SPEAKER_02
0:00
Welcome
back
to
Brains
Gone
Fold.
We're
happy
to
have
you
with
us
as
always.
You
know,
we
have
some
interesting
things
to
talk
about
today,
I
think.
Janine,
I'm
loving
your
shirt
again
today.
Lots
of
truth
behind
that
shirt.
For
those
of
you
who
may
be
listening
and
not
watching,
as
you
hopefully
know,
Janine
has
a
whole
wardrobe
of
what
we
call
sarcastiware
with
all
kinds
of
messages
that
make
me
laugh.
SPEAKER_00
0:33
Maria,
what
about
woody
wear?
SPEAKER_02
0:35
We
can
go
with
that
too.
Anyway,
that's
kind
of
saying
for
those
listening
and
not
watching,
although
you
should
be
watching,
go
to
YouTube
and
watch
because
you
can
see
Janine's
wardrobe.
It
says
sarcastic,
awkward,
and
sweary.
SPEAKER_00
0:49
All
things
that
absolutely
describe
me.
SPEAKER_02
0:52
They
do.
They
really
do.
Things
we
love
about
you,
Janine.
SPEAKER_00
0:56
Sure.
I
don't
know
that
everyone
would
say
the
same,
but
that's
fine.
It's
fine.
It's
fine.
SPEAKER_02
1:00
Yeah.
It's
fine.
So
for
today,
um,
I
think
we
want
to
pick
back
up
on
a
previous
episode
conversation
that
we
were
having
about
the
idea
of
quitting.
And
we
talked
about
all
kinds
of
things
around
quitting
sports
teams,
quitting
jobs,
uh
jobs.
Yeah,
all
different
situations
and
how
we
feel
about
that.
But
we
didn't
talk
about
relationships.
And
I
think,
you
know,
it
could
get
a
little
sticky
uh
in
talking
about
that.
But
whether
it
be
friendships
or
family
relationships
or
romantic
relationships,
um,
exploring
kind
of
how
do
you
know
when
it's
appropriate
to
quit
that
relationship
person?
SPEAKER_00
1:46
Which
is
even
harder
than
when
we
were
talking
about
jobs
and
we
felt
like
we
had
unlocked
this
key
to
when
it's
okay.
Yes.
And
I
don't
think
it
applies
here.
No.
I
mean,
I
think
it
can,
but
I
don't
think
it
covers
the
whole.
So,
like
the
shortcut
version
of
we
said,
if
your
values
are
not
aligned,
it's
okay
to
move
on,
to,
to
choose
something
else.
Um,
especially
when
you're
talking
about
you're
talking
to
your
kids
and
trying
to
help
your
kids
understand,
you
know,
we
want
them
to
commit
to
something
and
to
really
be
into
it.
Um,
but
the
deciding
factor
goes
back
to
values.
Now
we're
talking
about
people.
You
know,
whether
it's
your
friends,
your
your
your
boyfriend,
girlfriend,
even
just,
you
know,
you
said
one
that
I
think
is
a
real
big
one
for
me.
Your
family.
Just
because
you're
born
into
a
family,
they're
automatically
supposed
to
be
your
closest
allies,
you
know,
and
that's
not
always
the
case.
So,
oh,
that's
that
is
sticky.
I
like
that
word.
It
is
sticky.
SPEAKER_02
2:50
Or
potentialistic.
So,
where
do
you
want
to
head
with
this?
SPEAKER_00
2:55
Well,
I
mean,
you
know,
it's
funny
because
I
I
immediately
think
of,
I
do
start
with
friendships.
Like
in
my
own
brain,
when
we
first
started
talking
even
about
the
quitting,
um,
you
know,
you
think
about
the
things
that
you
spend
the
most
time
with.
And
sometimes
that's
our
friends
more
than
our
family,
especially
when
you
get
to
be
adults,
right?
And
so
unless,
you
know,
you
have
kids
and
and
what
have
you.
But
um,
I
think
of,
and
Luis,
our
producer,
was
in
here
and
he
was
asking
me
like
what
our
topics
were
going
to
be
today.
And
I
mentioned
that.
And
he
said,
from
what
angle
are
you
thinking
about
it
from
like
people
ghosting
you?
And
I
was
like,
Well,
that
is
that's
an
angle.
You
know,
and
and
it's
I
could
be
the
same
thing
though,
right?
So
I've
been
in
friendships
where
typically
when
you
start
working
with
somebody
and
you're
like,
I
love
this
person,
and
then
you
start
hanging
out,
and
but
the
more
you
hang
out
with
them,
you're
like,
I
do
not
love
this
person.
SPEAKER_01
3:52
Right.
SPEAKER_00
3:53
And
so,
you
know,
how
do
you
then
because
you're
gonna
still
see
them
at
work,
you're
still,
you
know,
in
that
situation
with
them.
And
so
when
he
said
ghosting,
I
did
think
of
one
where
there
was
a
person
that,
again,
super
enjoyed,
incredibly
like
just
entertaining
and
super
entertaining
person.
Um,
but
the
more
time
we
spent
together,
the
more
I
realized
um
they
probably
had
a
problem
with
alcohol.
And
it
was
it
was
overwhelming.
You
know,
there's
a
oh
my
gosh,
a
friend's
episode
where
do
you
remember
Bobby?
Um,
Fun
Bobby?
Remember
that
episode?
Right.
So
where
Fun
Bobby,
then
they
were
like
every
story
started
with
I
was
so
wasted,
right?
That's
what
it
was
like.
It
was
like
a
similar
situation
where
every
time,
you
know,
whatever.
And
I'm
not
saying
that
I
wasn't
drinking
like
I'm
holier
than
thou,
definitely
having
some
drinks,
but
not
in
the
same
way
and
not
every
time.
And
so
at
some
point,
I
just
stopped
inviting
and
then
going
when
I
was
invited.
Right.
So
that
became
more,
and
then
when
you'd
see
them
at
work,
it
was
like,
oh,
hey,
good
to
see
you.
And
then
you
keep,
you
know,
keep
it
moving.
SPEAKER_01
5:11
Yeah.
And
what
did
it
become
awkward
at
all?
Or
did
this
person
like
address
you
about
it?
Yes.
SPEAKER_00
5:17
Not
only
was
it
awkward,
it
was
awkward
for
me
and
uh
obviously
for
them
to
the
point
where
they
asked
me
about
it.
And
this
is
where
like
I'd
love
to
have
this
discussion,
Maria,
because
I
found
myself
with
like
a
question
that
we've
asked
about,
you
know,
feedback
for
somebody.
And
do
you
say
it
when
it's
gonna
hurt
them?
Not
wanting
to
tell
them
the
truth,
not
wanting
to
say,
I
think
you're
an
alcoholic,
or
I
don't
want
to
be
around
your
alcoholism,
like
it's
not
fun
for
me,
or
you
know,
when
you
drink
too
much,
this
starts
happening
and
that's
uncomfortable.
And
I
don't
know
why
I
didn't
feel
like
it
was
so
I
didn't
know
them
well
enough,
I
think,
to
give
them
that
kind
of.
And
so
I
just
said
something
like,
Oh
gosh,
I've
been
so
busy.
And
as
you
know,
work
is
looking
like
this.
And
so
when
I
go
home,
I'm
just
spent,
like
I'm
just
not,
you
know.
And
in
hindsight
though,
I
do
feel
like
it
would
have
been
kinder
for
me
to
be
truthful.
I
don't
know.
SPEAKER_02
6:19
Oh,
that
is
so
good.
That
is
so
good.
Uh,
I
actually
was
watching,
I
don't
know
if
you
pay
attention
to
Simon
Sinek
at
all.
And
I
know
him,
but
you
know,
very
small
amounts.
Every
once
in
a
while
he'll
pop
up
on
my
feed.
And
just
yesterday,
he
was
having
an
interview
with
someone
where
he
said
almost
exactly
what
you
just
did,
which
is
it
is
kind
to
give
someone
tough
feedback
if
you're
doing
it
in
a
way
that
is
intended,
you
know,
in
a
good
way,
you're
being
respectful
about
it
and
that
sort
of
thing.
It
is
kind
to
give
someone
tough
feedback.
And
I
had
to
sit
with
that
for
a
minute
because
I
it's
it's
kind
of
hard
for
us
to
process
those
words
together.
Yeah.
Um,
but
I
think
in
your
case,
you're
that's
right.
You
know,
I
think
with
that
said,
I
can
understand
why
that
would
be
difficult,
um,
depending
on
the
kind
of
how
close
you
were
with
her
and
so
forth.
Um,
I
think
probably
what
I
would
have
said
is
something
along
the
lines
of,
you
know,
I
just
with
so
much
going
on
at
work
and
everything,
I'm
just
not
really
into
drinking
that
much.
You
know,
so
make
it
about
you
in
terms
of
like
you
don't
want
to
be
drinking
that
much.
And
I
think
that
could
have
become
a
mirror
in
a
way.
And
right,
it
could
have
been
a
good
opportunity.
You
were
calling
it
out
in
a
different
way
without
saying
you're
an
alcoholic.
Now,
was
it
appropriate
though
for
you
to
be
the
person
who
calls
it
out?
I
don't
know.
I
mean,
you
know,
but
yeah.
SPEAKER_00
7:49
I
made
a
choice,
obviously,
at
the
time.
And
I
think
now
it's
been
a
number
of
years,
but
I
do
think
that
like
their
life,
unfortunately,
they
continued
to
drink
heavily
and
it
showed
they
lost
their
their
job
because
of
it,
like
so
many
different
things.
And
so
I
think
back
and
think,
oh
my
gosh,
I
could
have,
out
of
kindness,
said
something.
But
here's
the
reality
when
you
give
somebody
that
kind
of
feedback
or
or
say,
you
know,
even
using
your
creative
approach
of
I
don't
really
want
to
drink
anymore,
there's
this
holier
than
thou
that
could
potentially,
especially
if
you're
not
in
a
place
to
hear
it
yet,
like
you
haven't
recognized
that
you've
got
a
problem
with
alcohol
or
whatever,
and
somebody's
saying
this
to
you,
like
what's
that,
what's
their
problem?
Right.
And
I
felt
like
it
could
have
become
more
awkward
and
even
more
like
it
wasn't
contentious,
it
could
have
become
contentious.
And
you
know,
so
I
just
wanted
to
avoid
all
of
that.
And
at
the
end
of
the
day,
Maria,
here's
where
it
really
comes
back
to.
I
didn't
value
them
enough
as
a
friend
to
really
care
to
lose
that
friendship.
And
so
that's
where
I
wanted
to
bring
it
back.
Like
for
me,
thinking
about,
you
know,
losing
friends,
I've
been
on
the
other
side
of
the
fence
where
there
was
this
woman
that
I
really,
really
dug.
Like
I
just
thought
that
she
was
the
bee's
knees.
She
was
smart.
We
worked
together
for
a
number
of
years.
I'd
seen
her
trajectory.
You
know,
I
was
younger
than
her,
not
by
much,
but
enough
where
I
emulated
some
of
the
things
that
she
was
doing.
And
I
felt
like
we
were
becoming
friends.
And
then
all
of
a
sudden,
just
completely
cut
me
off.
Completely
cut
me
off.
And
I
was
like,
what's
happened?
And
I
was
moving
from
uh
out
of
state,
and
other
friends
that
I
had,
you
know,
we
were
putting
plans
in
place
to
stay
in
touch
and
what
have
you.
And
I
remember
sending
her
a
card,
getting
no
response.
And
then
sending
her
another
card,
like
a
note.
We
still
work
together
and
um
no
response.
And
I
I
don't
mean
something
goofy.
I
mean
like
I
took
the
time
to
go,
I
really
value
our
friendship.
I
if
I've
done
something,
please
accept
my
apology.
I
I
didn't
mean
to,
it
wasn't
my
intention.
I'm
sorry,
I
don't
know
what
I
did.
If
you
can
tell
me
what
I
did,
then
you
know,
I'd
love
to
try
to
repair
this.
Nothing.
Years
later,
we
were
at
a
mutual
friend's
bachelorette
party.
And
she
was
there
and
came
up
to
me,
was
very
warm,
was
very,
you
know,
friendly,
and
almost
acted
like,
and
it
was
very
confusing
to
me.
It
was
very
confusing
to
me.
And
we
knew
we
had,
it
was
like
this
whole
weekend
and
we
knew
I
knew
we
had
other
experiences
that
we
were
going
to
be
put
together.
And
so
I
asked
her.
And
I
said,
you
know,
here's
my
recollection
of
this
situation
10
years
before.
And
what
happened.
And
she
told
me
that
the
way
I
told
stories
she
didn't
like.
She
didn't
like
how
I
I
can't
describe
it
in
any
other
way,
but
the
way
she
said
it
was,
you
know,
you
tell
these
stories
and
I
don't
find
them
entertaining.
And
I
don't,
I
just
I
don't
enjoy
hanging
around
with
you
when
you're
telling
stories
like
you
have
to
have
the
spotlight.
That
was
it.
I
have
to
have
the
spotlight.
And
I
was
like,
oh,
because
I
can
see
myself
that
way.
I
can
see
the
fact
that,
you
know,
I
can
suck
the
air
out
of
a
room
because
I
want
to
be
on
show.
I
need
an
audience.
Like
I
I
replay
these
things.
And
I
just
remember
being
so
hurt
by
it.
Like
it
almost
hurt
more
hearing
her
reason
than
having
her
ghost
me.
Yeah.
Right?
And
so
being
more
personal.
It's
who
I
am.
You
know,
this
this
dynamic,
and
not
to
say
that
I
can't
change
and
whatever,
but
I
like
who
I
am.
And
so
when
she
like
stuck
at
the
very
core
of
the
who
I
am
piece,
it
was
really
hurtful
because
I
just
liked
her
so
much.
And
I
still
like
her
so
much.
Like
it
didn't,
I
still
like
this
woman.
And
so
what
I
would
say
to
you,
Maria,
is
in
thinking
about
those
two
things
where
at
first
I
was
ghosted
by
somebody
and
it
didn't
know,
and
it
was
really
hurtful.
And,
you
know,
I
feel
felt
like
I
was
begging
her
to
be
my
friend.
And
then
finding
out
10
years
later
why
she
didn't
like
me
anymore.
I
kind
of
want
to
go
back
to
the
ghosting
piece
where
I
never
ever
saw
her
again
in
my
life
and
didn't
have
to
think
about
it
anymore.
SPEAKER_02
12:18
Yeah,
yeah.
I
mean,
I
can,
yeah,
I
can
see
that
was
her
pull
because
that
was
such
a
personal,
it's
your
part
core
of
who
you
are.
Yeah,
yeah.
But
you
know
what?
We're
not
for
everyone.
No,
I
know
that's
easier
said
than
done.
It
is,
right?
Who
we
are
is
not
for
everyone.
And
so
it's
her
loss.
Again,
I
know
that's
easier
said
than
done,
of
course.
But
yeah,
yeah.
Right.
Um,
I
have
like
two
things
that
are
coming
to
mind,
and
both
of
them
can
be
tough.
So,
what
are
your
thoughts
on?
Um,
there
are
actually
a
lot
of
people,
and
it's
more,
I
believe,
like
younger
generation
now
to
be
wrong
in
this,
but
that's
my
understanding,
who
are
making
decisions
to
be
um
estranged
from
family
members.
And,
you
know,
you
said
at
the
beginning,
we
were
talking
about,
oh,
family,
that's
you
know,
that's
tough.
They're
supposed
to
be
your
blood
and
supposed
to
have
your
back
and
that
sort
of
thing.
Um,
I've
watched
multiple
now,
I've
either
listened
to
podcasts
or
watched
multiple
shows
on
the
fact
that
this
is
happening
in
record
numbers
where
people
are
estranged
from
parents
or
siblings
or
whatever
that
might
be,
because
they're
simply
saying,
like,
yeah,
you
might
be
my
blood,
but
you
you
you're
an
asshole.
You
know,
like
you,
I
would
not
put
up
with
this
behavior
from
you
if
you
were
someone
else.
So
why
do
I
have
to
put
up
with
this?
Because
I
was
born
into
this,
you
know?
And
I
uh
and
I've
watched
and
listened
to
things
that
talk
about
the
impacts
of
that
on
generally
on
society,
even
like
the
breakdown
of
the
family
and
you
know,
all
of
the
things
that
can
go
along
with
it.
Um
do
you
know
anyone
who
has
done
this?
And
what
is
your
take
on
cutting
ties
with
family
members?
SPEAKER_00
14:16
I
so
I
do
know
a
few
people,
and
it
wasn't
like
I
I
I
guess
it
was
a
conscious
choice.
Let's
say
maybe
it
wasn't,
but
I
know
some
like
siblings
that
do
not
have
a
relationship
with
one
another.
Um
I
will
say,
you
know,
my
own
sister
we
consciously
make
the
effort
to
be
in
one
another's
lives.
I
also
know
sisters
that
are
inseparable,
you
know,
absolutely
inseparable.
And,
you
know,
you
see
the
game.
But
the
friends
that
I
can
think
of
that
are
are
not
and
do
not
have
a
relationship
with
their
siblings
and
or
parents,
it's
so
weird
for
me
because
of
the
relationships
I
do
have
with
my
mom
and
my
sister,
and
of
course,
by
extension,
my
nieces
and
nephews,
that
for
people
that
don't,
I
find
myself
trying
to
convince
them
to
repair
that
relationship,
which
is
not
my
place.
But
so
it's
my
own.
Like
you
asked,
how
do
I
feel
about
that?
Like,
oh,
I
it
makes
me
uncomfortable.
I
want
them
to
be
happy.
But
why?
Just
because
you
are
born
into
a
family
should
not
make
a
difference.
It's
how
people
treat
you,
it's
how
you
know
they
support
you,
you
know,
build
you
up
versus
breaking
you
down.
And
so
it
shouldn't
matter
that
you're
related
to
somebody
and
they're
treating
you
like
crap.
It
should
be
okay
for
them
to
make
a
choice,
you
know,
and
to
not
be
in
it.
So
while
my
actions
say
different,
I
do
feel
like
it
is
okay.
What
about
you?
What
do
you
think?
SPEAKER_02
15:47
I
think
it's
okay
too.
I
do.
I
do.
I
think
it's
complicated,
you
know.
I
really
do
think
it's
complicated,
but
I
agree
with
the
perspective
of
like,
why
do
you
have
to
put
up
with
with
being
treated
poorly?
You
know,
you
it's
it's
like
yeah,
I
I
don't
um
now
there
is
another
side
to
it,
which
is
in
some
cases,
and
this
has
been
part
of
the
discussions
that
are
happening,
the
threshold
of
what
you'll
put
up
with.
Okay,
should
that
be
higher?
Okay.
So
meaning
like
because
it's
family
or
just
in
general?
Because
it's
yeah,
because
it's
family.
So,
you
know,
a
lot
of
folks
who
are
do
who
are
doing
this
are
sometimes
doing
it
for
reasons
that
others
might
see
minor.
Others
might
see
like,
so
so
they're
basically
like,
I'm
not
gonna
put
up
with
that
anymore
and
gone.
Like
almost
like
a
not
a
big
deal.
Um
now,
with
that
said,
I'm
sure
there's
lots
of
things
that
happen
behind
the
scenes
that
people
don't
know
about
all
of
the
things,
of
course.
But
I
guess
uh,
you
know,
where's
the
threshold
again
in
terms
of
like
how
long
do
you
put
up
with
a
bad
behavior?
Does
it
depend
depend
on
what
the
behavior
is?
And
if
there
are
kids
involved
or
not,
that
there's
a
lot
of
factors
that
depend.
You
know,
it
depends.
But
um
I
know,
yeah,
that's
gonna
be
my
answer
today.
SPEAKER_00
17:15
I'll
allow
it.
I'd
like
for
you
to
uh
find
other
words
for
it
though.
Um
so
when
you
were
sitting
here
and
you're
talking
about
the
threshold,
I
started
thinking
about
account,
not
accountability,
responsibility
may
I'll
describe
it
and
then
you
tell
me
what
the
word
is.
So
for
families,
traditional
in
my
mind
doesn't
mean
that's
other
somebody
else's
description
of
traditional,
but
the
way
I
describe
a
family,
I'm
gonna
use
mom,
dad,
two
kids,
okay,
for
this
example.
And
mom
and
dad
have
a
responsibility
to
those
two
kids
to
feed
them,
clothe
them,
love
them,
treat
them
well.
And
in
turn,
those
kids,
in
my
opinion,
have
an
obligation
to
respect
the
parents
for
what
they've
uh
um
sacrificed
for
them,
the
the
feed
them,
because
it's
it's
very
it's
much
less
expensive
to
raise
yourself
than
it
is
somebody
else
with
you.
And
so
I
think
about
from
that
perspective,
right?
So
that's
just
the
basics.
So
then
we
get
to
the
point
where
mom
and
dad
are
feeding,
loving,
doing
all
the
things,
but
they're
also
beating
the
crap
out
of
you.
You
know,
they're
drinking
too
much
and
then
taking
it
out
on
you
every
time
something
doesn't
go
their
way,
and
again,
beating
the
crap
out
of
the
kid.
And
so
the
kid
is
now,
let's
just
fill
in
the
blank,
nine
years
old,
recognizes
that
this
is
not
the
way
they
should
be
treated.
And
so
what
did
they
get
to
do?
Their
options
are
limited.
You
know,
they
can
write,
talk
about
abuse,
whatever.
So
now
we're
16
or
18.
And
my
entire
life,
my
parents
on
the
surface,
have
done
all
these
great
things
for
me.
They
have,
you
know,
paid
for
me
for
the
after
school
care.
They've
done
these
things.
However,
they
were
shitheads.
They
were
verbally
abusive
and
sometimes
physically
abusive.
And
I'm
done.
Like
I'm
out.
And
on
the
outside,
to
your
point,
we
don't
know
what's
going
on
behind
closed
doors.
On
the
outside,
somebody's
like,
your
parents
were
so
good
to
you.
They
did
so
much
for
you.
And
like,
yeah,
but
every
single
night
my
dad
crawled
into
my
bed,
or
my
mother,
you
know,
was
a
raging
alcoholic
and
would
rip
my
hair
out
of
like
all
the
things,
right?
So
who
has,
you
know,
the
rights
here?
SPEAKER_02
19:34
And
I
think
I
don't
think
it's
up
to
anyone
else
to
judge.
That's
that's
how
I
feel.
I
really
don't.
Anyone
from
the
outside
cannot
judge
because
they
don't
know
the
experience
that
happened.
Um,
I
would
say
that
I
am
having
a
little
bit,
I
guess,
of
a
visceral
reaction
as
you're
talking
about
um,
you
know,
they
they
made
sacrifices,
they
put
food
on
the
table,
they
did
all
these
kind
of
like
financial
related
things
for
you.
Um
to
me,
you
decided
to
have
a
child.
Along
with
deciding
to
have
a
child
comes
responsibilities
that
are
financial
in
nature
and
sacrifices
in
nature.
That
child
did
not
decide
to
be
born.
Yep.
So
to
put
responsibility
on
the
child
to
respect
and
love
and
do
X,
Y,
and
Z
for
the
parents
because
the
parents
sacrificed
and
provided
to
me
is
BS.
Like
that
is
that's
part
of
the
job
description.
And
like
they're
gonna
be.
What
about
earning
it
though?
SPEAKER_00
20:37
What
do
you
mean?
So,
you
know,
I
feel
like
my
parents
earned
that
from
me
because
of
not
just
the
financial
sacrifices
that
they
may
have
made,
but
they
did
show
me
a
lot
of
love.
They
taught
me
lessons.
I
learned
from
experience
and
all
of
that.
So
I
do
think
some
of
it's
earned,
but
you're
right.
I
mean,
I
didn't
ask
to
be
born
into
like
I
didn't
ask
to
be
born,
period.
I'm
glad
I
was.
SPEAKER_02
21:02
I
think
what
you
I'm
happy
you
were
born
too.
Words
of
affirmation.
Um
what
you
just
said
is
so
important
and
such
an
important
distinct
distinction,
which
is
you
had
that
love
and
caring
part.
Yes,
for
sure.
Not
everybody
knows.
What
I'm
saying
is
like
in
those
situations
where
there's
abuse
or
there's
other
things
that
that
could
fall
into
that,
just
because
the
parents
provided
financially
for
and
that
sort
of
thing
does
not
make
up
for
give
them
an
give
them
an
excuse
to,
and
does
not
give
them
a
pass
to
have
treated
their
child
their
children
poorly.
I
agree.
And
so
what
I'm
saying
is
like
those
things
alone
to
me
are
not
a
factor
in
the
child
should
respect
and
and
so
on
and
so
forth.
It's
like,
yes,
the
parents
earn.
The
respect
by
providing
a
warm,
loving
environment
where
that
child
can
grow
and
thrive.
Yes.
Regardless
of
the
money
situation,
regard
so
you
know,
I
yeah,
I
guess
I
could
go
back
and
agree
with
you.
SPEAKER_00
22:17
And
I
want
to
stay
very
state
very
clearly
that
in
no
way
was
I
trying
to
imply
that
because
the
parents
sacrificed
anything,
whatever
it
was,
that
that
gives
them
a
pass,
because
I
couldn't
that
couldn't
be
further
from
the
truth.
I
worry
for
that
nine-year-old
that
has
less
choices
than
that
16
and
18-year-old
just
because
of
whatever.
So
I
I
do
from
that
standpoint
though,
I
want
to
get
back
to
the
you
know,
family
members,
you
know,
making
choices.
And
so
it's
such
a
like
it's
a
personal,
obviously,
it's
a
personal
topic,
and
we
all
have
our
own
feelings
about,
you
know,
family
members
and
stuff.
And
so
I
it's
hard
for
me.
I
will
say
this
my
father's
side
of
the
family,
my
mother's
side
of
the
family,
very
different.
We
had
a
much
closer
relationship
with
my
mother's
side
of
the
family
that
includes
cousins,
extended
cousins,
whatever.
There's
a
few
scattered
on
my
dad's
side,
um,
but
very
few.
Like
I
could
count
on
a
handful
of
the
folks
that
I
still
have
any
and
did
as
a
child.
So
we
as
a
family
made
a
decision
of
which,
you
know,
members
were
going
to
get
our
time
and
attention.
And
it
happened
to
be
my
mother's
side.
As
we've
gotten
older
and
you
know,
family
members
move
out
of
state
and
different
things
happen.
I
have
a
sense
of
obligation.
And
it
is,
it's
a
sense
of
obligation
because
my
mother
is
now
the
matriarch
of
that
family.
Like
her
sister
has
passed,
her
brother
has
passed,
she
is
the
oldest
one
of
that
particular
line
now.
And
so
a
lot
of
my
cousins
lean
on
my
mom.
And
so
I
think
that's
so
my
sense
of
obligation
is
that
because
they
see
my
mom
in
a
certain
way,
that
I
want
to
try
to
make
her
available
for
them
and
what
have
you.
But
I
also
have
that
they
should
be
doing
more
to
see
my
mom
and
to
go
out
of
their
way
because
she's
the
one.
She's
the
one
that's
left.
And
that's
such
a
warped
in
my,
it's
just
the
way
like
you
know
what
I
mean?
It's
the
way
I
was
raised
and
you
know,
that
family
is
is
everything.
But
I
also
see
it
from
that
other
perspective
of
just
because
their
blood
doesn't
make
it
more
important
than
the
people
that
all
of
their
lives
have
shown
you
love
and
respect
and
care,
and
they're
not
related
to
you.
Like
it
doesn't
matter.
It
doesn't
matter
that
they're
family.
What
does
that
do?
SPEAKER_02
24:48
I
think
what
you're
touching
on
for
me,
there's
a
lot,
but
the
word
obligation
comes
up
and
and
I
struggle
so
so
much
with
that
word,
which
is
I
don't
want
to
be
obligated
to
or
for
anyone
except
my
child.
And
I
do
not
want
my
child
to
ever
feel
obligated
to
or
for
me.
I
do
not
ever
want
him
to
feel
that
way.
And
so
when
you're
talking
about,
I
think
you're
even
talking
about
nieces
and
nephews
being
obligated
to
your
mother,
right?
It's
my
own
protectionism,
right?
Of
my
mom.
That's
so
foreign
and
different
than
what
I
believe
and
feel.
Um
and
I
probably
need
to
like
examine
the
why
behind
that.
I
and
the
word
obligation,
I
struggle
with
not
just
as
it
relates
to
family
or
relationships,
like
I
I
struggle
with
it
in
general.
Okay.
Like
it's
one
of
those
many
words.
Expectations.
Like
people
expecting
things
to
me
is
Oh,
you
should
totally
examine
that.
SPEAKER_00
26:04
I'm
just
kidding.
I
mean,
I
I
mean,
we
I
can't
think
of
one
right
now,
but
obligation
and
expectations.
Interestingly,
it
feels
I'm
proud
when
there's
certain
obligations
and
or
expectations
placed
upon
me
and
I
can
deliver
on
it.
Like
I
don't
feel
the
weight
of
now.
Do
I
feel
like
sometimes
they
can
be
unreasonable?
Absolutely.
And
what
I'm
describing
like
with
my
mom,
I
feel
like
she
has
earned
that
place.
And
so
I
want
others
to
reciprocate
because
when
I
say
earned,
you
know,
she
I
literally
said
to
her
the
other
day
that
one
of
her
biggest
talents
is
how
well
she
cares
for
other
people.
And
she
really
puts
a
premium
on
that
and
goes
out
of
her
way
to
try
to
make
that
happen.
And
so
I
feel
a
sense
of
obligation
to
make
sure
others
do
that
for
her.
And
so,
you
know,
I
and
that's
what
I
was
trying
to
say
when
I
was
describing
like
the
different
family
dynamic
and
what
have
you.
But
um
we
could
probably
in
therapy
talk
about
the
word
obligation
and
expectation
for
you
and
why
that
gives
you
that
um
moment.
But
this
is
not
the
therapy.
SPEAKER_02
27:23
And
I
actually
am
perfectly
comfortable
with
how
I
feel
about
it.
SPEAKER_00
27:26
Yeah,
absolutely.
Absolutely.
Well,
you
said
you
need
maybe
figure
out
why
you
feel,
and
I
know
the
reason
I
feel
that
way
is
because
it
was
always
seen
as
a
good
thing
in
my
family.
SPEAKER_02
27:38
Oh,
okay.
Okay.
SPEAKER_00
27:39
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02
27:40
I
think
part
of
it,
you
know,
you
use
the
word
the
weight,
like
the
weight
of
it.
Um,
I
do
think
there's
a
lot
to
it
that
I
am
aware
of
um
that's
never
gonna
change
for
me,
and
and
I'm
okay
with
that.
Yeah.
I
do
know
that,
you
know,
in
my
day-to-day
life,
I
have
a
lot
of
responsibility
on
my
shoulders,
whether
that
is
real
or
perceived.
And
so
anything
else
added
to
that
is
just
weight
that
I
I
simply
can't
carry.
So
more
expectations,
more
obligations
on
top
of
what
I
already
have
on
my
plate
is
just
it's
not
feasible
to
me.
unknown
28:27
Okay.
SPEAKER_02
28:28
And
I
don't
want
it.
SPEAKER_00
28:29
And
I
think
that's
fair.
And
I'm
glad
that
you
know
where
your
um
weight
barrier
is.
You
know,
like
you
know
how
much
you
can
carry
and
anything
more,
what's
gonna
break
it
for
you.
And
I
think,
you
know,
I
think
that's
part
of
being
a
responsible
adult
is
understanding
where
that
is.
And
otherwise,
you
know,
you'll
break.
And
how
good
can
you
be
to
other
people
if
you
can't
do
all
the
things,
you
know,
like
you
said,
real
or
perceived
or
whatever.
But
you've
said
these
are
the
things
within
my
purview
that
I'm
willing
to
take
on.
Anything
outside
of
that?
Sorry.
Yeah,
that's
okay.
Yeah,
I
think
that's
okay.
Yeah.
So
back
to
the
um
the
relationships,
family
and
or
you
know,
yeah,
friends.
Um
I
just
yeah,
it
hurts.
SPEAKER_02
29:25
I
have
a
question.
Yeah.
I
have
a
question
for
you.
This
is
like
a
little
bit
side
side
detour.
Um
on
a
friend
side,
and
maybe
this
even
applies
to
family
as
well,
but
I
have
a
and
I
know
we
do
not
want
to
go
into
the
realm
of
discussing
politics
or
anything
like
that.
We're
not
going
to
do
that.
I
am
curious
if
you
had
a
friend
who
you
learned
had
vastly
different
political
views
and
values
than
if
you
realized
and
those
were
completely
different
than
yours,
what
would
you
do
about
that?
SPEAKER_00
30:12
I
do
have
friends
that
have
vastly
different
beliefs
and
values
than
I
do.
And
it
is
very
difficult
for
me
because
just
like
we
said
before,
you
know,
my
values
I
hold
very
dearly.
And
um,
with
that
being
said,
when
it
comes
to
relationships,
when
it
comes
to
people,
I
didn't
always
have
politics
as
something
that
was,
you
know,
in
my
worldview.
You
know,
when
you're
coming
up,
it's
very
rare
that
children
and
or
young
adults
really
care
about
politics.
I
know
there's
some
that
very
much
do,
but
I
wasn't
one
of
them.
You
know,
I
didn't
really
watch
the
news.
It
just
wasn't,
and
I
still
don't
I
I
now
go
out
of
my
way
to
avoid
the
news.
But
um,
I
made
those
friendships
most
of
the
times
prior
to
those
things
being
important,
right?
Now
as
an
adult,
uh
like
a
a
a
serious
adult,
meaning
I've
been
I've
been
an
adult
for
a
while.
This
isn't
new.
I
um
if
it
was
a
new
friendship,
right,
instead
of
one
of
those
old
established
ones
that
I've
had
for
a
while,
if
it
was
a
new
friendship
and
I
learned
that
that
person
was
like
just
really
the
complete
opposite
of
the
spectrum,
like
kicking
puppies
is
okay
kind
of
moments.
Um
then
I
probably
would
not
continue
that
friendship.
But
existing
friendships
where
we've
got
those
differences,
I
go
out
of
my
way
not
to
have
conversations
where
those
differences
are
going
to
be
exposed.
And
that
can
be
really
challenging.
Right.
I
mean,
I've
got
friends
who
do
have
similar
views
to
myself,
and
we
talk
about
politics
and
we
talk
about
worldview
and
we
talk
about
that
kind
of
stuff.
And
it's
it's
freeing
to
be
able
to
speak
to
somebody
so
openly.
You
know,
we
don't
always
agree,
but
at
the
end
of
the
day,
our
values
are
the
same,
right?
So
we
might
have
a
different
perspective,
but
our
values
are
the
same.
Where
the
folks
that
I
can't
go
deep
with
like
that,
it
ends
up
I
don't
want
to
say
damaging,
but
it
definitely
impacts
the
friendship.
I
just
try
not
to
lose
the
friendship
as
a
result.
Which
is
tough
to
navigate.
What
about
yourself?
SPEAKER_02
32:44
I
struggle
with
this
one
too.
Um
similar
to
you.
I
believe
there
are
friends
in
my
circle
who,
again,
I
would
not
have
known
their
political
views,
which
is
not
something
that
ever
came
into
my
purview,
not
nor
anything
we
ever
discussed,
cared
about,
or
carried
with
us
in
any
way
in
our
relationship.
That,
you
know,
in
this
day
and
age
of
social
media,
you
get
kind
of
an
inside
track
sometimes
into
the
way
people
think
that
maybe
they
wouldn't
have
previously
shown.
Uh
and
that
has
happened.
It
has
happened.
I
have
become
aware
of
things
uh
for
a
couple
of
people
that
are
really
surprising.
I'll
just
put
it
there,
really
surprising
and
super
disappointing.
Um
to
the
point
where
going
back
to
kind
of
how
do
you
know
when
it's
time
to
quit?
I
have
been
struggling.
There's
one
in
particular,
um,
a
person
who
I
really,
really
adored.
And
now
I
know
this
thing
that
is
so
contrary
to
what
I
thought
and
is
so
contrary
to
my
values
that
it's
like
I
don't
know
what
to
do
with
that.
SPEAKER_04
34:20
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02
34:20
You
know,
now,
thankfully
or
not,
it's
not
someone
who
was
ever
like
a
part
of
my
daily.
It
was
someone
who
I
would
catch
up
with
every
so
often.
But
when
we
did,
it
was
like
no
time
had
passed,
we
really
connected
and
so
forth.
So,
like
the
fact
that
more
time
has
passed
is
is,
I
guess,
okay.
And
it
it
easily
and
very
well
may
end
up
resulting
in
us
not
ever
talking
again.
SPEAKER_00
34:49
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02
34:51
And
and
I
don't
know
if
that's
right
or
not.
SPEAKER_00
34:54
And
I
don't
know
if
it
is
either,
but
at
the
end
of
the
day,
the
only
thing
that
defines
for
each
of
us,
all
of
us,
what
is
right
is
just
how
we
feel.
Right.
And
so
if
it's
so
insurmountable
that
it's
more
painful
to
pursue
and
continue
to
have
the
relationship
knowing
this
thing
than
if
you
just
kind
of
let
it
fade
into
the
darkness,
um
then
you
know,
you
have
your
answer.
I
just
I
can't
imagine
there
was
never
a
time
in
my
life
that
I
would
think
that
an
external
situation
could
impact,
you
know,
my
love
for,
you
know,
somebody.
And
it
might
it
it
still
doesn't,
however,
my
willingness
to
be
uh
around
people
um
where
their
values
are
so
different
is
is
hard.
It's
harder
than
I
thought
it
would
be.
Um
and
we
do
live
in
a
very
polarized
society
right
now.
And
it's
because
of
social
media
that
that
those
differences
are
even
more
exacerbated.
They
are
even
more
um,
there's
there's
lights
shining
and
all
of
the
things
that
used
to
be
in
the
darkest
crevices
of
the
world
now
have
bright
spotlights
on
them.
And
so
it's
hard
to
avoid,
you
know,
unless
you
stay
off
of
all
of
social
media
altogether
and
never
watch
TV,
never
walk
past
anybody
else
watching
TV.
You
know
what
I
mean?
Like
there's
it's
actually
sounds
kind
of
nice.
There's
some
tribes
that
still
live
that
way.
And
there
have
been
times
where
I
think
a
vacation
there
would
be
amazing.
But
we
would
ruin
it.
We
would
ruin
it
for
them.
The
more
people
that
go
and
fly,
but
I
mean,
you
know,
in
all
seriousness,
you
can't
avoid
those
topics.
And
so
it's
just
in
your
face
all
the
time.
And
so
making
the
the
best
decision
you
can
make
for
yourself
in
order
to
maintain
your
sanity
as
well
as
your
respect
for
yourself
and
again,
those
values,
that's
I
just
think
that's
where
we
just
keep
landing.
And
so
I
don't
know,
it's
really
tough.
It's
really
tough
because
just
like
when
I
was
talking
about
that
situation
before,
about
feeling
like
a
person
that
I
really
cared
about
didn't
want
to
be
my
friend
anymore,
was
really
hurtful.
It
was
more
hurtful
once
I
realized
what
it
was.
And
the
person
that
was
an
alcoholic,
me
not
telling
them,
how
do
you
have
a
conversation
about
somebody's
beliefs
without
offending
them?
Without
so
either,
you're
gonna
like
ruin
it
probably
either
way.
Because
if
it's
so
important
to
you
that
their
beliefs
are
so
different
from
yours
that
you
want
to
have
that
conversation,
then
be
prepared
either
way
to
lose
that
friendship
or
to
lose
that
relationship
or
whatever
it
was.
And
I
don't
know
that
I
am
there
with
any,
you
know
what
I
mean?
Like
I
don't
know
that
I've
gotten
to
the
point
where
I
want
to
have
the
discussion
and
go,
I
absolutely
and
positively
feel
180
degrees
differently
from
what
you
believe.
And
as
a
result,
we
can't
be
friends.
Like
I'm
not,
I'm
not
ready
to
have
those
conversations.
Maybe
I
should
be,
and
that
makes
me
a
lesser
person,
but
I'm
not.
Just
not.
Okay.
SPEAKER_02
38:23
Hey,
it
self-awareness.
It's
important.
SPEAKER_00
38:27
Indeed,
it
is.
Indeed.
SPEAKER_02
38:29
Oh,
so
again,
we
didn't
solve,
we
didn't
solve
for
anything,
not
that
we
were
intending
to.
I
think,
you
know,
the
the
idea
of
when
do
you
know
a
relationship
has
hit
its
end
or
it's
time
to
let
it
go.
SPEAKER_00
38:42
And
let's
solve
it.
Let's
solve
it
right
now.
You
know
when
you
know
when
it's
in
the
pit
of
your
stomach
that
it
doesn't
work
for
you
anymore.
Well,
that
was
a
big
one.
unknown
38:54
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00
38:55
Right.
I
mean,
because
we
know,
like
you
know,
it's
just
the
to
you
said
it,
and
I
can't
remember
exactly
the
words
that
you
used
when
I
was
talking
about,
you
know,
the
friend,
and
you
said,
we're
not
for
everybody.
We're
not
for
everybody.
Yeah.
Just
because
you
meet
somebody
and
you
like
them
and
they
like
you
doesn't
mean
that
you
have
to
be
together
forever.
Things
change,
you
know,
whether
it's
romantic,
whatever.
The
only
ones
that
we
seem
to
be
stuck
with
are
the
family
members,
but
we've
also
learned
that
you
don't
have
to
be
stuck
with
them
either.
So
there
you
have
it.
If
you
feel
it
in
the
pit
of
your
stomach,
walk
away.
SPEAKER_02
39:32
Okay,
we
can
take
that
for
sure.
For
sure.
And
that's
an
intuition
thing,
but
we
can
come
back
to
that
too.
SPEAKER_00
39:38
Yeah,
for
sure.
SPEAKER_02
39:39
It
is
a
tough
topic,
though.
SPEAKER_00
39:41
It
is
definitely
a
tough
topic.
Makes
me
feel
some
kind
of
way.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_02
39:46
All
right.
Well,
I
think
we
can
wrap
up
this
topic
for
today.
I'm
sure
there's
plenty
more
we
could
talk
about
as
it
relates
to
this,
but
um,
thank
you
for
sharing
your
thoughts.
Yeah.
You
always
help
me
to
think
about
things
a
little
differently.
So
I
appreciate
that
as
always.
Thank
you
to
those
listening
or
watching.
Always
appreciate
you
being
here.
Um,
you
know,
Janine
and
I
like
to
talk
amongst
ourselves,
but
we
appreciate
knowing
that
there's
others
who
are
in
on
this
and
listening
too.
So
please
feel
free
to
chime
in
on
the
conversation.
Let
us
know
your
thoughts,
like,
subscribe,
share,
email
us,
all
of
the
things.
SPEAKER_00
40:21
I
do
want
to
add
on
that
as
far
as,
you
know,
we
want
to
bring
you
in
the
conversation.
I
know
we've
said
we're
not
kidding,
whatever.
When
we
get
a
comment,
we're
like,
hey,
did
you
see
it?
Like
we
are
so
we
are
so
excited
about
it.
And
it
makes
us
think
there
have
been
some
really,
and
thank
you
guys,
some
really
thoughtful
and
personal
sharing
that
we've
been
privileged
to
receive
from
each
of
you.
And
so
please,
we
we
want
to
have
the
conversation.
It's
um
it's
important
to
us
and
it's
valuable
to
us.
So
it's
why
we
do
this.
Yeah,
yeah.
SPEAKER_02
40:56
All
right,
well,
we
will
see
you
next
time
on
Brains
Gone
Bold.
SPEAKER_00
41:01
Yes,
we
will.
SPEAKER_02
41:01
Thank
you.
Bye,
guys.
Bye.
