Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to another episode, a couple of nukes. As always, I'm your host, Mr. Whiskey, and today I am here with Douglas Brinker. Mr. Brinker, will you go ahead and introduce yourself for us, please? I am Douglas Brinker from Jackson, Michigan. I am the Department of Michigan Veterans of Foreign Wars Mental Health Director, as well as the founder of Beacon four Hope, LLCA, suicide prevention Speaking business.
And I'm finishing up my first book on my autobiography of my life in all of the chapters 22 to reflect 22 Average Lives of Veterans, lost Every Day to Suicide to reflect the chapters about my life. That led up to my two attempts, both in August of 1999 and then February of 2001. A proud father of a US Marine veteran.
And another son, my firstborn, and a soon to be six year member, employed member of the same agency, mental health that I once received services from for my two attempts. Wow. So kind of paying back, you know, how they helped you out there. Now we're gonna start at the very beginning, the basic questions, which is, you know, when did you join and why did you join?
And from there, how did your life kind of unfold and you know, how did you end up overseas and you know, what kind of started eating away at you? So back actually when I was six years old, I received a sailors outfit for Christmas. And who would've ever thought that 12 years later I would enter into the US Navy and.
June of 1981. I would then go on to Great Lakes, Illinois Bootcamp in October of 1981 and become, uh, a Navy man after that for three active years. Why I went in, uh, twofold. One, I needed some kind of direction because I didn't have a lot. Secondly, I hadn't prepared myself for college classes while I was in high school.
Therefore, I actually tried to look at going to Eastern Michigan University and Slan, Michigan in the fall of 1981, but was told by a counselor then that my chances of survival would be kneeled to none because I didn't prep for college. Right. And when you were in the Navy, what rate were you? I was a boatman's mate.
My job was responsible for driving the ship, painting it, tying it up, running the small boats, doing the, uh, replenishment, um, exercises with the helicopters, refueling at sea, you name it. We were kind of the janitors of the Navy. I can confirm that when I was on my aircraft carrier, we had a boat since mate, during a rainstorm, outside with a mop trying to mop the water and stop it from getting onto the quarter deck.
That was something we had always heard rumors of, you know, in nuke school they always tell you like, make sure you do good man, because if you end up getting kicked outta the program, you're gonna become a boat since bank and you're gonna have to chip barnacles off the side of the boat and you're gonna have to mop rainwater during a storm.
And you know, I ended up seeing that actually happen and. Mr. Brinker, when you were a bosons mate, I mean, what was any of the worst kind of, you know, grunt manual labor jobs you had to do? Like anything that just, you always remembered, you're like, I never want to do this again. Well, two things. A while steaming through the Atlantic, I was put over the side on a Boatman's chair, a small chair that is constructed of wood, and then connected together with line and another bosons mate standing there as your kind of your safety catch in case you fall off the chair or go, you know, go in the water they call man overboard.
That was one experience that I'll never forget. And then the second going on the way to Berut Lebanon for the multi peacekeeping mission. 1980, the fall for two days in the North Atlantic, 40 foot waves, 20 foot swells, 45 degree rolls for two consecutive days. And on the bridge you were only allowed one half a degree off course.
Either side or the ship would capsize in Davey Jones's locker. Right. And were you on a destroyer? Yes, I was on destroyer USS Mullinax DD 9 44 A four Sherman Destroyer, which I actually helped after the med in May of 83 helped decommission. And then I went on to pre-com school in Norfolk. Went to Bath Maine, helped commission the USS do work, FFG 45, a guided missile frit.
And so I am a plank owner and a shellback and. They decommissioned the do work April of 2014 after I had been out of the Navy, obviously for almost 40 years. And we just actually had our second reunion in Jacksonville, Florida the first weekend of November where I got to reconnect with some shipmates from two years ago and reconnect with shipmates that I haven't seen since 19 83, 84.
Wow. And when you went to that, you know, was it a bit overwhelming to you? Did you just feel all the memories rushing back to you? Or was it a joyous reunion? Both. It was because one shipmate remembers many nights out in the pubs and, and the right and the right, the good old times we had back then. Now, did you make a couple port calls while you were deployed?
Yeah, so we went to Palma, Spain, Mombasa Africa, Naples, Italy. Wow. Uh, let's see where else we had went. Uh, Nassau, Bahamas, Fort uh, Lauderdale, or we call it Fort Dale. That's a good one. Yeah. We called it back then, we used to call it Fort Dale, especially when we went there for 19 80, 19 83. We were there for spring break.
Oh, I can only imagine. Yeah. We saw Heart and Blondie on the beach. You know, that was a good time. I woke up on the sand the next morning. Right, I can imagine that. Did you ever participate in, uh, they call it Fleet Week? No, I haven't never participated. I've always wanted, wanted to even go to that. I hear it's just astronomically sensational.
I did participate in going through Shellback initiation as a poly log, and I remember vaguely of not only on my hands and knees or across that deck with that non-skid scraping up on the knees, but also kissing, kissing our big chief's, belly covered in mustard who served as David Jones. That, that's quite the, the, that's quite the tradition.
You have me speechless there. I know the only group that comes close to that is I've heard stories of, I think they call it the blue nose trials for submariners who go under the ice up north. I know they have their own hole. Tradition and everything and yeah, but you kissing big chief's belly with some mustard on it.
That's definitely a first that I've heard something like that. Yeah, I'm sure it's not allowed in the Navy nowadays. Yeah, there's a lot of, uh, a lot of things have been deemed hazing, I believe. Actually, you know, my buddy just ranked up he star reenlisted for the nuclear program and I remember when they were in Italy, he wanted to get his pending ceremony and they used to, when they put on your crows or your chevrons or your chief anchor, whatever rank you were ranking up to, they used to kind of jab it into you kind of, you know, just pierce your flesh a little bit with the pen and kind of, you know, smack it right into your chest and they're not allowed to do that anymore.
From what I've heard. I heard a lot of people, you know, complained about it, that it was hazing. But my buddy, he wanted it. He felt like it was. You know, a, a trial of a man in the military. They're like, Hey, you're getting this rank up. And, you know, it was, it took a lot to get it and it's gonna be a lot to carry.
So they kind of smack it into your chest. I don't know if you ever experienced that. They, my young son, my young son who got out of the Marines six months ago, um, when he got his Lance Corporal, they, they pinned him. Good. Yeah. Well that's, that's the marines for you. They don't, the only thing I can, yeah.
They don't mess around. One of the things I like about them is they're not backing down from the, from the manhood of the military, like the Navy, the Air Force. They're, you know, making the bootcamp easier, allowing the use of cell phones on certain days, lowering the physical fitness standards. But I know as far as I'm, as far as I'm knowledgeable on it, the Marines have not lowered their physical fitness standards and I have a lot of respect for that.
No, I remember before he, even a, uh, five and a half, six years ago, he told me. Like at th 14 years old, 15 years old, maybe Dad, I wanna go in the military, or, no, 16, excuse me. 16. Oh. What makes you wanna go in the military? Well, I'm, I'm, I'm not sure about going the military or going to Eastern Michigan University and get a music degree.
Well, I'll support what you do. Well then a year later, he joins the, he comes home and he says, dad, I joined the Marines. Huh? Right. What? Well, and, and as you know, you're not a Marine until you go through the Crucible. Of course. However, for a Poole, you're like a recruit in training before bootcamp. So you spend one year as a Poole getting yelled at doing pt, learning military culture.
Then you go to bootcamp and, and I remember. I tried to coach him because I've got a lot of great friends who are Marines and I tried to coach him on it ain't gonna be all peaches and cream and, and all of that. Yeah, sure. It'd be blah, blah. It'll be simple. The first four letters I received home, dad, this sucks.
I wanna quit. Why'd you let me join? Right, right. You know, there's, people are like, well, it's fine if they yell at me. I know it's just an act and I'll just bite my tongue. It's, it's hard when you have a man, you know, yelling in your face and, you know, your instinct is, you, you wanna argue back, especially when you're, most recruits are 18, 19, fresh outta high school, and that's like the peak of you wanna be argumentative, so, so Oh yeah.
It's a, it's a mental game for sure. Yeah, it's definitely a mental game. You know, I went to Navy Bootcamp, it was like going to gym class every day. You went to class? Yeah. You went to, you went and did, you went to the. I called it the gym class because you didn't get, I mean, I even volunteered for extra duty getting mashed by the Filipinos who were the IT instructors.
Now that was hard 'cause you had to lift your, lift your boots, those steel tilled boondocker six inches off the deck, and if they heard any boom drop, it was added more time. So that was a, you know, that was a stressor. But, um, it kept me in shape. I played football four years. I played baseball. I, I ran track.
So I stayed in good shape throughout my high school years. So I, I looked forward really other than 72 below zero and, and ice and snow on the inside of the windows when Dallas and San Francisco played in the NFC 1981 Championship game. But. We were secured to our barracks for three days. But I supported my son throughout.
I never said I told you so. Um, and right. He has so much admiration and respect for me today. He's been out, like I said, about six months now, doing great things back home. He's a auto technician making great money and we spent lunch together today, so couldn't talk him into staying another four. That was for sure.
Yeah. It takes a lot to convince someone. They need to convince themselves is really what needs to happen. But yeah, it's funny you mentioned the, the steel toe boots hidden the deck because we had to do this thing for our type three end dubs, which is the camel working uniform nowadays for the Navy.
'cause they did away with the blueberries, uh, for a list of reasons that were kind of silly. But you know, we have to. Roll up. They did an exercise where they wanted us to be able to convert our uniform into a battle dress or roll it up into short sleeves, you know, as quickly as possible. Mm-hmm. And once you finished, you would go into, you know, a leaning rest, you know, kind of like a pushup 90 degree angle hold until everyone was done.
And I remember my button was messed up and I couldn't get my uniform on. So everyone's just on the ground in this pushup hold waiting on me. And, and this, my rack mate tried helping me and they were like, you get on the ground, he has to do it himself. And I like, the button was just like broken where I wouldn't stay in because whoever did our laundry, the buttons cracked and half of my button fell off.
So I'm here trying to get it to stay in place and it won't, uh, just exercises like that. We have one guy in my division, I guess, like he didn't mind pt. He liked working out, but he was this overweight guy. Very jolly, happy person. But he got a nosebleed every time he would get blood all over the deck every time we were doing, you know, our workouts.
And I was there in July and August, so like the hottest parts over there and the floor was just slick with sweat and all of that. We had people slipping, they were trying to do pushups and all that, and the floor was just like soaked. And you said you went around October. Did you manage to get out of there before the snow?
Because I know bootcamp in the winter is probably the, the worst hell you can go through compared to the summer I was there till, um, we graduated Christmas, we, we left, uh, January, I don't know, early mid-January and I had two weeks leave and then my first duty station was down in Charleston, South Carolina, onboard the Mullinax.
So yeah, we, we dealt with, uh, well in all honesty, on Thanksgiving. It was 73 in rain and the next morning we woke up and there was two inches of snow and it was about 15 degrees out. Yeah, the, the Midwest is kind of strange like that. Now you said Charleston, South Carolina, that wasn't joint base Charleston, correct?
That was somewhere else? No, that was in Charleston. The Old Navy base that's now closed, been closed for a number of years, sadly. Right. I'm trying to think because that's where the Nuke school base is. And then they also have, I think they may have turned your base into a museum because the Yorktown is there and a submarine that you can go on tours of, you can go on tours of it.
And they had the nuke school graduation there and so that must have been where your ship was docked is the only place I can imagine. Yep. We were down there, um, we were down there from 81 to 83. Well, I'm sure it was down there before that. But when I got on board in 82. Or Yeah, 82, February of 82. And we had, we're docked there.
Um, in fact, that was just down in Charleston two years ago for our 38th reunion from the Dewart. And I tried to get around base and most of it's all closed off now. Uh, I remember the main gate, I remember that hotel across the street from the main gate entrance on Sproul Avenue. That was where all the hookers went and picked up the sailors.
I can imagine my wife actually, she thought that was hilarious. I can't remember half of my life, but I can remember where the hookers hung out. Right. But yeah, they do have a museum and we the, uh, do work reunion crew. We actually had our Saturday evening, Friday night, we did a. A dinner cruise around the har Charleston Harbor.
And then on Saturday night we had dinner on the Yorktown in the Hangar Bay. And my good friend Richie Brown from uptown La Brown Band from Charlotte, North Carolina, he, he and his band performed for us, um, the huge garrison flag in the background, a B 52 nice bomber plane behind us as a backdrop on the, on the other side.
And so we got to hang out there on the Yorktown. So it, I had never, even when I was in the Navy, I never went to the, uh, museum area for the Yorktown. And I believe it's the Hunley. Yes, that sounds about correct. I think it's a Hunley and then there's a, is it SIBO Wing maybe? Is the, the, the, uh, submarine. I know there's a submarine there as well.
There is, I, I can't remember. And I do plan on going back to go on the submarine. See I was there for graduation and honestly what I remember is being underwhelmed. The Yorktown is a small aircraft carrier, but it's an old one too. Yeah. I just remember being very small underwhelmed. It's, it's still a beautiful, you know, creation.
Like, don't get me wrong, if you've never been on a Navy ship and you've never been on the modern aircraft carriers, it's still mind blowing to go on one. Yeah. I had friends that was on the America and I actually got out to sea. I had to have some dental work and I got picked up, uh, by a helicopter, um, you know, right off the fan tail of the ship with the cable and Oh wow.
You go up the air. Yeah, that's a, that's interesting. And I was taken over to the America where they, uh, performed some dental work on my mouth. Um, and I got to catch up with, uh. Shipmate from that was in bootcamp with us, and that actually got stationed there. So he took us a round a little bit where he could, before we had to, before I had to be flown back to, to the mucks.
Right. You mentioned Charleston. That's a fun area. Like I said, I was stationed there. I mean, I was stationed there before I could drink, so it wasn't as fun. I plan on going back now that it's been a few years, but it was definitely a nice area. Now you mentioned some other spots for port calls. What, where would you say your favorite destination was or your wildest trip, some of the crazy things you saw in that you and your shipmates got into?
I, I would probably say, oh man, we went to somebody, we went to St. Thomas Virgin Islands. Um, I, I would probably say my. For me personally was Naples, Italy, because we got to go take a, for, I dunno, like $125 in American money. We got to go up to Rome and go to the Vatican. The day that the late Pope John Paul, the second delivered mass and like 10 different languages.
Oh wow. And I have soapstone setting. It's the last supper setting. It's made out of soapstone and marble. I have that still. Um, I had my mom's passed on now almost eight years, but I had gotten, I had traded some dungarees, speaking of those navy Right. Navy dungarees. I traded for a beautiful handmade tablecloth that I brought back home for my, my mom and my stepdad for a, for a gift.
So. Yeah, going to the Vatican, setting two pews from the pulpit and listening to pulp John Paul give masks. That's probably my, probably one of my best highlights. And then going on an East African safari tour in Mombasa, Africa. I still have a little wooden carved animals at home that I bought. And speaking of beer in Africa, in Mombasa, they sell tiger white cap.
And star comes in a 18 ounce bottle, 13% alcohol by volume, served at about oh 60 degrees, 65 degrees for 55 cents. An American exchange. So for, wow, for a dollar 65, I, I drank three and I, it's like drinking a whole case of American beer here. I was gonna say, you said that 13% in 18 ounces. I said now that that's, that's a, that's a mega beer right there.
That's, that's a big beer, eh, almost room temperature buddies that went on deployment when they went to Greece in Italy. They said the same thing. I remember my buddy said like, him and five shit mates all got like a three course meal for $32 in American money. And the beer, they just kept bringing like a full, you know, like, kind of like a circular thing that held like a beer for each of them.
And they just, I remember, yeah, that's a, and, and that's why I lost, you know, they're like, why do sailors drink so much? Well, when you go and it's like you said, for, for less than $2 you can get, you know, that much beer, you know, it's hard to not try to take advantage of that. You're, you're encouraged to drink, uh, overseas.
Right. Yeah. We, unless you go to get Mo Bay now, I went to Guantanamo Bay for training for war, war games. Right. And they put formaldehyde in the beer to preserve it over there. So it, it ain't definitely worth, uh, drinking a 12 pack of Budweiser over there. There. Hmm. Right. Now, when you, when you were in, uh, Florida at Fort Liquor Day, as you call it, did you have a go-to drink?
Oh, I don't even remember those days. Right. I don't think you remember them during those days. Yeah, I don't remember 'em during those days. Like I said, remember I woke up on the beach, woke up on the beach and my shorts and no shirt on the next morning. So, yeah, I remember it reminds me of my one buddy. He was this very, uh, hyper energetic, uh, Hispanic man, and he went away on leave to Las Vegas.
He turned 21. I believe that was his hometown too. Mm-hmm. He came back on crutches. He said, what happened, man? He goes, I woke up with a broken leg. My wallet gone. And to be honest, I don't remember the two days before that. I said, man, a little wild in Las Vegas. He must ate the worm. What, what is that a reference to?
Tequila. Tequila. They put a worm in, in Jose Cuervo. They put a worm in the bottom. You eat that worm and you're, uh, you don't remember for two days. You know. That's really interesting that you said that. 'cause I was downtown one time with my buddy, and I don't drink too often, but he drinks, he, he, he has an alcohol issue, but he's built such a tolerance to it that he's usually fine.
He's like one of those functioning alcoholics, as we call it. Oh, okay. And he and I went out for drinks and. I just got a light, you know, for each drink. And the bartender, she was flirting with us and she's like, here, take some shots with me. And she gave us two a shot of tequila each. And like I said, he's, he's immune to alcohol, basically.
We went outside and he just like fell on the ground. He's like, I can't walk. I was like, they drugged us, man. They drugged us. I was feeling it too. They might have put the worm in our tequila over there too. I'm gonna look out for that from now on. Yeah. Yeah. I, I stay away from, I go to Fireball. That's my, uh, that's my go-to if it ain't beer.
I, IPA beers. I, I do fireball and that's about as strong as I go. Right. Yeah. I remember I went to a very fancy bar a couple weeks ago and this whiskey caught my attention. You know, I'm Mr. Whiskey and I. I asked about it and they're like, well, you gotta be careful, man. It's 150% proof. And I was like, Ooh. And it was like, it was very expensive too.
And I was like, maybe, maybe in the future, maybe for a different day. But I had already been drinking that night and I was like, I don't need that on top of everything else. No. The last thing I need. But yeah, so no, I, I remember Don Q1 51 back in my senior year that, that will, that will get your attention.
You, you drink a, I can imagine few shots of that and, uh, consume some, uh, Latin lettuce and listen to Pink Floyd. And you got the whole setting going on. Yeah. You got the whole setting. Yeah. I used to remember the past tense, I used to do a lot of that stupid stuff. I, once I went in the military, that all that behavior went away.
Well, not the drinking, but Right. I was gonna say not the drinking, but. Yeah. You know, but today I, I don't, I drink a, a, a fraction of what I drink in the military. Yeah. You, uh, you should probably stick to that too. Well, I, I got a nice jeep. I got a 2019 Jeep Wrangler. I just bought my first house using the VA home loan a year and a half ago, and Right.
So I got responsibilities now that I care about. And, um, so yeah, I, and, and, and I'm focused on getting this book, um, finished and published. Do publishing company, I'm signing a contract actually on Friday, uh, for them to be my publisher for it. So sometime, sometime between, uh, summer and this time next year, it will be out in Barnes and Noble and e, e-version and everything.
And I wanna touch on that. But before that, I just have a little side tangent that you reminded me of. Speaking of strong liquor and alcohol, there was this guy in a class of mine who told a story. He had been put on hold and he actually was a lower ranked than us, even though we were all the same rate and same time in service.
But he got in trouble in bootcamp, he and some other shipmates in bootcamp in their division. This was during COVID time. So what that brought into the military was a lot of chaos and confusion and the civilian world. And that's when I went to bootcamp as well. I think I, I actually went, uh, months before him, but you know, it was a lot of confusion because you were wearing a mask and they would yell, six feet.
Six feet, you gotta be six feet apart. And then they were yelling, heel to toe, heel to toe. And it's like we make up your mind and they'd be like, there's too many people, you gotta get close together. And they'd be like, COVID, six feet, we're gonna quarantine all of you another two weeks of bootcamp. So, you know, stuff like that.
But it was nice because you know, they weren't doing shave checks as much. You had the mask on and sometimes they would tell you take off the mask, shave check. But very rarely. And it let us, you know, kind of snicker at each other and laugh underneath the mask without getting yelled at. Because I know if, I'm sure you've experienced it too, but I had a buddy and he was smirking when these other people got in trouble and Rd C's making them do pushups and RDC saw me, he goes, Hey smiley, you laughing, you wanna join them?
The hell you smiling for? How about you get on the ground and do some pushups? So, you know, the mask kind of helped us, you know, keep our giggling to ourselves, but with it, it also brought hand sanitizer. I mean the world like blew up full of hand sanitizer was everywhere. I mean, the vending machines at Nuke School had it for 99 cents.
You could get hand sanitizer and sit on the vending machine. Do not ingest the hand sanitizer. Well these guys, and they were nukes, so they're pretty smart. I mean, you have to be smart to be a nuke. And they used their knowledge for abuse. They decided to take all the hand sanitizer at bootcamp, and they did some stuff.
They got, got some stuff from the galley, got some stuff from the racks, and they distilled it and whatever. Until they filtered it out into just pure alcohol, they felt, they basically took all the alcohol out of all the hand sanitizers and they made alcohol and it completely destroyed their livers. I mean, they're trying to stand at attention, and you got guys falling over and throwing up all over and they got caught and then they got put on hold.
They were in a lot of trouble. They were trying to hide it, but I mean, it was just pure alcohol extract from hand sanitizer, which I never would've even thought to do that. I mean, that's, that's really desperate. I mean, bootcamp isn't that long that you need alcohol. I mean, you, unfortunately, some people have the drinking problem before they go in the military.
Right. And yeah, so you just reminded me when we were talking about strong alcohol. I mean, this was pure, just the alcohol extracted from the hand sanitizers. And they did it in bootcamp. They, I think they used the toilet as like their mixing bowl and they used like salt and stuff. I don't know how they did it.
That was some kind of Wow. You know Wow. Chemistry stuff. Yeah. But good thing they didn't blow the blow. The bootcamp. Yeah. Now, just touching on your book, when you were describing it and your story and kind of the purpose for your life now, you mentioned 22 a day and. You know, that's something that resonates with me.
This show is obviously comedy and life advice, and we've actually had a lot more life advice and serious discussions than comedy, unfortunately, just because of that crisis. Right. And of course, we love the poor calls. We love the funny stories. But you know, it is important to me because when I was in nuke school, we had about one to three suicides a month.
The flag was almost always at half mast. The ship I got stationed on, we had about 13 in a less than a year and a half. We had 13 suicides. We had a murder. And then I just got news from the ship recently that there were some more suicides, uh, after I had left. And this is an important topic to me because I've had shipmates reach out to me.
I mean, I had a shipmate. He didn't feel comfortable talking to anyone about it. No one ever knew he was suffering. And when I left the ship, I guess. He's like, okay, you're not military anymore. You know, not a mandatory reporter or you're not gonna tell everyone 'cause you're gone. And he, he told me that he had been suicidal the whole time and, and all of this.
And I've had a lot of my friends spend time in the hospital, especially in the nuclear community. But even on my ship, it was top side, it was officers, it was enlisted. I mean it was all ranks, all genders, all ages. And you know, I can't speak on behalf of the other military branches 'cause I haven't served, but just speaking to other marines, other soldiers, even Coast Guard and all of that, you know, the same kind of reports.
And I've had people on the show who are trying to figure out what the root cause is. And, and there's so much and always comes back to a lot of the same things. Toxic chain of command, bad work environment, you know, unreasonable pay and hours and workloads and. Also a lot of, and you've got the personal issues on top of it.
Isolation. A lot of the distressing habits, sailors and soldiers form are bad ones. Nicotine, addictions, alcohol addictions, caffeine, addictions, addiction to sex and women, you know, it's a lot of bad destressors smoking, now you've got people with vaping and all the electronic stuff on top of it. Now you've got nicotine pouches and and dip and it's a lot of stuff.
There's a lot of negative stigmas. You've got medical, almost never being available, kind of brushing things aside, having to filter through people who are faking, you know, mental illness or symptoms to get out or to, you know, get outta work now Mr. Brinker, two times suicide survivor, you know, again, whatever you're comfortable sharing with us.
And you know, talking about, can you kind of tell us what led up to your two attempts? All the factors that played into that and your experience with that. And from there, how you were able to get help, the help you recommend, and the help you're given now. Thanks. I, and, and a lot of this is in my book, um, my chapters, there's 22 chapters to reflect the average number.
We know the numbers much higher, right? And, and real honestly, the number is closer to some say 42 a day. Um, we know that women just released women veteran suicides by firearms is up 43%. Wow. Uh, last year, 547 active duty personnel took their life, right? What led up to mine. So in my book, I talk about being bullied.
Feeling that I didn't belong in society. I was useless, helpless, hopeless, had no purpose. I didn't have a, i, I went into a children's home for five years because my, my adoptive grandfather couldn't take care of me because he was an alcoholic. And even going into the Navy, I went in as an introvert. I kind of came out somewhat of as an inter introvert and led a lot of life, a lot of my life as an introvert in some capacities.
And coupled with not having, I call myself the minimum wage guy because all my life, I've never worked in a career. I've always worked lots of jobs at, in fact, this final job that I'm. I ironically, working as a veteran peer support in the very same agency that I got help from in September of 2000 or 1999, after my first attempt, August 7th of 99, I'm now giving help and hope to people and veterans.
Um, a lot of it was bullying, A lot of it was broken relationships. I didn't feel I had no value to contribute to society. Uh, a mix with a, just a lot of things, jobs, loss of jobs, relationships. Um, I, I never had good structure in my life. Um, unfortunately, I never knew who my biological dad was in the early years of my life.
My teenage years, I found out he was my biological dad through scouting, but I was told by my mom not to, uh, believe him. Someone else is your father. So he, there was just a, a facet of reasons behind it, behind that first attempt, uh, where I sat in the back room of a, of a bar and attempted to, you know, alcohol, poison, and, and use all of my depression medications up and having your stomach pumped.
And I know this may be traumatizing or retraumatizing for some of your audience members. Um, I, I speak transparency, not because it's important of the method, but. It's important to know and just kind of scare tactics, if you will, that when you're laying on a gurney at 3:00 AM in a er, having your stomach pumped with charcoal to extract all the toxic chemicals out of your system, to save your, to save your life.
And then you spend three and a half y weeks in a locked mental health unit. I, I felt numb. I was numb for quite a bit of that time. And, and then I came out and started receiving services. And, but Doug played a game because it was all about Doug. And, and the game I played was, I will take my meds when I wanna take 'em, not when I need them.
I'll go to therapy when I want to go to therapy, not when I need to go. A second attempt February of 2001. So I had to do something drastic and going back into the military October of 2002, joining the Michigan Army National Guard and becoming, uh, and then going on to Iraq, volunteering to go to Iraq, um, in November of 2003, and then deploying over there in March, April of 2004.
That was, um, you know, that was a real hard lesson, uh, that I had to get through, and the biggest thing that I've learned in 22 years. Over 22 years now is you do matter, you do have purpose. And I didn't believe I had purpose because nobody never helped show me. Well, God showed me that purpose when he saved me the first time, uh, from death.
And, and that's why I decided six years ago, I came out in publicly in a suicide prevention, fundraising event. I shared my attempt and my stepdad was in the audience and came up and started crying because he never knew. Because I never told no one. There's only a handful of people that knew the hospital, the agency I worked for, Lifeways, the gentleman who was him and I were 30.
Better than 30 year, uh, friends that, um, was there to get me to the er. Um, those individuals are the only ones that knew my, knew my struggle. And I know a lot of people go through a lot of stuff every day. I'm, I'm actually helping, uh, someone right now. Um, a month and a half ago I had a veteran lawyer reach out because his marine son not only had intent plan and method, but he had the day he was going to kill himself on his birthday.
And I had to pull all my resources because this was gonna happen. This was gonna be a completed suicide and I pulled my resources that I am, I. Thankful that God's given me so many resources by my networking abilities, and we were managed to get that young Marine veteran, not only into the hospital, but now I'm sure, hopefully he's probably, by now he's probably discharged and, and getting outpatient therapy.
I don't know. I'm gonna check in with his dad here this next week because, um, he's been on my mind. I, I know he was inpatient because I made a couple of calls, so I had that in, in connection. So, and I even helped a few years ago, I helped a Marine up in Wisconsin. He turned his best friend in because for a safety checkout in California and felt suicidal.
So it isn't just here in Michigan or my hometown of Jackson, Michigan, that I make my phone available twenty four seven three sixty five for anybody. Uh, vet in the veteran or active duty community feeling suicidal. Um, I'm just tired of seeing all these numbers, 6,000, 8,775,000 total people a year. I'm just tired of all these numbers and we don't start doing something different.
Um, we're just gonna continue to see the numbers. Right. And, you know, people kind of just brush that aside. They're like, oh, it's a number. But you have to think each single digit represents someone, a, a daughter, a son, a father, a husband, whoever it is. Because like I said, you know, it's not just the young people who are new to the Navy or the Army or the Marines.
You have people who have been out for a long time who still struggle with getting out and transitioning. You have people who have families, people who are husbands and fathers. Seem like they have happy lives, you know? And the greatest thing that the military is teaching is that it could be any one of us.
It doesn't matter if they're the token athlete or the person who's qualified and super far ahead, it could be anyone. And you know, they really are preaching us now to preaching to us to ask, you know, check on one another. Because a lot of people, like you said, Mr. Brinker, you kept it to yourself. You know, a lot of people keep it to themselves.
Like I said, I had a shipmate who didn't reach out to me until I was out of the Navy because they didn't feel comfortable with, you know, military people. Stigma, that's important, right? It, it really is a negative stigma. They wanna be labeled by their shipmates. They don't wanna be labeled by their family, oh, he's a nut job.
Or, don't talk to her because she'll go off the handle. Or people have this. For, for 40, 50, 60, 80, a hundred years, we've had this negative stigma about it. And the other element to this is we got this beautiful 9 8, 8 number that so many advocates like myself around the country fought for, but only 17%. All Americans actually know what 9, 8, 8 truly is.
Right. The suicide crisis hotline for veterans, correct? Well, it's for anybody, but the pressing one will connect you to an actual veteran crisis specialist. Right Now, Mr. Brinker, what it sounds like you also struggled with, you didn't name it specifically really, but it sounds like what you struggled with, and a lot of veterans have this, and we've talked about it before on the show, was you kind of didn't have an identity, especially after leaving the service.
No. You know, because it seemed like when you left, you didn't know who you were. It seemed like, you know, in the Navy it was satisfying because you were a boat since, mate, that's who you were. Yeah. You were BM whatever member had job drinker. Yeah, I had a job. Right. The only job I had when I got outta the Navy was collecting unemployment for a year and a half and drinking as much beer as I wanted to drink for kind of free.
Right. And like I said, those negative destressors to help you. Yeah. Kind of combat, combat everything. Now, for our audience, for our listeners, and for anyone who knows anyone who's dealing with this kind of stuff, what would be your advice? Things you wish you did differently, things you know now that would've helped you a lot, that would've prevented all of that, or at least mitigated some of it, you know, some of the things you found really helpful now, both having been through the process as well as now helping people through the process.
I think a lot of, um. Things I would do different, obviously things, some things we can't change. You know, you, you can change what color hair you w wanna do, rather, wanna have a beard or shave your armpits or, or clip your toenails. But you can't change your family. You can't change the weather, you can't change road conditions.
Um, some of the things I probably would've changed is I would've reached out and asked that, you know, I would've actually sucked it up and, and lowered my pride after I got out of the military and actually went to mental health and said, Hey, you know, I am struggling. I can't handle, handle this breakup. I can't handle all these.
Three, $4 an hour jobs. I, I would've learned coping skills and I didn't learn coping skills. And if you don't have coping skills, you don't have necessary tools in your toolbox of hope to help you and you, you feel stuck. And when you feel stuck, like anything, if you pushed in the corner, you'd come out swinging like a tiger, right?
And I, I think a lot of what I would've changed, obviously, besides the coping skills and, and reaching out for help is, um, actually abiding by the, by my plan of care and going to therapy rather, I wanted to go or, or didn't wanna go and taking my meds. Um, as prescribed and not just taking 'em, you know, whenever I felt I wanted to take 'em, you know, we have a choice.
Everything we do in life, we have a choice, right, wrong or indifferent. And sometimes that right, wrong, or indifferent might cost us our life if we don't do it in the right capacity. And I think the other element to this is we're fortunate today that people like myself who have lived experience and the peer support, peer recovery coach world, where there's plenty of people that have been there, done that in some circumstance.
And we are able now to lend support. And not just treat people. I only got 30 minutes. So hurry up and say what you gotta say. 'cause I gotta talk to somebody else. We'll, we'll sit and talk to people for if, if I have to talk for two or three hours to keep you safe. So what? I lose a few hours of sleep if you wake me up at three o'clock in the morning because you don't feel safe.
I didn't have a call action plan back then, like I do today. I get so many friends and VFW and others communities that I belong to. I, I have a network of hundreds if not thousands of people. I can pick up the phone, call, pick, pick up a phone, make the call at, at any hour or day or night. And I know that they will set and listen and, and talk me into to, uh, common sense and, um.
You know, I, I named my Jeep Beacon for hope for a reason. And it's, it's ironic that people, older people particularly, will come up and ask me why such a name. And I tell them that I have purpose, that I'm a survivor, two time survivor, and I wanna be a beacon for other people in, in terms of mental health and suicide prevention.
And they will start crying and I will apologize and they'll say, no, it's not you. We lost our grandson last week to suicide. Or our granddaughter, our son, or our daughter, or something. So it's a conversation starter. So I am, uh, you know, I've driven this vehicle all the way out to Phoenix, Arizona. Back and in between and North Carolina and Florida.
So I wanna be that voice out there that's spreading a message of hope that, you know, helping one person every day find their purpose is, uh, my number one goal. And if we aren't, if we can't leave a legacy better than we came into this world, then we gotta, we gotta look at, uh, our own inventory, I guess.
Right. Well, you said really resonates with me because there were a couple of times where Shipmates came to me late at night. They're like, Hey, I just, I need, I need us to go for a drive and no destination. I just need us to drive and have a few conversations and just, you know, get, get in this, get my mind distracted.
We're just gonna drive from Charleston. Westward through the down, straight down a empty country road, and we're just gonna drive and, and talk. I just, I wanna be away from base and, you know, I got personal and military responsibilities to attend to in the morning, but I said, yeah, let's, let's go, you know, and we were out all night and you know, I, like you said, I would give up any sleep or any time, you know, just to, to have those conversations.
And I've done it plenty of times where I get a phone call and they're like, Hey, it, it might be, it might be a long call. And I said, Hey, well I've, I've got the time. And what I want to emphasize, restating something you said, which is so important for people to know, is your life is worth more than your pride.
You know? Yeah. Humans are such boastful, proud, prideful creatures. And you know what? I, I understand that. But you know, if you need help, you need help. Don't, don't throw your life away just to, to save your, your honor and your pride. And kind of going back on what you said earlier when you were talking about the exact methods and the consequences to them and, and why you do that.
That's right. You know what, whatever your plan is getting help will be better than what you're gonna have to go through. You know, it's so much better to just, you know, suck it up and, and, and get that help. And, you know, the negative stigma is also very much our own creation as a person who's experiencing suicidal ideations.
Because the truth is, you know, it's not that we look at you as a lesser human being. It's, I think most of the time it's that we care. We, we try a little more lightly because we worry about you. We wanna make sure you're safe. And you have to understand that if you feel like we're acting different toward you, it's from a place of care.
It's not a, we don't hate you, we don't think you're pathetic. It's nothing like that. We understand it. And with so many people. You know, nowadays committing suicide and having these issues, we, it's more than understandable. Yeah. It's, um, and, and it doesn't just impact the direct person that took their life by suicide.
Right. And their immediate family. It impacts the community, it impacts the workforce, it impacts the financial capacity to that person that took their life. They, they, I've heard they say on average upwards of 15 people are affected by one suicide. Right. And that doesn't even count family. That's not just the family.
Your coworkers, your, your, if you belong to a church family, your church family, um. And you think about musicians, you think about actors and actresses that have died by suicide legends. So many, there's hundreds of legend dairy people that they thought, uh, a temporary problem was solution was to do themselves then.
Right? And now we have, we have countless widows, both in the military and out that gotta grow up and parent those young children. And that's what I look at it. You know, I could have left a 3-year-old and I, my Marine wouldn't have never been born. I would've left a three-year-old little boy without a dad.
And he is now 27 today. My, my marine son wouldn't have never been even born. Right? And you think of all the people he's helped and the impact he's had, you know, it's all connected. And every one of 'em know every single person I can, I can give you a thousand people. They know my intent. I don't do anything for fame and glory and, and all this accolades.
I do it because God had a bigger plan. And that plan's unfolding hour by hour, minute by minute, day by day, week by week, month by month. And it's really unfolded these last few years. And I have the commander in chief of the VFW and so many other national VFW leaders, community leaders in my hometown.
Community leaders across the state of Michigan that value my advocacy and value me as a stout person that, um, every time they, they reaffirm, they are so glad that I did not complete suicide right now, Mr. Brinker, I feel like we've covered a lot here. So what I just wanna end things with is if you'll do a little recap, you know, who should read your book?
You know, we know why you're writing it and just again, when it's gonna be out, you know why we should read it and you know, obviously we know you hope to help a lot of people with it. If you could just go over that again before we close off here. Who should we read my book? Anybody that's currently struggling knows somebody that's struggling because we know.
One in three have had or will have some form of depression. We know that this world is filled with so much
uniqueness. And if you've ever been bullied, if you've never realized maybe you're in a position like me, you never, never knew who your real parent or parents were. You never felt that you had purpose and value in life. Uh, those are the people which I'm gonna venture to guess at least 50%. Take a, take a stab in the dark that at least 50% of this country, uh.
Would benefit if they only read one chapter. And that's a chapter of hope, the chapter where I'm living, example of what hope truly is now. And you know, you can, you can contact me, uh, [email protected], find my Facebook page, uh, my Beacon for Hope, Facebook page, LinkedIn, my website, douglas brinker.com.
This book's gonna come out next year, sometime, sometime between summer and this time next year. And it's gonna be at Barnes and Noble's ebook. And I, I'm excited, I'm excited to meet readers and sign a copy because it isn't just signing a copy, but it's having, having that conversation because. You never know.
I might have to stop what I'm doing and go listen to someone who doesn't feel safe on the spot. Right? And I think that's very beautiful that you're there for everyone. And ladies and gentlemen, in the description below for the podcast, you will find the links to Mr. Brinker's social media pages as well as his website.
Mr. Brinker, I'd like to thank you for coming on the show, for sharing some of your funny stories with us, and then for getting serious and really being personal there and sharing your mission and your past and helping us all out. And hopefully, you know, any of our listeners who are struggling, we'll reach out to you.
And a reminder to everyone that you can always reach out to me at a couple of [email protected]. And if you don't wanna talk to me personally, I can get you in contact with pretty much anyone who's been on the show. You know, we've had Mr. Jt, vice President of the Marine Sniper Rifle Association. He said he's always willing to hear anyone out as well.
And I've had a lot of people on my show who have been in the service have been affected by suicidal ideations, by the loss of life of someone they knew, either military or civilian. So we're all here for you again, Mr. Brinker, I wanna thank you so much for coming on the show. I wish you a lot of success with your book and I look forward to its release.
Well, thank you for having me. And remember, you are never alone. You do matter. Always.
