All right, ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to another episode of Couple of Nukes. As always, I'm your host, Mr. Whiskey, and today I am here with Christopher. Mr. Chris, go ahead and introduce yourself. My name is Christopher. I'm, I was 82nd, in the 82nd Airborne as a Airborne Infantryman. I served 2000 to 2003 right when, well, right as the shit hit the I suppose in the early 2000s.
I was Right. Right. And when all that happened, right. So you're referring to nine 11 in the, in the war on terrorism. Correct. Oh yeah. Yeah. Right. So tell us a bit about why you joined. Oh, I don't know. I was young. I guess it was an opportunity to get out of the house, you know, certain point when you're getting 18, 19, it's like, okay, you got to get out of the house, what do you do?
And I got curious, went down to the recruitment hall and I wanted to know what kind of jobs were available. And honestly, it's kind of a horrible, funny story, but I wanna know what kind of jobs were available and the recruiter's like, oh yeah, yeah, sure, I'll tell you about it. Here, go take this test.
I'm like, okay, go take this test. And he is like, oh wow, your scores are like really high. Okay. Like, I guess it was like 118 or something. Like the highest union is 80. So like, he's like, yeah, you can do anything. Here's a list of things you could do. And he gives me this sheet and it's just like a list of moss and sign bonuses.
And of course the 11 bravo 82nd or 82 this and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like all this stuff that makes no sense to anyone who has no idea what any of this means. And like literally it was the, yeah, it was the MOS code and the the bonuses amount that were eligible. Yeah. That was all I really understood.
And it was you know, I tried to ask him, what exactly are these different jobs? What jobs are, Oh, we'll get to that part here. You can check out this. Like he basically rushed me through the recruitment process while I was trying to figure out what was available if I wanted to do any of it.
And I think he told me, Oh yeah, sure. When you get to a such and such stage, he'll talk to you about jobs and availability. I literally get to this point where I finally get to sit down at a desk with this guy. He's like. So what do you want to do? And he's just like staring at me, like almost impatiently waiting on an answer.
I'm like, I have no idea. I'm looking at pictures of the wall and I saw the the ranger picture and, Oh, that looks like fun. And age 11 Bravo, like didn't even question me on what type of MOS I could have been all kinds of MOS as an airborne ranger, like just kind of like pushed you through the process there.
Yeah, being young and gullible, I guess, was my guilty part there. No, you and every other soldier and sailor out there, I'll tell you that much. Yeah. I mean, it's not that they're worse. One of the ones I heard the most when I was in the Navy was, A bunch of instructors, you know, we were like, why do you join petty officer?
And they're like, well, the air force was closed when I went to the branch and you know, the other branches saw me and they said, come on in. So that's the one I've heard the most. The air force is always closed. So that's, that's for sure. I mean, my recruiter definitely lied to me. He was also a nuclear operator, so he knew exactly what not to say.
You know, how many hours of watch you're standing, the jobs you had to do. It's like, yeah, it's going to be some, some bad times, but it's, it's pretty good and not, not true at all. I mean, I don't, I've only met a few honest recruiters and usually they're lower ranked and they're like, yeah, you know, we're not, we're not really good at our job because we don't really like telling people, we like to be honest with them.
Like, look, you gotta be built this boat for this. And they're actually lowered the standards now to get into the military, except for the Marines. Well, all the other branches have lower their standards. I know for, as in terms of physical fitness and ASRAP scores, I believe recently I was discussing with someone, they just allowed a single digit as that score into the military now, I'm not sure which branch it was either army or Navy, but now you need just as long as you get something, I mean, I don't think you can get lower than after the four digits.
I mean, what lower can you get a two, how do you get a two? You got a single question, right? Zero, I think would be the lowest you could get. And that would technically be a single digit. Right. Wouldn't that be, when I went in, I ended up in infantry because I was young and dumb, but I had probably about the highest score you could get.
And like, it would mean, okay. They actually offered me an opportunity to go to West point when I was in basic. And the only reason I turned it down was it sounded like four years of basic training. They were showing us the slides and they messed up when they showed one slide and they're like, Here's some third years who are going, they're done with their stuff for the day, so they're going to go off to the mall and hang out with their friends.
And I'm like, wait a minute. You just said that those are third years. They're done with their stuff for the day. So what about first and second years? Like when they're done for the day, can they go out with their friends to the mall? It's like, Oh no, like, no, I'm just going to stick with basic. Yeah. I'm not waiting two years to, I mean, when I went to school at least for the Navy, all the schools have we call it the phase system where you're phase one or phase two and phase three, and that determines what liberties you're allowed.
So whether it's civilian clothes or going off base. And I remember just hating that. And we would say anytime someone was stripped of their phase, That meant they couldn't, they lost all their privileges, so they would be stuck on base, couldn't wear civilian clothes, X, Y, Z, and would be like, have a phase wonderful day, and we used to do that all the time, but yeah, I mean, the ASVAB is also just, I feel like it's not accurate, I feel like it's a random test, and I'll tell you, I love writing, I'm a creative writer, published author, published eight books already, and yeah, that's The ASVAB said that my english scores were low, and that my highest scores were electrical and math.
The only thing I've ever struggled with in my life is math. 100%. The only bad grade I've ever gotten in any school, nuke school, high school, has always been math. And I've never, Even touched a wire or looked at a schematic before and they were like, you're electrical genius. I was like, I don't know about that
So I think sometimes, and it's multiple choice, so people just be guessing and they're like, wow, and then they get to nuke school and they're like, whoa. I did a lot of guessing. They call it Christmas tree when you just fill in random spots on there. So, well, what did you think when you took it?
I don't remember a whole lot about the asfab. I remember the math part. Going through there and answering all the math questions like extremely quickly. And I don't think I even finished a quarter of it. I think the entire thing was designed, especially the math part of it. It seemed to be designed more of these aren't like extremely difficult questions.
It's more of like, how many can you do in this time? Because like I said, I did a lot and I did it fairly quickly. And I wasn't even maybe a quarter or halfway through with the actual part of the test that you could have done. I think it was more of trying to see how fast your brain worked or something.
I think that was at least 1 aspect of it because they put the amount of questions on there. You were never going to answer all those questions in the time it gave you. So it must have been part of your processing speed of your brain. I guess. I don't know. But yeah, there's different elements.
Tests, it's like, you know, if they tested me on the state capitals, I would fail like horribly. That doesn't mean I'm a dumb person. It just means. Yeah, that's my problem with not just the ASVAB, but all the state testing for schools is like so oddly specific. And especially like, I remember I was never a study kind of guy.
And I remember my parents tried making me study for the SATs. And I'm looking at, here's a deck of flash cards, like a thousand words that I'd never heard of. And they're like, they might ask you about this. Oddly specific. You know, word or they'll be like, now all four of these ways of writing the sentence is correct, but which one is the most correct?
I'm like, well, this is an opinion at that point. So I've always hated that kind of testing. But I was so. As a airborne infantryman, did you have like a secondary boot camp or how does that work with the training? Okay, as infantry in general, when you go to your basic training, the basic and AIT are combined.
So, let's say like, you said you're a nuclear? Yes. Okay. So you probably did like basic in one place and then do it at AIT somewhere else. That's usually how a lot of those in West is go, right. Yeah. Like ours was all combined. So we were stuck in one place for a very long time. And back in 2000, I mean, it's as if they were preparing for war because they recruited so many people before September 11th, everything I did going through training, there was a long line and a hold over, like before I could even go to basic.
Like when they first get you there and they ship you off and they organize you and stuff they're giving you all your gear and everything. They said that usually you're there for a few days. I was there for like a week or so. Before I even started, I think it was four or eight weeks of zero week.
I can't remember. So, I mean, it was like at least a month that we had zero week because we were just waiting our entire company was waiting in line. Then when we got done with basic and AIT, like four or five months later I think it was like Christmas, we had pulled over before we could go to airborne school.
So we were just stuck in like an extra barracks waiting until they had room for us at airborne school. Then we get to airborne school. We we had to wait for probably about two or three weeks before we started our airborne training because there's too many classes ahead of us. And then of course afterwards I had to wait before I could go cause I signed up for the airborne Ranger contract.
And I had to wait before I get sent to that. And it was probably another week or so I was waiting in the airborne barracks and they come over and get us. And then I got stuck waiting over there. At the Ranger battalion, their little training headquarters for, I don't remember a few weeks or a month before we got, like everything had a huge amount of hold over.
It was before I got to my duty station. I signed up in June of 2000. I think it was like 10 months later, that I finally got to my duty station and yeah, like it was a lot of holdover, like I was in the holdover for , the ranger stuff so long. I actually injured myself in holdover and then when I was going through the training, they're like, oh no, you're injured.
You can't do this. I'm like, but can I just stay here and heal and then do the training again? They're like, oh no, we got too many people. Here, go to the 82nd. I hated it. I absolutely hated that. Cause I signed up for the ranger thing and like the rangers get really good training.
They get to do the stuff that's, a lot more exciting, right. As opposed to you go out to the airborne and you're basically one in this huge group to where every bit of train money they have, it's like they have very little money for train. So when they do send you out, there's a whole lot of people just.
Basically standing in line. Most of what you're doing is marching. That's mostly what they can afford is archery around and circle left, left, left, right, left. You're one, you're one. Yeah. I know exactly what you're talking. There were some funny times. Oh, for sure. And I don't know if this is the same across all the military branches, but I definitely heard it a lot in the Navy and that's hurry up and wait, hurry up.
And I don't know if you've heard that before. Yeah, of course, and they tell you get in line and they're like heel to toe, heel to toe, or they'll be like nut to butt, line up right against each other. And when I went to boot camp, it was during COVID times. And so. You got one petty officer on the side of the room screaming, Heel to toe!
Heel to toe! And then you got another guy yelling, Six feet! Six feet! You're gonna spread COVID! And it's like, What do you want us to do? And they're like, Don't ask questions! Just do what you're ordered! And It was so annoying. And then, we would have chiefs, I remember one of the things that annoyed us is, Like, we were working on our bootcamp had a divisional flag, and then, you could buy merch afterward where the flag was printed on a t shirt or something, and our petty officer had told us to work on it, and then this female chief from Sister Div comes in, and she's like, why are you guys sitting around working on a flag?
Go do, you know, this drill stuff xyz. So then we go and do the drill stuff, and then petty officer comes in, he's like, Why are you working on a flag? And we're like, well, chief said, he goes, is she in charge of you? I am like, all right. But if we didn't do what chief said, you know, what would have happened?
We've gotten beat. She would have been like, all right, how will you do some pushups now? Since y'all want to sit around and draw. So that was one thing conflicting orders. You know, and it's crazy because they'll do that to you. But then if you quote mom and pop your chain of command ever, then you're in for it, you know?
So, but yeah, we always joke that, you know what, let's go to the amusement park. We were used to it. It's basically work. Only we get to go on a ride at the end instead of be told by medical, come back tomorrow, and that's something I really hated. When we would wait in line for almost two hours for medical.
And then they're like, actually, we're going to go on lunch now. Come back tomorrow. I don't know if you've ever experienced met, I don't know about the army. I will tell you Navy medical is one of the slowest processes, I have ever been in my life. I mean, just. Waiting for hours. No, we didn't have that problem.
We were mostly just scorned for it or made fun of picked on stuff like that, you know, especially being infantry that like damn near everyone that went with certain types of injuries. Like if they got x rays, I think everyone was given a stress fracture.
I think if they x rayed you, they found a stress fracture. That's what happened with me. Like I'm pretty sure I had pulled a muscle, but I'd actually complained and went to the medics once because I was curious about some, I was curious about why I was every time I did, I think it was like hello dollies or leg spreaders or whatever I would hear a popping in my hip.
Now this has been going on since like day one of boot camp. So I'm asking them like, why is there this pop in my hip? It's just, it's always done it. It's like, you know, what is this? And oh, well, you need to go down and get x rays. I'm like, oh, hell, you guys are sending me to get x rays. I just know they're going to fucking tell me stress fracture because everyone that's gone to get x rays has gotten a stress fracture.
I don't know if it's just because, we've been beaten up for the past six months or maybe they just give everyone a stress fracture because they don't want no one else. No, honestly, when my dad was in, I think middle school or high school, he said, no matter what you went to the nurse to, she would say, all right, you're going Go sit on the toilet, count to a hundred, and then she would kick you out.
Like, no matter what that was her fix for everything. I remember we had a guy in my A school class for an electrician's mate. He had been enrolled back a few times for COVID. And he joined our class, started doing PT with us and everything. And he went to medical and he came back with quite the story.
He goes, I went to medical because my legs were hurting. And he thought he had a stress fracture. He thought he had a microfracture. He didn't think something was broken, but definitely something was not right with his legs, and I used to watch this guy. He would go right outside my window in the barracks, put on headphones, and he would jump rope.
He would do this whole workout routine, and from the beginning of when he got into her class to when I last saw him, he had gained Probably 35 pounds about, I mean, he was getting big, big guy. And he actually showed up to PT with a jar of pickled beets. And he would be like, these are great for oxygen guys, guys, you got to get on these pickled beets.
They really helped the blood flow. And we're like, all right. And then he would always walk around eating. There's an open can of oysters, but he went to medical, came back and he goes, guys, you'll never believe it. I got the best diagnosis I could have gotten. Medical really helped me out. And we're like, well, what happened, man?
And he goes, I told chief my injury and chief goes, all right. All right. You got, you think you have a stress fracture in your leg? He goes, what's your lifestyle like physically? And the guy goes, well, I jump rope. I swim, I run a few miles. I do this every day, every day after class I go, I jump rope.
I do eight counts. I do squats and burpees and I jog a few miles. In chief goes. Now what you're saying matches the injury, but it's not matching your physical physique. And then essentially what chief was saying is you're fat. And that was the diagnosis. Nothing else. He just said you're fat and then sent him away.
That was literally what he did. And I was like, man, I would love to go to Medeco and have them just tell me. Well, dude, you're fat. I didn't know they even do that anymore. I thought that everything had gotten so bad. That's hazing, right? That's hazing. You're getting in trouble for that. Yeah, I know, right?
Cause when I was in, they were getting away from hazing. I was in 2000 2003, and it was like Oh yeah. It's bad now, but what I will say is There's one thing that you're still allowed to make fun of, which is people's weight. And the reason is it's a physical requirement to be in the Navy and to actively keep up and maintain.
So they don't encourage you. I mean, we had this officer who said, don't ever quote me on this, but he was like, weight is the one thing you can make fun of. Cause we were making fun of this. This kid was fat. I mean, there was this round meatball of a kid sitting at our table in atomic physics, and we would make fun of him.
And he smelled so bad. He lost a room inspection. They walked in and the room smelled so bad. They just marked it unsat. And he's like, it's my pheromones. I have an issue. And he always brought so much food to class, but we were making fun of his weight and he was like, officers, you know, sir, will you help me?
He goes, technically they're allowed to. And we would make jokes about, I don't know if you've heard of the roping choke so you have to have a certain circumference to be in the Navy to meet the PT standards. And. What they'll do is they'll tie a rope around a fat kid and squeeze him until he's skinny and then measure his circumference.
It's called rope and choke. I'm dead serious and everyone dreads it. All the fat kids would be like, I don't want to get roped and choked because you got two chiefs pulling this rope as tight as they can to squish your gut in.
And so we call it roped and choked and we always said, Oh, you like being tied up and choked by chief? So it was always, always a great time. But the best experience with that, that I had was we had, have you ever heard of FET? FET? No. FET, it's the Fitness Enhancement Program. I'm sure, I don't know if the Army has some kind of program where if you're out of shape, they send you on extra training or not.
I'm sure they do. I never really had to do that one that much. So, we call it, well it's called officially the Fitness Enhancement Program. We call it the Fat Enlisted People Program. We would say Fat Enlisted Program. If I enlisted people. And your tech, they said that was hazy and they're like, stop calling people feppers.
We'd be like, ah, you fepper, you fep. And so they would have extra training. Well, one time I'm going with my buddy, get dairy queen. And I walk past the fep training and this was the training. All the fat kids lined up, all the chiefs lined up and all the chiefs have a dodge ball and all the fat kids don't.
And they're like, and the chiefs just start wailing the dodge balls at the fat kids. And they're like, I couldn't believe that was their training. That was their training . And you know, my, I called my dad, I'm like, dad, you're not gonna believe it. All the chiefs were just throwing dodge balls at the. Pack kids for training and my dad says, yeah, I wonder if they promised an extra galley pass to the last one standing, they're like, you get to have an extra meal at the galley today.
Shoot. But that, so that was medical, but tell us about your were you deployed to the Middle East or where did you go, where did you serve? Oh, no, no, I didn't actually go anywhere. I watched the units around me go, and then I ended up getting out before my unit went. That signed up for three years and my time was coming up.
So it's like by the time my unit went, I was already getting out. I just had a lot of fun in training, really. So you spent most of your contract just waiting to get to the next place, and then by the time you get there, it's like, well, the contract's up. No, I mean, I spent the first year going through training, and then I had like two years there at in the 82nd.
And I guess that whenever 9 11 happened, the unit to my right went, and then a year later, the unit to our left went. Then when it was our time to go, I was already on my way out. So I ended up getting out before they, you know, down stop loss and forced you to go. Where are you stationed after your training during those two years?
Yeah. Okay. Yeah. That's a nice area. No, I mean, I don't know. I heard different stories about it from people who were there like decades before, talked to some old timers who were there like in the eighties. And I mean, it was a much different scene for them. I mean, when I was in, you got a town that.
Had, I don't know how many people were on that base. It was like 35 to 50, 000 somewhere around there. It was an insane amount of young men and we all pretty much look the same. So, the girls in that town would look at you. If you went out to the bar, a lot of them would literally just look at you, ask you your rank, and if it wasn't high enough, they just look the other direction.
Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I got to talk to these old timers like, oh, I was there in the eighties. It was great. Girls wanted to party with the Joes and actually looked up, like, like the Joes and it was like, When I was in, it was completely the opposite. You had to be high rank or have really good game because these girls were like, no, there's like thousands of you around me.
We go away. Exactly. I mean, I used to experience that even online dating, they would ghost me or be like, oh, you're military. You have STDs, you cheat, you beat women. So the military definitely, this is in the great Gatsby where they're like, wow, you're in the military, you're rich, you're a cool guy though, at least all the areas I've been stationed at.
And I remember, especially for the nuke area, they'd always be like, are you guys nukes? Are you guys military? We can just tell. We obviously try to hide it, and I've always been good at that, but my buddy, he would be decked head to toe in every piece of clothing.
He had said Navy on it. I was like, come on dude, you're giving me away. I keep, I try to act like I'm his civilian friend. But then I don't know if you ever had a guy like that who was just hoorah everywhere. He. Oh yeah, I've known plenty of them over the years. Oh yeah, so when you were stationed over there, tell us about some stories that you got from over there, some trouble you got into, some fun you got into.
I know you mentioned trucks and a five pound can of pudding, so. Yeah, I mean, honestly, the first ones that come to mind would be the pudding, the trucks, a particular lieutenant. Yeah, I don't know. All right. I don't know if anyone out there has ever been a fan of The Walking Dead. I was a big fan of the show.
We were watching it and there's this one part in a season, I think it was like season five, where the little kid, he's rummaging through cabinets and he finds this five pound can of chocolate pudding. And he eats this thing. It shows him like eating this entire thing and he walks off and he's happy and whatnot.
Wow. And personally, I know from experience that. That kid would not have finished that entire can of pudding, and he would not have been happy about it afterwards. Look at how hungry he was. Because He would have been looking for a bathroom. Oh, oh, no, just to get that whole, I mean, pudding sounds easy to eat.
It does, but, okay, so, there's this one time we're out in the field, and we get a lot of infantrymen out in the field for too long, they tend to get into dumb stuff. So, they'd actually come out with our food, and they're serving us out in the field. We're going through a line, we're eating I'd sat down with a group of guys.
And I'd already eaten most everything on my tray and one of them looks over and they see this five pound can of chocolate puddings and next to the tables where they sit up there giving us our food and he looks over at me and he says I bet you 20. You can't eat that whole can of pudding.
And I look at it and like, I honestly, I just ate this whole tray. Otherwise I might take you up on that bet. Someone else is like a hell I'd put in 10 to see that. So before you know it, you actually had this, I mean, like just like that instantly. Other people were like, yeah, I'll throw in five or I'll throw in 10 or 20.
And so these people, they actually get up and they start going around and starting to ask people. Hey, I bet you couldn't eat that entire, you know, we already got like 50 and it gets up to a hundred and they're like, I bet you couldn't eat that entire can of pudding. So at some point it got up to, I think around 350 collective and like they had found someone, this kind of a heavy fucking Chinese kid coming through the line.
So he was fresh. He hadn't even eaten his food yet. He literally had his tray and they caught him before he even got a chance to eat the food off his tray. And he agreed to take up this bet. And by now the entire company's involved, right? So you got probably 120 people, like 30 people out in the woods.
We've been out there too long. We need entertainment. And this guy has agreed that he's going to try and do this. I don't remember how much, probably three and 50, 400. What it came out to bet to eat a five pound can of chocolate pudding. Right? So they sit them down. You got the entire company involved.
This big circle of all these people, they made some ground rules. Okay. You have 20 minutes to eat the entire can of pudding. You have to hold down the entire can of pudding for two minutes after you eat it. If you throw up before the two minutes you lose, right? If while you're eating the can of pudding.
You do throw up, you have to throw up into the can of pudding and re eat it. Oh. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're allowed a serving spoon to eat with. And you're allowed one quart of water to help wash it down. The one court canteen of water. Wow. Right. So those are the ground rules, right? Now, I mean, pretty horrible ground rules.
Like if you throw up, you got it, you got to read it. You want the money you better win. So they had their ground rules. Somebody come out with a stopwatch, they sit this big kid up, he's like sitting up next to the tree. Like I said, you got I don't know, 120 plus people like all gathered around a big circle, everyone gathered around watching it, and off he goes, right?
They hit the start button, off he goes, he's taking a serving spoon, glop, right into his mouth. Serving spoon, glop, right I mean, it's chocolate pudding, right? I mean, you can eat chocolate pudding like nothing, you pretty much just put it in there and swallow it, you're almost drinking it. I mean Yeah, but five towns?
Ugh. Yeah. It's a big can. So, this kid, within a few minutes, maybe five minutes or so, he'd probably gotten about halfway through this can. I mean, he's just like, scoop, swallow, scoop, swallow, scoop, swallow, like nothing. Going at it. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. That worked for about the first half.
To maybe the first two thirds and it hits the wall right now. That last third was the hardest fucking third of chocolate pudding I've ever seen anybody eat in my entire life. This guy, he went from like just shoveling the stuff into his mouth, just eating it, no problem. To his spoons start slowing down, his arms start slowing down.
He's keep, he keeps taking his spoonfuls, but it's slowing down, gradually slowing down. Then it gets to a point where he takes a spoonful, he holds it up in front of his face and he just stares at it. He swallows it. Then he gets to a point where he takes a spoonful, holds it in front of his face, and he starts shaking.
He's traveling like barely shaking. He's forcing himself. At this point, I'm telling you, the first like two thirds of this thing was no problem. That last like pound and a half of chocolate pudding. It was, it was horrible. Like this kid you like, you should just watch him. He slowed down. Then he starts shaking and he's like, you gotta start crying.
Oh yeah. He is like, he puts it in there like he can barely even swallow it. He just. He's fucking still trying to eat this. At one point he like, takes a little sip of water. He's like trying to like breathe. And someone's there with a stopwatch, like you have X amount of minutes left. And he's like staring like reluctantly.
And like, you know, how could I do this to myself? Fucking at this fucking can of pudding. He continues to eat and it's getting down in the last couple of minutes. And I mean, this kid, it must've been horrible, but he managed to get that entire can of chocolate pudding down. I mean, he did it, I think like 17, 18 minutes, right?
Yeah. And then of course, okay, you need two minutes. You got to hold it down. So they hit the stopwatch again in like two minutes. All right. So like, everyone's like, you've got this crowd of people. He's already stood up from the tree and now he's kind of pacing back and forth. So you have this crowd of 200 people that as he moves the back and forth, the entire crowd moves back and forth as if like a spaceship circling around like the center, like one of the circular UFO spaceships that you see kind of like that as this entire crowd of people move around while this kid's back and forth.
And he did it. He held it down for two minutes. ALICEA Oh, thank goodness. JUSTIN Oh yeah, but of course, no, we weren't done. We know this wasn't the end of the story, so, and we waited. Not a single person left, no one was like, oh, okay, he held it down, alright, good for him. No no no, we wanted to see the finale, right?
So this kid now, he's like, okay, you win! He's still pacing back and forth, he knows he's about to throw up. He finally, he throws up a little bit. And it's just like, ugh. Again, we look together, I mean, you used to see people in a crowd all looking at each other and like, shaking their head, and they look back at him, cause they know, there was a lot more pudding went in there than that little bit of puke that he just did.
LIAM So like, a few seconds later, he lets loose this stream. And it was, I had seen this movie in the 80s, It was like these kids walking down the railroad track and they tell the story and this kid throws up in the story. And like, I thought it was inhuman, impossible. I saw the impossible that day. I saw what was just.
Unbelievable that day. I did not think that a human body could project that much vomit
for such a small amount of time. I had a picture of it. I wish I still had that one because that was actually a pretty good picture. Well, the things we would do for money, I mean, yeah, you get infantry out there. They're out in the woods for a long time. Dumb things tend to happen. Yeah. I remember during my a school, the first year I was in the service, it was still COVID, but finally the cat team was like, Hey, I want everyone to go home for the holidays.
It's my first time being away from home for the holidays. And we could talk about what happened with Thanksgiving. That was a wild story. That was a wild weekend. But for Christmas, they were like, everyone can go home unless you live on the Northeast coast, specifically New Jersey, New York, Connecticut.
And I think Massachusetts and being from New Jersey, I was like, Oh, of course. Of course I can't go home. But luckily I had some shipmates who were like, well, Mr. Whiskey, why don't you come on home with us? I was like, all right. And one kid was like, I got, you know, however many acres of land in Oklahoma, I'm going to see my grandparents.
We can go hunting and shooting and stuff. It was like, that sounds pretty good. And then my other buddy who I was closer with, he was like, why don't you come with me into Mississippi? So like, Oh, all right. That sounds pretty cool. So we went there, 70 acres of land. I believe his great grandma, almost 99 years old, basically bedridden, she gets up maybe a few times a year.
She got up to make us biscuits and put in on like, Right before Christmas, 99 years old. It's the first time she's gotten out of bed in months, but it wasn't at all what I was expecting. She took a crock pot, put all the chocolate pudding in the crock pot and heated it until it was almost scorching liquid, not like a broth, but it was hot pudding and it was homemade pudding too.
Now, like the last time I had pudding was in the galley on the aircraft carrier. So, you know, that fake kind of. Not fake, but like the canned pudding. It was from a five pound can like y'all have and you just scoop it up for yourself. This is, I would take a couple of spoonfuls, not five pounds.
I would take a couple of spoonfuls and then I was good. So I can imagine, but a crock pot full of hot pudding. I'll tell you, it was one of the most delicious, one of the best things I've ever had in my life. But it ran through me. It ran through me and, but she, he was built different, that great grandma, she goop after scoop after scoop of that hot pudding.
She covered the biscuits till you couldn't see them anymore. And then she was basically drinking it. She was just drinking these, you know, this hot pudding. So biscuits with. Chocolate pudding. Yeah. So she made homemade biscuits, she's a great grandma from Mississippi, so, you know, they're good.
They were the best biscuits I've ever had in my life. And the sweet tea was also really good. the sweetest sweet tea I've ever had in my life, but yeah. And they would dip these biscuits into the hot pudding. And I tried it and I tell you, it was amazing. Forget sausage and gravy, hot scorching liquid pudding.
I mean, don't don't leave the house for, I'll tell you, it's only going to be 10, 15 minutes later that you have to go. It's gonna flush you out. But yeah. Yeah so, Pudding and biscuits added to your list. That's one thing I am grateful for. About the service is it's allowed me to travel and try different foods.
And Having been stationed in the South, I was introduced to grits and a cream of corn and stuff. And so Chris, when you were out there, did you have a galley slash refueling complex or were you eating MREs or what were you eating out there, man? Out in the woods, it was usually MREs.
When we're in the barracks, we had our cow hall and everything. But usually it was MREs or sometimes they bring hot food out to us. And like the hot food they give you out in the field is usually horrible. Like you mentioned grits, I thought it was funny. Cause you know, I was down in a Benning when I did my training and that's in Georgia and they did, they get a grits out and like you had all these people from up north that never even seen or heard of grits, so it was interesting to watch them try to figure out how you're supposed to eat this.
Like I always learn. Butter and salt, maybe some cheese, throw that in your grits. And you're good to go. Like these guys from up North are like throwing in maple syrup and sugar and everything else into the things is like, well, you know why it's because people. Including myself don't know how to explain grits and what they are.
And some people try to say, well, grits are kind of like oatmeal. So then people from up North are like, oh, okay. I'll add syrup and brown sugar. No grits are not like oatmeal unless you're in the Navy in the Navy. The galley served something called grits and I swear it was just oatmeal with a splash of water on it.
The grits in the Navy, that was my first time trying grits and I'll tell you that was a bad impression, but I went out to a restaurant shout out to Rita's Breakfast Place over in Folly Beach. Best grits I've ever had in my life. I mean, especially if you get a good thing of cheese grits. I love cheese grits and loaded grits with bacon bits.
Pretty good. Oh yeah. And for people from up north and you try grits. And you're like, it's too bland, trust me, add some butter and salt, like Chris said, like, don't just eat it plain, and I hate, I'm sorry, I hate people who take, like, the smallest little nibble, little spoonful, and they're like, I don't like them, I'm like, you didn't even, you didn't even have a full spoon, like, you're gonna complain about this.
Now, Chris, for the MREs, I don't know if you're like me, but when I've had them, I've always hoping for that brown sugar Pop Tart one, right? No, we didn't get, we didn't get any of those. Oh, you didn't get that? Well, the, the MREs I had was from my best friend's dad who served in Iraq. He was a demolitions expert.
He did, he got blown up nine times, nine different times. And finally they forced him to medically retire. He kept going back out there. He's like, I'm not leaving. And eventually you get blown up enough times and you get enough injuries. They're like, look, we can't send you back out there. But he had given us MREs from, I mean, I'm talking about a couple of decades ago and the best ones where they had like a brown sugar pop tart in it.
And I remember one time I even had a thing of MREs that came with, M& M's. I was like, this is, this is great. But then there was other times where I was like, this is awful. I got a saltine cracker, a thing of pasta and a piece of meat that, that tastes awful. And we also had I remember whenever the galley was closed for a storm at nuke school, we would get this heater meal that came in a red box.
And you would put the food in a bag and just add water and it would steam the food inside of the bag. That's what we had. Okay. Yeah. They make this awful smell. Oh yeah. I made it awful. I mean, it was a chemical reaction. It was letting off the heat. I remember, a lot of the meals like there would be like spaghetti or stuff like this and it was like, it wasn't really very good unless you heated it up.
And I remember going through Ranger training. And 1 of the aspects when you're out in the field and Ranger training was you had the or the Ranger adoption program. Sorry, you had like 10 minutes eat, which doesn't sound like much. Except for the fact that they say you have 10 minutes to eat. Okay, now you actually have to take your rucksack off, dig into your rucksack, try to find your MRE, pull it out, open up, eight bags are in there.
Trying to take the time to actually heat that, that food really isn't happening. So you're pretty much trying to shovel this into your mouth. And trying to swallow when it's like room temperature spaghetti, that's just sealed in a big package. And then you have like the crackers with peanut butter and stuff like that.
And you're trying to eat this and you can't even get saliva in your mouth fast enough to chew and swallow the damn things. That was really tough going through that training. I remember, God, I remember they had a set at like 2 o'clock in the morning, been up all day, been marching, been doing this, been doing that, and you're 2 o'clock in the morning, it's freezing cold, it's probably November in Georgia or something, freezing cold, and you're low crawling through puddles.
Right. Yeah, for anyone who doesn't really know about low crawling, that's literally you're on your stomach. You can't have your feet, you can't have your elbows, your knees, your legs, not even your feet, like you have to have your feet laid flat on the ground, so as flat as you possibly can be, dragging yourself through like 30 degree water, rolling around and everything, oh my god, they had a quit circle, because they were always trying to get you to quit.
And the quit circle had these people sitting by a fire, roasting marshmallows, nice and comfy, while you're over there just dragging yourself through literally freezing cold mud, and puddles and stuff. I remember I was out there crying, and this sergeant was coming over to top me, and I don't remember what the specific term they used in the Ranger Indoctrination Program, but anyway, he's over top me, or, you're crying, do you want to quit?
Do you want to quit? And I'm like, no! No, but like there's tears rolling down my face. I'm like, no, I'm not quitting. I refuse to quit. I even like when I was, I said I was injured, like I'd gotten hurt and I was like limping running, I was still keeping up with the runs and everything, but like I had a huge visible limp as I was running everywhere I ran and I'm like, Oh no, this guy's supposed to be in a profile.
And they pulled me out. And I ended up, that's how I ended up in the 82nd where I didn't make some Ellen TVs fly though. That was fun. At one point I went from infantry and at some point, for whatever reason they never really told me I was actually, actually after I got my EIB, but they told me they weren't meeting.
To go to the truck driving platoons, they didn't have enough truck drivers. I'm like, okay. Wow. So I beat the hell out of it. I beat the hell out of those trucks. I bet I got, I mean, a two and a half ton LMTV. I did wheelies with that thing. Going through the mud holes and stuff coming out, you know, two wheels up in the air, the front two wheels up in the air, guys, it's coming out.
I'm sure they told stories about stuff like that. Like this other time we were on this drop zone and they wanted us to, or no, they wanted the guys, they already had the guys clean up trash on the drop zone and they had me come over there and they're like, Oh yeah, let these guys throw the trash in the truck.
You drive them down the bottom of the drop zone and they can throw it all away for you. I'm like, okay. Problem is I had already been eyeing this drop zone for a while because it had it was kind of on a plateau, right? So it's like, oh, the entire drop zone is nice and flat. It's up on a hill. As you come down the road, it goes down the hill and like right before it even goes downhill, it kind of goes over a little hump, then it starts going down the hill.
Then about halfway down, there's another hump, and it goes farther down the hill. All the way towards the bottom, there's this last hump, all the way down at the bottom. And I'd been eyeballing this for a while. I was like, I bet you could get a pretty good ramp out of this thing. So yeah, the sergeant had told me to take these guys down and let them dump the trash and everything.
I'm like, okay. So they all throw the trash bags in. I'm getting ready to get in the driver's seat, and we got like guys jumping in the back, and guys getting in the front with me. I'm like, all right, guys. Make sure you hold on tight and they just all looked at me. I'm like, hold on. So I go get in the truck and the guys in the front are like, what's going on?
I'm like, you'll find out. So you got two guys in the front. I don't remember three or four in the back. We go down and going down this trail and the LTVs were governed at about I think it was like either 45 or 55. So the governor would kick in, no matter how hard you hit that gas pedal, you're not getting over that speed unless you have a hill, which is helping you, which I did.
So I come over this dirt path as fast as I can get this thing going, hit the first little hump and start going down. I'm like, all right, here we go. Got it fucking floored, already getting past the governor because of the hill, hit that second hump. And when you hit that second hump, like it was just enough that you could feel the front tires come off the ground a little bit and kind of float up off your chair a little bit.
And then boom. And then now, you had this LMTV, it's two and a half ton truck, racing down this hill. And I hit that last hump. And you could feel that all four wheels had come off the ground because it was up there long enough that the entire truck started to turn slightly sideways.
Cause if any of the wheels were on the ground, still wouldn't be turning sideways, it would still be guiding the street. So all the wheels were up off the ground and we were looking over and seeing where the two guys were sitting next to me, like their heads were on the ceiling and their asses are about a foot and a half off the seats.
Nice. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I had this thing like Dukes of Hazzard airborne. It was, it was up there. And we slammed down and dust was coming in every hole in the thing. And I come over Nick part next to the trash can and guys are getting out of the back. Like, oh, my God, it's crazy. Like, so, yeah, I think they told stories about that for a while.
I don't really know. For a fact, but between that and the four willing and those trucks, I mean, you ever see a pine tree fall, like a stop sign. I mean, those trucks can really take some stuff out. It was a crowd. You hit a couple of trees in your day. I mean, they had us driving out in the middle of the woods and I think Amy got lost and just drew drove through the woods until I found out where it was going.
And yeah, like I've hit probably six or eight inch diameter pine trees, maybe up to 10 inch. And they just like, boom, the fall. Like a stop sign. They just go straight over it like a shooting target. Then you hit the target. It just drops. Wow. Of course now. You said a couple of things that brought to mind a couple of things for me.
So one, I'll start with you were talking about the crackers and the MREs, and this reminded me of something I had heard from a guy who was on restriction. So this guy was six months away from retiring at 20 years Naval service. He had one of the biggest metal racks I ever saw in my life. I mean, his chest, half of it, like his whole left torso was just ribbons and metals.
And this woman had falsely accused him of sexual harassment. And so right before he did his skill bridge and got out, literally retiring in six months, he got put on restriction and I met him and I talked to him and he had said that when he was in, there was a challenge called the saltine cracker challenge.
And people were trying to, I think the challenge was like, eat five of them in a row with no water. And apparently it was impossible. They said the absorption rate of the cracker to your saliva production rate was so disproportionate that you can never get past five or you can never get to five.
And so we started talking about. You know, dumb challenges you saw on social media. And I told him that when I was growing up, there was this one, like the cinnamon dust challenge. And I think it was like, if you could in here, or if you could swallow a teaspoon of cinnamon, have you heard of that? Yeah. I think my son tried that.
He never liked cinnamon again. Yeah. Well, I don't blame it. I mean, it was dangerous. But I got something from him that surpasses all these challenges online. He was in charge of room inspections for the barracks. He was a guy who worked on the quarter deck maybe 10, 15 years ago.
And this was in Chicago and he found out from inspecting rooms and going into people's closets and stuff. He kept finding this reoccurring trend and I'll just describe it all to you. Sailors were Taking a Tupperware container, and they were crapping in it. Once, twice, maybe three times, who knows.
They were crapping into a Tupperware container, then they were taking a balloon and stretching it out over the container to cover it, and they would let it sit for a few days, until the balloon was filled. And then they would take it off and tie it up however way, and then they would inhale, and I guess you could say snore, they would huff.
These fecal balloon fumes. And it was a challenge. What the fuck? I'm dead serious. And it gets crazier. Two people at that base died from it. Two people died. It can't be good. Nothing about that. He said crapping in a Tupperware container, putting a balloon over it, letting it sit for a while, a few days, and then huffing it.
And he said, two sailors died from it. He goes, he can't imagine that the phone calls the captain has to make, because anytime, a sailor dies at your base and you're to see, Oh, you gotta make a phone call, we lost so and so. What are you, what are you going to say? What does the report say? Toxic gas exposure.
And we were trying to figure out how to. Wait, no, just, I'm trying to imagine right now. Remember, I don't know. You remember any of the old war movies where they have a little typist and they're typing out all these letters. Yeah, essentially like that. And it's like, why? Why would you do that?
Oh, it was on social media. Don't people need to stop doing what's on social media. I mean, I haven't seen anything lately. That's really. Dangerous or stupid, but I've seen some stupid trends. I remember actually, there was a box trend where people were trying to make an invisible box and then step onto it with one leg and then walk across it.
But nothing like this. What, what feeling do you get when you huff fecal fumes from a couple days? And me being a genius creator, I have to ask myself now, do different animals have different effects and what can we try? And, obviously I'm never going to do this. This isn't something I'm into, but now I'm like, man, do different animals have different flavors and smells?
Like, what can we get going here and get a whole market going? But one of the dumbest things I've ever heard. From military or civilian side, one of the dumbest things I've ever heard. But make sure your son doesn't do it. If he's taken spoonfuls of cinnamon, make sure he doesn't do that. I would think that like cinnamon would be a lot easier to, Oh sure.
I'll try that rather than I'm going to shit in a Tupperware container. Seal it up. And then I'm going to inhale the gas as a challenge. Like I feel like any person who's taken a crap has smelt it and been like, You don't want to smell it just taking a crap, let alone after it's aged like a fine wine.
You know, they're like, oh, this is just like wine and cheese, we gotta let it age a couple days. This isn't moonshot. They got it out here. People was thinking maybe people fermenting, it would ferment and it would be like an alcohol type thing where it fermented. Maybe that's what was going through someone's mind.
I don't know. I don't know who created this or why God knows. I mean like, like you said, like the five cracker challenge. I remember hearing about that. Because God doesn't know. God's looking away at this point. He's like, I can't it. The five cracker challenge was one of those things. It was impossible and you would do it.
You might take the challenge just to see it was real, but it's not like you were going to kill yourself with the five crackers. You just would have a hard time. You'd be like, Oh my God, I can't even swallow. Someone give me a thing of water. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I quit. You win. I can't beat this challenge.
Yeah. Now something also funny, funny, not funny.
You mentioned low crawling. So one of your favorite things to do, correct? Oh so I had met this girl on tinder and we texted a little bit and, she's like, I used to be such a party girl, a wild girl, now I want to settle down, something serious, blah, blah, blah, and she didn't seem at all my type, and nor did I seem her type, but we're talking, so she comes over to my house, and she's playing with my dog, I have a little three pound chihuahua, so we're just playing with the dog.
And she's like, yeah, I'm really sore right now. I just got my nipples pierced like three hours ago, blah, blah, blah. And we're just sitting on the floor chilling. And we talk for like eight hours straight. We're just hanging out and we make out a little bit, but what I won't forget is, and then this is overnight.
I was on day shift, but I pulled an all nighter to talk to this chick, going to work the next day, tired and after work, I'm supposed to go on a date with her, you know, that morning. I went to work and she went home and we're like, date tonight, blah, blah, blah.
Well, she ghosted me, which made no sense. But we have a theory is halfway through this. If you want to call it a date, my roommate comes home. We had our own house back in prototype and he's a great guy. I love him, but he decides to low crawl across the floor in the room we're in. So her and I are just hanging out on the couch at this point, playing with the dog.
And dude just shows up out of nowhere in low crawls across the floor. This is back when he was heavy. So he's like floating in the air on his stomach, trying to crawl across the room, army crawl. I don't remember what he said. He said something. I think he was talking about his wrestling days. Now this guy has gone with me.
He's my wingman. And there was this shit I was super in love with. I went on a date with her. And the first day I went on her with her. She had worked at Waffle House. And she's like, why don't you stop by and come where I work? So I went with my buddy and he sits down next to her. I'm sitting across from her.
He sits down next to her or he was sitting down next to me, but he ends up next to her showing her all these old videos of him wrestling in high school. I was like, bro. What are you doing? What are you doing? And I thought he could never outdo himself, but then he army crawls across the floor in the middle of the room And then I never saw her again So we always used to joke that it was because he army crawled across the floor and she got scared But yeah, as soon as you said low crawling Yeah, well, that's true.
He owns two two hundred nerf guns But yeah, as soon as you said low crawling, I just had a flashback to this date with this chick where my buddy just crawls across the floor. Actually, since we're on it, I was dating this woman and I was like, why didn't you come back to my place? Because we had gone on a few dates and I had gone to her place a few times.
So I said, why don't you come back to my place? And I told my roommate, I'm like, Hey, I'm coming home soon. You know, I'm bringing this woman, blah, blah, blah. He's like, I'll make dinner for y'all. I was like, you know what? That's really nice of you, man. We come home and the house is on fire. The fire alarms are going off.
The kitchen is filled with smoke. He was just making burgers. He was just making burgers and she's filming the whole thing. She's sending it to her family. She sent it to her friend. She's like, this guy invited me over to his house and his roommate was making dinner for us. And he set the place on fire.
Now that I think about it, I didn't realize how many dates this guy kind of botched for me, but this guy, you have any wild date stories from when you were in the service? No, no just horrible mistakes. Same, same. You didn't get married and divorced while you were in, where are you? No, actually, my son was created while I was in. He was born about 30 days after I got out.
No, 20 days. Yeah, 20 days. It was actually the reason I went ahead and got out and I didn't go overseas was because he was about to be born. Right. I had to make sure he was mine. Right. No, it was horrible as far as stuff, especially around Fort Bragg because it was so heavy military. Like, Sergeant who had gotten divorced once because he had came home from a deployment a couple of days early and discovered some other man there with his wife.
And of course that got divorced. So like the sergeant had a habit with his new wife. He would literally call before if he was coming home from a deployment early, he would just call and be like, Hey baby, I'm coming home. I'll be home in like an hour or two. Like he literally didn't even want to have another marriage get ruined because he caught his wife cheating.
He'd rather just let her know. So she'd get them out. Like it was that bad. I had a friend, he actually got deployed and he went overseas. Like I said, it was right when I was getting out and I chose to go ahead and get out cause my son, but like he had a baby that was being born. He got a dear John letter a month after he left, right after his baby was born.
Wow. Yeah, it was when we were invading Iraq, they were going to invasion of Iraq and yeah, like right after he got deployed, like a month later, his baby was born and he gets a deer jaw on it later, within like a month or so. Oh, it happens. Yeah.
There was actually, I don't know if y'all have duty day in the army, where every set 24 hour shift. No, I mean, we had all kinds of different stuff. We're always on recall, or you had things where you, I guess duty days was one of the things that we did have, where you'd have to like, man a desk, or whatever, you know.
Yeah, so duty day, I mean, depends on your rate but duty day is like, there's a duty section for each rate. And they'll come in and do extra watches and whatever. And I remember I met this MA one time, basically a military cop on my ship, and he told me that he was living him and two other guys, and one of the guys was married to this beautiful ginger.
And every time her husband went on duty day. So at any night he stood watch Him and the other roommate would run a train on her or have a threesome, or they would have other guys over. I mean, every time this guy left the house to go to the ship or to go to base his roommates or others sailors were coming over and just banging his wife.
And I thought it was awful. The guy who told me this story was dying, laughing. He was like, dude, it was some good pussy. It was like, that's awful that you would do that to your roommate's wife. But he was wickedly proud of it, but it happens all the time. I know my buddy in the army. He got back from deployment, and he's chilling in his house, his wife's at work, and this dude shows up and just walks in the house, has a key and everything, and he's like, who are you, and he's like, who are you, and he's like, I'm the husband, and he's like, oh shoot, and actually the guy was like, oh this woman's some kind of cheater, he helped my buddy from the army pack up her stuff and kick her out, both of them together, and now they're best friends.
You know, that's, that's crazy. That's actually a lot of, that's actually good. A lot of guys, like you said, a lot of guys would be proud of it and fucking brag about it. Yeah. I mean, I remember this dude, this guy was a snake. He tried getting with a Marine's wife. And the Marine found out and he tried contacting the recruiter because my buddy was just getting into the Navy and to take care of it.
And there's crazy stuff. I remember my one buddy at work right now, he's former Navy. He had been, sleeping with this older woman and she was much older than him. Maybe she was like in her forties and he was like 19, 20, maybe 18. And he found out one day he saw a picture her husband was a chief on his base.
He was like, Oh, hell no. He's like, I never saw her again. He goes, well, I hit it two more times after that, but I couldn't risk it. I mean, I remember I had gotten with I hooked up with this girl that I met on base and went home with her and it was really messed up. Cause I met her playing pool, this bar and base and I go home with her, we get in the house, we get up there, we get undressed and like in bed right as we began, she's like, I'm married, it's like.
Lucky you. It's kind of late now. The women I've been with have told me afterwards, so, lucky you. Like, seriously, I just, like, literally, we're just now getting started now, you tell me? Like, it's kind of hard to turn back at that point. If you told me at the bar, told me at the front door, you know, you wait till like, we're Chris, that's on you, man.
That's on you, man. God gave you a choice right there. Yeah. Girls are crazy. Yeah. What what would you say is the worst date or Dating experience that you had while you were in the service? Or if you have more than one, you're welcome to share all of them. I mean, honestly, while I was in the service, as far as dating, I can't remember all of them.
Like I said, like, wow, no, I had some bad days, like Fort Bragg was kind of bad because I came out of high school, I didn't really have much game anyway. It's kind of a quiet guy. So, like I said, at that time in Fort Bragg, they literally just look at you, ask you your rank.
And a lot of them would look the other direction. So, yeah, I don't remember. Going out on that many dates while I was in there. I met my son's mom by accident and like, honestly, be completely honest right now, it happened when I didn't have my glasses. If I had my glasses, I probably never would have done it.
I was going out with this other girl and she's like, Oh, I want to bring my friend with me on this date. And then like her other friend was like flirting with me. I ended up hooking up with her and literally like, I think maybe a few days or a week before I had we were out on a run and when the sergeants decided he He was going to get everybody to wrestle.
So, we're out in this run going through the fire breaks and there's like a big mud hole and he decides he wants everybody to wrestle in this mud hole. So we're all wrestling around my glasses get lost in the mud hole. So like, I'm waiting on new glasses. So I didn't have new glasses. I go on this date with this girl.
They met online. Her friend likes me. She looked cute, blurry. Oh yeah, I ended up hooking up with her and it was a horrible, horrible decision that I made. It cost me, I don't know how much pain, suffering, money. So not your wife? We never got married, no. She got me to get her pregnant, which she eventually admitted to, that she was literally taking birth control in front of me.
But like, she was probably vomiting it up later as well, but Apparently it's birth control. You gotta be taking it every day for like a month for it to even work. You can't just take one pill here and there. You'd have to just take it consistently. Right. She was just in front of me to make me believe she was on it and it was safe to, come inside her.
So yeah, boom, baby's made. She had a, me on a leash that she'd used to, you know, take advantage. I mean, try to give me the Navy is tired of dealing with that. So I remember at base, this was crazy. One of the craziest things I discovered in the service is. They had a bowl of condoms in that one room, and they were like, be safe sailors.
My buddy and I have never heard of this brand of condoms, so we decided, let's take them home and check them out. Bright green, bright cyan, bright red. They were colored condoms. And I was like, no way, I think they're called like lifestyles or something. I don't know if all military branches use it. I never heard of them before, but it was just wild.
Maybe they're just like, maybe they just fell out of like being commonly used or something. Oh, I don't know. I mean, I've never seen them before. I like the gas station or Walmart or wherever people buy their condoms. But I remember my buddy always picked out the green ones. He's like, I like to call myself the Hulk.
I was like, all right. He, they always just yell hoax. You know, we were roommates. I would hear him yelling Hulk smash. I'm like, close the doors. And he put on headphones. Yeah.
And this is the same guy who army crawled across the room and cost me my date and he set the house on fire. And who showed his, him wrestling. He's like, look, look at me senior year. I was 30 pounds lighter. Look how muscular I was like, bro. Yeah. We literally went outside. He like went to the bathroom or something.
Yeah. And I told the girl I was meeting at the Waffle House, I was like let's go outside. And so we left him inside the restaurant. And then we went out to the back by the dumpsters and made out. And then later on, we went back in and we're like, all right, man, you can join us. We're going to go bowling and stuff like that.
But yeah, I mean, so always wear your glasses. That's important. Because actually my buddy had a situation like that too, where he went over to, to watch a movie. And he lived on base and he left to go to his friend's house and two guys and then one of them was married and he's like, Oh, bro, I forgot my glasses.
I can't see the movie. Everything's so blurry, but they had been drinking all night. He wasn't drinking, but the underage guy with him was drinking and obviously he had bought the alcohol and, you know, military It does not take underage drinking lightly, but they decide they're gonna go get his glasses.
His glasses are on base, which means they have to go through the checkpoint security. So this is already a bad idea. Right. But it's like, all right, we won't get caught. No one act up. They decided to have the underage drunk guy, drive them through the base checkpoint. So I was like, what, this is the dumbest idea ever.
And then on top of it, you know, they're like, have you been drinking? And he's trying to be like, no, no, no, of course not. And then they're like, you know, they're doing a smell test and they're like, so car reeks of weed. And then the guy's like, oh, it's my wife's car. And she smokes. She's a civilian.
They're like, all right, well. They catch this guy for underage drinking now, and the buddy who had the wife, he decides to snitch on everyone to stay out of trouble, and he goes to the ship, which the base hadn't alerted anyone yet, I think they were just gonna let it slide. He decides to go back to the ship and be like, this dude bought alcohol for an underage guy and he got us in trouble.
So then my buddy who forgot his glasses gets put on restriction for 15 days. I'm like, dude, just watch the movie Blurry next time. Don't, don't, don't be, so obviously it's a common trend, if you don't have your glasses. Well, in his case, if you don't have your glasses, you don't need them. In your case, you need them.
Yeah, just stick with it. Just, just don't like, yeah, don't, don't stir waves. No, I remember when I was in, I was in like, like I said, 2000, 2003. And when I first got in, you could drive on and off base without even going through so much as a checkpoint for the majority of the base. I mean, no, I mean, seriously, you could just drive onto the base.
There are certain areas in the base that you'd have to go through checkpoints. But you could still just drive on and off the base after September 11th, they started putting up roadblocks and checkpoints and everything because they were initially concerned about, you know, people could just drive on there and blow something up.
So, that's like, literally when it started. So, I mean, before September 11th, you want to go out with your friends, you're going out drinking, you came back, you went to the barracks, like, there was no checkpoint, but then all of a sudden there's checkpoints and the MPs start getting out there and they're wanting to.
You know, Oh, this guy's drunk driving. They'll pull you over. So me and some friends, we've gone out and of course we've been drinking and they're like, hell, we got to go through. And, you know, now there's checkpoints everywhere. How do we get in? So I was driving and I had a C28 Camaro, you know, it's really light in the ass in a lot of, a lot of torque on the wheels.
Right. And I come up with this genius idea and it worked back on this genius idea to get past the MPs. I'm going to use the fire brakes. So I'm driving fire breaks in the woods that people use for running trails. I mean, they're like, it's almost like beach sand with hills. Yeah. I mean, like I'm driving a Z28 Camaro.
I mean, it's low to the ground, so I'm trying to go around holes, not to get stuck. It's got way too much power in the ass end to go through beach sand, because you just, if you do it right, then it gets stuck. Genius idea. Oh yeah. It worked though. Cause I was an expert with that car. I already knew like every trick that I could do with that car.
As far as. How to make it spin and how not to make it spin. I mean, by learning how to play with it out of control, I learned how to control it being out of control. Right. Weird as that sounds. Yeah. No, I was just saying, I really got to see that transformation in the base from going to, you just drive in and out to, I mean, you had to go through security clearance and everything.
And it was all, it was all because of September 11th is when it started. Oh, for sure. Now. Chris, I want you to go ahead and talk to everyone about your non profit and this is something you created or how does this work? This is a nonprofit I've been starting. It's something based on an idea that I've been working on for decades.
But it's based on the concept that the majority of our problems in our world, especially when it comes to climate change or just pollution, environmental destruction in general, to poverty, exploitation things being insanely expensive while your pay rates are insanely low and you're working like a dog for the rest of your life.
Just to make ends meet all these problems have 1 core common denominator. That's really pushing and driving all of them. And that's our financial system. And there are certain elements of our financial system that you could change and make adjustments to that would actually help to alleviate.
Many of these problems the nonprofit, it's the foundation of a new world. You can find out more about it at the foundation of new world dot com. And like I said, it's really based on that concept. And the purpose of the foundation of new world is of course, to educate people about the problems, but to also to provide a solution and to prove the solution works, the solution of design, it's a, it would be a different type of financial system.
Same in every way as ours, except for it would have rules that are designed to curb greed and prevent us from being exploited to a point where we just. Work our entire lives just to stay in the same spot, never really gaining or working way too hard to make the smallest gains. And also when it comes to climate change and poverty.
Or I mean, climate change and the environmental destruction aspects. So I really have to go into a little bit more of the the problem on this before I can explain to you a solution, but when it comes to, let's just say pollution in general you have a two headed snake of a problem. One is that we're exploited.
So we're job dependent, right? We need a job our entire lives. We're going to become homeless. We're not going to be able to pay just to have a house to live in, let alone our car and electricity and cable and everything else, but And all those are mostly small things when it comes to, you know, you're spending the majority of your money on housing, health care education.
So we're a job dependent society. So what does that mean for us as far as our financial system is concerned, or as far as our society is concerned? And that means if we make things better to last longer and to be more efficient. We are threatening our job security, right? If you produce an item and that item lasts longer, you're going to run out of a job.
If you can make a computer or a cell phone or a car or anything lasts longer, you directly hurt people's jobs. So you had this gigantic conflict of interest and it's a global level. It isn't at the local level. It isn't, I mean, is this, it's at a local level, it's at a government level for your country and it's at a global level for every government.
And that is making things better. Lasting longer is a conflict of interest because now you're short on your jobs. And that's just one head of the snake. The other head of the snake would be the GDP dependence aspect. And that is that. Your GDP, it's your country's gross domestic product. And it's a part of the measuring system that we use to really value what a country's currency is actually worth and to fulfill this or to really fit the need of this GDP system, you have to produce more every year.
Just with that simple fact, and I actually have a video I'm going to release soon that goes into a lot more detail on the GDP system and the problem involved, but just with that one simple fact of, you have to produce more every year. It creates a, again, a conflict of interest. If you make anything that lasts longer, how are you going to sell more of them next year?
You can't, you know, if your cell phones last longer. Well, you're not going to buy them again. So let's say you're the government and you're trying to be, you're not trying to be a corrupt politician. You're not trying to be, you know, an evil tyrant. You're trying to be a good leader for your people. And the cell phone companies are making cell phones and they're designing them to fail prematurely, or they're putting programs in.
So they fail or they slow down. They're clocking them, this, that, and the other thing. Whatever it is they're doing, you know, that if you try to put past legislation or past laws to try to force them to make better products, you'll be hurting your GDP and you'll also be hurting your jobs.
So, like I said, it's a massive conflict of interest that if you ever want to save the environment, how can you save the environment? If you don't address this conflict of interest, it's making us. Forcing us, our entire global society is being forced to make things simply so we can throw them away sooner rather than later.
How can you save the environment if your society is doing that and you really can't, which is, of course, like I said, what the foundation of new world is about, it's about showing that these are the problems with our system that here's a solution that I've designed and I want to go and build a small scale city.
Small scale. I mean, you probably wouldn't be called a city. I mean, it'd be a municipality or a township or whatever, a small scale town or city or whatever, to show that this system actually, one, it works to put it into action in the world and three, what your lives could be if you use this system, that you can have a good economy without having to produce more and consume more every single year.
And that you can have a good life where you could likely pay off your homes. In years instead of decades and enter a state of early retirement by your 30s or maybe 40 at latest that you would actually have a home paid for and be stable and economically secure. Have that freedom when it comes to your economic freedom that really we don't have in this country.
I mean, we really love to go on about our freedom, but we're economically on a leash. That's not free. That's not liberated. You're on a leash and that's what we have. So, That would be the basis, the starting point for the foundation of new world. Like I said, if you want to learn more about the foundation of a new world, go to www.
thefoundationofanewworld. com. It is a nonprofit. It is dependent on donations. Don't have the money myself. I came up to the military I've worked hard. I've done everything I can, but I'm never going to be able to raise this money out of my own pocket. I definitely need people to be able to support it financially.
Also need people just to spread the word. I mean, if people don't spread the word, if they don't share the videos and they don't talk about it, then I have to physically pay to promote it. So just sharing the word, going on there, subscribing, following the social media accounts, they're on the website, following and sharing all that stuff.
I mean, that in itself, you are doing a service that we would have to pay for otherwise. So definitely if you're interested in trying to solve any of these problems. Help out and you can do it as easy as sharing and subscribing. Right. And ladies and gentlemen, you can find the link to that website in the description for this podcast on whatever directory you're listening to us from.
So go ahead and check that out. Well, Chris, I'd like to thank you one for your service to this country, for what you did for us out there in the army. And I want to thank you for coming on the podcast. It's been a pleasure, man.
