Kevin Palmeri:
0:00
So when I was 25, by all outside standards I had everything you could possibly want. I had a six-figure job, my girlfriend at the time was a model, I had a nice car, I had a new apartment, I had great friends and things just went from what seemed like really good to really bad very quickly. I didn't really understand my core values. I didn't really understand my core beliefs. So I assumed, if I just go make all the money, the rest of the problems will just kind of fade away. And we got to the end of the year I made $100,000 at 26, with no college degree. But I felt exactly the same. I had more money in my bank account, but I didn't have any more self-worth. I didn't have any more self-belief. I didn't have any more confidence. I just didn't have any more self-belief. I didn't have any more confidence. I just didn't change.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
0:45
Welcome to the New Horizons podcast. I'm Brian Curee.
Shawna (Mrs.KillerBee):
0:49
And I'm Shauna Curee, also known as Mr and Mrs Killer B, in virtual reality.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
0:53
So this podcast is recorded live from the metaverse at the Killer B studios.
Shawna (Mrs.KillerBee):
0:58
Where real life stories and experiences are shared in a way only the metaverse can offer.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
1:03
With that, let's go ahead and dive in to today's episode. Hey everybody, welcome to the Killer Bee Studios. Let's throw some confetti over there. Some confetti over here. Watch out, good soldier. Hey, we thank you guys all for coming out and joining us at the Killer Bee Studios. Our topic tonight with Kevin is going to be about. You know, some people find rock bottom. This is something that Kevin was talking to me about. So Kevin is part of a group called Podmatch which is connected to other guests and if you run a podcast, check it out. It's a very cool platform. But I met Kevin on there about being. I saw, I think, somebody reached out to me from his team. I was like man, this guy's got a very interesting story. And I saw, I think, somebody reached out to me from his team. I was like man, this guy's got a very interesting story. I'd like to bring him on. And I got him and I got him suckered into stepping in the metaverse.
Shawna (Mrs.KillerBee):
1:50
You know that's going to be tricky sometimes.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
1:51
It can be tricky sometimes, but he's like I'm coming, I'm coming, but he's going to come talk about he's going to have you ever hit rock bottom before? Anybody here can relate to that? Yeah, and I think a lot of us can, and if we can't, we probably know someone that can, especially when we look at social media. Mrs Killer Bee, social media is really good. It does a great job at the illusion that everything is amazing on the outside that's what it seems like, but on the inside there's a lot of chaos. Can you guys relate to that? You guys think you guys can relate to that? Yeah, I could definitely see that.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
2:33
And, mrs Killer Bee, I know you and me have talked about this before, maybe even here many times, and a lot of people. We tend to think that if I just had a little bit more of this, a little bit more money, a little bit of time, a little bit more muscle, a little bit more you know, whatever you can fill in that blank. A lot of people think if they had just a little bit more influence or followers, they would be happier. But we're learning more and more that that doesn't really equate to happiness. Me and Mrs Killer B have been reading this book right now, and she's way far ahead than I am, but it's called the Gap and the Gain. Is that correct? The Gap and the Gain? Yep, do you know who the authors are of that book? You?
Shawna (Mrs.KillerBee):
3:16
know what, I can't remember their names. I know it's two guys. One of them is actually. I could look it up real quick if you want, if you want me to, because Let me guess probably Dan Sullivan and Dr Benjamin Hardy.
Live Q&A Quest 1:
3:35
Okay you so had that written down.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
3:38
You tricked me, but yeah, they're the authors of the book, but I think that that will probably come into our conversation with Kevin I think so too yeah. So if you guys hear us reference the Gap or the Gain, you guys will know that we're talking about this book. So with that, are you guys ready to bring out our guests? All right, everybody. Please welcome to the Killer Bees stage. Kevin, Kevin, and this is not Kevin from Home Alone, but that's what she was aiming for that is what I was aiming for, Kevin.
Kevin Palmeri:
4:14
Welcome to the stage, hello. Thank you so very much. Thank you, thank you?
Shawna (Mrs.KillerBee):
4:18
Yes, welcome, I'm so glad you're, here tonight with us.
Kevin Palmeri:
4:21
Kevin, I appreciate you having me. Let's get some glitter up in the sky for the wonderful host here having this wonderful thing in this wonderful weird land that we're in right now.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
4:31
Exactly Weird land. Oh, I love it. I love it, Kevin, we're so glad that you're here. How did you do coping after your parents left you at Christmas by yourself and you had to go all that time by yourself with those intruders and stuff?
Kevin Palmeri:
4:46
I grew up fast. I had to grow up fast and I experienced cologne and aftershave and some light assault. So it was quite a lesson for me. And then, believe it or not, they actually left me again when I was in New York. It's just, I can't believe it.
Live Q&A Quest 1:
5:04
I can't believe it. What kind of parents are they? Well not the good kind evidently Not the good kind.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
5:12
Not the good kind. Well, Kevin here I'm just going to call him Kevin from now on. Kevin, before we get started, would you take about 30 minutes and just kind of- 30 seconds, he means. Oh, 30 seconds.
Kevin Palmeri:
5:23
If you give me 30 minutes.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
5:24
I'll take it. Yeah, exactly, We'll give you 30 minutes. We'll be back in a little bit. We'll give you 30 seconds. Talk about 30 seconds. Just share a little bit about who you are.
Kevin Palmeri:
5:33
Sure. So today I am the founder and the host of Next Level University. We are a global top 100 podcast. We recorded our 1994th episode today and I've been a full-time yes, yes, I appreciate thank you so much, and I've been a full-time podcaster since 2018 and it's very strange how, at one point, this was all just a dream and now I kind of get to live my dream every day and I don't ever want to take that for granted, that's beautiful.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
6:05
Wow, how many episodes did you say?
Kevin Palmeri:
6:07
now, uh, 1994, and as of today, in this I've had the pleasure of being on 978 other podcasts my goodness wow, that's incredible do you have a big plan for your 2000 episode I? Don't know what we're gonna do, but we a big plan for your 2000 episode. I don't know what we're going to do, but we'll do something for the celebration, for sure, if anybody has any ideas. Please let me know what a good celebration would be.
Shawna (Mrs.KillerBee):
6:33
I have a good idea Awesome Party like it's 1999. That's my idea. What?
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
6:40
Party like it's 1999. You don't even know what this podcast is about. First You're just like I got an idea Party like it's 1990. You don't even know what this podcast is about first.
Kevin Palmeri:
6:45
You're just like. I got an idea.
Live Q&A Quest 2:
6:47
I respect it, prince. Theme Are you still awake? Still awake.
Kevin Palmeri:
6:51
I haven't seen a single yawn yet, so we're doing good here.
Shawna (Mrs.KillerBee):
6:53
Yeah, I mean, I feel like I'm rocking it Totally. Yeah, we're going to be fine, that's great.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
6:58
That's great Partying like 1999. All right, I graduated in 1999.
Shawna (Mrs.KillerBee):
7:03
So it's like a life theme for me, you know I respect it, gotcha.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
7:08
Well, okay, before we get into your story, Kevin, you want to. Can you give us like a little bit, tell us a little bit about your podcast and how people can tune in.
Kevin Palmeri:
7:17
Yeah, so our podcast is all about holistic self-improvement. So, as you'll hear in my story, there have been parts of my life where I was really good at certain aspects, but being good at those aspects kind of weakened the other areas. So when we say holistic, we mean life, love, health and wealth. That is really our goal to help people level all of those up at the same time, which is quite challenging and very humbling. We're trying to to get better at all that at the same time.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
7:43
You know, I know that you know we kind of start off like, oh you know, funny and having fun. But I know that our stories, each one of us, the studio here is created because we know there's power in each of our stories and that those stories can help others, help others out of a rut, help us keep moving forward. And we've learned that we're a lot more alike than maybe we expected, even as these avatars. So I wanted to talk to you about if you, maybe you could take us back. Let's just kind of start taking a step back to that moment of rock bottom. When we talk, you're sharing with me about how you hit rock bottom and that you found out that rock bottom had a basement. That's where you found yourself. So first, I guess, maybe talk to me about that like the basement. What do you mean by rock bottom had a basement?
Kevin Palmeri:
8:30
Yeah. So when I was 25, by all outside standards, I had everything you could possibly want. I had a six-figure job, I was getting ready to compete in a bodybuilding show, so I was quite literally in the best shape I will ever be in. My girlfriend at the time was a model. I had a nice car, I had a new apartment, I had great friends and if you were looking at me from the outside, looking in, you would assume that I could not be unhappy in any way, shape or form. I was super insecure, I had no confidence, I was filled with self-doubt and one day my girlfriend left me because I wasn't a very supportive partner, because I was struggling to support myself, never mind her when she left. That was my initial rock bottom, because I'm questioning well, who could ever love this broken version of me? And I hope nobody has felt that? But if you have, I empathize deeply.
Kevin Palmeri:
9:26
Money was getting tight because my bills just doubled and work had slowed down. I was dealing with a mild eating disorder after my bodybuilding show and things just went from what seemed like really good to really bad very quickly. So that was my initial rock bottom and I didn't really understand my core values. I didn't really understand my core beliefs. So I assumed if I just go make all the money, the rest of the problems will just kind of fade away. So that's what I, that's what I tried to do, and I heard you talking about that a little bit when I was backstage.
Kevin Palmeri:
9:51
So the next year I got a promotion at my job. I proceeded to spend the next 10 months living on the road, traveling from state to state up and down the East coast doing my job, and we got to the end of the year. I made a hundred thousand dollars at 26, when no college degree. But I felt exactly the same. I had more money in my bank account, but I didn't have any more self-worth. I didn't have any more self-belief, I didn't have any more confidence. I just didn't change. So in that moment I realized that for most of my life I had lived unconsciously. The opposite of unconscious is hyperconscious. So I started a podcast called the Hyperconscious Podcast. As any of you in here know, if you've started something new, there's a new endeavor. There's not exactly a line out the door of people who want to give you money to do your dreams.
Kevin Palmeri:
10:42
I wish it was that way, but for me it was not. That was not how it worked, so I had to keep going to this job that I hated and I was getting more depressed and I was getting more anxious and I was getting homesick before I left the house and eventually it got to the point where I was in New Jersey working. I woke up, slid to the edge of the bed in this hotel room and the best way to explain it was there was 10 televisions on in my head at the same time and every single one was on a different station. And one is saying you're stuck here forever. I was the guy who didn't go to college, who didn't have an education, who wasn't supposed to be quote unquote successful, so I never could imagine getting another opportunity like this. So that was one voice. The other voice was if you ever did leave here, what would your friends say? What would your family say? And this was the loudest voice. And if you've ever felt this in any way, shape or form again, I have so much empathy for it. Do you really think you're going to be a successful podcaster? That's what we're going to do. We're going to leave this job and we're going to go all in on a podcast Doesn't seem very realistic.
Kevin Palmeri:
11:49
So it was that day that I found out that rock bottom has a basement. I was sitting there thinking to myself well, if I was just to take my life, I would take all my problems with me. And here I am, six hours from anybody who cares about me, in a dark, crusty, dirty hotel room, thinking that, well, this, this is going to be it. Now, luckily, I had a really really good friend who is now my business partner and I've recorded almost every single episode with. And I reached out to him and I said hey, man, I'm having these dark thoughts, I'm having these dark feelings, I don't know what to do, I'm lost, I feel hopeless. These dark thoughts, I'm having these dark feelings, I don't know what to do, I'm lost, I feel hopeless.
Kevin Palmeri:
12:28
And he said Kev, over the last couple of years your awareness has changed a ton hyperconscious, but your environment kind of stayed the same. I think it's time for you to change your environment. So that was the kind of wake up call that I needed, and I ended up leaving my job two or three months later and then going full time into what we're doing today. And again, I was broke for a couple years trying to figure this out. I was $30,000 in credit card debt, so I didn't go from there to where we are. There was a lot of ups, there was a lot of downs. There was more downs than there were ups, but I think that for many of us unfortunately, I don't know why it's set up this way, but I think for many of us, our purpose, our mission, is hidden deep within the pain that maybe we haven't experienced yet, or the pain that we're running from.
Kevin Palmeri:
13:28
So that rock bottom basement moment was, yeah, sitting on the edge of the bed saying I think I'd rather be gone than than here. But now that's something that has allowed me to do what I do today, with a new perspective, a new understanding, hopefully more empathy and and a really deep, meaningful mind. We do what we do that's good, I appreciate it.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
14:20
And all these different voices um, we've talked about this a while back ago about how, like we, we started learning that we have an inner voice me and mrs killer b. She asked me once. She said what is your, is your inner voice? Does it encourage you or does it tear you down? And I said but what is yours doing? She said it, it encourages her. I'm like, really, I was like mine is mine, tells me, tells me, you're not gonna be able to do this and it tears me down. And we started realizing, just from our backgrounds, like where we have different situations or experiences had led us to hear different inner voices for ourselves. I even had from mine. I was like, ooh, I realized that when my inner voice had a certain tone, that was from somebody that had hurt me and I didn't really think about that until I really started thinking about this voice that was going on. Have you ever heard of that before? Do you relate?
Kevin Palmeri:
15:17
to that at all. Yeah, so we often say it's a record. We all have a record that plays internally and it's either a positive one and or a negative one and, unfortunately for a lot of us, we're able to trace our results and or lack of desired results to our record. Because very similar Mr Killer beat. Mine is I'm not good enough, I'm not smart enough, I'm not tall enough and I'll never be successful. That's that's mine.
Kevin Palmeri:
15:42
My business partner is the complete opposite. His is I can do anything I want. I'm incredibly intelligent and anything I set my mind to and I can, I can accomplish. So it's been a very interesting thing working with somebody who is the polar opposite of me, because what's normal for me is not normal for him and what's normal for him is not normal for me. So it's given me an opportunity to see what it's like on the other side and honestly, that's been a really big piece of this journey and this growth for me is I've had somebody who has pushed me and somebody who has been there to support me and I've essentially had a mentor that has been here with me on this journey since we started and I can't speak enough to the power of community and the right people, and I think that's one of the hardest things.
Kevin Palmeri:
16:25
It's leveling up and getting to where you want and getting results or whatever it is all the things that we all want, whatever that means to us all. Personally, it's hard enough, never mind if we don't have the people in our lives who want to pour into that, who want to support that, who believe in us. So, yeah, that's, that's something we talk about often. We all have an inner record and I think step one, sometimes the hardest step, is identifying what songs are playing, so we can first identify. Second, we can go over to the record player and and take the thing off so it stops playing, and then we can try to write a new song and we can talk about that today at some point, if you like. But, yes, definitely something. Yeah, experience yeah I like that.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
17:05
That was actually what I was gonna ask. Like I'm a big okay, so I'm a big vinyl record fan. I have, I collect records, so I can totally relate with what you're saying here. I collect, yeah, I'm uh obsessed, I guess I have a problem I have a problem uh, but, uh, but I was gonna ask you that was one of my questions was well, do you think we can change that record and what are some of those steps that you would encourage? What would that look like?
Kevin Palmeri:
17:46
smart enough. Okay, there's three things that we need to do. Three steps one state something to prove to yourself that you're capable of doing it. And then this is the big one self-assign. I was really good at baseball growing up. All the all-star teams scouted by baseball teams, all that stuff. The problem was I never self-assigned that I was good, so I never got the belief. It never locked in, it never affected my identity. So I think the best way to explain it is, let's say, you're afraid of public speaking. As an example, I had a moment where I was backstage where I was thinking to myself this would be an excellent practice run for somebody who wants to speak to an audience who doesn't know how to do it in person. Oh, that's so smart. So let me state right. So let me state tonight I'm gonna go and I'm gonna speak to however many people are here in this virtual world. Cool, here I am, I'm doing it. So now I'm proving to myself that I'm capable of doing that. When I get off of here and I take this headset off and I say what just happened, I will then self-assign. Hopefully I did a good job. Now next time I do it, I have more recent and relevant proof that proves the old record wrong.
Kevin Palmeri:
18:53
Here's the weird thing about fear. Here's the weird thing about limiting beliefs. I don't know why it's set up this way. I think the only way to go through fear is to go through fear. Yeah, but we don't have to face our deepest fear the first time. Yeah, we can face a very, very shallow fear, and then a little bit more, and a little bit more, and a little bit more. And the last thing I want anybody to see is, or think is this is how it's always been. This is eight years of this. Sure, this version of Kevin was not a year version of Kevin. I was a completely different person. It's just been a lot of what we call fear chasing over and over and over and over again, but in the right amount, the right dose. So, yeah, state-proof, self-assigned. That's something that helps a ton for somebody who's trying to work more on self-belief and remixing the record that's playing, so to speak.
Shawna (Mrs.KillerBee):
19:43
Oh, I love that leaf and re remixing the record that's playing, so to speak. Oh, I love that. So you probably heard Mr Killer Bee mentioned the book that we're reading, the Gap in the Game. Did you hear him talk about that? Have you ever read it before?
Kevin Palmeri:
19:54
I've never read it, but I've heard many things about it.
Shawna (Mrs.KillerBee):
19:58
There's so many things that you're saying that really line up with what they're talking about, and specifically about not judging yourself against some ideal that you've held out or that someone else has held out, but to judge yourself against where you've come from.
Shawna (Mrs.KillerBee):
20:15
And so really, especially your example about coming here to do like public speaking you know, if someone was going to do that, then when they take that headset off, they could look at themselves and say, well, I've never spoken before in front of, let's say, 12 people, but now I did and it went well.
Shawna (Mrs.KillerBee):
20:35
And so if you look before, I've never spoken in front of anyone. Instead of you know, what people tend to do is say I can't speak in front of a thousand people because it's way beyond me. But if you judge yourself compared to what you've done in the past, you can build your confidence slowly, like you said, and it's so fascinating. We kind of had a feeling like the things that you would talk about would really line up with that, and I think it's beautiful, because I think that so many people try to judge themselves against this ideal that we were never meant to reach in the first place, so you always think you're less than when really you know, most people are progressing all the time to become closer to what they want to be, but because they don't get to that ideal, they always think less of themselves, right?
Kevin Palmeri:
21:27
Yeah, and I think one of the other things that's super hard is oftentimes the people that are giving us advice are the people that have like 13 out of 10 self-belief. So they say take massive action, If your goals don't scare you, they're not big enough. That's not true. Life is scary. The last thing I want is my goals to scare me and I'm not going to go out. We don't go after the things that we fear. We run away from the things that we fear. So that's another thing that we talk about, that I would much rather someone say look on a scale of zero to 10. Right now I have a level two self-belief, no judgment. I appreciate the vulnerability. Let's set a level three goal, not a level 10 goal.
Live Q&A Quest 2:
22:09
I like that because level three goal, not a level 10 goal.
Kevin Palmeri:
22:11
Yeah, I like that, because a level 10 goal it's not going to help. It's not going to help, and I think one of the most common misconceptions is where somebody else is today is where they've been forever. Where I am today is where I'm going to be forever, but we weren't with that person for the 10, 15, 20 year journey.
Kevin Palmeri:
22:28
So, very much to your point, mrs Killer B. I think we have to give ourselves room for growth, we have to give ourselves time for growth, and when you start growing I think it makes sense to do that. But I think in the beginning we all want to get there fast.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
22:43
And it's got to be sustainable.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
22:45
Yes, it's like everybody expects quick you know fast success. Everything's going to happen. If it's not happening quickly, something must be wrong. But everybody that's made it somewhere is going to tell you there's a process you have to go through. Very rarely is it just like overnight success, and I like that you said about the goal three. So instead of like, here's your goal, your ultimate goal, goal 10. But you're going to say, hey, we're going to set some mile milestones to get there, so this is our goal number three, so maybe we'll just leave it at numbers like goal 10, goal 3. So goal 10 is the ideal. That's where you want to get. Goal 3 is your goal, but you might, you might go for it and you might only hit goal 2, but instead of beating yourself up because you didn't make it to goal three, you celebrate that you've made it this far. And what can you learn? And now keep moving forward, because I think that's where we can fall into that unhappiness and where we start falling into those danger zones of something's not right. You know, something's going on. We're telling ourselves lies and we're tearing ourselves down, while the outside world thinks they're looking at us going. Wow, Kevin, you really made it since your mom and him took off from you, like left you that Christmas. You really come a long way, but really like that's the outside world and they don't understand the stuff that you're going through behind behind the scenes, like I remember sharing with Mrs Killer Bee in 2019, when we launched our business in IRL full time, someone reached out and said hey, I want to have you on the podcast, I want to talk about your business. And I got on there and he was like man, I'm just amazed with how you just like you've had this overnight success. How did you do it? And I'm like whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a minute.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
24:27
Our business started in 2010. This has not been an overnight success. There's been a lot of down, there's been some ups, but there's the downside of social media and stuff like that. But that is the reality and we just talked recently with there's a life behavioral coach that we meet with in here. His name is Meta Coach and we were talking about when you were talking about getting to that spot of having those suicidal thoughts.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
25:07
There's we've met a lot of people in here that have had those type of thoughts and they come in and put on this headset. That's why we came in here is because we knew people would put on the headset to try to escape their problems. But when they take off the headset they're still going to have the same problems, they're still going to hear that same voice. And there's been people that's come here that was thinking about suicide and through coming into the headset they've made connections with people where they felt vulnerable to share and get help. So I think that I think it's really good that we're talking about this, because even in here people are getting a outside view in areas, but people would seem to be more vulnerable to open them up about the inside. They kind of like let that spill out. So I'm so glad you're here sharing this, Kevin.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
25:56
I want to ask some more questions. If you guys have any thoughts or questions, make sure to hit the kiosk. We would love to bring you guys up as well. Kevin, I would love to ask you, with this shift, like when you came to this shift and you're like, okay, your friend reached out to you, what really put you in the place to say I'm not staying here. What was it that really helped push you out to listen to your friend and start making these changes?
Kevin Palmeri:
26:26
Yeah, so the whole being a podcaster thing was like a dream and I felt like, at this point, I'm in my late 20s, I don't have a mortgage, I don't have a car payment, I'm living with my best friend paying $500 a month for rent. I don't have a family, I don't have children. If I'm ever going to take a shot at this crazy dream I have, now is the time to do it. That was one dream I have. Now is the time to do it. That was one. The second big one is I had somebody who was down for the ride with me. I mean, alan and I have been doing this together since, essentially since that day where I had that suicidal ideation. So I had a great person who was supporting me. I was able to borrow his belief because he said, kev, we're not going to fail Like, we will work our faces off and we're going to find a way to be successful.
Kevin Palmeri:
27:13
Did I fully believe that? No, I did not. I did not fully believe that. But I didn't want to get to my, my 30s, my 40s, my 50s and say, well, what if I did that? What if I? What if I did try? What would have happened? So it was that.
Kevin Palmeri:
27:26
That was a really big piece of it, and this is always hard, because when I left my job my depression essentially went away. So that was the last time I ever had any thoughts like that. I was never on medication, it was that job was just sucking the life out of me because I had convinced myself that the external results of that job were going to fix the internal voids from my childhood. And unfortunately it didn't work that way. So I think it was a mixture of a lot of things, and this is the other thing, the last thing that I'll say when I started doing the podcast full time, we had zero results, but I was super fulfilled and that was the first time I had ever been fulfilled in my entire life. That I can remember.
Kevin Palmeri:
28:10
And I said to myself well, if I could just be successful doing this, if I just find a way to make enough money to get to the end of the week, to the end of the month, to the end of the year, I just want to buy time.
Kevin Palmeri:
28:21
I don't ever want somebody to be able to take this dream away from me, and it was that, that fulfillment, that made me just keep wanting to do it, and I think fulfillment is one of those. It's kind of like I consider it a fuel source that burns very cool, but for a very long period of time, when happiness is something that burns very hot but very quickly, right. So I could have a donut right now and I'd be happy, but I'm going to be fulfilled if I take care of my body and I have a physically capable body and I take care of my brain, right. It's not exactly the sexiest thing in the moment, but I think the fulfilling things very rarely are. So, yeah, long, long, long, answer short. Somehow I found a way to get fulfillment. That was a feeling I had never really felt before and I said if I could feel that forever, this would be the best.
Kevin Palmeri:
29:10
This would be the best life ever Wow.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
29:14
That's good. That's good. We do have a guest. Let's bring up. We have a question, or let's bring up Sam Quill Diener. Can you bring up that mic for Sam Quill? Thanks for joining us.
Live Q&A Quest 3:
29:25
I just want to say thank you for being so open. I think your story is powerful and it does. Thank you um it. You know it does feel good hearing you, know you talk about your struggles. Um, I guess my question to you would be how did you come to accept the fact that you hit rock bottom? Like what was that? Oh my god, I hit rock bottom moment. And then, like afterwards, like you know recently, when you start talking about it, and then what does it look like to actually believe that you are no longer in that, in that place? Like how does it look like to not be in the back bottom?
Kevin Palmeri:
30:01
I appreciate the question, sam. Thank you so very much. I would say when I felt like I lost hope. I mean that for me was the first time I'd ever really felt like there was no hope beyond where I was, and it was a very, very dark place and I think it was the seriousness of okay, I've had some dark thoughts before, but I've never thought to this level of darkness. That's how I knew it was rock bottom. This is the interesting thing about talking about it. I've never been afraid to talk about the vulnerable stuff because I do believe that there's someone out there that needs to hear it and I'm okay with. I said this very early on in the journey. I said I think there'll be kisses on one cheek and maybe slaps on the other. The kisses are the people that resonate with the message and need to hear it. The slaps are the people that just are going through their own struggles and aren't ready to hear it necessarily.
Live Q&A Quest 3:
30:53
How do you recognize the fact that you're no longer in rock bottom Like what's your yes?
Kevin Palmeri:
30:59
I would say I feel like I'm making meaningful progress in the things that matter to me the most. So when it comes to life, love, health and wealth, the business, my relationship um health, my mental health, my physical health, my spiritual health, it feels very, very hopeful. I feel very in control of my own thoughts, my own emotions. I have a very good circle of people around me and I think that's probably the I'm very, very hopeful for the future. I think that's probably the I'm very, very hopeful for the future. I think that's probably the best way to explain it. I am so excited for the future and I never was before. I never, ever, ever was excited for the future, and now I think about the future with excitement all the time.
Live Q&A Quest 3:
31:42
It's beautiful. Thanks for your question.
Live Q&A Quest 1:
31:46
Sam, thank you, sam.
Shawna (Mrs.KillerBee):
31:48
Hey good soldier, oh, you're still muted. Ok, how?
Live Q&A Quest 4:
31:51
about now there. Thank you, sam. Hey, good soldier, oh, you're still muted.
Shawna (Mrs.KillerBee):
31:52
Okay, how about now? There we go. We got you, there we go.
Live Q&A Quest 4:
31:55
Very similar to your story was kind of my own. I was told by my teachers doctors that I would never amount to anything and that I was basically garbage. Actually, that actual term was used scum on the bottom of a garbage can and this, you know, really affects you as a child. So as I grew up, I always felt as though you know, I'm just garbage, I'm going to squeeze my way through. When I got into the military in 1982, I accepted Christ as my Savior and when that happened, I started reading his word and I realized something and most people don't realize this and that is God does not make junk. He doesn't. Everything he makes is immortal and it's your choice where you spend it smoking or non-smoking. So when I had that revelation in my life, I've had two successful careers, I have a beautiful wife, a house that's paid for, so I basically pulled myself out of that and I was wondering what was that turning point in your life when you pulled yourself out?
Kevin Palmeri:
33:15
yeah, it's, it's very much. Uh, what we were talking about with the, the state proven self assign. Uh, the best example I can give good soldier is I had this flash card and every single day I would track these five habits. And one was fear chasing. So every single day I would track these five habits and one was fear chasing. So every single day I would do something that was outside of my comfort zone that I was afraid to do again state-proof, self-assigned. I would track how much money I had in the bank account. I would exercise for 30 minutes. I learned for 30 minutes and there was a couple other ones. Then I started to value myself.
Kevin Palmeri:
33:49
So I think, good soldier to point, when we're told we're not good, when we're told not smart, when we're told we're never going to be successful, that becomes the record. And then, unfortunately, it's just easy to accept that. And I always say this if you're, if you're, given a car and you think it has four flat tires, you're not going to invest in a new paint job. It just it doesn't make logical sense and I think a lot of us are convinced that we have four flat tires when that just isn't true. The person who told us that just didn't know what they were looking at or, probably, more realistically, they were going through their own thing. They got some of their limiting beliefs or trauma triggers on us.
Kevin Palmeri:
34:33
So, yeah, I think it was for me pouring into myself to try to restart or remix the record, based on the fact that I had never done that before. Once I started doing that, I was like, oh okay, maybe I am something, maybe I could be something, maybe I am valuable, maybe I am smart. I'm reading books now, that's weird. I've never done that. So, yeah, good soldier, I think to your point. I started pouring into myself because I convinced myself that I shouldn't, and when I didn't, I didn't get any results. And then, when I started to, I started to feel better about myself.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
35:03
That's good, thank you. Thank you, Kevin.
Live Q&A Quest 1:
35:14
All right, let's bring up Lost Virtually, virtually lost virtually. Welcome back lost virtually. Hey, thank you. Do you place a premium on being authentic at all as far as your feelings and being okay with, uh, with being not being okay? Do you? Do you place a premium on that? Um over, just like trying to be happy all the time.
Kevin Palmeri:
35:36
I do. I do A very, very, very deep question. I appreciate that I have a very strange existence where I'm on camera every day and if I've learned anything over the 3000 episodes, I don't want to get on camera and fake it. So, honestly, if I was having a bad day and I came here and you said, hey, how are you? I would tell you like, eh, it's been a rough one. It hasn't? Today's been a great day. It's been a long day, but it's been a great day. So, yeah, lost virtually a hundred percent.
Kevin Palmeri:
36:06
I think that there's enough falsity and there's enough ego and there's enough hiding in the world and I don't want to be part of that. I think the only real way to help somebody is to be you. And here's the point of all that, to this day, I still have struggles with limiting beliefs. Occasionally I was nervous as heck standing behind the window over there. I've spoken thousands of times, but I was like I don't know what if they don't like me? What if I? What if in the virtual world it's different? What if I forget? What if I get nervous? Whatever Right? So even to this day, there is still resistance around doing the things that scare me, and it would be inauthentic for me to tell you I have it all figured out or all of this is easy.
Kevin Palmeri:
36:50
So, yes, I do place a big premium on loss, virtually because I don't feel fulfilled. If I'm not being authentic and I do again you're going to hear me say fulfillment so many times we should get a. I don't know, we'll have a dartboard Every time I say it. We can throw a dart against the board, but I think fulfillment is the thing, it is the measure, it is the compass. If you're fulfilled, you're doing something right. If you're not fulfilled, I think that's an opportunity for something. I don't know what exactly, but probably for something.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
37:21
I love that you put a premium on that, because I think those are the type of people that we really want to surround ourselves around, and the people that's putting a premium on being real and saying, hey, I'm not having a good day, uh and and being real about that, being open and we can create that dark thing in here. So the next time you come on, you're gonna have to watch because people probably throwing darts at you. So I love it, we'll have an escape route.
Kevin Palmeri:
37:44
So definitely not next time I come on. You think you think you're gonna get me out of here. Good luck, I don't know luck. I don't know how to grab onto something. I'm not going anywhere.
Shawna (Mrs.KillerBee):
37:51
He's like I'm staying forever.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
37:54
You are stuck in here now.
Shawna (Mrs.KillerBee):
37:55
Kind of to your point. This is so interesting, so I just saw this post right before we got on here tonight and a person was writing about how, you know, we as a culture put so much emphasis on the need to always be happy or always be, you know, in a good mood always like be on the top of the mountain, you know.
Shawna (Mrs.KillerBee):
38:18
But really a full life includes everything. So there's going to be disappointment, but how do you bounce back from that? There's going to be sadness, because if you never know sadness, you can never know what real happiness or real joy looks like. So it's so interesting that you brought that up, because I literally just read that and I never thought of that before. It's really kind of part of my personality to always want things to be on a high, always want to be happy, never deal with sadness. So it's really something to think about and I appreciate that you brought that up and your question lost as well. You know, it's really interesting to think about that.
Kevin Palmeri:
38:59
I appreciate that and it was a very good question. Very good question.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
39:01
It was a very good question I think that I want to ask you this, since we're talking about this and you mentioned it earlier and you're kind of touching on it too, mrs Killeby. So do you think I've got my own thoughts, but I want to hear what you have to share too. Do you think that someone can actually succeed without struggling, or do you feel like that's a necessary part of the process?
Kevin Palmeri:
39:20
I would. I would say my thesis is the size of the goal dictates the amount of struggle I think, I as a podcaster. If there's any other podcasters in here, shout out to you. As a podcaster, I will most likely have to suffer more than somebody else, because I'm. My goal is to build the most successful self-improvement company on the planet, because my goal is to build the most successful self-improvement company on the planet.
Kevin Palmeri:
39:44
That will not be easy, it may never happen and it is going to require me to grow beyond what I ever thought I was capable of. But if I said you know what? I just want to do 50 episodes and see what happens there's a lot less struggle there.
Kevin Palmeri:
39:59
I have a great relationship with my wife. I do. It's great, it's amazing. We're deeply in love. But it's also very challenging because it is lifing and it's going to life us and it's coming for us all in some way, shape or form. So there's going to be some level of struggle. I would rather choose my, I'd rather choose my heart. Now I'm not saying your life has to be anything like mine like mr killer b. Mrs killer b, I'm not saying it has to. Everybody's life and their struggles are going to be personal, depending on what their goals are, what their measurements for success are, what's deeply meaningful to them. So no, I don't think you really can. I think it's easy to sell that as a dream, but I think that can be misleading and it sets false expectations for people.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
41:01
I agree a hundred percent. I think that that's so important to remember is that I think that that is that that is part of the process. It molds us into what we are, you know, evolving into as as we get older, like we can look back at our, our struggles and realize that there was purpose even in the struggles, that those have been used to form us and to create who we are today, and gives us insight on where we're going forward and what our priorities are. What really matter most to us. That was actually, you know, your, your, your dream is so much different than ours and that's why I love that you point out that that's okay and that's kind of the mindset you have to be aware of, even with whatever your guys' goals are, just because your goal isn't somebody else's, or your vision someone else doesn't understand. That's okay, because we're all uniquely created, and I think that that's a beautiful part, because I had a point in my life where I'm like I want to have a huge business and just recently me and Mrs Killer Bee was talking I said you know, I remember years ago I thought if we could just make six figures, it would be the, it would be it, it would be an amazing life. But then, when we hit six figures, it's like, well, if we could just hit this, and then we could just hit this. And I'm like, wait a minute, there's always a moving target.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
42:19
And then I started realizing that the higher that mark got and the closer we got to it, the more stress started coming on me, and it was things that it started taking away parts from me in my life that I'm like the things I really care a lot about are really I'm sacrificing that and I didn't want to do that. So for me, I'm like I just told her this, I think it was probably what maybe six months ago I was like you know what? I don't think I want to grow the business bigger than this. Uh, I, I'm, I'm, I'm content here, not that I don't want to grow it yes, we'll continue to grow but my, that's not my focus. Now my focus is like, hey, let's, let's do what we can here and live and live our life. What makes us happy, uh, and what, what we really find that value in and lean into that, and that's okay. Like it's going to be different for each one of us and I love that you pointed that out.
Kevin Palmeri:
43:03
Not only is it different, that's the way it should be.
Shawna (Mrs.KillerBee):
43:06
Exactly.
Kevin Palmeri:
43:06
Not only is it because there would be some people that would say that's weak, that's weak. What do you mean?
Live Q&A Quest 3:
43:13
You don't yes.
Kevin Palmeri:
43:13
No, no. If I could give any bit of advice that sticks that we can take after this. Sit after this. Sit down and write out your core values in one column, your core beliefs in the second column and then your core aspirations in the third column if any of those are conflicting. So I had someone I'll say this quick because I know we only have a couple minutes I was working with somebody one time and I said what do you want out of your podcast? And they say I want to be your level of successful, but times 10. It's like, okay, I don't know how to get to times 10 yet, but I can. I can get you to where we are. And I said but before we do that, let's talk about what's important to you. You're a family man, right? He said yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Love my family, so you want to be able to get the kids off the bus every day. He said, yep, non-negotiable.
Live Q&A Quest 1:
44:07
Cool, cool, you want to be a dinner night recitals sporting events, parent teacher conference.
Kevin Palmeri:
44:09
He said, yep, those are all non-negotiables.
Kevin Palmeri:
44:10
I said, brother, I I love you and I mean this with all the love in the world this ain't for you. Yeah, I know you think you want what we have, but the journey to get there would be so miserable for you because you have to give up all of your core values and you'd have to change all your core beliefs for your aspirations. That is something that has been so powerful. To see from people is we think we want the result, but the core values and the core beliefs are what we might have to sacrifice in the process. So just if I could leave with any bit and, yvonne, we'll make sure we get you that.
Kevin Palmeri:
44:37
That is what I would say, because my core values are, I like, working. It's. It's nine o'clock. I've been working since 6am. I love this. This is awesome. I can't believe I'm here. Like, how did I get here? This is great. I'm not going to. I'm not going to have children. That's by design, right. So I understand my life is going to be different, but that's in alignment with my core values and my core beliefs. So I just want to throw that out there.
Shawna (Mrs.KillerBee):
45:00
That's so beautiful. Thank you for sharing that.
Shawna (Mrs.KillerBee):
45:02
And I'll just like add on. Not even adding on, actually, but just agreeing with you that, like, each one of us have to decide what success looks like to us. And that's not about money, and that's not about a job or a title. It's about what do you want your life to look like and then go after that. And that's exactly what you're saying, and I love that. It's so beautiful to think that we have that freedom and that agency in our lives to decide what is success to me, and I have the freedom to go after that.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
45:34
That's I think that's amazing. I love it.
Live Q&A Quest 2:
45:37
So I've been listening to your podcast for a while now. I love your podcast, by the way, so you often talk about self-improvement and consistency. What's one habit or mindset shift that has had the biggest impact in your own growth, and how can others apply it to their own lives? Good question.
Kevin Palmeri:
46:00
First of all, I appreciate yeah, it's a great question. I appreciate listening to the podcast. For me it would probably be 30 minutes of learning every day, non-negotiable. First thing, because when I'm pouring into me, I feel like everything else gets better. At the end of the day, we are the thing that we take throughout this entire life and the more we learn, the more we learn, the more we grow, I think, the more capable we become.
Kevin Palmeri:
46:25
So for me, that's what it would be, but this is what I would say to everybody else there's most likely one, two or three things that very, very, very much affect your self-worth. So when I'm not in the gym consistently and I'm not saying I have to be ripped and have a six-pack, I just mean the effort of the gym when I'm not in the gym consistently and I'm not saying I have to be ripped and have a six pack, I just mean the effort of the gym when I'm not in the gym consistently, I'm not as fulfilled. There's something to that. When I'm not pouring into my relationship, I'm not as fulfilled. There's something to that. So for me it's learning, it's fitness and it's spending time with my wife. I would say for somebody else it would be.
Kevin Palmeri:
47:04
Let's tap into what really really helps your self-worth. Maybe it's fitness, maybe it's focusing on setting one boundary every single day. Maybe it's focusing on getting out of your comfort zone a little bit every day. Maybe it's learning every day. So for me it's that, but I think for everybody else it's going to be within the core values and core beliefs that we talked about, and if you can identify that one thing that really moves the needle on your self-worth, I'm willing to bet you will feel different. I'm not going to say you're going to feel amazing all the time, but you will feel different pretty quickly. I'm willing to bet that's good, that's good.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
47:33
That's good.
Shawna (Mrs.KillerBee):
47:34
Good question.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
47:35
So we've got very good question, yvonne. The I'm going to ask you this. I want to make sure I ask you this before you leave If you could go back and talk to yourself at that lowest moment today and you could say one thing, what would you tell?
Kevin Palmeri:
47:50
yourself. The pain that you're experiencing right now will eventually be a superpower that nobody will ever be able to take away from you. That's good, but that's good. Would I have listened? I don't know. I like to think I would have right. But we somebody asked me one time. They said what is the biggest lesson from the podcast, and I said we would have guests on and after they told their story I'd be like whoa, what an incredible story of overcoming adversity. We'll probably never hear anything like that again. And then next week the guests would have their own unique version of that same exact story of overcoming something and then bringing it to the world. So I believe that your adversity can be your advantage if you have the self-belief and the resources and the resourcefulness to be able to use it. So that's what I would have tried to say, but again, hindsight's 20-20,. So it's easy for me to say that now, but that's what I would try to say.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
48:46
Kevin, as we get ready to wrap up, what's the best way for people to connect with you outside of this metaverse?
Kevin Palmeri:
48:53
Yeah, I don't. I mean, I think I'm gonna move here, so you don't really have to worry about it.
Live Q&A Quest 4:
48:57
This is where I'm at.
Kevin Palmeri:
49:01
As yvonne said, we have a podcast uh called next level university. We do an episode every day. It's always free, so that's a great place to connect and on I'm the type of like person to just give out my information. So my email is Kevin at next level universecom. Anything. You need any thoughts, any feedback? Shoot me a an email. I do my own emails. I'm happy to listen, I'm happy to be a shoulder, whatever it is. I think that's probably the best thing I can say in this moment.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
49:27
If there's anyone that's listening right now, anyone listening right now or that feel stuck or feel like they're at their lowest point right now, what would you say to them and what would you want them to know?
Kevin Palmeri:
49:41
If you feel stuck, I would take whatever your number one goal is and break it into like a tenth of the size that it currently is. We don't need massive movement, we need a little, a little movement, that's. We don't need anything massive right now. So when you're stuck, you focus on building a little bit of momentum. That would be that If you're really struggling and you feel like you're in that dark spot, I would reach out to someone, whether that's a friend, a family member, somebody you trust, a professional, whoever it may be, because I think sometimes it just helps to some for somebody to be there and say hey look, I know right now it feels like everything is burning down, but tomorrow could be completely different.
Kevin Palmeri:
50:21
Feels like everything's burning down, but tomorrow could be completely different. And then, if you feel like life is going really well right now, now is the time to be vulnerable with the people around you in case the storm does come. The best time to build an umbrella is long before the storm comes, and I never expected to have mental health stuff. That was never something I expected. Luckily, I had built really good relationships with people when I was feeling good, so I could lean on that. When I wasn't. So I would say, that's kind of three different directions you can go, depending on how you're feeling.
Brian (Mr.KillerB):
50:50
That's well said and for anybody listening to the podcast, make sure you check out the show notes. We're going to put some resources in there for you as well. If you are in a low place and you're looking for help, we'll make sure we put some of those resources in the show notes.
