[00:00:00] Hi, and welcome back to the Rise, Shine, and Redefine podcast. I'm your host, Karen Meininger, and I am here today with a lovely couple, Meredith and Craig, and they are the owners of Road of Life Coaching. And I am so excited to dive in with these two today. They have been on a journey and they left their corporate job and started a relationship coaching marriage business.
And I just cannot wait to hear how this unfolded, how you went from corporate into coaching. That just seems like such a big leap. And I'm so excited to welcome you to the show. Welcome Craig and Meredith. How are you guys today? Oh, thanks so much. We're really excited to be here. Yeah, we're super pumped.
Thanks. Amazing. So you guys left a corporate job. Both of you were in the same corporate job together and decided [00:01:00] to take a leap of faith. And dive into your own entrepreneurial journey. Super exciting. And pretty much I'm assuming start from scratch from nothing. Is that right? That's correct. We didn't know what we were doing.
Okay. Okay. So share with us a little bit how you sparked the idea of leading the, of leaving corporate, cause that in itself is challenging is, is, is getting out of the routine, the hamster wheel of life. I did the same thing. So I totally feel you on so many levels. What did that look like for you? Where, what was that conversation like?
Where you're like, okay, we're both gonna quit our job and start over. Super interesting for us. It was not by design in any way shape or form. So for us, it was, you know, we'd both grown up living the, or believing the The default life path, you know, they go to school, get good [00:02:00] grades, go to school again, get into corporate, climb the corporate ladder and, you know, have a very successful corporate career.
And we were on that path. We were doing those things. It was going really well. We had done all the things, we had the retirement accounts and we were getting all the boxes, we were getting promoted and we were seen as good high performers. And, you know, It was going okay in from the outside looking in we were actually very successful But on the surface for us it was for me in particular There was there was an unfulfillment a sense of unfulfillment But it wasn't until covid struck really that That really gave us the push to make that decision because i'll be honest with you.
I don't know that I ever would have Come to that decision on my own because to your point, it's very scary It's very uncomfortable to leave behind everything you've known And when covid happened our company that we had both worked for that's how we met was at [00:03:00] work But that company was going to close the office that we both worked in and they said, you know You can you can stay on we can move you back across the country and you can You Stay with the company.
You will have jobs. In fact, there will be promotions likely, and you can continue with your career, or if that's not something you're interested in, then you have the decision to make whether you can leave or not. And we decided that it was a very, very difficult decision. Very difficult decision, but ultimately we ended up Deciding to leave and I know there's a little bit more to that story.
There's a little let you jump in on there's a little bit more because it was very stressful being faced with that decision because to Craig's point it's all we've ever known and we were successful checking all those boxes from the outside and Then at that same time we found out my dad got cancer and it was not looking very good We thought it would be his last Christmas And so we drove home and got diagnosed with another cancer and things are looking really bad there for a little bit and then on our drive back home.
It was a 17 hour [00:04:00] drive back home. We had this conversation and it was almost like dad getting sick was the perspective we needed to be able to make this really difficult decision because in the end, it wasn't his last Christmas. We were blessed to get four more Christmases with him. He just passed a couple of months ago.
And sorry to do that. Thank you. Without that perspective, we would have been moving completely across the other side of the country, away from dad, away from his grandmother, our family. We would have seen everybody so much less and him getting sick was the perspective. I think that we really needed to be able to make this really difficult decision.
And I can remember walking around our neighborhood after we'd kind of let work know that we were going to make that decision And even though we had no plan and we are both pretty type a like like to have a plan like to know all the Things before we jump into anything We didn't have that, but it just felt like the right decision.
Like, I can't explain it any other way. Cause I'm not usually a very intuitive person. I'm a like list person, but like, all I can say is it just, it felt [00:05:00] like the right decision. And so we just jumped and even though we had no plan, we just started. Doing some research. And we kept hearing this thing about like real estate investing and everyone makes money in real estate investing.
So it's like, sure, let's get into real estate investing. What could go wrong?
We jumped in and we got a business coach and we got a website and did the market, all the things like started a business, like hit the ground running to replace our corporate incomes because we've left our jobs. Now we need to do something and we need to do it quickly. And so we jumped into real estate and within a few weeks.
We were miserable. Like I can't even explain the misery that we felt every day. It was worse than our corporate job was because at least in corporate we were getting a paycheck. Now we were just miserable completely for free and the worst of it was it was impacting our relationship. And historically our relationship had been like the foundation for everything.
Everything we built in life was built on the foundation of our [00:06:00] relationship. And now we were getting short with each other and we were sniping at each other and it was It just wasn't us and so we took a giant timeout and said This isn't working. It's this first above all else the relationship comes first So we put a pin in that business literally shut the whole thing down in like six weeks and consider the tens of thousands of dollars that we invested just Tuition in a very valuable lesson a couple of very valuable lessons, I would say The first one is don't chase money If you just know it is good money either Right.
A hundred percent. A hundred percent. We were strictly just trying to replace our income and jump and make money and it didn't work for us. The second lesson we learned in that was we hadn't yet done the work to figure out what we actually wanted our life to be like. We just went from corporate into replace our income mode and didn't, didn't give literally one moment's thought to what do we actually want life to be like?
Who do we want to [00:07:00] be? What, what do we want to offer the world? Who are the people that we want to be in this next iteration of our lives? And we just hadn't done that. So we, we've closed that business down and we started, started that work. We started personal growth. We went, went to events, retreats, and we did all the podcasts and the books and the conferences.
And, and we like just kind of dove into that head first. And it was actually at these events that people started coming up to us to say, Hey, you guys are here together. You seem from the outside to have a pretty strong relationship. How are you making this work together? How are you doing this? How do I get my wife to come?
How do I get my husband to come? How do I, how do I, how do we do this together? And, and that was really fun for us. We really enjoyed talking to people at these events and, and helping them and giving them advice, but we were still really blind to, to anything beyond just one on one questions. And then at one of these events, the host asked us if we would speak on stage at his next event about relationships.
And while it scared the bejesus out of us, [00:08:00] it also turned the lightbulb on that maybe we actually have something of value to offer here beyond just a conversation with individual people at these events. And while we were scared out of our minds getting on stage for the very first time, That was the seed that that was that everything came from like when we sat down to kind of codify our relationship for that talk That's that was the seed that bore everything from that moment forward so beautiful And there's so much, you know, I think every like Tony Robbins says right life is happening for you And there's so, there's so many synchronicities with your dad getting sick.
It was kind of like the universe being like, Hey, this is opportunity, even though it seems hard in that moment. And you don't really understand it. My dad passed away five years ago. And so I understand the impact that death, caring. What choices can make and direct [00:09:00] you into these other pathways that you don't really necessarily Understand and yeah, I also do investing too So I get that as well and the ups and downs and what works and being fulfilled not being fulfilled And how do you want to show up in the world and being able to go to an event and get on stage and share This beautiful relationship that you guys share is, is so beautiful.
And I, and I love hearing that. My question is, so I love personal growth. I can tell you guys love personal growth. How do you navigate if let's say one person in the relationship is really into personal growth, like they are just like 2. 0 version. I want to keep growing. I want to be better. And I do know just from experience that it really only takes you To really create change in the relationship.
You don't necessarily both have to be [00:10:00] changing or doing personal growth but what if The other half of you per se isn't necessarily Growing in the way that you're growing yet. You still, you kind of want them on board, but understand they might not be on board. And sometimes I know like you can keep growing and the other person stays the same.
How do you navigate that in a relationship? It's a great question. And it's something that comes up quite a bit in our world because we do work a lot with entrepreneurs and some, some folks have their partner doing it with them and others don't. And so it's something that comes up quite often and it really comes down to, because to your point, if you're not, and we say it all the time, if you're not growing together, you're growing apart.
Like you're, if you're growing, you're growing. And there's a difference. There's there's a there's a gap growing between you if you're growing together that gap doesn't grow But if you're growing one person's growing the other [00:11:00] isn't there's a there's a there's an actual gap that's forming and so to your point when you're Growing and you're changing you a lot of times the other person will see that growth and that maturity and that Change happening and we'll come along for the ride as well.
In some cases it, it doesn't happen. The other person isn't as interested in, in growth. And a lot of times that that does cause a conflict in the marriage, in the relationship. And it just, because one of the most important parts of this journey that we're all on is growth. And one of the most important relationships that you have in your life, the most important relationship you have, the one that you, you, you start with and you finish with is the one with yourself.
And so it's extremely important to nurture that relationship. And a lot of that is on this personal growth journey, like growing and learning and becoming the best version of you is one of the best ways to. Honor that [00:12:00] person that you are inside and so when you're doing that There are going to be times some some Some conflict if you will with the other person who's maybe not willing to to do that yeah, I want to jump in too because one of the our biggest philosophies from a relationship perspective is that A merit, a good relationship, we talk about it through the lens of a marriage, but it can be any relationship, is not 50 50.
We grow up believing a good relationship, a good marriage is 50 50, and it's, couldn't be more, couldn't be further from the truth. A good relationship is, because when you have 50 50, I'm 50%, you're 50%, whose task does that 50 percent fall under? You know, there's, it creates ambiguity, it creates scorekeeping, it creates defensiveness.
And so we believe that a good, strong relationship is actually 100 100. Each person takes 100 percent accountability for the relationship, for who they are and for the relationship. And in this [00:13:00] case, in your example, if it were the two of us, I'm taking 100 percent responsibility. I'm 100 percent responsible for our relationship, for how I show up, for where we are at in our relationship.
And when you go in with that lens, it does change the whole dynamic of the relationship. The other person doesn't feel attacked. They don't, so therefore they don't get defensive and shut down when you're coming in with full responsibility for every situation. And in this case, we can't force someone to want to change with us.
We can, we can change and, and, and role model that, but we can't force someone else to do it. And the more we try to force someone to do something that they're not ready to do, the further away from it they're going to get. I like to think of breadcrumbs. Like I can take accountability and drop a few breadcrumbs and You know, sometimes jumping into the deep end of personal growth can be overwhelming.
So if someone, if one of you has been on the journey for a little bit longer, and you're into the, [00:14:00] into the deeper, heavier pieces, like, you know, Joe Dispenza is an, he's an amazing author, and he's got a lot of really amazing material and knowledge, and there's a lot to learn from him. However, he's, he's heavy.
It's deep. Like, there's a, there's a lot to pull apart there. When we started our personal growth journey, the very first book that we read, we actually listened to it on Audible, and it was Matthew McConaughey's Greenlights. And there's a lot of personal growth embedded in that book, but it's also Matthew McConaughey telling you stories like in his twang and his voice.
And there's a lot to be learned from that book, but it's dipping your toe in the personal growth water. And so doing a couple of those things together, because that's the other piece of, of relationships is trying to do things that you both enjoy doing together. And so we listened, we were, went for a drive and we were listening to that book.
So rather than trying to lead your partner exactly where you want them to go and [00:15:00] here's all the personal growth books that I've read and you'll love them too and jump in and do all this. It's really important. It's let's do a little bit of it together and let's start in the shallow end and work our way there.
Meet them where they are. Yeah. Let's not like, yeah. Don't boil the ocean in one, in one fell swoop. It's, it's really about, you know, So meeting where they are and, and modeling the 100 percent responsibility, the 100 percent accountability. And most of the time, the other person sees that and wants to also change and grow.
And it just may not happen as quickly as the person who's already halfway down that path. And if you, if Willie, if you're willing, I would love to share an additional perspective And I think that is something I've learned is things that we're holding on to from childhood or, you know, unworthiness or whatever wounds that we're working on healing as an individual as you're healing and growing life's a mirror, right?
So I feel a [00:16:00] lot of times partners that show up in your life are, are highlighting whatever wound it is that you need to, that needs to be healed. And then as. Like you said you can grow together, but if you're healing that wound Like as you're doing the work and you're going inside and you're going under the hood Then now this partner or person or even friendship, right?
It doesn't necessarily have to be a partner as this wound is healed like that there There's this weird synchronicity of like, oh wait, I learned this lesson and healed this wound that has been You In me for so long That now I don't I don't need quote unquote need this person as a reflection in my life anymore so Yes, I think it's like do you have a partner that is watching you grow and then?
Growing with you so the gap never gets bigger or it's like as you heal [00:17:00] and you grow and you have the more More death and your partner's like doesn't care doesn't see it or it's fine or it's on the hamster wheel of life And they're good there It's like oh, wait a minute. Like I don't have that reflection of that wound triggering me And then, therefore, it's like, oh, they're not the right person for me anymore.
I just, I just find it really, really interesting, like, when you do the inner child work or the younger self work, and as you go inside and do the personal growth, like, yeah, it's either they're going to come along with you, or they're not. And I know there can be friction, Right? It's like, whoa, I'm doing all this work on myself.
I'm doing all this work on myself, and then your partner is good old dandy the way things are and you're like What is happening here? That doesn't make sense to me. So I just I just do find interesting just to be vulnerable You know So I've been on a personal [00:18:00] growth journey since 2008. So I've dove deep into a lot of this work and I keep loving to grow.
My husband, he is good. He doesn't like, he is not good or bad. He's just kind of like, okay, like you go do your thing and I'm just going to stay the same. And sometimes I'm like, huh? You know, like is this. Is that gap getting bigger? And then if that gap is getting bigger, how do you navigate that gap? Yeah, it's thank you for sharing for one.
I know that's not always the easiest thing in the whole world, especially with people listening, but what comes up for me, Besides that, you know, trying to, like we just talked about, meet them where they are with something a little gentler, shallower, like toe in the water of personal growth versus like cannonball in the deep end of personal growth, is also something that, to be honest, I've been working on a lot lately, which is my [00:19:00] expectations of other people and, and setting myself up for disappointment and setting them up, quite honestly, for failure.
By my uncommunicated expectations, and even sometimes communicated ones, because I have expectations in my head for the, you know, different relationships in my life, husband, mother, sister, whoever, of how I want them to engage with me and how I want them to interact with me in my life and, and when they don't meet those expectations.
My level of frustration, disappointment, upset, causes me to have to do some, some reflection on why is it I need them to show up that way for me? What, what, what is happening for me that, that I need this from them? So some self reflection on why I need it. And then two things. I think letting go of the expectations of other people is really empowering.
As long as you've got boundaries, like there's a difference between your expectations of someone and the boundaries for you [00:20:00] of what you, what you will and won't accept for yourself. To me those are two different things that can sometimes be a little bit blurred, like I have an expectation for how I want someone to engage with me in my life.
Is bigger than, there's more to it than my sort of non negotiable boundary of, if you're always going to call me with this kind of, story's not the right word, but energy. If you're always calling me with this energy, I'm not here for it. Like that's not how I'm starting my day every day. So you can send me a text and I'll get back to you when I have time.
But my boundary is I'm not taking your call at eight o'clock in the morning when I've done all my work first thing in the morning to bring my energy up and then get this phone call to bring me down. So I have a boundary on what I will and will not accept. However, trying to change my expectation for what the important people in my life, like some of them, they just, they are who they are and they're not going to change or I can't make them change.
And so releasing the expectation that I want them to act a certain way while still holding my boundary. And so releasing the expectation and [00:21:00] replacing that with gratitude, for all the ways they do show up and, and how they are trying, even though it's not exactly in the way I want it to be, there's still a gratitude that they are, they are there, they do show up, they show up in the way that they can.
If they could show up in the way I wanted them to, they would. So gratitude for how they try their best for me, replacing that disappointment and that expectation with gratitude while still holding my boundaries is a work in progress for me, but it's helping me quite a bit. Yeah, I agree. I, I did the same thing with my husband because there was a minute where I was feeling really resentful because I was doing all the work.
I was house managing. I was doing everything. We have a son together. I mean, we, we're still married. We have a son and he does, and I'm so grateful for the way he shows up as a dad and he shows up in the house and it was like once I changed my perspective of, wait a minute, like, What does he do? You know, that I really do appreciate [00:22:00] that resentment started to soften and he was able to give me the space to work on my business and grow and be able to do the podcast and coach and do all the things that impact and serve.
In a way that helps us feel fulfilled. So it's so true It's like change the lens that you're looking through the pink glasses on you're only gonna see pink, right? It's like wait a minute. Let me take those glasses off like and everything's a story. It's like what story are you? Creating that's creating these thoughts and feelings that are creating these behaviors on how you're showing up in the world So yeah, I mean we're not perfect, right?
I think we all Have to Turn inward again, let's say, or it's like, wait a minute, why is this triggering me so much? Why do I have that expectation? Why do I need them to say XYZ for validation? Like, why do I need to look for external validation and whatever it is that is showing up? And it's like, [00:23:00] wait a minute, I can insource.
I can insource that validation for myself. I can drop into my body and I can feel what it feels like as if they said the thing. Because words are just words. It's believing the words that somebody is saying is what hurts us, right? It's believing the thought and it's just, it's so interesting navigating relationships because again, I think it does come back to like, Hey, if you're, I'm getting triggered or you're getting triggered by.
Whatever it may be, then, okay, what about my life is that causing that trigger? Because I can share a story with you guys about my relationship and that's not going to trigger you, most likely, right? Because it's my experience, it's not yours. It's like, This is just my story, or your story, or whoever's story that's creating this dysregulation in the body, and, [00:24:00] and, and discomfort, and it's like, how can we meet these edges with our partner?
I know for me, conflict is really scary for me. Some people can Dive into conflict and they're like, don't care. They're like, yeah, I'm right. You're wrong. I don't care what you say. And anything you say doesn't bother me. That's not me. Like I'm super sensitive. Like I get upset easily. If you know, I feel I'm being attacked and I know it's because of my upbringing and my childhood and And just constantly having to always sweep things under the rug and pretend everything's okay when and it and it's not talked about and then when you have a partner where you feel you can't be vulnerable because Then you get gaslit By your feelings.
How can somebody? Navigate their perspective or their story of them feeling like they're being gaslit or [00:25:00] not heard or understood. And I know this is more likely from the women, woman's perspective. I feel women feel more gaslit than men. I'm making a generalization here, but I noticed that women, my friends, like they're upset about something and somehow they're the villain because they're upset about whatever happened or whatever that conflict was.
I'll just say one thing and then I'll let you jump in from the woman's perspective. But like from my perspective is that I'm like getting so comfortable with yourself in that the feelings matter because I'm having them. Like just by me being a human being and having feelings, that means they matter.
And so If you can get to a place where you can just internalize that and own that then It takes away some of the power I guess if you will of that other person saying what are you talking about? That didn't [00:26:00] happen. You're crazy Like that's that's the gaslighting we're talking about that If, if I'm okay with as a human being knowing like, no, no, no, I have the feelings and I know they're valid because I'm having them as a human being, I'm having feelings.
And so I know deep down within my soul. And so that takes a lot of work. That's not easy. Like it's easy to say, but it's certainly not easy to put into practice. practice, but it's, I think reps, it's exposure to this stuff. It's listening to the podcast, getting on YouTube and watching the videos and reading the books and getting so comfortable with yourself as a human being, that.
You know that your feelings matter and it comes back to Self worth and you touched on it earlier and we talk about it a lot Because that was the very first limiting belief we both uncovered on this whole journey was different different variations of not not being good enough And so that's been a big focus of ours for the last number of years is working on [00:27:00] our own self worth individually, because you also mentioned external validation and I was clean external validation needed for me to believe that I was worthy as a human being.
And so building up that own self worth within you with like working in the mirror and the Mel Robbins high five habit, like there's lots of Lots of ways to work, work on that. Um, but, but spending that time, because to your point, that own internal validation of, because I'm having an emotion, it's valid. I, it would be nice if our partners.
validate our feelings. And that's something that we, like, obviously, in a healthy relationship, we validate each other's feelings. We don't have to agree with them. I don't have to have the feeling you're having, or understand how you got there, or make it, make it make sense, make it be logical. It doesn't need to be logical.
Because I love you, I validate your feelings. I'm like, you're feeling that way is just, yeah. And I think another way just for our listeners to kind of digest it too, is when your [00:28:00] children are upset, right? It's like, Oh wait, I want the blue cup. My sister has a red cup, the blue cups left. And then they're upset because they wanted the red cup and they get.
It's super emotional and as a parent, you're like, it's the same problem, but it's like also it's learning how to process those feelings in our body because when we're, when we're having them, we're dysregulated. And if, if you're a parent and you're looking at your child being upset. Yeah, we can, we can come from a place of like, you're ridiculous.
But think of you as, as an adult, if your partner or your friend, you're upset about something and they're like, you're ridiculous. You're like, oh, excuse me. Yeah, the same thing with our kids. It's like validating. Wait a minute They're having an experience in their body Let's help them get regulated whether you agree or don't agree with it And I think [00:29:00] that is where in adults we lose sight of that.
It's like wait a minute This is an experience and it's your job as an individual to do your own work and be like, okay, wait a minute. So it only takes 90 seconds for emotion to move through us. But we loop it, right? We have the feeling and we think about it and then we're like, okay, wait a minute. Let's bring the feeling back.
And we, we just go in this loop of feelings, uh, of the thought of the story instead of just sitting with the feeling. So to your guys's point, it's like, okay, yeah, your feelings matter, your emotions matter. It's like, how can we be okay. And accept that part. Of us that are feeling those feelings and I love what you said.
It's like wait if you're feeling it Then it matters I love that. I am i'm gonna take that with me because that is such a magical nugget like if you Are feeling and you are having an experience and it matters no matter what [00:30:00] anybody else says and you're taking your power back because If you're dysregulated That you get to own that and you get to have your power in that that hey, okay You And then going forward, you can be like, okay, wait a minute.
I was really triggered by this, or I was really emotional or upset about this. Okay, let's reflect and be like, okay, what about that experience was so triggering? And again, it always goes back to our younger self, right? Like there's some sort of experience that happened that comes back to some sort of, rejection or unworthiness that puts our fists up and our sword up.
So yes, I am taking that with me. If you feel it, it matters. I think that is so powerful. Well, it's actually interesting because I had this exact experience a couple of years ago. We were hiking in the mountains in Arizona and he's very sure footed. So he's like skipping down the mountain basically, and he's getting further and further [00:31:00] ahead of me.
And I'm getting really frustrated. Like I can feel it all bubbling up. Like, did he not tell I'm not right there? Why is he not waiting for me? It's like, I can feel myself going zero to 60. And I'm trying to talk myself down, which on the one hand is I'm trying to be logical. Like I know he's not going to run down the mountain, get in the truck, drive away and leave me here.
Like I know that is, there's a 0 percent chance that's going to happen. But also at the same time, I'm a little bit invalidating my feelings, right? I'm trying to tell myself not to feel this way. I'm trying to push it down and, and, and not feel it. And then I can see him approaching a group of really slow, a big group of slow people coming down the mountain.
And I'm like, Oh, I better catch up now. Cool. Or I'm gonna fall really far behind and then I trip and fall and smash my face and he picks me up and we End up making our way down the mountain But as I'm having that feeling of that like really high level frustration Like I'm really emotional right now.
He has no idea but I'm really emotional right now I gave myself like [00:32:00] a pause to say, where do I feel it in my body? And that just, that, that, that few seconds of really grounding myself in the actual sensation, like not naming frustration, not naming disappointment, but the actual like clenched stomach, heart pounding, like those actual sensations.
The minute I sat in that, They went away, and the thought went to my brain immediately, I have a fear of abandonment. And I instantly tried to, to logic myself through that. Like, no, I don't. Why would I have a fear of abandonment? And I can, I can trace that back to my childhood. But I tried to, again, invalidate that thought that I had.
And, but I realized I had to tell him this thought too, because I need to reflect and I'm going to try to not let myself be triggered every time he gets a few steps ahead of me when we're doing something. Cause I know in my, in my heart, that he's not going to just take off and leave me on the mountain.
But I also know I need to share this with him, which takes some courage and vulnerability, because it's not something that I'm super, A, [00:33:00] I super understand, or B, I'm super proud of having a big fear of abandonment. You know, none of us want to shout that from the rooftops. And so, Sorry to interrupt, but it just, society looks at abandonment or fear of abandonment as a weakness.
And it's like, wait, we're not allowed, we're, at least from my upbringing, like, you are not allowed to be weak. Like you didn't show him the gins. Like that was not allowed. So I think, you know, just in our age group, you know, it's like, no, no, no, we don't share that. So that's a lot of courage. Like I knew he wouldn't leave me because of it.
But again, the fear of abandonment's in there. And so, you know, I've got this whole like vulnerable courage, fear, like soup happening inside of me, but we're out for a walk, which PS like. I find it easier to be brave and to be vulnerable when you're, when we're walking because we're not like just eyeball to eyeball.
It just becomes a little easier when you're like staring down the road. And so I shared it with him and he just sat there with me and he didn't talk me out of it. He helped me [00:34:00] process it. And now he, because he knows, he can do his best not to trigger me. It's still my responsibility. It's still, I have to work through that.
It's my, I own that, but it's nice to have the support and accountability from somebody else to try to not trigger that in me, and when I get triggered, help me through it. But it was, to me, an interesting example of me having the feeling, trying to invalidate my own feelings to talk me out of it, try to push down the feelings so I wouldn't feel it, And then when I actually let myself feel it, it all sort of clicked into place and then I could share and be vulnerable with him and we can do it together.
And so it's that validate, I almost needed to validate my own emotions first before I could be brave and share with him. Yeah, because the very thing that you're trying to avoid. Abandonment. Yeah. It's the very thing you're creating in that moment. It's like, wait a minute, I'm in fear of abandonment and now all I do is feel abandonment and you're trying to push it away, so it's like, [00:35:00] wait a minute, the very thing I'm trying to avoid is the very feeling I'm creating in this moment, right now.
Exactly. And it's like you have to really wrap your head around it. It's like wait, why? Like even in relationships just a little digression. It's like if you are trying to avoid rejection Let's say right. It's like oh i'm gonna break up with him first so that he doesn't reject me But all you're doing is creating rejection For yourself anyway Yeah, yeah for both of you exactly.
So it's just something to think about it's like, okay, wait, what is the feeling i'm trying to avoid? because that's What you're creating by avoiding it and sitting with it And what's the story that you're telling yourself about it because that's to your point where all the ickiness and the fear and all of it come from like the rejection itself is Nothing.
It's just it's it's a fact of life. It's a zero It's a it's a non [00:36:00] thing until your story gets wrapped around it And that's what creates the emotion and the fear and the all those negative feelings. We try to avoid it's just the story and so And I say it's just the story, like it's an easy thing to one, identify and two change.
But once you can, again, this, it took me a long time to wrap my brain around this, that if the story's not serving you, if the story you're telling yourself 'cause they feel like facts and they're not, there's their stories. If the story you're telling isn't serving, then tell yourself a different story.
Tell yourself a story that's gonna serve you. And also on that point, it's like, wait a minute, this story, there's something really deep in that story that you believe is serving you. So it's like, okay, let's say getting on, on stage, right? Like, I, you have a fear of getting on stage. I'm just making something up here.
But it's like, if I tell myself the story that I'm afraid to go on stage, why is that serving me? It's serving me because, oh, then [00:37:00] I can't get rejected if I'm on stage, or people, it protects me. It, there's some sort of protection mechanism of the story that you're telling yourself. It's like, okay, wait, so once you recognize like, oh, okay, honey, like talking to yourself, Oh, you're just trying to keep me safe, right?
Because we all have this deeper desire of feeling safety. It's like fear of abandonment. Oh, well, I just want to feel safe, right? And it's like once you recognize the story is just trying to keep you safe then you can find different ways of of creating that safety. Within your body, within your brain, with, with your relationship.
And it's so, it's such a powerful way of being able to shift the story. Cause easier said than done, right? It's like, Oh, just change your belief, change your story. But this is programming you've had your whole life. So it's not so simple to just be like, okay, I'm going to change my story. It's [00:38:00] like accepting that part of the story and being like, okay.
Yeah, it's not serving me in moving the needle in the way that I want to, but it's serving me in a way that It, it thinks my ego thinks it's keeping me safe. So therefore, now that I know that all it was trying to do was to help me in a, in a roundabout way. Now I can be like, okay, let me find other ways that I can create a safety in my body as well.
And I think that's another way that we can start shifting our story. To serve us to move the needle, whether it's relationships, business, entrepreneurship, parenting, whatever, whatever it is you're trying to move the needle for it's, it's like, okay, it's, it's that acceptance piece. It's like acknowledging the awareness.
Like you said, like you, it took you a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot to even be aware of. What's holding us back and what blocks we have to then accept those parts of us so that then we can take the aligned [00:39:00] action into doing whatever it is that we want to do to move the needle. Totally. Yeah, this was so great today.
Thank you guys so much. I know you guys have a book out the 200 percent marriage, right? Cause we, we, we tapped in like a hundred percent each person. It's a hundred percent, not 50, 50. I'm really excited. You guys have to let me know when that's out and everyone else, we can read it. But I wanted, before we close today, what is a takeaway that.
Our listeners could start implementing today. Like literally right now. What, what's something that's like a quick win for our listeners today on whatever it is they want in their life. So I would say that one thing that we hear a lot is that we just, we can't, we can't get on the same page. We don't communicate, we don't connect anymore.
And I would say that the one thing that you can [00:40:00] do immediately is ask different questions. And really start to connect on a different level. So one thing that a lot of people will ask is like, how was your day? And how was your day is a very generic question. That's going to get a very generic fine or, you know, good.
How was yours or whatever. But if you ask a very specific question, like what was the best part of your day? What did you learn today? What did you fail at today? How can I support you today? Very specific questions that one get a very different answer a very detailed answer that you can start a conversation from And then you can start to now connect on a different level than you had been But two it also shows the other person that you actually care that what what happened in their day matters to you And that you want to show up differently for them You And so I would say that just asking different questions and you can do that.
It literally takes no time. Like you can start, like, as soon as you are done with the podcast, [00:41:00] Go turn to your spouse and ask them a very specific question. What was the best part of your day? Very simple. I would say that's one big win right there. Yeah. And that was the one that I had in mind to check in questions every day.
Like a very specific question is the, is the best way to reconnect and stay connected. Build trust and build trust. Totally. Uh, one other like bonus one, I will say, and this one can be a little bit tougher. Is try to, try to have fun together at some point, some way, somehow either make the time in the day or build it into what you're already doing into your mundane daily tasks, introduce a little bit of fun.
Like fun is the very first thing to go when we get into our busy lives and we start, you know, taking people for granted and taking our relationships and our lives and everything. We just kind of, we just kind of start going through the motions. Fun is the first thing to go. And when you think about. Last time you had fun together.
I'm guessing that the communication was flowing. You felt connected. You felt the trust was like [00:42:00] everything works When you're having fun. And so either trying to introduce something fun into your mundane daily tasks, or literally just carving out five, 10, 15 minutes to play a game or dance to a song, listen to a song, like something fun.
And the reason I say it might be tough is because one of the very first things we hear when we say that to someone is I don't, what do you do for fun? I don't know. I don't know what's fun anymore. Like I haven't, it's been so long since we've had fun. We don't even know where to start. And so that's why I think it can be a little bit tough for people is really going back and what is, what was fun for you before?
What did you like to do? And finding one way to just Reintroduce fun into your life and into your relationship. Those are such great tips. I love it. I'm going to start implementing that immediately. Thank you so much. So where can people find you? I would love to hear. Are you on social media? Do you have a website?
Please share. Yes, we [00:43:00] have the most fun on Instagram. So we're at Meredith and Craig on Instagram and we have a podcast called the word of life podcast, short, little like 10, 20 minute episodes with relationship concepts. And then we've got a website where our life coaching. com. Beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing.
I'm going to put all of that in the show notes for our listeners. So they can just click, click and find you. And I just really appreciate you guys being here today. Thank you so very much. Thank you so much. It was such a blast and an honor to be on your podcast. So thank you so much. We appreciate you having us on.
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