Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to another episode of Couple O' Nukes. As always, I'm your host, Mr. Whiskey, and I've got on, you can't see the bottom of it, but it's my Italian American flag, black Tank top because I was taking a look at our guest today, his website and all that. And, uh, we're gonna get into gym discipline, military.
So I was like, the Black tank top will be thematic and if you're not watching, he's actually matching me with Black Tank top, which is why I put one on, I saw his, uh. And most of his pictures he had one on. So I want to be matching. Today we're gonna be talking about, like I said, the military life, the gym discipline.
Uh, you know, a lot of times we talk about the gym. A lot of people think it's just about, oh, physical fitness and health. But as David Goggins has said, as a lot of people in the gym and fitness industry have said, and that's what we'll say today, it's also about what it does for your mind. You know, there's a lot that happens with your mentality when you stay in shape and when you essentially force yourself to stay in shape.
In most of the cases we are gonna talk specifically about, as our guest today, his motto is Turning pain into progress. So, Mr. Rob Wheeler here to share about some of the pain you've been through, that you've turned into, not just progress for yourself, but for many, many people through your podcast, through your coaching, through your speaking, and all your other venues.
So, would you please tell us a little bit about yourself?
Yeah. So first of all, thanks for having me. Uh. I love the cowboy hat, man. That's awesome. Thank you. Thank you. I can't, I can't rock the hat. It won't work for me. So, uh, yeah, you, you, you look good with the, uh, the cowboy hat fits the Mr. Whiskey name. Uh, I like sir, the persona and everything.
So a little about me. Um, 10 year Navy veteran, uh, was in law enforcement for 17 plus years. Um, in 2018, I was miserable. I left law enforcement, um, because of PTSD, uh, major depressive disorder, anxiety and social anxiety. I was like, I can't do this anymore. I opened a gym in 2018, uh, where I did strength and conditioning for four years.
Unfortunately, I lost that gym due to Covid. Um, that put me in a deeper, darker depression. Yeah, because that was like my dream, my baby, my thing. But the consistent thing was, is my clients that I would see out in town. They would say, first of all, when are you gonna open another gym? But then after that they'd be like, we never met a coach like you.
We never had anybody that was there for us, like you. We never had anybody that had the motivation, discipline, the mindset to, to keep us going. And that kind of solidified me as Coach Rob and who I am today. And what led me into, I would say, uh, insanity loop of personal development, um, like you said, David Gawkins, Jocko, wilnick, um, all the guys that I look up to, and I was like, what do they have that I don't have?
And it was just discipline, consistency over motivation. So, you know, I applied that to my life times a million. And now we, here we are today, having a, a open conversation about all things mindset, fitness, discipline, mental health, whatever it takes for us to get over that hump and be successful.
For sure.
And, you know. You said a lot that I wanna touch upon. I'm gonna start with the big question that you've probably gotten many, many times over, especially from veterans in active duty, especially at the time, 10 years. Ladies and gentlemen, for those of y'all who don't know, that is the halfway mark to those retirement benefits.
Halfway there, Mr. Wheeler. What, what, what was, how do you not go the rest of the way? You know, that's the big question. Well,
uh, it's, I mean, we'll try to abbreviate the story a little bit, but I was actually, uh, in Operation Iraqi Freedom. I was bored the USSS Roosevelt, uh, aircraft carrier, um, nice. We got back after our deployment.
Uh, you know, luckily I was blessed not to see combat and, um, I was with a Hilo Squadron, um, in Jacksonville, Florida. And the funny thing is, so my MOS was master at arms. Okay. And for the, the military, non-military community, that's basically military police. So I was a military police officer. The squadron didn't want me, right?
So when we were out to sea, they would put me at the ship police department, and when we were back at our home port, they would put me at the base police. So I never worked for the squadron. And, um, throughout my career, I was having severe knee issues from all the arrests I made from all the working out from all right, everything I had to do in my job.
Um, the steel to boots, I was, yeah, I was, I was a CB before that for a little bit, which is another very tough, uh, profession in the Navy. And um, every time I went to the doctor, they would basically say, suck it up. Uh, you don't have a knee problem. There's nothing wrong with you. So compounding that over years and years and years, obviously the injury is going to not heal, it's not gonna be sustainable.
Yeah. So I get called into the commander's office, office for the Helo Squadron. And um, they had a thing when I was in called, uh, IA internal augment that meant that for the war in Iraq and Afghanistan, they were going to have to give so many bodies up per command to go to Army Warrior training and learn how to basically go to combat.
So you could actually go ground forces Iraq and go to war. And they're like, well, since you're the cop, you're going to ground forces Iraq. I'm like, we just got back. I mean, we were in Iraq for six months and my commander is basically like, I don't care. You have to go, uh, get fit for duty. I saw the, uh, the dock and he looks, one, he looks at my knee and he's like, dude, your knees are all jacked up.
And I'm like, I know. Yeah. I've been saying this for years.
Right.
Um, that led to. Uh, physical therapy, orthoscopic surgery, physical therapy. And then the last thing is I'm sitting in a doc's office and he's injecting steroids into my knee. And he's like, I, I say, doc. I'm like, how long do I have to do this?
He's like, the rest of your career. I'm like, I'm done. I, at that point I was like, it's, it's time to, to call it quits. And it sucks and it still hurts every day that I have buddies of mine that made retirement and I didn't. Um, yeah, but it is what it is. It led to something else with more purpose, so,
yeah.
No, I, I get that. I think the sentiment of suck it up, it get ties well into one of the best sayings of the Navy, and maybe it's a military saying in general, but also one of the worst. Because it's a double-edged sword sometimes is the expression. Take a hit and keep going. Hmm. Uh, there's a time and place for that.
And there's a time and place for not that. And I think, um, that a lot of people in the military just get so used to that mindset that they're like, all right, I'm just gonna, you know, ignore it. And there's a lot of quote, self-medicating in the military. Sometimes that means alcohol abuse. Sometimes that means, you know, uh, drug abuse.
And sometimes that means not seeking medical attention. We've also had episodes on how there's a fear of losing, you know, your rate, your m os, your whatever responsibility you have, your command because of whether it's a mental health thing or a physical health thing, you know? And so I, I totally understand that.
And I think, like you said, it's, uh, seeing some of the people you serve with retire definitely. Is, is salt in the wound by the same time, at least what I believe is that there's a lot more potential. For leadership and helping other people develop outside of the military. Definitely. One of the things I always talk about on the show is my long-term goal of creating a mentorship program that is a third party, uh, organization that partners with the military to help educate, uh, newly enlisted, uh, and as well as young officers on finance's career and help set up a long-term plan because, and Mr.
Wheel, if you can share some of your experience in the military on this subject. What happened at my command was a random sailor was basically tasked with being a mentor to several sailors. And this is a person that maybe doesn't have a mentorship personality, already has like several other roles. Maybe they're an LPO, A division chief, whatever it was.
They already had multiple positions and responsibilities on top of their job, their standing watch. Now they've got five brand new sailors that they kind of just had this checkbox paper list they had to go through. Did you meet this week? Did you meet for 20 minutes minimum, 30 minutes minimum? Did you discuss X, Y, Z?
Even when I was getting out, the separation process is a lot of check boxes. Yeah. Did I meet with a financial advisor? Yeah. The command financial expert. Some petty officer who says, yeah, I think I'm good with money, and he gets jabbed at me, or they get jabbed at being, you know, the financial expert and then they meet with you.
They're like, all right, you did, you fill out the spreadsheet? Cool. Now you can separate, um, which obviously, you know, you wanna get through the separation paperwork, you want to go, uh, but it can't be detrimental to young people getting out, whether it's early or the end of their first contract, um, to not be set up properly because they're just trying to rush out.
But in general, you know, there's not a lot of career advisement, financial advisement, or general mentorship just about life in general, especially the military, where your career is, your lifestyle at work and at home, and where it can really affect a lot of your day-to-day habits and, you know, activities.
I think it's especially important that we have true mentorship that isn't just someone who got tasked with it and is trying to compete, complete that checklist. I think a third party, and it could be military, it could be government, or it could just be third party where especially, uh, veterans are designated mentors and maybe they've taken a class to certify them for that.
Or they're just already doing that and they actually sit down with these young people and actually mentor them and work with them. And I think this would help. We already know there's a high suicide rate, high anxiety rate, high depression rate. We already know there's a lot going on for these young people who, I say young because most military members are 17, 18, 19, and 20
mm.
You get some people above that range. But the majority of that, I would say 95% of military members are 18, 19, and 20. And that's a time of growth. You know? I mean, it's already proven that growing kind of goes till 25 already, right? And then you always grow on top of that. But that is like that very sensitive time period and they're getting outta high school, thrown into the military and it's like now that's all they know about life and it's not a proper representation of life, but it's also one that's hard to get used to.
So I'd love to hear your thoughts on that as well.
So definitely like you hit a nail on the head. Um, I had a veteran on my show called, uh, named Adam Peters. And, um, he's actually fighting to try to change the tap and transition program and we, we have, my episode hasn't aired yet, but we had a big discussion about that and mm-hmm.
I think leadership from a personal development or mentor mindset like you're talking about is, it's not even created in the military. Like you said, a leadership position is more based on rank and, and yeah. Time served versus actually what, you know. And, um, I definitely think that there needs to be things in place.
The, the TAP program, uh, it's, it's a dinosaur. You know that even with Skill Bridge, I've heard horror stories where with skill bridge. People aren't getting picked up for the jobs that they intern for. They're basically getting, companies are getting free labor off veterans, uh, uh, veterans backs of people getting out.
So, man, I definitely think, especially like you said, I remember when I went in, I was a little older, I was 21, but most people, yeah, they go in 17, 18, 19 and they don't know anything. And then you get to the military and like you said, that's your life and you're just, you know, going through the motions of doing what you have to do to survive, not necessarily thrive.
And there needs to be, like you said, whether it's civilian, government, whatever, there needs to be more things in place, um, not only for veterans, but for first responders too. This is kind of my wheelhouse. This is what I'm also Yeah. Trying to lobby for or, or change the, the stigma because, you know, mental health affects everybody in a variety of ways and it's not worth people losing their lives or their jobs or their livelihood because they don't know how to deal with problems.
Yeah. And I think one of the things too, we talk about 17, 18, 19-year-old range, they're still at that time of their life where they're kind of, they're not sponges to the degree that kids were, but they still pick up habits and certain things that they witnessed. And I feel like every command I went to, it was always like the crappiest sailor who would be in charge of mentoring us and he would teach us like the worst habits.
Uh, and maybe that's not every command and every experience, but I feel like you pick up a lot of bad habits from sailors who hate their lives or hate the military or just doing what they can to get by. And you need that positive kind of gung hole leader. But instead, what you have is, and we talked before on my show about that vicious cycle of the new people show up, they get mistreated by, you know, people who are senior rate or other, and they kind of just like task off their assignments to them or they, uh, kind of abuse their.
Positional authority. Mm-hmm. Even if they're, they've only been in a like three weeks more than you. Right. Right. As long as they've been there longer. And then what happens is those new recruits who then get to that position, pay it forward, they don't say, Hey, we gotta stop this cycle of abuse. They say, all right, now, now now's our turn.
Know. Right, right. And we, we see, right. We've see that in high school, even with the freshman Fridays. And, and we're the seniors now we get to bully the freshmen, and then when they're seniors, they're gonna bully the freshmen. Right. And I actually had a ship, man, I talk all the time. He tried to stop that, uh, toxic cycle on his ship.
And they said, if you're gonna not act like a proper, proper senior rate and, and use your power like that, then we're gonna treat you like one of the, the new guys. Oh, wow. And they try to then, you know. Hey, whatever you wanna call it, right to, to that degree. Um, and then he went and got bigger leadership involved with it.
And luckily he had a responsive chain of command who was like, no, we need to make a better command. There's a lot of times where your command doesn't care. And what I'd like to ask your opinion on, um, you know, we talked about leadership. You said, um, time and service matters more than actual, like leadership values.
To some degree, I found that a lot of the people who were leaders or in leadership positions had ranked up by, you know, kind of screwing over other sailors by playing favorites or, or kissing up or playing the system. And that all the best leaders I had had been withheld ranked for putting their sailors first.
Mm. And I saw a lot of people who fought for morale and for, you know, good community were ended, ended up leaving or being lower ranking. They left because they saw more potential outside of the military. And then the people who. Continued the, the cycles who kind of hated their lives and took it out on everyone else, you know, ended up being in power.
The next thing you know, chief says, Hey, my wife's mad at me, so we're gonna stay two hours and clean more. You know, oh man, I didn't. But we see a lot of leadership that will then reward people who screw others over and then they're like, oh, perfect, you're a mini me. And then it just like the cycle. A lot of the stuff in the military and any, any organization that has these kind of issues is very cyclical.
Where it's like just these repeat patterns. What happens is it craziest mentality that the people who wanna be who ya, Navy and Army and all that are like, well, I don't wanna be that kind of person. I'm getting out. So then all the good leaders are being filtered out and all the same people end up rising to power.
Now I have seen, at least in, in my generation of sailors and soldiers. We're seeing a lot more changes in mental health and leadership in replacing leaders in training. But again, with the size of the military, it's gonna take a long time. Mm. Just like the equipment in the military, it's uh, what, 10 years behind?
20 years? Right. You know, everything is on a back order. Right. So to speak.
No, I, I agree a hundred percent. And it, it definitely is a viscous cycle. And part of the problem is if you go to a back command and you know, you're only outta command for what, two, three years and then you rotate out and then you get another back command and then you rotate out and Mm.
So, you know, when you do have a really good command, you try to hold onto that as long as you can. You try to stay there, you try to extend there. And most of the time, you know, unfortunately, due to our duties, it doesn't happen. So I think you're right. I think it's, we're in a age where, um, and it's crazy because, you know, you're obviously a lot younger than I am, or for you to say the same things that I went through from, you know, 97 to 2007.
That's insane. That shows you the time gap of how things haven't changed. Yeah. And that there needs to be a change and kind of the 20, 30 year guys need to start phasing out. And so some of the new leadership can come in and, and hopefully start to change things.
You know what, they have changed. They've lowered the physical fitness requirements, the education requirements in some places, the, um, tolerance for drugs and, and the punishments associated with that.
So they're changing all the wrong things. They're, what they're doing is they're combating a retention and recruiting crisis, right? With, uh, let's get, and I say this as respectfully again, lower quality, you know, individuals. Well, we're gonna broaden that percentage of people who can join based on the requirements, right?
We're gonna lower the requirements so more people can join. Not saying they're worse people or lesser people, but I mean, statistically speaking, these are people who are less physically fit now, who are not meeting the same education requirements, the same physical fitness requirements, right? So they're just trying to broaden the pool of people that can join instead of saying, Hey, we need to fix things so that our people who do meet the requirements want to stay in.
You know, and,
and yeah, and I agree with that. And I don't think you have to be nice. Like we're in a society where everybody's soft and weak and dumb and Yeah. You know, the, the military, like you said, we need bodies and we used to be like the strongest fighting force in the world, and now everybody has some sort of mental health issue or learning disability or the obesity epidemic.
And so you're right. Yeah. I don't think standards should be lowered across the board. If anything, standards should be raised and those people that can make it should be applauded and promoted and given what they want in the military.
Yeah. I remember, um, I can't remember where I heard it. Maybe it was on social media.
It was like, uh, hard times make strong people. Strong people make good times. Good times Make soft people. Yeah. Yeah. Soft people make hard times. I've heard that before. This cycle. Yep. Right. And that's why I feel like we're, we're in that phase right now with America. Like you said, people are just hanging out on social media, on their phones all day.
They're, they're going to. You know, getting their coffees, their overpriced coffees, their, their, the obesity that this and that. And it's, it's interesting that Amer a lot of Americans who indulge in that culture look down at other countries that have kept the physical fitness standards or the dietary standards or, you know, education standards, and they, they see it as dictatorship and controlling and this and that.
Yet those people are living so much. Like I see so much of the, you know, people who push for fat. And I, I always say it's not, fat is beautiful is an issue. It's fat is beautiful, therefore it's healthy. That is an, that's the bad mindset, right? If, if you are a heavier set person and you wanna feel confident, right?
I'm all for that. Right? But you have to understand like there are health issues with that, right? Like, it, it, you know, so the idea that people are pushing for that, and then I see a lot of these fat flus as they're called who are dying of a heart attack or they're in the hospital because they're. All they do is mug bang videos, and now they had a stroke or a blood pressure spike or this or that.
It's like you reap what you sow. And you see these other countries, the people are skinny, they're beautiful, they, they're living to like a hundred and they're following a, a diet that is far healthier than America's diet. You know, the, you could not believe, I, I watch these reaction videos sometimes where people from other countries go to like the cereal aisle in like a superstore in America and they can't believe it because it's like hundreds of serials, most of which are bad for you.
Oh god. You know, it's just crazy. But I think, like we said, you need to keep those strong leaders. And what I found is you mentioned the short command time, and I found a lot of good leaders said, Hey, I'm just not gonna be at this command long enough to make a positive enough impact or to make a good enough impact that will last.
Or there's always someone higher up than me. You know, I can only control my little division. And within that, I'm already dealing with pushback from the other divisions. Let alone helping all of reactor or topside or aviation, whatever it may be. So a lot of military leaders that I've talked to at least have felt kind of li very limited in their power.
Mm-hmm. Whereas like you and I now as civilians, we can reach as many people as we push out forward to. Definitely. There's, there's no definitely chief saying, Hey, you can't tell this person what to do with their life, uh, that you're coaching them on self development. You know, like there's a lot less red tape to some degree.
So I think there needs to be a lot of change, like you discussed.
Yeah. Uh, I agree. I I think, like you said, it's, it's few and far between. When we find those good leaders, and you're right, they're usually the people that they didn't get ranked up or they didn't suck butt to the command and you know, they, they.
Looked out for their people, they made sure everybody got back off of Liberty and they made sure that the people that you know, got over intoxicated made it back to their room safe. The ones that take the extra time to Yeah. Actually be a mentor or more like a family member to that sailor versus just a, a ranking officer and saying, do what you're told or else kind of mentality.
Yeah. And I, I've seen some, you know, uh, at least in, in the Navy on my shit, we called it being a blue falcon, you know, where you would screw over other people. Oh yeah. That's common term bro. Since I, and you know, I've seen some shit mates just like go out of their way to so quickly ruin other people's lives over the smallest little mistakes that can be fixed, you know?
Yeah. Uh, whether it was maintenance related or other. Um, and I think it's, it's, um, I've seen people, you know, just report a whole bunch of other people for doing stuff or similar stuff just to save themselves from or reduce their sensing at mast and, um. One of the worst things too, is like, I physically witnessed leaders that would say, if you bring me X, y, Z items as a bribe, I will sign this checkout or give you this qualification.
Like I've seen actual bribery promote it. I've seen, and, and people are gonna hate me for the saying this, but I've seen people who are like, Hey, if you sleep with me, like I will promote Yeah. No, promote. That's a common thing. Promote you like that happens. Yeah. No, that happens all the time. It's not anything against women or men.
Right. I've seen, I've seen it on both sides. I, I actually saw, it was a woman who was telling men if they slept with her, she would sign their qualifications. And, which is ironic because usually you always hear, oh, this woman's doing this for men and, and men are, you know, sexist for saying that. No, I saw the opposite.
Like, it happens both ways. I believe you, you know, and so yeah, it's, it's an unfortunate culture. You got out of that, uh, due to medical reasons and you transition into law enforcement. So I'm very curious, you mentioned the year 2018 is, um, that's toward that time period where the whole, all cops are, you know, X, y, z and that really hating on cops and police brutality, quote, movements were happening.
I'm just curious, you know, 'cause I know my father, he was a police officer for 25 years and it was a very different mentality around police manship when he was in and, and the stories he would tell compared to you were kind of in that time period toward the latter half of your service where the societal view on police culture shifted.
Did that affect you in any way or did you kind of get out before that really happened?
No, so luckily, like, um, and I guess there's bad apples everywhere you go and you know, obviously one bad cop could make it bad for any department, but I, you know, I live in Florida and, and where I live in Florida, they're more pro law enforcement and then they are anti law enforcement and.
From 2012 to 2018, I was actually a, a VA police officer for Veterans Affairs. I was federal. Okay. Um, now I am Florida State certified. And, uh, after I lost my gym, I did actually go back into a police department in 2024. But the amount of crime that I dealt with, uh, seeing a young man commit suicide right in front of me and other issues, I just, at 40, I think it was like 46, 47 at the time, I'm like, I can't do this anymore.
There's gotta be more to life than being a police Right. Officer. Because when you take a veteran that has mental health issues and then you, you go become a cop for, you know, another 10, 12 years on top of that and compound that, plus everything you see, plus everything you, you deal with, I was literally like just destroying my life around me.
I. I lost, uh, my first marriage. I was married for 18 years. And yes, it goes both ways, but due to my anger, due to my mental health issues, that was the major downfall of my first marriage. So it took a lot of, I didn't have an effect as far as negativity of society. Um, the negativity, it took effect would be like, so as a veteran police officer, I was always arresting the same veterans.
And when I first got to the, the command, I'm like, I want to help the veterans. I want to be there for the veterans. Yeah. And I started to realize that there's a lot of veterans who are actual pieces of shit and bad people. And yeah, seeing the, the bad over for the good every day and being at a place, just like in the mil, it was like being back in the military, going to work.
Everybody's miserable, nobody's happy. No one wants to be there, no one wants to do the work. No one wants to stay late. No one wants to do overtime. So you compound that negativity when you're already a negative person and it's very hard to get out of that, that dark operating in the black area. So that was my struggle in law enforcement, not the actual community of people, but the effect that it had on me as a person.
Okay. And I'm trying to track, so were you working on a military base or it was a veteran hospital? It was the,
the VA hospital. So I live in Florida and the, the West Palm Beach va, I was there for six years.
Okay. Yeah. And so you talk about arresting veterans now. I've been to the VA hospital, at least here in Savannah.
Once now, and it's, uh, it's mostly just a bunch of older folks sitting down just discussing stories. So what kind of arrests are you making? Are these people who are trying to, uh, uh, harm people, destroy the building? Like what kind of arrests are you making?
Uh, my calls varied. So most of the calls, so, uh, and I don't know how it is at other VAs, but we had what was called a code green.
And a code green is usually an irate patient. So that can be, yeah, 90% of the time it's either mental health issues, um, a veterans having like a psychotic break where they want to fight the doctor or fight the people in the hospital. Yeah, yeah. Or a drunk veteran or a veteran on, on drugs. I dealt with a veteran on bath salts before.
Um, so, you know, bad, like I'm surprised you, you, I mean, you said you only went there once, right?
Right. Yeah. So yeah.
Savannah, I'm assuming the hospital's pretty big. My pretty big. And so, you know, more city. And they like to put the VA hospitals kind of in the ghetto, so that didn't help. Yes. And
this That is so true.
Thank you for saying, and a lot
of times the outside agencies, so what kind of sucked about my job? An outside agency would arrest a veteran and whether the person was a veteran or not, if they'd be like, oh, I'm a veteran, the cop would dump 'em on us because they didn't want to deal with it, so we'd have to deal with it.
Mm-hmm. That's interesting. So a lot of transient and, and stuff like that as well. So it just varied from what I saw and dealt with.
Yeah. It is sad. I, I know the alcohol and drug abuse, we mentioned it in service. I think post service, it is much, much worse. Definitely. Uh, especially. If they get involved with the VA and they get certain medication administered to them and then they become addicted or they start getting more and more.
We've had some former addicts who are veterans on my show before and the downward spiral is very fast, very messy,
definitely.
And, um, it's changed over time. You know, a lot of the veterans I had were around nine 11 era, uh, talking about that, and the VA was very different in their treatment than they are now.
But now we have different issues like, um, just making veterans stoned all day. Uh, so they don't have to deal with their PTSD instead of. You know, working with the root causes there. And, um, I did want to ask, speaking of PTSD, I know you mentioned serving on deployment in the Middle East and dealing with PTSD.
Were you ever shot at, injured or blown up nearby, kind of near your area where you're stationed at? What was that like?
So I was lucky to not really seek combat as a military police officer. My job was more ensuring the safety of the people on the ship while we were, you know, in Iraq. Okay. And then I did some, um, like entry control point supervisor stuff, uh, just when they're like ringing trash trucks into get rid of the trash or supplies or whatever.
And that, yeah. That's kind of scary because you, you always have that thought that, oh crap, I'm gonna get blown up. Um,
right. Yeah. With an
IED or something. But no, my, my actual PTSD surprisingly enough, what mine stems from is my first ship. Um, I went to a small little, uh, destroyer, uh, class ship in 1997, and back then they didn't have integrated females on ships.
It was all, all males. And I attribute that first command. When people ask me about it, it was like being in prison. The biggest guys, I wasn't a weightlifter at the time. I didn't have muscles. I didn't know how to fight or protect myself, so I was physically abused on the ship on a daily basis. I was threatened to be thrown overboard.
I was threatened to be killed. Oh, wow. Yeah, it, it was a very scary time. And that's what actually led, I remember like, crap, you know, I'm getting the crap kicked outta me daily. That's when I started going to the gym and picking up weights for the sole purpose of getting muscles to fight back. So yeah. Um, my, my PTSD and traumas from my first command, it's not really anything combat related.
So, uh, I do have, uh. Or I did have a little bit of survivor skill. I had a lot of friends that, um, did die in combat. I had friends that did commit suicide. So, uh, stuff like that. Um, I remember the, I went to Disneyland. I go to Disney World all the time. I'm a big Disney adult, and I went in the Hall of Presidents and they show this beautiful thing about America at the beginning before the president, uh, speak.
And they show like combat related stuff and military, and I just broke down. I, I had to walk out. I can't go in there and watch that because it just makes me think of the people that I lost in my life.
Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Little side pause for anyone not watching. When Mr. Wheeler says he's a Disney fan, uh, he's got all Star Wars collectors items on the shelves behind him right now.
And Star Wars tag too. There's, there's, there's one I, I've never seen Star Wars Al admit, but you've got a guy riding a creature back there like that, that alone looks like it's a pretty, uh, high price tag item back there. What, what is, what is that character riding?
So, so that's from the Disney show, Mandalorian, uh, that's what I thought played by Pedro Pascal.
And that's, they call it a blurb. It's like a giant dinosaur thing. Oh, okay. That they ride in one of the episodes. So
that's pretty interesting. Yeah, I um, I've never seen anything Star Wars. I was gonna watch the Mandalorian just 'cause, um, our. No, maybe it was, maybe it was Amanda, Lauren. I had a, no, I had an ex who I think was obsessed with Bobette and, um, my one buddy on base, he had like a $325 replica helmet that like made noise and everything.
And, and so he was showing it off, but, uh, yeah. Yeah. So big Disney guy. And I was gonna say, um, it's interesting you mentioned the survivor's guilt because you talked about seeing, we had a guy on the show, Marcus Hart, and he talked about he was a supply guy, so right before everyone deployed, um, he would issue them, their supplies and then they would come back and he was the last person they saw when they left in the first, they saw when they returned, if they did.
And he said sometimes people wouldn't return and like, wow. He was like one of the first to know. And uh, he had been one of the last people to see them. So he like struggled with that. And you know, I had a Jonathan Taylor marine sniper rifle expert come on the show and he spoke about. He asked me my personal opinion, what is the root cause of all these veteran suicides?
Numbers vary. Some people say 22 a day, some people say up to 44 a day. We know it changes. We've seen an alarming rate, uh, a rise in, uh, female veteran suicides by firearms. Right. We've seen a lot of scary statistics, negative statistics, and, and I know it's real because every military member I've had on this show pretty much has talked about losing someone they served with to suicide.
So what is your personal opinion on it as far as like what is the cause we look at, you know, the people who I, I, because I've been asked about it, I'm like, you know what? It's, it's, it's interesting because it, it doesn't discriminate, you know, it doesn't matter if you're a white, black man, woman, chief officer, you know, newly enlisted.
You've been in for 10 years, 20 years. If you're a veteran, it's all, it's all across the board. You know, if you, you've ed the demographic, I mean, it would just be everywhere because it Right. Just. It really is. Any, anyone at any time. So what do you think of all of this and, and what was your personal experience with it?
I, I definitely think it's two things. It's trauma first, like not dealing with our traumas and our issues because one thing that I'm constantly fighting for is trying to break that stigma of mental health, of that, you know? Yeah. Whether you're a veteran or a cop or a firefighter, we have that. I'm broken.
I'm no good. I'm damaged. We don't know how to decompress from the job and the horrors and the things that we've seen. So trauma being number one. And then number two, purpose. In the military, you have a purpose. You have a role to play, you have a job. You feel important. When we get out as veterans, we don't have a purpose.
A lot of us, that's the the biggest reason why veterans have mental health issues. That's the biggest reason why veterans get overweight and why they don't try to live healthier lifestyles because. A lot of times we lose that purpose and then we just give up. It's like, what are we fighting for? So trauma and purpose, I think are my two biggest things.
Um, for me personally, it was personal development. Like I, I constantly operated in the black, I was constantly negative. I was the, the, the constant fuck my life. I hate this shit. Um, everything sucks. Life is garbage. And one day, like it's, it's just weird. I can't explain it. One day I was like, man, this, I can't, I can't live like this.
Like, enough is enough. Yeah. Like I've been to therapy, I've been on medication and I think I was like listening to something on social media or or scrolling and somebody said, uh, something to the effects of just practice gratitude. So the first thing I did when I heard that I. Every night, literally every night since then, when I go to bed, I think of three things that I'm thankful for.
So that could be my wife, that could be my house, my kids, whatever. It could be the same three things. It could be three different things. It doesn't matter. So whether you, you pray to a God or the universe or you speak it to existence, I'm thankful for my wife. I'm thankful for this house. I'm thankful I got to go to the gym today, right?
I don't take anything for granted anymore. And, and then the second thing I started doing, and even today, 'cause I was a little off today, but even today, as soon as I wake up before my feet hit the floor, I say, today's gonna be a good day. And even today, being a little, I still have some bad days. And being a little like off today, I'm like, it's gonna be a good day.
It's gonna be a good day. It's gonna, if I say it a million times, so be it. Those two things were huge in changing my perspective and I've been able to like deal with things a lot better now as they come. Um, you know, I was the kind of guy, if someone cut me off, I would flip out. Like I was just always angry, always upset, always frustrated, and.
Um, I think that's just 'cause I never really dealt with the trauma so, you know, trauma and purpose are once again the two biggest things. So.
Yeah, for sure. And you know, it's, we talk a lot about gratitude and what I will say in regard to, you know, what you believe contributes to veteran and active duty suicide is that at the time of this recording 10 days ago was my two year anniversary of leaving the military and I put out an episode reflecting on military culture, my personal experience and some of the stuff going on with my shipmates who are still in.
And one of the things I talked about was a lot of these guys and gal who are counting down, they got the app on their phone or a calendar the day till they get out and they think it's gonna be the daydream come true and then they get out and they only seem get this amazing job that everyone's hyped up.
It turns out that being a veteran didn't qualify them for every job or for like any job they wanted based on their resume sometimes that their military training and skills were very job specific, uh, you know, to the military or that, not to what they wanna transition into. Fortunately, like I know a lot of people who, hey, they did one thing in the military and it's complete opposite of what they want to do civilian side.
But the military didn't have what they wanted civilian side 'cause they didn't have the billets or they didn't have whatever it was. Uh, or we've seen a lot of people get screwed over with when they're choosing their job, uh, whether they're recruiter kind of twisted the truth on them if they just want to ship out faster or later.
So they picked a different job if they got led on by an a shiny bonus tag. You know, so we see this where veterans, you know, they, they transition to civilian world. They don't instantly get the dream house. The dream right? Girlfriend or boyfriend or whatever. They don't get the dream job. They're having a hard time connecting with civilians.
They thought, I thought people were people, but you know, there's a part of you that's kind of changed forever, I believe. And
definitely I don't
push that whole once. Military, always military, you know, you're a hoorah who ya guy all the time. Right? But there is a part of you that is, is different and, uh, that goes a lot into like the purpose we talk about.
Like you said, people lose their purpose in some situations, most situations in the military actually most military members had some kind of, uh, positional authority or leadership at some point. Whether it was over their watch station, whether it was a, a sign position or something they ranked up to, right?
So now you're losing that purpose, you know, it's like people get out and it's like. You know, you could, you could be a master sergeant. You could be a master chief. Doesn't mean nothing in the civilian world. You're just another guy or gal, you know. Right. Definitely. You're just another person. Um, so I definitely do believe that, you know, I know a lot of veterans who end up taking like a gap year, try to figure out their new identity.
And they struggle and a lot of them, if they don't find it, they really struggle. And then again, like you said, the trauma and PTSD and what I wanna focus on specifically right here, uh, just because, you know, you're, today's guess is you talked about dealing with some trauma and PTSD, how it led into your first marriage, you know, your relationship, and then probably your social life, your work life.
Uh, it affected, you know, you as a cop as well. What kind of trauma and PTSD were you dealing with?
Uh, I, I mean, I think, you know, like you, you spoke about, uh, just now about like jobs and stuff, you know, I was a military police officer for. Eight out of my 10 years of my career, that's all I knew what to do.
And when you get out as a police officer, you can't go be a high level executive. You can't, you know, like you said, right? You're kind of locked into doing whatever it is that you did in the military. Um, so I, you know, after my severance pay ran out and I'm like, oh crap, what's next? What am I gonna do? The easiest thing was for me to go be a federal officer.
And, and I worked for Department of Defense first for four years before I transferred over to the va. But I kept going from like, essentially military. And even though I was now a civilian, every organization, organization I worked for was still a paramilitary organization. They still had rank, they still had structure, they still had.
So all the bad shit that the military gave us and everything we've talked about on this episode. That was carried into the police departments too. So I wasn't able to escape that. I wasn't able to run away from any of the, uh, previous issues I already had in the military because they were continuing on in the jobs I was in, because most of these guys are all former veterans.
They're all former military, they're all former cops. So it was just the destructive path, um, of a, like a insanity loop that always continued and continued and continued. And once again, I didn't have, you know, my friends were veterans and then they were cops. And when I came home, I didn't know how to differentiate the stuff I went through at work, dealing with criminals and bad people, and then being not able to decompress from that and, and set that aside and say, that's my work and now I'm home.
So. Mm-hmm. You know, if my former wife said something to me and I didn't like what she said, I would just flip out. And it's not that I, I didn't care or, or that I wanted to, you know, emotionally or verbally abuse her, right? No, I, I didn't know how to deal with anything. No one taught me, like you said, we need better tools to help the people that get out of being in the military.
So they realized that, okay, you may not want help from a therapist, or you may not want help from a medication or both, but you have to get help somewhere, right? Because if you don't heal your trauma, or if you don't try to fix your trauma, it doesn't go away. Like, I still have PTSD, I still have depression.
There's some things that still bug me. Now, obviously it's not as bad as it was, and I can speak on it and I can help people overcome it. But if you don't heal from that trauma and you keep stuffing that stuff down, eventually it's just going to explode and it's gonna ruin your life. And it's ruining a lot of people's lives because.
The stigma of once again, like, oh, well I'm gonna lose my job, or I'm gonna lose my wife or girlfriend or boyfriend or whatever. Or you know, people are gonna look at me weird or, you know, there's, there's something wrong with me. And no, everybody deals with shit. It is how we overcome this shit that makes it, you know, more important and, and makes us resilient in who we are.
So that's kind of like what I teach and what I do. So,
yeah, for sure. So I mean, you talk about your PTSD and your trauma, which we can classify as pain we mentioned earlier, turning pain into progress. So you talk about eventually you recognized a need to kind of overcome your trauma and PTSD to work on healing it.
What kind of was like the wake up call for you? Like how did you figure that out? And like, maybe there are some people listening who. Have trauma and PTSD and they think it's not affecting their life and they don't need to treat it well. Like what was the wake up call? Because for some people, unfortunately it's hitting rock bottom or going beyond rock bottom, and we don't want that.
You know, we wanna avoid that if we can.
So, interesting enough, like you said, you reflected on your, um, Navy anniversary. I, my wife was cleaning out, so I've been, uh, married for just over a year now, but I've been with my wife for almost eight years total. Um, and she was cleaning out her closet and she found a letter that I wrote in 2017 and 2017 is when I ended up starting dating her.
Well, it was a typed letter and so she hands me this letter and I'm looking at it and the letter, and I don't even remember like typing this out or printing this out or whatever, and it said like very interesting things like, fix my relationship with my daughter because. When I started going through the divorce, my daughter, who is an adult, I like, lost my relationship with her.
It was, uh, not be angry towards my current wife at the time, she was my girlfriend, so not be angry towards my gr my current girlfriend. So after I destroyed my first marriage, like I knew that there, there had to be a change and we, we, uh, tell a story. So in 2017, when I first moved in with my wife, I was supposed to go to Tampa to visit my parents for like Christmas or something, and I left my wallet in a Publix.
And so my wife is, we're in the bedroom, we're sitting down and I'm like, I'm flipping out. Right? I'm having what I call an adult temper tantrum. I'm yelling, I'm screaming, I'm throwing shit. I'm attempting to punch my hand through the wall all over. Mm-hmm. Losing a stupid wallet. Something that shouldn't take my energy, right?
Yeah. Something that shouldn't flip me off. Make me so angry. So this happens in 2017, and, and my wife says that that was always kind of like a red flag where like, well, I don't know if I should continue with this, because that's kind of scary, right? And she has been in some abusive relationships and stuff.
And so she's like, oh, great. The cycle's repeating itself. Well, I would say it was last month. Now, last month we went out to dinner and I left my wallet in the restaurant. And we get home and I tell the wife, I'm like, babe, I left the, my wallet in the restaurant and I'm not freaking out. I don't care. Like, it, it, it didn't bug me.
It didn't, it didn't affect me. It didn't. I'm like, and she, she looks at me and she pauses. She's like, are you okay? And I'm like, what are you talking about? She's like, right, you don't even care. Like your driver's license is in there. Your credit cards are in there. I'm like. This is just stuff like it can be replaced.
Like I'll call them if they have it, great, if not, I really don't care. And she's like, where's my husband? Wow, what did you do with him? Yeah. And so that's a, a perfect example right there of, I just decided that at some point in my life, and maybe it comes with age, um, 'cause as we get older we do, you know, get a little wiser and we don't let stuff affect us as much.
But I came to a point where, what is taking my energy? Am I gonna put my energy into being physically fit, into eating healthy, into helping people over trauma, into being a, a role model for my kids, a pillar of the community? Or am I gonna put energy into getting mad 'cause someone cut me off, or because I lost my wallet or because I knocked over the trash can and garbage spilled all over the floor.
So I think we have to kind of relearn things, um, as veterans and as anybody that has a trauma or an issue. Whatever that trigger is, we have to decide that, okay, we can't give it energy and we can't give it energy because we know that nothing good comes of that. And no matter how mad you get, how angry you get, it's not gonna make the problem go away.
So why, you know, it's that old saying, control what you can and not worry about what you can't. And I, I think really that's, I honed to that and that's what keeps me from, you know, having these adult temper tantrums and, and not being a big angry guy anymore and just, you know, focusing on the good over the bad.
Yeah. And you know, it's no secret that we have limited time and energy on this earth, you know? Definitely. So to invest it so heavily into things that, like you said, don't deserve our time and energy and our waste time and energy, when we have more important things in life to focus on. Is a, is a great mindset shift to have.
Now what I do wanna focus on, we've talked a little bit there about the, the mental health and mindset portion, but from the very beginning we've mentioned a lot about the gym. Where did that kind of, I know you mentioned a little bit about how and why you started, but can you kind of take us through the whole journey up until now, your relationship with fitness, the highs, the lows, and the role it has played in all of your healing, in all of your teaching?
Definitely. So what's interesting about my coaching, uh, I operate on three pillars. So fitness is the first pillar. So it goes fitness, the mindset, then discipline. So I take a client and I look at their overall health and fitness, nutrition, what they're putting in their body, what kind of activity they're doing.
Um, and then if I can fix that or get them to do some form of movement, the benefits we know just outweigh. There's no. There's no like, bad thing that can happen from doing any form of activity, right? Like the benefits outweigh the bad thing. So that starts to build resilience, and that starts to build consistency.
Then I can hit them with the mindset and be like, okay, well you need to start journaling. You need to practice gratitude. You need to use this emotional track, uh, trigger tracker and, and write down what's triggering you. And then the discipline to continue to work on themselves long after I'm done with them, because I don't wanna work with a client forever.
I want them to be self-sufficient. I want them to be self-sustained. So basically when I got out of the military, um, I blew up to just like over 300 pounds. I was 300 pounds. I was probably like 38, 40% body fat. And I, I went to do my, this was in 20, uh, 2007. I went to do my first mud run. It was called Warrior Dash.
I've never done a mud run before. It was up in Tampa and my buddy was a professional photographer, so he took pictures of us during the race. And when I saw those photos and I saw all this fat and man boobs and just the, just looked disgusting, re re seeing the look on my face where I had to huff and puff through a like a three mile race where I could barely get over obstacles.
And that point on, I remember at the time I didn't really have, I had the fitness knowledge from the military. Um, I did bodybuilding. I had a guy that took me under his wing and he taught me about bodybuilding in the military. Uh, so I kind of was a bodybuilder, but I didn't really have any real fitness and nutrition knowledge.
And I remember going to Planet Fitness down the street from my house, and I literally would jump on the treadmill for 30 minutes, the elliptical for 30 minutes, and then the bicycle for 30 minutes. I. And I would do that over and over again every day until I started to lose weight. And I started to see a little bit of weight reduction, and then I started hitting the weights again.
And then I started reading more muscle mags and bodybuilding magazines and getting into the nutrition. And then from there, when I was a a, a VA officer, uh, I started intermittent fasting and that really helped me dial in, uh, the weight loss as something that worked for me. And from there on, I decided that I was always going to be healthy and, and fit as possible because fitness is the fountain of youth.
Like I can tell you here as a, a 48-year-old man who I squat, I deadlift, I bench press and I do heavy ass weight. It right, keeps me able to move. Now, it didn't get rid of my military injuries, bad knee, bad back. But I tell everybody that if I didn't work out. Like, I would fall apart. Like if I didn't work out, I wouldn't be able to move.
I wouldn't be able, I live in a two story house. I have to go upstairs. This is stuff that honestly, I wouldn't have been able to do if I didn't get into some sort of health and fitness routine. And I don't think it gets rid of the injuries, but it definitely helps keep, keep us mobile and moving and you can deal with a little more pain versus just sitting on a couch binging Netflix and rotting into nothing.
So,
yeah, no, I, I'm totally behind that. And I think sometimes when we're just living a day to day, we don't realize where our health is at. And it takes that outside perspective, like you got with those photos and videos from the mud run, you know, that kind of wake up call moment where you're like, oh, wow.
Like, yeah. You know,
definitely because
day to day just seeing yourself in the mirror is just routine, right? But to see that dynamic moment captured, I think that's, uh, a, a great example. And. What would be, what would be your encouragement? I know you talked a little bit there about the, the benefits, but to a lot of us listening who are injured or overweight, I mean, you just had that wake up call and decide to go after it, but some people are lacking that discipline, lacking that motivation.
I mean, what would you say to them?
So, what I like to tell everybody, first of all, you have to find what works for you. You have to find what you enjoy. Now, just because I believe in strength and conditioning and I, I weight train, that's what I love. Okay. So that's helps me stay consistent because I love it.
Right?
Right. So
you, first of all, you have to find what you love, whether that's swimming, running, biking, walking, some form, juujitsu, some form of activity. But the amazing thing that people, I don't think realize is that if you can just walk, if you can just go outside. Walk or even on a treadmill, but go outside and walk for 30 minutes.
Walk around your block and if you can't do it for 30 minutes, start with 10 and then build up to 20 and then up to 30.
Right. The
benefits of walking are insane and it's low impact activity. It doesn't take much time. It makes you feel better. You get outside, you get some sun, you get some fresh air. Like I think walking is so highly underrated in that the people that do some form of activity and they go for an afternoon or evening walk, it's just that much better.
I try to walk in the afternoons. I try to get 10,000 steps a day in addition to my training, I can clear my head. I can do social media while I'm walking and give my coach Rob speeches. I can listen to a podcast, right? I can listen to the nature around me or news or whatever, like the benefits of walking outweigh anything, so.
Yeah, very low impact activity. Anybody can do it. It doesn't cost anything. It's just one of those things that you have to start doing.
Yeah. I think when, when you realize it's that simple to start, you know, you really have no excuses at that point. And even, I know, like for me, living a sedentary lifestyle, sometimes podcasting, sometimes 10 guests in a row, an hour each, right?
Yeah. Sitting here, it's, it's a struggle. Sitting here all that time, uh, I had invested into getting a, the stationary bike pedals for under the desk. You know, maybe you're, I am sure it's expensive, but we've seen those like walking desk treadmills where you have a desk in a treadmill or even just getting the standing one at least, or you're standing.
But preferably if you can get, I think that stationary bike pedal, it's not the same as walking, but it's still low impact. You're still moving, you're still circulating, you know, just doing anything you can, those little things in between your day. And I always say I'm so thankful for my dog because. She forces me to have to go out and walk.
You know, I don't have a backyard or just let her run loose and she's gotta go. And I walk her around and, um, it's funny, she yells me accountable too. 'cause if I try to go on a shorter walk sometimes she'll be like, no, we're going for the full walk today. And sometimes she's really feeling it. Like, she's like, we're going for an extra long walk.
And, uh, because she'll, she'll pull one way. I'm like, all right. And it, it is funny. Well, actually, she'll pull one way, I'll pull the other and then we'll kind of stare at each other for a few seconds and I'm like, I really don't feel like walking today. And she's like, I do. And, you know, as a,
a great accountability partner right there.
So. Yeah.
Yeah. And, um, you know, a great practice for, uh, she's, she's my little princess, so, uh, she's taught me like, what, what the woman wants. We're going, you know, she says, we're walking, we're walking. You know, so, uh, but yeah, you know, you talk about, I really like what you said about finding what's best for you because so many people get this.
You know, this mindset of, oh, I gotta go lift weights, you know, like they see all these guys and gals on Instagram or whatever doing, like, for, for women, you might think, oh, I gotta do what all these women on Instagram are doing. I gotta do the stair master, I gotta do Pilates, I gotta do CrossFit.
Definitely. Or if I'm a guy, I
gotta go run or I gotta do deadlifting, bench pressing. You don't have, you could go like, uh, I, like you mentioned, some non-traditional ones that people think of like rock climbing. You could go do climbing. Yeah, you could go do bouldering. You could do maybe, like, I've got a, a dear friend of mine, Steve Wright, he does jump roping every day.
And he counts as, he counts as jumps in everything. And uh, it's pretty cool. But you know, for me, I'm much more a car guy. I need to lift more. But, um, like I really enjoy cardio. Uh, I'd rather go like I ran for two hours straight the other day. I'd rather do that than, than bench press, like, you know, 200 pounds.
Like, and I know to some people they're like, I'd rather, I would never run. Id rather bench press for two hours than Yeah.
Run for two hours straight. Yeah. I used to run cross country and track all the way up through college, so I don't run as much anymore 'cause I just, I used to run all the time. But yeah, even I think you have to be well-rounded, you know, I like to lift weights, I like to walk, I like to go run occasionally.
Um, I want to get back into Jiujitsu. So, uh, I think even like, man, even if you wanna just watch tv, image, Netflix, you can still ride an exercise bike. You can still walk on a treadmill. Like there really is no excuse. And with like. Temu and Amazon, you can really find things that aren't that expensive that are gonna allow you to stay physically fit.
And one of the, the major things I think, also that people don't realize is when I have a client or I'm dealing with a client, I don't ever put 'em on a diet. I hate that word diet. I, I don't think, well, you, you hit a really good point with the false sense of social media and people just get confused over, like you said, I should do this, I should do that, I should do this diet, I should eat this, I should do no keto
diet.
This, you know, no asking that.
The major problem with most Americans, it's all over consumption. So when I have a client, I don't tell them, you can't go to McDonald's. I tell 'em, you can't go to McDonald's and get four cheeseburgers. Every week like you used to. No. You know, instead of four times a week, go down to twice a week.
And then once they do that, okay, instead of four cheeseburgers get two. Okay. And then instead of that, instead of the, you know, large diet soda, get a small Coke. Like just changing little things to have healthier habits and Right. Just that alone with a little bit of walking and you would be amazed at the results.
People could make it. It doesn't have to be a big, complicated, scary thing. I think you brought up a very valid point that people just get very stuck in the details of what they think should they should do. And then you get frustrated and then you decide not to take action.
And you know what else too is like, I struggled with a long time with the idea of quote, gym intimidation.
I didn't wanna go to the gym 'cause I was a skinny guy. I was bullied my whole life for being very skinny and I didn't wanna go and work out and then be tired and sore in case anything happened. You're right. I realized one day, you know. You're never gonna be at a hundred percent and you're never gonna get to a, a greater level if you don't go.
And one thing I will say is like, yeah, there are some jack guys and gals, athletes in the gym before the most part it's skinny people trying to bulk up heavy people trying to, you know, cut down like it's regular people, right? What you see on social media, these influencers, you don't, you'll see some people, there are some genuine people on social media who are showing their fitness journey and you can kind of tell the difference, but there's a lot of, you know, this kind of front of these super jack guys or these super fit girls.
And then you think, man, the gym's just full of these like super soldiers. I don't want to go. That's like a small fraction. It just happens to be the fraction that's online in your face. 'cause you know, they're the ones going to the gym and recording themselves and making content. You, you'll find that most of the people who actually go to the gym don't record themselves the whole time or do this.
Right. And there's nothing wrong with making content every now and then to promote what you do. Right? Sometimes I record stuff, posts run, or, or, or me listening, right? There's nothing wrong with that. But you shouldn't let people who you shouldn't get this false expectation. One of the saddest realities, you know, one of the saddest reality checks, I'll call it that I had probably last year, I found out that so many of the gym guys I follow online were on steroids.
They weren't natural. And that broke my heart because like, I refuse to use steroids. It, it's, and trust me, there are days, it's tempting. I've, I've been underweight my whole life, you know, and for me, with my hyper metabolism, even on weight, gainer lifting is the only way I gain weight. And it's hard to stay.
Consistent for me. You know, I try my best to go. Um, but the weight gain is slow, you know, it's not overnight, but I see all these guys online who are super jacked and, and they make it seem like it's so easy, it's so overnight, and they talk and then they, you find out they're on steroids and it's so tempting.
But I'll never cross that moral boundary in me personally, but, you know, to find out, like, it was really heartbreaking. So what I'm trying to say with that is don't let these people online intimidate you or make you feel like you have to be at such a extreme level. Mm-hmm. Like we're saying, you can do, do what you can do and well, the one thing slowly work your way.
The, the one thing, and I wanna, I wanna hit on, on this, like you said, with social media. So if you go to my content and probably your content, I'm very authentic. Sugarcoat anything. I don't do any photo edits, I don't do anything other than what you see is real a hundred percent me all day, every day. And I, I've made it.
Even at the point of maybe not having as many followers or being as popular, I don't sugarcoat anything. I've always, like you said, I don't wanna pass that boundary. I wanna be my authentic self. People have to realize that most social media is a highlight. Real. It's not their real life. It's not their, their reality.
They are putting on their what you want you to see. It's essentially the same thing when you see someone film a cop or a criminal or somebody do something that's bad. You don't get the whole story. You only get what is shown to you. So you have to realize that when you're following these people and you're scrolling their content and you're absorbing their content, most of the, the fit influencers or the influencers, even me, they're there to sell you a product.
Okay? I want you to resonate with me because I want to help you, but you're gonna have to pay for my services. I mean, that's how I make my living. These fitness influencers, same thing. Whether they're hustling their supplements or their clothing or their gear or the gym they go to whatever. It's not real.
So you have to, to unplug from that and realize that once you said, like, do what works for you. Like if you love running, dude, run your ass off. Like that's awesome. As long as you're doing some form of activity and you're eating somewhat healthy, like that's good enough. And the gym intimidation is. It's a stigma.
Okay. I would say, yeah, there's some probably high level gyms where there's, you know, massive bodybuilders, popular gyms like gold gyms and, and California, Venice Beach, stuff like that. But most people, they wanna get in the gym. They mind their own business. They wanna work out and they wanna go home. They don't care if you're jacked, if you're fat, if you're skinny, everybody's there their own purpose.
Like most of the time, society does not give a crap about you. Like, so people have to stop worrying about what does the what, what does the gym think about me? We don't care. Just come in there and work out. Have fun.
Yeah. It's, uh, you know, people hate to hear, but it's like you're not that special that when you walk in the gym, everyone's gonna look at you and be like, oh, there's, I mean, I wish, I wish I'd walk
in and people are like, it's Coach Rob.
Yay. Yeah. I mean, sometimes.
The, the front desk lady, she really convinced me one time I was on this ab twist machine, and as I, I, I twisted and she set off the lung alarm. I was like, yeah, that's right, that's right. Killer six pack. And then she goes, all right, everyone, the gym's closing in 10 minutes. And I just set off the lung alarm so everyone would know.
And I was like, oh yeah, okay. Uh, maybe next time, you know, um, as much as we'd love for all of us to set off the lung alarm, you know, but yeah, I think, and for me personally, I know there's a lot of hate and negativity in the world. It's, a lot of it is online, right? You know, if you're, if you're posting your fitness journey and stuff like that.
But if you actually go to the gym, most people aren't gonna come up to your face and say something like, oh, you're, you're a fat pig. Or, oh, you're so skinny. Like, like you said, most people mind their own business. And for me, like when I'm at the gym, like I just, I have a lot of respect for everyone there.
I'm like, look. That person is, is on a journey just like I am. You know? And I've never understood that mentality of like making fun of people. I already had, um, some conversations on other shows about this. I was, I woke up sick one morning, went out for an eight mile run. I couldn't breathe through my nose.
I was sore throat, but I said, we're gonna go train. 'cause that's what we do. We stay hard. And, um, near the end of that, I'd been running for eight miles already. These two punk kids, they say kids, they're like in their twenties, you know, drive by with the windows down the slow golf class, the whistling, the sarcasm.
And it's like, I just have never understood that mentality. What I've never once found joy from, first of all. I mean, I had the mindset of I'm never gonna make fun of someone who even if they look tired or they're going slow lifting weights or running, for all I know they're on mile 20, I. They're, they're on their 200th threat.
You know, I'm never gonna judge. For all I know, there's someone who is far more athletic than me, but I've also never found joy in spreading negativity. I know not everyone's like that, but for me, it's like no matter where you're at your fitness journey, if you're pursuing your health, I have so much respect for you because there are so many people who abuse this choice.
It's a choice to go work out, to be healthy. It's a choice that we have every morning, and some of us don't have that choice. We are disabled, we are paralyzed, we are just not mentally capable of it, whatever it is. And so I'm forever grateful. That's one thing like. Yeah, maybe I don't lift the heaviest in the gym, but the fact that I go there and do that, to me, it, it's, it's, it pays respect to everyone who can't, to everyone who wishes they could.
For everyone whose fitness journey was stalled by pregnancy or by injury or what it may be by people who never gotta pursue it, you know, it, it, it is a choice that we have to make every day. And so anyone else making that choice as well? I just have so much respect for, and so I, I would never, you know, intimidate someone at the gym.
I also have a mentorship personality that if I saw people who were struggling or embarrassed, um, I would explain how, you know, I was in the same place. I mean, I'm sure when you first started working out, it wasn't easy, right? Yeah, definitely. We all, it's not supposed to be easy. All,
we all have our starting point, right?
And I think you have to remember that when people go in the gym, like you said, whether they're skinny or overweight or whatever, we all started from somewhere. I was, you know. Essentially morbidly obese, and I had to start somewhere and I had the, you know, I, I think we all go through that insecurity. Um, we all go through that body dysmorphia, we all go through that.
Like you said, we wanna look like certain individuals, but you have to get to a point of acceptance in your life. And, um, if you're healthy, if you're fit, if you're eating healthy, if you're doing all the right things. And I, I love that, you know, I love the gym culture of the people that are trying to change that.
And I'm definitely the kind of person that if I see someone lifting wrong as a coach, I feel like it's my duty to ask if I can talk to them and correct them or help them. Or if someone doesn't know how to use a machine, like. We need, and this is why we're doing this podcast, right? This is why you do a podcast.
This is why I do a podcast. 'cause we want to be the change makers of the way of thinking that it's better to be kind, it's better to have a service mindset and it's a better to help those that can't help themselves. So I, I definitely agree with you 150000000000% on, on that when it comes to the gym culture, gym community, and, um, theories of acceptance and how we should shoot people in society.
Yeah. And you just mentioned, uh, your podcast. I know I mentioned it in the very beginning. We never named, dropped, and really, uh, spoke about it. So I'd love for you to share that along with your website, which we'll have in the description below for everyone who wants to check out your shop, you know, your coaching and speaking your blogs and or to contact you, just learn, learn a little more about you or working with you as well as your podcast, you know.
Who should listen to your podcast? Kind of what is covered on there and, and why should we check it out?
So, uh, first of all, the podcast is called the Battle Harder Podcast. Um, it's on YouTube, iHeartRadio, Spotify, and Apple Podcasts. Um, my podcast is all about storytelling, uh, whether that's people who have guests on my show who have overcome trauma, um, I've had guests on my show that have lost everything and they rebuilt their life 10 times better.
I've had neuroscientists, psychologists, um, people that have science backed data on being in shape, dealing with mental health issues. Um, so I'm trying to tell a story that if you're dealing with something, no matter what it is, it could be obesity, it could be eating. I had a lady talk about eating disorders, um, mental health, overcoming trauma building businesses, any kind of struggle.
They need to go to the Battle Harder podcast and they can find an episode that resonates with them and either they can contact, 'cause I always, same thing. I link the description, uh, in the, on the YouTube so you can always contact the people that I speak with and use their services or you can reach out to me and the best place to find me.
I'm very, uh, my biggest platform right now is Instagram, uh, at Battle Fitted, but I'm on TikTok at Battle fitted Twitter everywhere at Battle fitted. If you just Google Battle fitted, yeah, my ugly face will come up somewhere in that search. Um, and then the website is battle fitted brand.com. And obviously there they can find the coaching, they can find the link to the podcast, they can find.
Uh, so Battle Fitted is the name of my business. Um, and battle fitted. That's what encompasses the coaching. I have a clothing line, um, the podcast, everything in the way of mindset and helping people just be better and become the best versions of themselves. So,
yeah, and so. As we wrap up this episode, I know we spoke about a lot.
We dove into the military conversation for quite a bit there. From leadership to suicide to veteran civilian relations to your battle personally with trauma and PTSD, to the mindset shifts involved around that to recover, and then the role that fitness plays in that as well. Encompassing all of that, you know, taking in all of it.
To leave one message for everyone and for myself as well as we end this episode, what would be the one message you wanna put forward more than any other?
I guess it's two things. One, I always tell everybody, and I say this on my show all the time, you have to have a limitless belief system, not a limited belief system.
Mm-hmm. When we have a limited belief system, that's where all the negativity, that's where all the hurt, that's where all the problems come from. We are so strong and resilient and amazing and smart. And if you have a limitless belief system, if you truly believe, and I had a neuroscientist gimme data backed on this, whatever you believe you can achieve, whatever you speak into existence directly goes into your subconscious.
So if you say, I'm great, and you say that times a million compounded day after day after day, you're gonna be great. If you say, I suck, and you compound that day after day after day, your life's not gonna get any better. So you have to have a limitless belief system. And the one thing when I always end my podcast is tell everybody to be fit for battle.
And that doesn't mean battle like going to war as a soldier or a sailor or airman. It means being fit for the battle of life. And how do we do that? We take a complete approach to our life. You have to do an assessment of your life, and you have to have good mental health, good physical health, good nutrition friends, family people, a support system.
And you have to be fit for battle. So when anything happens, no matter how big or small, you can overcome that.
Yeah, and I'll, I'll say one of my favorite quotes, better to be a warrior in the garden than the Garden War. I love that quote. So to be battle fitted, whereas the Navy says, always ready, you know, always think it's super important.
And Mr. Rob Wheeler, I really wanna thank you for your time today for, you know, hosting these discussions both on your show as well as with me right now. Not just for military, but for everyone you know, for their families, for civilians, for everyone who is dealing with any trauma in life. You know, PTSD and trauma.
It's not just combat related, it's not just military related, right? It's not just law and first responders. There are a lot of things in life that can traumatize us, that can haunt us. And so it's so important, going back to what you said. Where do we wanna focus our time and energy? What can we be grateful for today?
What do we have available to us today and what are we choosing to do with our lives? So I thank you for choosing to come on the show today to invest your time and energy in this conversation to help others do better.
Yeah, no worries. And to everybody listening, check out my podcast 'cause we're gonna have Mr.
Whiskey on my podcast. We're gonna have some more great discussion. So I, I appreciate you being on the show. This was fun.
