Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to another episode of Couple of Nukes. As always, I'm your host, Mr. Whiskey, and today I'm recording with a woman I would deem a friend we met on the Podcasters Cruise, and I was on her show, and now she's on my show. It's always great to be on each other's shows when the topics align.
In this particular case, it is grief, grieving, and sadness. And we're going to talk about a lot of different things entailed with that. I think nowadays it's very interesting how the climate around grief has shifted, where death has become disrespected. And what I mean by that is the gore videos online, the social media being filled with people, real people getting killed, and it's become such a joke, death.
We live in a very desensitized, uh, you know, world. Generation in society. So it's interesting to see how that's affecting people's personal lives. And we've seen You know, just funeral attire requirements change, the way people are attending funerals, if they're even hosting them, and, you know, there's a lot that goes around it, but there's also all the, um, the non traditional stuff and the behind the scenes with, uh, family relations, and also just the relationship within ourself when someone we know and care about passes away.
Before we get into any of that, Our guest, Ms. Faith Sage, is going to be telling us about all the money she won in her recent trip to Las Vegas. Ms. Sage, will you please tell us about what a great time you had in Las Vegas? Oh, I had such a blast. Um, yeah, we went out there. It's a spur of the moment thing.
Well, I guess it wasn't spur of the moment. We were invited. Oh, gosh. Back in April, I went on a, I went to the moment. Um, and back in April, I attended a conference, um, public speaking conference. Cause I want to, you know, do public speaking and the lady that I went out there with, she actually writes the show notes for my podcast.
Her husband, uh, sponsors, uh, through his business, a NAS or, uh, NHRA car, a drag car. Um, he is also sponsors like a motorcycle and, uh, um, another car as well. And so he gets pit passes, um, and we're able to go down on the line where they take off from, um, and just. Feel that power. And, um, and it was pretty cool.
It was a birthday present for my husband, who just turned 50 this year, so. Oh, the big five zero. The big five zero. We're all, we're all folks. No, you're only halfway. You're only halfway, so. That's only implying I make it to 100. That's only implying. You're, you're, you're one third of the way. Right. I'm going to make it to 50.
Oof. I don't, I don't want to be around to see that. I don't think that's I don't want to be around to see that either. Yeah, so that's pretty cool. But it was fun. We had fun. Yeah, it's cool to be down there on the, on the front row and um Yeah, so, but, but Are you, I mean, how much money did you win at the casino?
Did you, are you a millionaire now? We barely even played at the casino. We um, there's a casino that was right down from our hotel, uh, because I have learned you do not book your hotel at a casino there in Vegas because, you know, you have to walk through it. And just the temptation is just so much. And we weren't there to gamble so much as to, we were at the races like for 12 hours a day.
It was, it was a lot of fun. Oh wow. And we met, um, I'm not sure if you're familiar with, uh, the show called Russ brothers restoration. Um, so I like to, I hate series on TV. I hate watching series. I like, give me a movie and then it's done. I don't have to come back and I don't have to do all those things. Uh, but when I start one, I have to watch it from front to end.
And so I think it was last winter or the winter before. Uh, I started watching Russ Brothers Restoration, and it's a guy from Canada who built this, like, quarter of a million dollar shop, and he's, like, got all these classic cars, and he's, like, he's gonna make this business work, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
He's, like, six foot eight, um, Just a monster, and with white dreads, brown glasses, he wears the same attire and everything. So he's pretty recognizable. I happened to glance down there when we were in Vegas, and notice he's at this show. So I tell my husband, I'm like, Hey, Mike Hall's here. And he's like, No, that can't be him.
I'm like, Who else looks like that? Like yeah, no one that I know of And so I said I made it a mission by the end of the races before we left on our flight on sunday That I would get a picture with him and we did that's awesome Yeah, I I did look him up here real quick and uh, very distinguished character very distinguished character I have to wholeheartedly agree with you.
Uh, the marvel universe the mcu moral cinematic universe is Uh, it used to be something, you know, every time a new movie came out, my family would go watch and, uh, back when we were a family. When they switched to series is when they lost me. Because Marvel, I'll go watch a movie, right? I mean, it's two, three hours, sometimes almost four hours.
I said, I don't mind, right? That's a one time thing. I, I really enjoy it. I get the popcorn, I get the chocolate, I get the whole aesthetic going. To say, hey, now you have to watch five different series between Loki, Winter Soldier, She Hulk, all that. And that's taken up a lot more of my time, and that's, I, that's a bigger commitment, you know, I can commit to a movie, but, so I wholeheartedly agree, I mean, that's, I think they lost a lot of people when they did that.
Now, if you're someone who really loves the MCU, and you're like, wow, now I've got all these series to watch at home, good for you, but for me, it was like, this was a movie trip thing, you know, and that's why sometimes when I'm watching shows, I'm like, I if I really like it, I'm glad there's more episodes But sometimes I look at a show and it says like 48 episodes or 36 episodes.
Oh, man. I don't know about that You know, that's a big commitment. Yeah, I mean or some of these animes, you know, there are hundreds of episodes, you know I mean big commitment big commitment for sure But that's good. I was gonna say about walking through the casino too If it's anything like the one on the cruise ship, we were on shout out to the mardi gras Uh, it's also like a a smoke screen, you know You When I was walking through the casino, it was just, everyone was smoking.
I was like, oh man. But that's how, hey, that's the best way to keep people in a casino, so you can smoke right, right at the slot. That's the yeah, that's the smart tactic. I'll say that Anywhere else it's like you got to go outside, you know, shoot if I go outside I might say you know what? Let me just go home, you know, so Interesting.
That's when I got seasick on the ship was when I walked through the casino and the smoke hit me That's when my stomach started churning. Yeah, I feel good. I wasn't expecting it either. I didn't know about it So I just walked in and suddenly I was like, oh Oh man, so yeah, ladies and gentlemen, if you've never been to a casino before No, I think it's so funny.
You can't smoke everywhere anymore, but you can still smoke at the casino. But I know when my mom and dad went to high school, they had smoking lounges set up at their high school and everything. And you could, all the teachers were smoking with the students and stuff. Yeah, my parents, it was like, cigarettes were huge.
Yeah. Uh, which they're Oh, slightly older than your husband and you, but, um, by about a decade. So who knows? Maybe times have changed, but yeah, we're going to get into grieving because you are a host of a podcast and love for you to share that podcast with us. And we're going to talk a little bit about how podcasting can be therapeutic for ourselves and for our guests.
Especially, specifically, your platform is almost meant to be therapeutic, it's meant for people to share their, their grief or their story or their advice. And I, I think it's so important. A lot of times, especially men, uh, will lock up that grief, you know, especially military men. Uh, but just men in general, and even women too.
And I think with children, sometimes they don't know how to express that stuff. So we'll, we'll get into that. So, what led to the creation of your podcast and hosting a platform for grieving? Hmm. Well, okay. Uh, that's like a loaded question. I'm just gonna tell you that. Uh, first of all, uh, so we lost our daughter in 2016.
She was 19. It was just this freak vehicle accident. And I had wanted, she was my stepdaughter, uh, but I had been with her father for, uh, like 11 years. And so she was, she was my daughter. I carried her around in the summertime. Like we did all kinds of things that her and her brother, there's, there's, uh, when we blended our family, he had two children.
I had three. And, um, And so when we lost her in 2016, I had these feelings that I wanted to do something with grief, but I didn't know what, and I didn't feel like my voice mattered at that point in time. So I didn't. Nothing. Like, I had created a whole course, all I had to do was record the, the, um, the episodes, right?
Right. But I shelved it because I didn't feel like it was my place. I didn't know if I would step on her mother's toes. Like, who am I? I'm just the stepmother, right? Fast forward to 2021, um, and we lost our four year old granddaughter in another freak vehicle accident. And I'm like, okay, this is it. I'm switching.
Everything in my world is going towards grief. Like, this is almost like 2. 0 version from losing my granddaughter and I'm sitting and I just remember vividly sitting across the Table from my son and his daughter in law and watching them plan their daughter's funeral And just brought me right back to us planning our daughter's funeral You know and it was just this surreal moment that I remember thinking I know how to help people in this situation I've been here I've been here multiple times.
Right. So then I started, um, with the grief stuff, switched everything, just shut my business down completely. And then the next day I opened up with grief and stuff. And I had this podcast. Um, I wanted this podcast because there was, I felt this Almost like this pool that people needed to get a story out.
People needed to share their story. It's so therapeutic to, to talk about it. Even if people get the assumption that, hey, I don't want to talk about it because I'm going to cry, but those are exactly the emotions that need to come out. Um, I don't know, man or woman, you know, I'm more on the masculine side when it comes to the emotions.
Like, I hate to talk about emotions. I hate to address my feelings. I hate to. And, you know, and I've come a long way with the saying, it's like, you know, usually back in the day, I'm a Gen Xer, you know, we have all these memes out there about how, what hard asses we are and, you know, we had to be. We literally had to be.
And so when you admitted your feelings, you were classified as weak. It's like, suck it up, keep moving. No one's coming to save you. You need to save yourself, you know? And that's like the motto coming up from our generation. And I have to say, it's true. Like we, there was no one there to save us. Our parents, like we were out playing from sunup to sundown.
Like we were outside all day long. We didn't have cell phones. We didn't have, um, Anything like that, and so you ate breakfast, you went out and you played, you might come back for lunch, or you might go to a friend's house, and then you were out again and you didn't come back again until five or six o'clock at night.
Like there's a lot of time you were on your own figuring shit out, and so you don't really sit in a puddle of emotions during that time because you ain't gonna have no friends if you do. So you figure your shit out, and so I did. And, uh, but with this, this podcast coming out, I had wrote this book, and, um, I published that in January of 2022, and, uh, it was a rollercoaster of emotions just writing it, and it was after that, I think it was in August of 2022, I started the podcast Release Grief.
And, um, I've had multiple people, multiple people on that have talked about, like, when I talk to them about their story, and we're just having a conversation, like, I don't, it's not like I'm grilling you about your story or whatever, you share what you want to share, you talk about what you want to talk about, um, and the, and the conversation goes, you know, however it's meant to go.
Like, I don't, I try not to control it. I just ask questions, um, just to get the story out or just to get like unclear details out. And that's why I also don't do a lot of pre check ahead of time. A lot of podcasts you have to get on a call and see if it's a good fit. Right. All that stuff. I'm of the opinion, you got a story you want to share it, you can come on my podcast.
And that's what we do. And we talk about it. Yeah, for sure. And I know, uh, you pointed out your book there, but for those of us just listening, what is the name of your book? And then I'd love for you to get into, I know we talked about it when we recorded together on your show, but really for someone who doesn't really like talking about emotions or sharing emotions, I know you expressed that your book kind of forced you to, uh, address them head on.
So kind of talking maybe to some of our people out there who are from that generation or just for whatever it may be in their life that they feel like they can't express their emotions. Talking a little bit about writing and how that helped you address it. Yeah, so the book is called A Walk with Faith and it talks about, um, Your name is Faith.
Right. And that's it. You bingo. And, uh, it talks about, I dive into like my childhood because that's a big part of who I am. Um, right. Billions. You, you, you, you become a problem solver. Um, at least I did, my generation, we're problem solvers, like, we didn't, we didn't have anyone to turn to, to like, ask questions, and I know it sounds so cold and callous, um, cause it's like, well, we're your parents, I had a great loving family, like, my mom stayed at home, she didn't start working, working out of the home until, gosh, I was probably in 7th or 8th grade, And so she was at home, she was the typical, made a meal, dinner was on the table every night at five o'clock, or six o'clock, depending, my dad always came home to, to eat, like, I had an older brother who beat the crap out of me, like, we had our family, like, that was our family.
Very systematic. And, yeah, very. And, uh, there was, I mean, for me, it was a typical childhood, but I hear that some other ones, and I always, and in the book, I talk about the, uh, Um, what are they called? The latchkey kids? How I always wanted to be a latchkey kid, and if you don't know what that is, um, that was the kids that came home that had the keys, uh, to their house.
There was no one, they came home to an empty house. And I wanted to be one because I never came home to an empty house. I came home to home bake cookies. Mom just made bread, you know, like we had dinner on the table. Like my, my child was so crappy, right? You know, you want what you don't have, right? And so as an adult, I'm very thankful that that was not my childhood, you know, that I didn't come home to a, an empty house.
I had the love that I didn't know, you know, as a kid, you know, and you try to provide that for your children and then you hope that they provide that for their children, you know, and going on and on and on. But, uh, I talked about my childhood, uh, about my father specifically, um, and my mother. My father was a criminal and he was running from the law.
He didn't make it to either one of my weddings. Um, Because the first one, he was on the run from the law and they were, he was afraid that the police would be there. So he never, he didn't want me down the aisle. My brother walked me down the aisle for both of my weddings and, um, and just how that shaped me.
So writing didn't come naturally to me because my father was a criminal and if you know anything about criminals, you don't put anything in writing. Because that's, you know, how you get caught. And so for me, I had this war inside of me. Okay, do I write about this? Do I not write about this? Do I put it on paper?
Do I not put it on paper? But as a child, the only thing I ever wanted to be was a writer. And so, like, I had these deep things, but writing this story, um, and all the places that we moved to, uh, because there's numerous, I think there's, like, 15 or 16 places by the time I quit school at 17 years old, um, that we moved to in different states and stuff, and so it was getting the timelines down and just, like, taking this trip back on memory lane on my childhood, but then how I met my husband, um, and blended this family and decided that no matter what, we weren't going to get divorced.
Like this was it. It was it for us. And so we just celebrated on the cruise, 19 years of marriage and, um, a blended family. We have nine soon to be 10 grandkids. Like we have a big family and that's what we wanted. Um, but that rollercoaster emotion. Um, trying to get those, uh, dates down for where we lived, in which town, in which state, in which grade I was in.
Uh, I could physically hear, cause my mother lives with us, she's lived with us since my father passed away in 05. And, uh, I could physically hear her eyes roll every time I'd say, Mom! And, uh, she knew what I was gonna ask, like, This date, is this the correct date for when we lived here, or here, or here? And I could physically hear her eyes roll.
I'm like, oh my god, here we go again. I've already told you like 15 times. Um, but when she'd walk in the living room, she'd never know which mood I would be in. If I would be laughing hysterically, or bawling my eyes out, or completely silent. Um, because that was the rollercoaster emotional. rollercoaster ride that I was on.
Well, in a few weeks ago, I recorded with Alan Lazarus from Next Level University, and he and I discussed how our life is like a movie, but it's like when you, if you think about it now, you know, after some point when, when you're older, it's Watching a kid's movie as an adult and you pick up on all these profound messages that you didn't realize were there, you know I mean i've done done it, you know, just watching movies.
I watched as a kid I'm, like wow this movie had such a deep message that you totally, you know miss as a kid But then you're watching back. You're like is this a kid's movie? This is kind of right, you know Like in fact nemo was the first movie that I thought of because you know Every kid loves nemo and that's actually it's a story of grief and in parenthood, you know He lost all his kids.
He lost his wife Spoiler alert for if you haven't seen Nemo Marlin loses everyone and um, yeah, you know, but you look at that or um I think it's called Shark Tale and it's about you know Having nothing than having everything and losing what really matters along the way or you know Cars is humbling too.
You watch that movie and you know They say, when we look back at our lives, especially if you're gonna write, you know, a story about your book, and you really get into some things that I know when I was working on my memoir, I was like, Wow, I never realized those emotions were there, that happened, you know, so it's He says everyone should go back and re watch the movie of their life, because you can learn a lot from it.
You know, that's how you get to the next level is you, you look back at it and you're going to have to face some things that, that were locked away or that you don't want to face, but, uh, it definitely helps you learn a lot. And I think I was reflecting on the irony of, of you wanting to have an empty home and so many people with an empty home want a full home.
I, like you said, we always want, or they say the grass is always greener, right? You know, so it's, it's such an interesting concept, but what I want to address is. You talk about one of the most painful things, one of the things that no parent ever wants to hear or experience, which is the death of their child or a grandchild, you know, because we have this idea, this belief, and it is the most common path of life, but we have this idea that we're entitled to this, you know, that we're gonna be the ones to go away before our children or our grandchildren, but that's not reality.
Reality is that anything can happen at any time. Life is, there's a lot of mortality involved, so How can you kind of address that one of the most painful things there is, which is losing your child? I mean, I feel like that's a whole nother level of grief. Can you kind of talk about, you know, losing your daughter?
Yeah. So when we first found out, of course, you don't want to believe the news. You just want to think that everyone's lying to you and they're playing some sick and twisted joke. But like, that would be a sick and twisted joke on like a whole other level if it was true. And so that was initially what I thought when my husband told me that, um, that she was gone.
And I'm like, you're lying. You're lying. Stop. Don't play this joke on me. I don't want to hear this joke. But this is not funny and then in my mind somewhere it clicked and like he would never play this joke on you This is real and then you go down this other like path of emotions like this is real This is that I have to deal with this now like, okay have to tell my children.
I have to be able to Console them and make sure that I don't lose another one if that makes sense, you know from the grief, you know because Um, the depression is very strong in a lot of younger children, and it's, we're not taught how to deal with it, like they'd lost their grandpa in 2005, 2016 they're losing a sister, and then in 2021, or I'm sorry, 2022, they're losing, uh, you know, a niece, like, I had to face this head on.
It wasn't, but I didn't start that way, uh, when I started because I'm a Gen Xer and I'm a problem solver. My first, uh, after losing, uh, after hearing, after hearing of the loss and, and going through the motions, because that's all you're doing when you lose a child, when you lose anyone that's substantial to you, you're going through the motions.
It's not really hit you at that point. Um, but for me, I remember sitting out on the back patio, just staring off into the abyss. Cause this was a problem I couldn't solve. I was, I, my brain broke at that point in time. I couldn't fix it. I couldn't solve it. The only thing I wanted was to bring her back. I didn't know how I'm not a witch.
Like I don't know how to conjure this shit. And, um, and I just sat out there. By myself, in silence, staring off into the back. Because, and it's what I fondly term as the nothingness. Let it just develop me, because at that point, nothing mattered. Nothing matt I don't know how long I sat there in that. Um, I'm guessing it was probably weeks, because I remember my husband was back to work already.
And he came home one day, and he was like, Um, can you listen to this for me? Can you I just want you to listen to this one thing. I'm like, yeah, sure. And I would turn around and I would stare back outside and, um, and the next day he'd come home and goes, did you listen to it? No. Can you listen to it? Sure.
And the next day, and this went on for a couple days. And finally, I got tired of him asking me if I listened to it and I finally listened to it. And it was the podcast, uh, YouTube video, sorry. It was a YouTube video of an NDE, which is a near death experience. And I'm not super religious. I'm not religious at all.
I didn't, wasn't raised in a church. I wasn't raised in a specific, you know, faith or religion or anything like that. But the spirituality that caught me from that NDE that we're all connected and no matter if she's here or not physically, she's here spiritually. And that brought me healing. That helped me heal.
And then I started consuming NDE stories because there's something, you know, obviously there's stuff out there. I believe that there's stuff out there that I can't see. And that just like with gardening, we're all connected at some point in time to something. And that brought me immense healing and helped me start my journey of healing with grief and stuff.
And it was because he had heard a podcast on near death experiences.
Yeah, so I know your book is memoiristic, but would you say that is a guide for grieving or for people who are grieving to use as a resource to help them? Or what would you say really is the purpose of your book? I think for me the purpose of my book when I wrote it was to, one, get the emotions out. The grief out, get the story out the story of how I met my husband, the story of how I came to be.
The story of, um, how these two children play a major part in my world. Um, and I talk about my father and his death in there as well. But I think that every story that you put out, if you write your your your grief story that it's it's Okay, It's you, there's no distinguishing, there's no cut and paste, there's no black and white issue to this, like, it's not like, okay, boom, we're here, and now we're going to move to here, and this happened, and then this happened.
Everything blends and flows seamlessly in your world. So, all of your things that you were raised with, um, whether that's good, bad, good, bad, Parents or bad parents, or whether you're in church or out of church, it doesn't matter, like, your friendships, ever, how you view life is your story, and how you view life is your grief story, like, and how it's going to impact you, and how you're going to move through it.
Um, and that's what I firmly believe on those, so it started out as me getting the words out on paper, and it became very therapeutic, and then I decided to write a second book, um, and went, dived in deeper to my childhood called Growing Faith, um, because, It's not, it's not just one thing. It's a compilation of my life that brought me to this point.
Yeah, I totally agree. And so with your podcast as well, I know it's people sharing their story. But again, is that kind of a guide for people grieving? Do you or your guests go over different methods for, for healing, for grieving, providing resources for that kind of stuff? Absolutely. Um, and I talk about the things that I have done in my book.
I talk about, so on the podcast, they talk about their modalities for what's helped them through grief. Um, and some are, you know, some just, most of the time, I think people just stumble upon what works for them, because we don't really know, because it's not like we, as a child every day, it's not like we lose a parent every day.
Everyone's so different too. Yeah, we don't know, like most people don't even know themselves. They have no idea. I didn't know who I was really until I lost my granddaughter. You know, after my daughter, my granddaughter, then you figure out who you are and how you navigate these hardships in your life because it's, it's very different than what you think.
And I'll clarify that because what I thought before I lost my daughter was that, um, One, it's never gonna happen to me, and it was never on my radar that I would lose a child, ever, because it's not how we're taught the normal progression of life is, but reality is much different than what we believe it to be, you know.
Because the reality is, you do lose children. We lose children every day. Grandchildren every day.
I know for sure, and would you say properly grieving is Motivated you or change your perspective on life as in kind of give you the sense of mortality of you know Temporariness where you said hey, I really need to make the most of this life in and help as many people as I can Or how or was it kind of like a battle with you know, giving up, you know, I mean like life sucks this this is it or Did you flip back and forth between those two and where are you now with you know?
Your purpose in your kind of perspective of life So when I lost my daughter, I haven't, I don't think about, I know, I didn't really think about death much, like, okay, my father passed away in 2005. So. Let me just backtrack just a second. So when I was a teenager, I thought about, you know, depression, uh, like, is my life really going to matter?
Like, do I need to be here? All those things. And then I would, you know, kind of whatever, snap out of it or whatnot. You know, it was a moment. Um, and then as I got older, I had children very young. I had, I had my son just in a month into my 17th birthday. Um, and so I had a different purpose in life. Like I had someone to live for.
I had someone to, uh, to care for, to love, to raise, to, you know, all the things. Not to say that depression doesn't hit you every now and then. Um, but I think for me, I never lived in it. It was never one of those, um, where I stayed long, if that makes sense. It was always, okay, I need to, uh, my son needs help with his homework or, oh shoot, I gotta get the stains out of the laundry over here or, you know what, I gotta, you know, get to work over here, something like that.
You know, there's always something else propelling me along, um, almost like blindly, if you will. Like, I have this deep moral compass in my body that my family comes first. I'm a very family oriented person and I have to make sure that they're okay. I was never a helicopter parent. Um, but I would make sure that my kids were okay, like doing a visual check when they came in the door, how are their moods at, you know, what, what's their level at, um, versus how they're performing at school, like is something off there, you know, like just mentally checking it and then asking questions at dinner time.
My parents always did that. We had conversation at time, like, how was your day? Like, was there anything that was odd or unusual or, you know, all these things, asking questions. Yeah. And so for me, it was just how can I be a better person? How can I be a better mother? How can I be a better wife? Um, how can I be a better friend?
You know? Right. And I think just that the cautionary tale to parents, especially mothers and fathers is, uh, to not necessarily just put everyone's grieving before your own. And then you never grieved, you know, there is a balance to be had. Which can be difficult if you're the mother or father of a household and you have a lot of people grieving.
I think it's so important to support one another as well, especially if you're a husband or a wife, to check not just on your kids, but on your partner as well, because they're doing their part to help support everyone. And, what would you say for, for parents who are trying to address grief with their children, especially the young children, is, I mean, how do you really go about addressing such a heavy topic that is, like you said, can be surreal, especially to children, to think that their sibling is no longer there, their, their grandfather, or, you know, a parent, I mean, how do you address that topic with them?
Uh, for us, you keep the communication lines open, so you don't shame them for crying, you don't shame them for having a bad day. You also don't let them play victim either. Um, and that's a fine line that you have to like, you have to tell the child. So, I just want to step back a second too, so like, When grief first hits, when you first lose that significant person in your life, it's almost like a game of everyone's out for themselves because you have to, you go into self preservation mode.
Like, how can I, um, survive this? You're not in tune with anyone else around you. It's almost like those connections become severed. Um, and so like you're these individual silos living in this house. I'm very family oriented, but at the time it's like you disconnect because it's like, shit. What, what do I do now?
How do I, and it becomes almost like a self, like a, like a self preservation. How do I survive this? But as you start coming out of that, and you take one day at a time, one minute at a time, one hour at a time, how, whatever it is for you, um, and now it's become like a week, or two weeks, or a month, or two months, or a year, you, however that time, whatever that timeline is for you, you start to, um, become in tune with the people around you again.
And for me, as a mother, um, you know, and I mentioned before, like, I was out of tune for a long time. It was like the kids were fending for themselves. Um, thankfully, my mother lived with us at the time that it happened and you know, after when you have a, um, when someone passes, your community bends together and they all bring you food, they all check on you, and I think I was relying upon that to make sure that we were all okay.
Um, not, not, not knowing that I was relying upon that, but in the end, relying upon that, if that makes sense. And so that we could figure out our stuff because I'm not super, I don't clarify my emotions very well. I said that at the beginning, like, I don't talk about them. I don't talk about the feelings and stuff.
Um, and so that's why it's funny for me that I started a podcast. That's all about emotions, all about feelings, but. I just wanted to clarify that, but at some point in time, you come back into, uh, starting to do the checkpoints on the people around you, your children, your husband. Um, for me, it was my children and my husband to make sure that, um, they were okay.
Now that I was okay, I needed to make sure that they were okay. Yeah, and you know, it's, it's interesting. Children are their own people entirely, but at the same time, it is, they, they, there are sponges that absorb everything around them, and it's like, how do I, as a mother or father, If i'm not good at expressing my emotions, how do I teach my children that when you know, they're going to copy my example so Exactly part of grief counseling as a parent so to say in your own family is you might have to be someone you're not To help them do the right thing.
So it's definitely a complicated situation and now We'll definitely have your show and all the information in description below for people who want to listen to that but for people who Have a story of grief that they do you want to share on your show? How can they reach out to you and say hey Faith?
I saw you on a couple of nukes. It was a great time and I really relate to that. I'd love to share my story on your show. How can they do that? Absolutely. I want to also say I never finished your answering your question about the kids and how to talk to them about grief. Keep the communication open.
Allow them to express their feelings without judgment. Um, just be that sounding board for them and talk about the person that's passed. Uh, that's been the biggest thing, like with my granddaughters, um, cause it was their sister that they passed. And one of them, you know, saw it like knew it was happening and she was older.
And so it's like, Letting her have those moments of, uh, of grief, of sorrow and talking to her about it. Like, how are you feeling today? Like, is this a hard day? Is, you know, what's causing this? You know, and just asking her to dive deeper into her emotions rather than just bottling them up and being angry.
And the same with your children, like with my children too, I would watch for them. And they went down dark paths. Some of them went down dark paths and they got into drugs and stuff and they've managed to find their way back. Out of the drugs and, and, and creating these healthy homes for their families, you know, and stuff.
And it's just a matter of not necessarily, like, being overly protective, because that can cause issues all on its own. Yeah, yeah, of course. But allowing, but letting them know that they're loved. They matter, and their feelings matter as well, and they have to get these emotions out, otherwise it'll consume them from the inside.
And so, that's all I wanted to clarify there. Right, and how they get that out might not be the same way as you as a parent, so, I know, Faith, you and I have talked about so many different forms of expression, uh, from stelescoping to gardening to, you know, teaching your children. I think it's so important as parents, to teach them so many different ways of communication.
Yes. I've had guests before on the show who taught about the importance of vocabulary because there are children who only know from a scale of one to ten they only know one in ten when it comes to emotional expression because they don't have the words that are kind of in between or they don't have the You know, example or way to express themselves that isn't super extreme or super hidden.
So I think it's so important to have those communication lines open and then also be receptive to different forms of communication. So So if you're a parent out there and you're struggling to get your child to open up about, you know, their grief after a recent death, maybe you might want to try a different form of communication with them, whether that's a group activity or something you do one on one or whatever it may be, but I think it's definitely important to try to, There's so many different forms of communication out there, and your child might just be better with one than the other, and, uh, they might not even know it, you know, I think as children, I think even as adults, we still don't always understand the best ways we communicate, so, yeah, for sure.
Not at all. There was one thing, uh, my daughter, she would come in, uh, the youngest one, and she would come in and she was, in the teenage years, you know, a lot of angst, a lot of, um, drama and stuff in school and all that, and she would come in and, like I said before, I'm a problem solver, so as soon as she'd come in and start talking to me about what's going on, I'm like, okay, well, this needs to happen, this needs to, you know, and I'm problem solving this issue.
Doing what men do. Not listening. Problem solving. Problem solving. Yes, not listening. And so, we had these big blowouts. We'd just be angry with each other. And, uh, and finally, I looked at her and I said, Um, how do you want me to be? Do you want me to just listen? Or do you want me to provide solutions? Tell me which role I need to be in.
And so when she would come in, this would be the question. How do you want me to react? How do you want me to respond? And so she would, 90 percent of the time, 90, probably 99 percent of the time, it was, I just need you to listen. I said, okay. Let it out. And so that, uh, created a better relationship between us because she was able to just freely, I knew what I needed to do as my role was not to problem solve.
It was just to let her vent and get all this stuff off of her chest, um, which is a form of release, um, so that she's not carrying it around and, you know, letting it build and build and build, and then just having a blow up. And so she was able to, I was able to be that for her. Um, rather than just over here, like, well, of course, duh, do this, blah, blah, I can see it so clearly, you know, because at that point, you're not, you know, you're just angry, you're just pissed, want someone to listen to you, and so that made, makes a big difference, you know, when parenting children, especially with grief, especially with loss, they don't necessarily need you to fix any of the problems, they just need you to be able to listen, for sure.
And if you could circle back around to, uh, grieving persons wanting to be on your show. Thank you. Yes. Oh, sorry. I get a little passionate about all the things. No, no, you're good. You're good. So, uh, yep, go to releasegrief. com and there should be a link on there that if you want to be on the podcast, just click it and apply.
Awesome. Yeah, I think that's great that you have that platform open to people who, who want to grieve. I think it's so important to get that out there and it Faith, I want to thank you for coming on the show. I think it's been a great conversation, and I think it's, you know, it's a difficult subject to talk about, and, uh, I can imagine, you know, being in your position where you're helping people have these conversations all the time and hearing these people unload all their emotions.
It's definitely a line of work where you also have to make sure you're taking care of yourself. Same with Faith. Any situation, uh, whether that's therapy or just being a mentor, you know, you, you end up listening to a lot of horrible things and it's important that we take care of ourselves as much as the people we're taking care of.
But thank you for coming on the show. I really appreciate it. Thank you for having me. It's been a blast.
