think.
NoThumbGamer (Live Q/A):
3:53
Jon Jon Washington Washington.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
3:56
Yes, washington Remember it was a. W. Yes, I did remember the W. That's where my brain works, Jon See, yeah, welcome.
Shawna (Mrs.KillerB):
4:04
Jon. See, yeah, welcome Jon.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
4:06
Welcome.
Jon Jarman:
4:06
Jon.
Shawna (Mrs.KillerB):
4:07
Well, thanks for having me.
Jon Jarman:
4:08
I'm super excited about this. Yeah, us too. Okay, so let me get your first initial thought.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
4:14
When you put on the headset and you came here, what was your initial thought?
Jon Jarman:
4:17
Oh, I was just amazed at it Because I mean I've never seen anything like this before and I mean you guys are just super talented and it's just I'm super excited. When I saw you, when I saw you guys on podcasts cause that's how we met I was like I've got to get on this show.
NoThumbGamer (Live Q/A):
4:32
That's awesome.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
4:34
It's awesome. Well, we're glad you're here. We're glad you're here, Jon. Would you take about that? I made the. I told him about the mistake I made last time and said take 30 minutes, tell us a little bit about yourself. So I'm going to. I'm making a note of that now 30 seconds. Yes, that was a long introduction for the last guest. No, Jon, would you take about 30 seconds to just tell everybody here a little bit about who you are?
Jon Jarman:
4:55
Yeah, I mean, currently I'm a I'm a fitness director at a private golf club and I've been in the fitness industry for gosh since 91. So that's, I have a degree in physical education, I was a football teacher and football coach for 17 years and then I got into the fitness industry and then, when I moved back home in 2007 to Washington State is when I found that I was you know, I needed some counseling and I found a Christian minister who was my, was my mentor, and that's when you know, my life started to change and that's when you know the book came about and all that stuff. And we'll get into that a little deeper as we go, but that's kind of where I'm at right now, so Awesome.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
5:37
Awesome. Well, did you ever? Did you ever think you would write a book? I will ask you that first.
Jon Jarman:
5:42
No, because I failed English in high school. I have dyslexia, I'm a Marine and I'm a football and PE teacher.
Shawna (Mrs.KillerB):
5:50
So I was like how am I going to write a book? That's a beautiful thing.
Jon Jarman:
5:58
And you surprised yourself by doing it, didn't you? Well, my counselor told me to write a book, and we were about four years into our treatment and she goes Jon, you need to write a book about your story. And I'm like you know my story's not that I mean, there's people that have been in way worse situations than I have. But then, as I got to think about it and I told some friends, they said, yeah, you need to write a book. And so I wrote five chapters in 2014, and I didn't really know where to take the book from then, and it was because I wasn't really where I needed to be in my faith walk.
Jon Jarman:
6:25
And so, in 2020, I was reading in my morning scripture. I was reading Hebrews 1036. And it says that when you're during the will of God, you have to persevere to get what he promised. And then, about an hour later, when I was working out when I work out, I do cardio and I put headsets in for Christian music and then I read Christian novels, and one of my favorite authors is AJ Sabota, and in his very first book, messy, he said that no one told him that anybody would read his book or buy his book. He just had to write it and those two things happened within an hour and I said I got to finish the book and the book was done in four weeks. It was just a total spiritual dump and it just it's amazing where the book has taken me in the last three years and it's just, it's phenomenal.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
7:12
Wow, yeah, so cool. Tell us a little bit about the book. Go ahead, mr. I'm sorry, go ahead.
Shawna (Mrs.KillerB):
7:21
I was just going to say what a great encouragement for people who feel like they're supposed to do something, but they don't feel like they can, you know, wait on God's timing?
Jon Jarman:
7:29
And then, you know, wait on God, and then when he tells you to do it, you got to obey. That's the thing.
NoThumbGamer (Live Q/A):
7:34
Because when.
Jon Jarman:
7:35
I finished the book in four weeks. I talked to my spiritual mentor and I said, hey, do you have an editor? Do you know of anybody that edited his book? And he connected me with this young lady who was in prayer ministry with him and so I was like, okay, she's perfect, cause she's going to understand the book. So we started working together. About halfway through the editing process she goes Jon, I'm a scout for Morgan James publishing. They're going to accept your book. And I'm like, yeah, okay, you know, cause you don't know. And so she submitted the manuscript and by september of that year so this was in march of 2021 um, they accepted my book and then, by march of 22, I had books in my hands.
Jon Jarman:
8:13
So that doesn't happen without intervention but you know, god, it's just because I was obedient and I wrote the book and it's just. You know, it's been amazing. So, wow, that's cool, that's so cool, sorry to have interrupted.
Shawna (Mrs.KillerB):
8:23
No, it's all right, you didn't interrupt's been amazing.
NoThumbGamer (Live Q/A):
8:24
Wow, that's cool. That's so cool.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
8:26
Sorry to have interrupted no it's all right, you didn't interrupt. So that's one of the interesting things, Jon, like we get used to in here, which we've had a break a little bit, but it's easy to over-talk each other because there's delays in the headset. So it's kind of like that's the one thing. That's kind of a challenge. But how many people here have have written a book throw?
NoThumbGamer (Live Q/A):
8:49
some confetti. Has anybody in here?
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
8:50
that's written a book oh iris, is there anybody in here that is writing a book? Throw some confetti. Oh yeah, mrs killer b, I'm writing another confetti oh you're
NoThumbGamer (Live Q/A):
9:00
writing another one awesome I saw ir.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
9:03
Mrs KillerB, did you throw a confetti?
NoThumbGamer (Live Q/A):
9:05
I did Because you're writing a book too. Okay, I didn't see.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
9:08
I've got started All right, all right, cool, okay, awesome, well, that's exciting, that's exciting.
Jon Jarman:
9:21
I'd love to learn more about that process known but it was. It was very interesting to go through that process and and all of the stuff that takes that goes into writing a book and then publishing it.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
9:32
Um, but yeah, it was very interesting so what would you say you're getting into like the whole process too much. Like. What would you say your your. Your biggest lesson in writing a book was what was your biggest takeaway that you would share with people?
Jon Jarman:
9:47
Wow, that's a tough question.
Jon Jarman:
9:48
I would probably say the editing process, because as I worked with my editor, we got to a point so my book was actually 14 chapters, and then she felt that there needed to be a 14th, that something that separated our 13th chapter from our 14th chapter, and so she wanted to do an interview with me about how I surrendered to God and what I would tell people, and so that became the 14th chapter, and then so now the book's 15 chapters long, and so that was kind of the interesting dynamic.
Jon Jarman:
10:18
And then the other thing was, when you write a nonfiction book, there they want the chapters to be similar length and words. And so I had one chapter that they I think it's like 28 to 2,800 to three, 3000 words, and so I had one chapter I had to break into two and then I had one chapter that was only 900 words and I'm like, how am I going to make this longer, you know? And so that that was the challenging part of it is because they want the chapters similar length, and I didn't know that when I was writing the book, I just pounded on the keyboard.
Shawna (Mrs.KillerB):
10:47
You know, I've never known that either I didn't know that, either that's interesting.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
10:51
So, it's nonfiction books. Yeah right. Exactly, yeah, all right, so tell us a little bit about the book, what is the book titled, and give us just like a basic summary, because I know we're going to get into your story. So right, I guess, tell us what the title of it is and how can people get their hands on it. Okay, and then the title of it is the title of it is broken, redeemed, finding freedom through complete surrender.
Jon Jarman:
11:15
I have a website. You can, but it's available to any place books are sold, and so you can go to Barnes and Noble website or anywhere and you can buy the book off that site. But if you want an autographed copy, you need to go to my website, and if you buy it, I sign it and ship it out to them, so that's where you can find the book Nice.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
11:33
Awesome, awesome, all right. So, okay, the title Broken and Redeemed. Tell me a little bit about that. What led you to that title on the book? Well, what led you to that title on the book?
Jon Jarman:
11:43
Well, that kind of came to me in one morning in prayer, because you know, we're all broken, okay, and we all have the redemption. And if you look at the Bible in Titus 3, 3 through 7, that's the broken and redeemed Bible verse, and I don't have it to memory, but it's the broken and redeemed Bible verse. And so that's where that title came from. Now, finding Freedom Through Complete Surrender. That was a work with my publisher, because my initial subtitle was God is Waiting for you. Because that's what I felt God was waiting for me to surrender and come to him completely. And they said that the subtitle needs to kind of tell what the book's more about. And so I didn't really want to lose God is Waiting for you.
Jon Jarman:
12:22
But so we started talking about subtitles and they brought up finding freedom through discovery and finding freedom through this. And so when I was finished with the call, I just kept praying. I said I need a, I need a word, I need a word. And in the morning I was like finding freedom through complete surrender. And so I sent that to the publisher and they're like we love it and we're going to go with it. And then if you tip the, if you flip to the publisher and they're like we love it and we're going to go with it. And then, if you tip the, if you flip to the back page or the back cover of the book, it says so. It says broken and redeemed, finding freedom for complete surrender.
Jon Jarman:
12:51
And when you flip it over, it says god is waiting for you okay, so we kept that in that we kept that, so that was the whole part of it you know, because I mean, we're talking about changing a book title that I had since 2014,. You know, and I'm going okay, listen to them. They're the experts.
Jon Jarman:
13:06
It was a little and you know when we, and so we did, they do a master, it's called a mastermind call. And so when you do that call, you have the, the owner of the publishing company. You have the face-based publisher, my, my editor, a cover person, cause they want to hear about the book so that they can design the cover properly, and all that stuff. So it's sure yeah it's really a big process, so interesting yeah interesting, so that's how the title came about
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
13:32
so very cool, very cool, okay. So when, when we so, guys, when I meet with our guests that's joining us from pod, from podcasting, uh, one of the things I do is I learn a little bit about their story. And I want to kind of go into that because there's something that you said in our conversation and we don't usually go deep in our conversation because I want to keep it fresh for me, just like it is fresh for you guys but, Jon, when we met, one of the things that came up was you talked about your story, about learning how to deal, how to overcome unknown pain. Now, now I would like to kind of just start there, like first, I guess, maybe explain to me what, what do you mean by unknown pain, and where, like what exactly start leading us into your story? What is this? Yeah, so so you had to deal with.
Jon Jarman:
14:16
I got to give you a little background of how I grew up. I mean, my dad was a extreme alcoholic and very abusive, and so you know extreme alcoholic and very abusive, and so you know my nights were watching. You know I woke up one night and he was beating up my mom to the point where I went out to the kitchen, grabbed a knife and told him if he didn't stop I would kill him. And he left that night and never returned. So then it was my mom and my three brothers and I always thought that I escaped the abuse and so I never went into counseling or anything. And but as I got older, you know, I got educated through, you know my PE degree and stuff, and so I took some psychology classes.
Jon Jarman:
14:50
I was like I saw a pattern of self-destruction and so I sought out counseling and during that counseling I discovered that I wasn't, I didn't escape that bit, the, the abuse, the, the abuse it was, I was part of it, and so I didn't realize it.
Jon Jarman:
15:06
But not realizing it affected my life so much in my life choices that you know I heard a lot of people in that time.
Jon Jarman:
15:14
Um, and I I, you know, I asked for forgiveness and I regret that, but it just that's the part of the unknown, because I didn't realize that I was a victim of of abuse. Unknown because I didn't realize that I was a victim of of abuse, um, but it the the looking back on it and seeing how it affected your life and going through that. That that's the essence of the book, cause I talk about that a lot, cause my counselor, she kept trying to use you mentioned this in the intro, mrs B is the vulnerability and she kept telling, she kept wanting me to become vulnerable and I would never let anybody in, because I was ashamed of what took place, um, and I didn't want to share my story with anybody. And, matter of fact, when my high school girlfriend read the book, the manuscript, before it was published, she called me and she goes how come you never told me this? And I was like, cause I was embarrassed, you know.
Jon Jarman:
16:00
And so because you don't want to let people cause think that they're going to leave you too if they know what you're going, you know, and so and that's the mindset, when you don't know you're a victim of abuse, and so that's the hidden part of it, you know is because you don't realize that all of that trauma affected how you behave for years and years.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
16:18
So, well, you know that that brings up a thought, mrs Killer be me. We're just talking about you know that brings up a thought, mrs Killer Beamey, we're just talking about, you know, our son. He's turning 21 and our truck is in the shop right now, or I guess, our SUV. I always call it a truck, it's not a truck. It's an SUV, so it's a man's van, right? Is that what you call? Yeah?
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
16:40
It's my pretend truck, but we had to take it to the shop, so they have it for a couple of days. And so when we was heading back to his car, I said, are you wanting to drive? And he's like, of course. I'm like, okay, so I have to let go of the wheel and let him have it Right and and he'll probably tell you like I was a nervous wreck. I'm like, hey, you need to slow down a little bit. You're kind of close up on all these things. Me and Mrs KillerB were talking about that I realized, as you're sharing this, I realized I started asking myself why am I so on the edge when I'm in the other seat? And I realized that there was a really bad car accident I was in, and when I was in that car accident I was in that passenger seat yeah.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
17:28
So I'm always constantly looking at what's going on and then if I don't have control, then that could kind of be something similar, like I had to start realizing like okay, I don't feel, like I have control, so then therefore I don't feel safe, and that's probably comes out of a little bit from that past, from that accident.
Jon Jarman:
17:47
Yeah, cause you have some PTSD.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
17:51
So yeah, yeah. So that's a really interesting thought there.
Jon Jarman:
17:55
Okay.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
17:55
So I see that we're going to go ahead and get more into the conversation. I do say we have a question right now. So I am going to ask Diener Diener, you want to bring up that Q&A mic and Yvonne?
Yvonne (Live Q/A):
18:05
Yvonne, come on down, hello, hello, okay, so I have a two-part question. Okay, so your book discusses the deep emotional and spiritual struggles in life. How difficult was it for you to be open and vulnerable in that? And then my second part of my question is what was the biggest lesson that you learned about yourself while writing your book?
Jon Jarman:
18:31
Well, to answer the first part, it was tough because I didn't want to put too much in the book to open wounds of people that I hurt, and so that was kind of tough.
Jon Jarman:
18:40
But, as I said earlier, the book was done in four weeks. So I was at the Gulf of Mexico on vacation and I committed to write two hours a day, so I would pray before I started writing and then I would get up at sunrise Sunrise at the Gulf of Mexico is kind of inspirational and I would just pound on keyboards for about two hours and then when I came home I just kept doing that and and the words just kind of flowed. It was, it was truly spiritual, and so that's how I'd answer that first question. Part of the question is, it was tough and I and and I had to search, and when we were in the editing process my editor wanted me to go into more detail about my ex-wife and I chose not to because I didn't want her to feel anything as she read the book if she did. And then can you refresh your second part of the question so I can answer it directly?
Shawna (Mrs.KillerB):
19:30
I think I remember. Okay, she's back.
Yvonne (Live Q/A):
19:32
Yeah, hang on, let me yep. Okay, I'm out. What was the biggest lesson that you learned about yourself while writing your book?
Jon Jarman:
19:42
You know, I think it was just to be open and truly honest and vulnerable, because until you become vulnerable and I think it's tougher for men to be vulnerable and so that was the biggest lesson I learned and how becoming vulnerable changes the way you see God and the way you see the world, and so, because you don't have that veil over your eyes, so good questions Yvonne.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
20:14
Very good. Thank you, Jon. When, when did you start realizing, like, what was a time, like when you started realizing that something deeper was going on, that you needed to set up for?
Jon Jarman:
20:24
Well, it was when I moved back to Washington and I saw a self-destruction behavior start to happen and I sought out counseling and Christina, my counselor, it was a. It was a God thing, because the first two people I called, uh, just Google counselors, and the first two people I called they weren't accepting new patients, and Christina was. And then, my first meeting with her, I said you know, look, you've got to call me on the carpet. I don't want you know. If you think I'm BSing you or lying to you, you need to call me on it because I don't want to keep doing what I'm doing. And so she did that and we worked together, on and off, for 10 years. And we worked together on and off for 10 years.
Jon Jarman:
20:59
And so she was a godsend to me so that's when I realized it, because I just saw a behavior that and I was like I can't keep doing this and I said I got to find out why I'm doing it and that's really where I found it, wow.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
21:14
That's beautiful. Now you were a Christian before you sought out counseling correct.
Jon Jarman:
21:24
Well, I knew of Christianity, so we never went to church as a family or anything. So my first exposure to Christ I was actually in boot camp for the Marines and the drill instructor came in Sunday morning and said hey, you guys can go to church and it's an hour free from us. And I went Sign me up.
Lep (Live Q/A):
21:35
So let me go.
Jon Jarman:
21:37
And so I don't know how much I really paid attention.
Jon Jarman:
21:40
I just knew I was getting a break from the drill instructors for an hour, and then, as I got into my coaching career, I started to do some FCA work, fellowship of Christian Athletes and so I started to grow a little bit, but I was still holding on to the pain and the shame of everything, and so it wasn't until I started counseling and then I met Scotty Kessler, who's my spiritual mentor. That's when we really started to work on getting rid of the strongholds that I had and that's where I found the free, you know, where I completely surrendered to God, and once I did that, the Bible doesn't read the same and the world doesn't look the same. I had one podcaster asked me what's the biggest change from before you gave up, before you surrendered, to now? And I said I see the world through God's eyes, you know because I see it differently I don't judge people you know, and it's just.
Jon Jarman:
22:29
It's been a blessing.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
22:31
How hard was it for you to reach out for help? No-transcript, they were really embarrassed by it, but, like you were saying, even as us men, you know, we can have egos and pride. How much of that did that play a role in you reaching out for help?
Jon Jarman:
22:58
You know that didn't. At that time I knew I saw the self-destruction behavior because I knew what it was, and so I didn't want to continue to do that. So that's why I sought out help. I didn't realize what I was going to find and you know I didn't care if it was a male or female or anything. I just needed somebody that would basically call me on the carpet if I needed to be. And to be honest, because I knew I would try to hide things, because I think that's what we try to do.
Jon Jarman:
23:26
Um, and you know her whole work was trying to be get me to become vulnerable, because when my dad did what he did and I pulled the knife on him, I put an armor on and I didn't let anybody in. You know, I didn't let anybody close. I always kept people at an arm's distance, and you know that that had to be removed. And when I wrote the book and I sent it to the editor, one of her comments was I've never seen a male author be so vulnerable. And so I sent that to Christine and I said you got your wish.
Jon Jarman:
23:53
So, that was pretty cool. So, um, you know it's, it's tough, and what I would say to your listeners is you know you're not the only person that's going through what you went through. There's people that have gone through what you've gone through. You cannot get through it on your own, so find that help, whether it's a counselor or a spiritual mentor or somebody, because you can't do it alone.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
24:37
So that's good, that's good, it's really good. Did you? How long would you like? How long of a journey was this that you were on?
Jon Jarman:
24:45
It was 10 years. It was 10 years, 10 years. Yeah, I worked with Christina and then five with Scotty, so Okay, through this journey, what would, what would you say?
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
24:58
was there any like, I guess, like? Was there any unexpected revelations for yourself that you learned during that time?
Jon Jarman:
25:06
Well, the biggest was just the, the, the strongholds that I had, and I talk. When I talk about strongholds, it's, you know, it's the demonic side of our Christianity, because when I did what I did back in at 12 years old, you know that you did back at 12 years old. You know, at 12 years old I took control of my life and I held control of my life until then. And so when I started working with Scotty, he had been in the deliverance ministry and so he started giving me prayer plans to start working out some of that stuff and going through all of that. That was the biggest wow, because as we did these prayer plans, I would be praying in the morning and I'd have to go throw up or I'd be praying and I'd start sweating profusely. And so I had to tell scotty what was going on during these times.
Jon Jarman:
25:50
Um, I dealt with with my older brother, because my older brother was in a, was in a coma, and uh, you know scotty's like. Well, he grew up like you. So you, when you go up and pray, my brother was a Darwinist, he believed in evolution, and so Scotty said you know, when you go pray because I was like he's, you know, I got to pray the prayer of confession over him, you know, because he doesn't believe in Christ and he's about to die. And so when I went up and started praying to him, scotty goes you know, if the demonic spirits come, you gotta be ready for it. And he taught me how to do that, and he taught me how to pray over him and it was there. So I mean, I always tell people, if you believe in Christ, you gotta believe in the other side. And I think, um, you know, during Jesus's three years, he, you know, he proved that the demonic, that the four synoptic gospels, so so that that facing that was the biggest wow, um, so, wow, what was this?
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
26:45
what was the prayer? Can you share? Share a little bit with us about the prayer plan? You said Well it.
Jon Jarman:
26:50
It differed because, as, as I moved through it, depending on what I did, then Scotty would change the plan, but it was. It was, you know, praying about giving up Um, I'm going to try to think about it because it's in the book but you know, giving up judgment and releasing my shame and my guilt from what I did and everything like that. So, and as you did that and you prayed over day and day, every day after day, you know, you started to have manifestations like where I had to go throw up or I sweated profusely because that's the, that's getting rid of the, that demonic possession. So, or, you know, stronghold is what Scotty likes to call it.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
27:26
So Wow, wow, all right, thank you for sharing that. Thank you, yeah. And remember if anybody has any questions or thoughts, yeah, that's important to talk about because, like you said, you know, just like one side we know is real, so is the other.
Jon Jarman:
27:43
So, yeah, that's a very important and a lot of the churches don't preach about that side of it, you know, because they don't want to, they want to. They don't want to talk about it, but it's there.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
27:51
So and I noticed you talked about, you know, just a little bit ago you mentioned about vulnerability. I know Mrs Could be your touch on vulnerability. I know Mrs Kilbrey you're touching on that too. How important do you see, as you know, I know we as Christians will say you know, trust in God, we know that's important and how important is the?
Jon Jarman:
28:12
vulnerability side, like those together. Well, I think it's absolutely the most important thing. I think, because you have to become vulnerable to see that you're weak. Okay, if you look at the Sermon on the Mount, when God said the meek will inherit the earth, well, it's not that you're weak, it's you have to admit that you're sinful, okay. And so for you to be able to look at yourself and say I can't do it without God, that's vulnerable, you know, because I'm not strong enough to do this on my own. And that's the whole sermon on the mount. That's what it was about is trying to get us to understand that we have to lay down and we have to say we're we're unworthy and we can't do it without you.
Shawna (Mrs.KillerB):
28:49
So yeah, really, in some ways it's the same thing as humility, which we know we're supposed to be humble and we want to you know, continue to become more humble. So vulnerability is just another part of that, a way to express it I guess.
Jon Jarman:
29:03
Well, I think I think humility and not to. I think humility is a little different than vulnerability, because I think you can be humble but not vulnerable, because vulnerable is letting somebody in to see the true you and to see what's in your heart and what's in your soul, and I think that's a huge difference and I think in a couple.
Jon Jarman:
29:20
In a couple, you have to be so vulnerable with each other to make the marriage work, and if you're not, it's not going to work. So, and I think that's the same relationship that we need to have with Jesus Christ, is we have to be open to him, even though he knows who we are because he created us. He wants us to, he wants us to say it. You know because they say that he can. He knows our words before we speak. Well, yes, but he wants us to speak those words because he wants us to understand that we are that phone, that we need to be that phoneable to have that relationship. So that's good.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
29:54
That's good. That's good. I see we have another question from no Thumb Gamer. So no Thumb Gamer. If you want to come on down to the mic and feel free to share your thought or question, Welcome to the KillerB Studios.
Shawna (Mrs.KillerB):
30:09
You are muted. Oh, you're unmuted, Hi welcome.
NoThumbGamer (Live Q/A):
30:12
Hi. So, Jon, I just wanted to say that I've really enjoyed listening to your story and I couldn't wait until you'd finished to go and order it, so I've just ordered it on oh well, thank you um.
Jon Jarman:
30:24
I'm in the.
NoThumbGamer (Live Q/A):
30:24
UK. So, um, okay, unfortunately I can't get a signed copy, which I'm very gutted about. Um, but, I.
Jon Jarman:
30:32
I relate, I relate to your story a lot, so thank you very much well, here I'll tell you this if you, if you want a signed copy, go to my website and give me your address and I will send you a copy oh, thank you.
Jon Jarman:
30:43
Oh yeah, so because there's a, there's a comment and I'll get the comment. So it was kind of funny because she's in the uk, so I. So two years after the book was published I I sent a message to my publisher and I said can you tell me where the books have been sold?
Jon Jarman:
30:57
because I was just curious, curious to you know cause we, that's the publishing company Morgan James that I'm with, it's world, world publishing. And so they sent me a list and I've sold two books in Canada, a couple in Germany, a couple in the UK, Australia, and so the book. You know, I tell people I'm a, I'm a world renowned award winning author now.
NoThumbGamer (Live Q/A):
31:18
So that's awesome. It's so interesting. The book is one of the book.
Jon Jarman:
31:23
Yeah, you never know and and you know I, I. The one thing I regret that I didn't put in the book is at the end of the book. I wanted people I should have put hey, go to my website and tell me the impact the book made on you, because you know hearing that type of stuff. And I'll share one with you guys this young lady who was about four years she was a freshman when I was a senior in high school she saw my book and she read it and then she looked me up on Facebook and direct messaged me and she goes you probably don't even know who I am, but I remember you from high school and I read your book and if I wouldn't have found the book at that time, I would have. I was going to kill, kill myself, she was going to commit suicide. So now she's back in church and she's on a daily Bible reading and everything like that.
Jon Jarman:
32:04
And so just hearing that impact of that, you know, if I didn't sell another book I'd be like that's, that's what the book was for yeah and so you know, I had a Marine who founded on Amazon and because I was a Marine, he he read it in his review on Amazon was that he was struggling with his faith and by reading my book it brought him back to stronger faith and I'm just like that's awesome.
Shawna (Mrs.KillerB):
32:28
So yeah, it's such a beautiful thing, just the smallest. I mean, that was a big act of obedience for you to write the book, but it's just beautiful to see, like you think. You know, maybe no one will ever read it, maybe it will make no impact at all, but that's never the way it is.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
32:47
God knows exactly where, where it needs to go. It's beautiful, yes, man, yep. Well, that's that is so beautiful. The uh, and it can be intimidating, like you know, I know mrs killer b is writing a book. I've talked to her about writing a book and I'm like that's, that's intimidating. It's like am I gonna put this on? It? Is anybody gonna read it? And that's also, like you said, learning about what you know.
Jon Jarman:
33:05
It's like I told you earlier that you know, I prayed before I wrote, and so in the contents of chapters I have scripture verses and I have quotes from other theologians and somebody asked me once they said, how did you know where to put those? And I was like it just came to me I'd be writing and I'd go, oh, this verse is perfect right here, and so I'd go to the Bible and I'd get the verse and I'd write it in the book and it just I mean, it was truly a spiritual led writing, um, and it just it's amazing the way it turned out.
Lep (Live Q/A):
33:35
So I call it a God thing.
Jon Jarman:
33:37
So I call it in the book. I call them God things. So here's a God thing I'll share with you from the book. So you guys know who mercy me is. Oh, yeah, okay. So they wrote a song back in 20 I believe it's 2015. Uh, dear younger me, you guys heard the song yeah, I love that song okay so the song.
Jon Jarman:
33:56
When I first heard the song, it just spoke to me and resonated with me and so I was like I want to use this as my last chapter of the book and call it dear younger me. So I was like, how can I get permission, you know? So mercy me was going to play in in kent, which is about 20 minutes from my house, and the young lady I was dating at the time it was around her birthday. So I bought a VIP pass where we would. They would take her up on stage, not Mercy Me, but one of the acts. They would sing happy birthday to her. And then we got to go backstage and I'm like, at least I'm going to be in a position where maybe I can meet with Bart and talk to him. So I told the people what I wanted to do and they said well, mercy Me's road manager is right over there, let me go talk to him. So the road manager came over and I shared the story and he goes. Well, bart will be here in about 10 minutes, I'll talk to him. So he comes over and goes. Bart would love to, and if you saw the movie, I can only imagine he shared that with me before the movie was even conceptualized and so, yeah, so so him and I grew up a lot alike, because his dad was an alcoholic too and everything, and so I go. Okay, so what inspired you to write the dear younger me? He goes.
Jon Jarman:
35:04
My counselor told me to write a letter to my son, as if I was writing it to my younger self, and that's where the song came out. And I said well, that's good, because my counselor told me to write a book and I want to use your song in my book. Can I have your permission? He said yes, as long as you give me a copy of the book. And so I've sent him a copy of the book. I don't know if he's got it because I never heard back from him or thing.
Jon Jarman:
35:25
But that's how my last chapter is formed and me being an educator, at the end of every chapter I have reflection questions. So when you read the chapter, you can answer them then or you can come back to them. But the last question is you have to write a letter to your younger self explaining what you would change or what you wouldn't change, cause some of the things I did I wouldn't change, because it made me who I am. Even though they were wrong, I wouldn't change those things because that's who made. That's what God wanted me to go through, so I could have this testimony.
Jon Jarman:
35:52
And so that was a tough letter to write, so it was cool. It was kind of cool Cause I kind of go through the song and I tell people what the song meant to me, verse by verse, and then I go into the letter of my dear younger me and so that's the last chapter of the book and that, and that's a God thing, because who, who would have thought I would have gone to a concert, got to go backstage and meet Barb Barb Hart, you know and be able to talk to him, so, so that's that is the coolest part of the book, so this is slightly off the subject, but there's this video on YouTube of Mercy Me playing Dear Younger Me.
Shawna (Mrs.KillerB):
36:25
Acoustically. It looks like it's just like at the end of a practice or something. It is so beautiful. If you haven't heard it, look it up.
Jon Jarman:
36:32
Oh, I have to look it up. Yeah, yeah.
Shawna (Mrs.KillerB):
36:34
Yeah, it like goes through my head all the time because it's just so beautiful what it sounds like.
Jon Jarman:
36:38
That was that song was just. It spoke to me so much, you know, and the part of it where he says that you weren't meant to carry this beyond the cross, that was one of my favorite lines. And because because I wasn't meant to carry all this things for my life, you know, and we weren't meant to carry it beyond the cross, because Jesus that's what Jesus died for is so that we didn't have to carry those things with us. And you know, it was just. That was. That is my favorite line of the of the song.
Shawna (Mrs.KillerB):
37:04
So it's powerful. He's definitely one of the best songwriters of our generation. I mean such powerful lyrics.
Jon Jarman:
37:10
So let me tell you this. So I was trying to get him to write like a little review of my book, you know cause I thought that'd be so cool, you know forward or something. And so so I call his agent and I'm talking to the secretary and she goes. Well, you know, bart's not a writer. I'm like what I said, have you not listened to his music? So he's one of the best contemporary Christian writers of all time. She goes, well, I go. She said something and I said, well, he could write it as a song, cause that would be cooler. So when I sent the book, when I sent the book to the agency, I sent her, I sent an extra copy for her.
NoThumbGamer (Live Q/A):
37:45
So so because I was just like how do you?
Jon Jarman:
37:48
think how do you think bart's not a writer?
Shawna (Mrs.KillerB):
37:51
right. Yeah, he's a writer, all right. Oh yes, yes yeah, so, okay.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
37:56
So we have another question.
Shawna (Mrs.KillerB):
37:57
Let's bring up iris, iris, the scribe iris, come on down iris, we should have guessed that you wrote a book, because her name is iris the scribe?
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
38:06
yes yes, and then I put that together and that's a new shirt too, a new as a new design. I haven't seen that one.
Iris (Live Q/A):
38:11
Oh, it's like two hours old yeah yeah, this is. This is a more mundane question, but it's been bugging me ever since yvonne asked her question, so you mentioned you didn't? You didn't talk about your, your ex-wife, because you know, you didn't know how she was going to react. How was there anyone else you talked about in the book that you had to run it by before you published, or? Um, there was a couple of people.
Jon Jarman:
38:33
Yeah, yeah, there was a couple of people that I spoke to before before I went to publishing Um, and just to get the permission that I could put the stuff in the book. Yes, yeah, and I did write about my marriage and my ex-wife, but I didn't put all the details in there. And so what I tell people when they ask kind of those questions is, you know, I did put enough in there to where people would understand that I had transgression during that time, but I didn't put the whole details. So if somebody, if they were involved in that, they would understand what I'm talking about, but if somebody didn't know about it, they wouldn't know who they are, what we did.
Iris (Live Q/A):
39:08
So so there wasn't anybody you mentioned that was going to be surprised by.
Jon Jarman:
39:17
No, because the ones that I felt, the ones that I put, in the book.
Shawna (Mrs.KillerB):
39:20
I talked to him before we published. So, okay, Thanks, yeah, yep, good question. That's not a mundane question.
Jon Jarman:
39:24
Yeah, that's a great question, and here's the thing I would advise anybody that's writing a nonfiction book, if you have situations like that, is talk to the people before you publish because and let them read what you wrote and let make sure that they're OK with what you wrote.
Shawna (Mrs.KillerB):
39:38
So yeah, that's good, because it's not only our story, is it? Yeah, that's right.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
39:44
That's interesting to think about that it's not only our stories. We're all parts of other people's stories too.
Jon Jarman:
39:49
Yeah, we belong to other people, yeah, yeah, I mean, this is part of our story now, because we're together.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
39:54
Actually. So we have another question. We have Yvonne. Let's bring Yvonne back up.
Yvonne (Live Q/A):
39:58
If there's one message that you want every one of your readers to walk away with, what would it be?
Jon Jarman:
40:07
To be vulnerable. That, um, to be vulnerable, that would be the biggest thing. Open up your heart, let people know how you feel, let people know what you're thinking, um, and don't worry about what they think of you, because it's you can't control that, but just to open up to to be vulnerable. So good.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
40:27
So I want to ask you, Jon, too. Earlier you said about how, like you've now started looking at the world differently through God's eyes. Can you explain a little bit like what you mean by that for people that might be tuned in? Yeah, what's the difference for you?
Jon Jarman:
40:43
Well, for me, before complete surrender was you know, I would still look at people and judge them and look.
Jon Jarman:
40:49
You know, if I saw somebody on the street I might think a judgment thought about them and now I just see him as a human. And you know, when I look at people and I, and when you look at the world, you can see the evidence of God just in the beauty of the world. Like where I live in Washington state, we have this beautiful mountain that exists when it's sunny out. There's nothing more beautiful than Mount Rainier. And to see that every day and people in Washington, they take it advantage because they see it every day but they don't truly enjoy the beauty of it and so just seeing the world and seeing what God has created and looking at it through that way I mean my counselor once told me she goes, go sit and enjoy a sunset- you know and so enjoy the small things of the world, and that was one of the things that I started focusing on after I, after I gave up control, is because it just it opened my eyes to things that I never saw before.
Jon Jarman:
41:43
And um, and then scripture when you start reading scripture after you've given up control, you don't have a veil. Scripture speaks to you differently and it truly is the living word, because you can go back and read Matthew 10 times and you're going to get something 10 times. Every time you're going to get something different out of it, and you know, I didn't really read that way until now, and so that's, that's the biggest difference.
Shawna (Mrs.KillerB):
42:06
Jon, you're not going to believe this, but my book that I've started I think I'm eight chapters in is about seeing God through the beauty of the world.
Jon Jarman:
42:15
Yeah, that's awesome.
Shawna (Mrs.KillerB):
42:16
That's awesome.
NoThumbGamer (Live Q/A):
42:17
I can't believe you said that.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
42:18
Yeah, and we just remember. I just read something to you last night we're getting ready to go to bed, and Mrs Kilbrey and I read arcane introduced me to reddit. So I've been on there a little bit and I'm like man, it's like some people post stuff in here that I'm just so amazed, like they're so vulnerable and want to be open with. And someone said that they had made the decision to put down their phone more often and they said they realized how much they were missing.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
42:42
I'm not doing exactly saying exactly what they said, but that basically they said that when they put yeah, when they put down their phone, they started noticing the things happening around them, like in the nature, and and they realized how much they needed that and how much they needed to to put that device down to really enjoy the moment of today. And I think that the technologies and stuff and these are great technologies, but I feel like I we've talked about it over and over how a lot of them are taking us away from the things that we can, really we need to soak in and that's just yeah, it's the creation and it's, so we really miss out when we don't.
Jon Jarman:
43:21
So I work at a golf course, okay, and so my office window faces a sunrise every morning, and if you go to my Instagram account, which is Jon underscore, broken and redeemed, you're going to see these sunrise pictures that I take periodically, and it's the most beautiful stuff, and it's kind of the same angle all the time, but yet it's different every single sunset.
Shawna (Mrs.KillerB):
43:42
Right.
Jon Jarman:
43:43
And so I truly love my job because I get to see that every morning when it's clear out. I mean, I live in Seattle, so it rains quite a bit. Okay, I make a joke, it rains. It only rains twice a year in Seattle Rains January to June, june to December.
Jon Jarman:
43:56
Okay, that's my joke about Seattle. Okay, but there are times when we have these beautiful clear skies and the sunsets, or sunrises are just so amazing, and I take a picture at the same view, but yet it looks totally different. So if you're into sunrise pictures, go to my instagram, check it out and you'll see what I'm talking about.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
44:14
So also, yeah, that's awesome we moved.
Shawna (Mrs.KillerB):
44:17
We just got in this gallery I just wanted to say this real quick number one on my bucket list is coming to seattle to go to puget sound to see the killer whales so we're definitely going to get there within the next two years, so we'll come visit you.
Jon Jarman:
44:30
Then you need to call me and let me know when you're coming and I'll take you up to the San Juans and that way you can watch the killer whales.
NoThumbGamer (Live Q/A):
44:36
Yes, I will do, definitely, definitely, yeah, definitely, and I'll take you on a tour.
Jon Jarman:
44:42
I'll take you on a tour of Seattle and downtown and Space Needle and all that stuff.
Shawna (Mrs.KillerB):
44:46
Awesome. As soon as you said Washington, I was like ding ding ding, you have to go up to Mount Rainier too. Absolutely yeah, we have friends that lived right at the foot of Mount Rainier.
Jon Jarman:
44:59
And so they've always talked about how beautiful it was, so I've always wanted to go there. Yeah, and where did you grow up?
Shawna (Mrs.KillerB):
45:05
Cincinnati Ohio.
Jon Jarman:
45:07
Okay. So I graduated from Ohio University with my master's degree. I lived in Athens for six years. Oh my goodness, yeah, that's where I went to school.
Shawna (Mrs.KillerB):
45:17
A bunch of my cousins went there.
Jon Jarman:
45:18
Uh-huh, yep, yep.
Shawna (Mrs.KillerB):
45:20
Rabid fans.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
45:21
those the Bobcats.
Jon Jarman:
45:25
Yep.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
45:25
Yep, the Bobcats. That's great cats. Yep, yep, the bobcats. Yeah, we actually. Since we just moved to vero beach and we don't have the sunset like we used to, over the water, we watch the sun sets on the other side, so it makes the whole water look totally different every night. We've never experienced it, so it always amazes us.
Shawna (Mrs.KillerB):
45:46
It turns very in the sunrise over the ocean.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
45:49
I haven't seen that yet.
Shawna (Mrs.KillerB):
45:51
I have not seen it three times and it is beautiful.
Jon Jarman:
45:53
It's a. You know, god's artistry is such amazing when you slow down your life and you look at it, I mean, and there's evidence all around us. You know that some of this stuff would not be. You know, there's no way it was. You know the big bang. Somebody created this. Yes, you know.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
46:11
Well, I'm excited to check out the sunrise tomorrow. That's what I'm hoping to do tomorrow morning is check out the sunrise.
Shawna (Mrs.KillerB):
46:17
So that's my plan I'll kick you. I'll kick you when the alarm goes off. So you definitely get up.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
46:22
You ain't kicking me. You're not going to be awake, don't, don't let her fool you.
Shawna (Mrs.KillerB):
46:30
uh, okay, we have, we have another guest we're gonna bring up really quick. We have a lap lap.
Lep (Live Q/A):
46:34
Come on up welcome all right, welcome how you guys doing what Jon was saying about being living in the seattle area and seeing mount rainier. I had the pleasure of seeing that myself. Um, over a year and a half ago I was um out there to visit my son who's in the Army, stationed out there in Fort Lewis. He's in Lakewood, washington, yep and so they took us to see Seattle and stuff and it was interesting. The whole week we were there, my wife and I. It did not rain, the skies were clear. We went to Olympia and stuff, and then you could see Mount Rainier and how beautiful it is. I think we're like 40 or 50 miles away from it and the area is just beautiful. It's just really nice out there, and my wife and I had the pleasure, like when we live in the state of Georgia.
Lep (Live Q/A):
47:22
So when we flew out of SeaTac going back to Atlanta, the plane just happened to ride right past. I think we were maybe six or seven miles from Mount Rainier and I'm videotaping this whole thing as we're going by and you're talking about God's creation, the beauty of it. It's just amazing. You're right, it is beautiful when you really take the time to look at it. Where do you live in Georgia? I live near Atlanta. I'm about 16 miles north east of the city.
Jon Jarman:
47:51
Do you know where Cairo, Georgia is? No Down by Thomasville.
Lep (Live Q/A):
47:58
Okay, that's down south Georgia right. Yeah, down south, just above.
Jon Jarman:
48:01
Tallahassee, so I coached football in Cairo for about five years.
Shawna (Mrs.KillerB):
48:05
Okay, all right yeah, and then, your son's seeing that on the is your son?
Jon Jarman:
48:09
is your son still at fourth lewis?
Lep (Live Q/A):
48:11
yes, he's, he's there until probably june. He may be. He's trying to come on, so so he lives probably. He lives 10 minutes from where I live oh, wow, okay, yeah, okay, yeah, all right, all right.
Jon Jarman:
48:25
Yeah, that's cool all right, just want to make that comment. Well, no, that's great, I appreciate it yeah.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
48:31
Yeah, thanks, love. Thank you, Jon, for coming out and sharing with us and taking the leap to step into here and see what this is even like.
Jon Jarman:
48:39
I loved it. This is awesome. You guys can have me back anytime.
NoThumbGamer (Live Q/A):
48:43
Awesome. Awesome We'll take you up on that.
Jon Jarman:
48:46
Yes we will Well, Jon, what we should do is when you come to Washington. We should do a follow-up show after you come to Washington and talk about your trip.
NoThumbGamer (Live Q/A):
48:54
That's a great idea. Let's do that. That would be so much fun.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
48:58
What's the easiest way they can learn about your book? Get your hands on that again before we wrap up.
Jon Jarman:
49:02
So the easiest way is my website brokenandred, redeemedcom or to anywhere books are sold, cause you can go to any bookstore, online or in person, and order the book there.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
49:12
So Okay, Jon, for for those of that might be here tonight, or people that are going to be listening to the podcast later, that's what I love about this is the podcast. People was going to continue to hear these stories and be able to connect to it. For someone who feels that maybe they're at the end of of themselves, maybe they're carrying pain that they just can't fully name, yet they don't know where this is coming from, what would you want to say to them?
Jon Jarman:
49:39
The first thing I would say is reach out for help, ask for help, find a counselor, find a spiritual mentor or find somebody that does both, and get them in your corner and then just be unconditionally honest with them, because if you're not honest with them, the treatment's not going to work. You have to put in the work, and that's the hard part about the the going through all that, because, as my count Christina used to tell me, it's like peeling an onion, and so as you start to peel an onion, the closer to the center you get. What do you do? More you cry, it's painful, okay, and so that's going to happen, and so you have to have somebody that's going to help you through that, and so that's the biggest thing I would say is make sure you have a support team around you that you can work through it, because it is going to be painful, because it's going to open up things that you really don't want to deal with, but you have to in.
