Swell AI Transcript: becc-nelson-postproduction-for-recording-1-run-at-2024-06-24-163850-utc-wav-land.mp4
SPEAKER_01:
Hi, welcome back to the show. Today we have a truly inspiring guest, Beck Nelson. She's a licensed therapist, a psychic medium who combines mental health expertise with spiritual guidance to empower individuals on their journey to healing and self-discovery. With over four years of integrating spirituality into her practice, Beck has helped countless individuals break free from limiting patterns and embrace their authentic selves. She is the author of the book, Cut the Shit, Reframe Your Thinking, Regain Your Life, and leads transformative workshops and events that blend psychological acumen with spiritual intuition. We're so excited to have Beck share her story, her insights, and profound moments that have shaped her path. Welcome, welcome, welcome to the show. I'm so excited to have you here. How are you today?
SPEAKER_00: Good. I'm awesome because summer has finally started here and that's my favorite season. It's just longer and you can read outside and be outside.
SPEAKER_01: Yeah. It's the opposite for us. It's so damn hot that you don't want to be outside. You're like melting when you walk out there. But we have the beach, so we're good with that. I'm good with that. Yeah. Yay. Oh my goodness, so I'm so excited you're here. And I just wanted you to share a little bit about your story because you went from therapist into spiritual coaching. And I wanted to just kind of talk to you about how that came about and how your practice started. I have a lot of entrepreneurs that also listen to the show. So I know you have a daughter and they're, you know, it can be challenging running a business. And I think you also mentioned you run a business with your husband before. So just share with me how that all transpired for you.
SPEAKER_00: Ooh, that makes it sound so important, right? But my daughter is now 29 years old, which makes me feel super old. So thankfully we're past the tougher part. The business that I have now is Hope Counseling and Mediation Center, Inc. That's what my husband and I actually started in January of 2011. At that point, I had been a licensed therapist, um, for probably 15 years at that point. And then we decided to start our own practice. The idea was that eventually my husband would work for the business full time. Um, but as we kind of evolved it, it wasn't, it, it didn't like bless him the way that it needed to. Um, but we still own the business together. So I had about eight therapists at one time working underneath me and, uh, you know, I can't complain. We had a great business. It's not, there's so much need out there for mental health right now that we did very well. And I think we had a great reputation and still do. I mean, we still have, I still have hope counseling. Um, but when I started to integrate the, and become more aware of the spirituality piece and the whispers of like spirit and the angelic realms and, uh, ascended masters, that kind of thing, they, they come to, it comes to a point where what I'm doing was not, it didn't, it just didn't fit what I was learning anymore. Um, particularly I think the biggest piece is using, taking health insurance, right? There's a lot of pieces involved with taking health insurance that started to impact the, I felt like it impacted the quality of the work that I was doing and also, um, being involved with health insurance and like insurance companies can take back money. Right now I have one client that has, they took back 18 sessions. So it's like $3,000, you know, worth of money. And I just, it just started to become very apparent that I couldn't really do focus on what I really wanted to do because I was so stuck in having to deal with appeasing health insurance companies. And the other thing was the energy of the work that I was doing was, like the vibration was increasing and when you have when you take health insurance, you have to in order for the insurance companies to pay for the sessions, you have to give somebody a diagnosis. And I also didn't like the energy of that, because not everybody fit into a little box, not every fit, but he fit into, you know, major depressive disorder, or, you know, that sort of thing. And I didn't like having to label people in order to get their treatment covered. If that makes sense, you know? Yeah, I'm doing Coaching now, but people ask me this all the time. It's really no different than the work that I've always done. So I'm not different. Counseling versus coaching is not really that different for me, except that I don't really want to deal with the energy of the health insurance companies and what it brings to the table.
SPEAKER_01: Yeah. And I think also when a client comes to you with coaching, It's like how can I help them in the future, right? Like how can I help them get to their goals and what are they needing and how can I be their cheerleader and how can I support them? But when we're in counseling and in therapy, it's a lot of like healing old wounds and healing the past. And you do both. And there is that little dance of the past and the future so we can really be present and enjoy life right now. I'm also a coach and I just love being able to share and help people see their goals and give permission. It gives you permission to have the goals that you want and to dream big instead of it being almost this burden of, oh, there's something wrong with me. Like you said, diagnosis. Sometimes people want a diagnosis because it gives them validation. Sure. Right. But coming from this place like you had mentioned, like you just wanted to feel more aligned and you mentioned vibration, like vibrationally things were different. And I know you talk about in your book, Cut the Shit, which I read and I love it. So thank you for that book. It is so many magical nuggets in it, but we raise our vibration. And when we raise our vibration, we can manifest. And can you talk a little bit about the energies of the vibration? Because that could be a little tricky for some people.
SPEAKER_00: I have a great illustration that I use when I'm teaching classes because sometimes people are so much more visual. It's a difficult concept to understand, but when we are feeling better and you just get that you can just feel that in you. There's an energy there when you're in a better space, your emotions are not so heavy. I think that's the best way to put it. So when you increase your gratitude is actually one of the higher, um, the higher vibrating emotions. And when you're in that space, love and, and you just feel that in you, you can just feel that energy. And when they're, you know, if I say the opposite, if I say, uh, resentment and guilt and unshame and all those things, you can just almost feel the heaviness of that just saying those words. So when you raise your vibrations, you're actually making yourself you're, you're allowing yourself to hear the wisdom of your, your higher self, if that makes any sense to whatsoever. So you're actually able to connect better to the guidance of angels, the angelic realm, ascended masters, even your past, your loved ones. So you're able to hear that guidance when you're stuck in the mud and you're sort of weighed down by those, it's more difficult to connect.
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, so, so would you say you can kind of rate your vibrational level based on your emotions? So when you're, you're in the joy and the gratitude and the love, you're going to be at a higher vibrational level than when you're in fear and doubt and shame and in those lower emotions, that's where the vibrational levels can change? Is that is that right?
SPEAKER_00: They are heavier. So yeah, when we are, we as physical beings are already sort of in a more dense energy because we're in a body. So we don't float. Right? But if we were outside of our body, then we would be allowed to float because we don't have the density of our body holding us down. So we already are at a disadvantage to be able to connect with our higher selves because we're in a dense form. I mean, there's other reasons to be in this, right? The reason that we're here is to be able to learn life lessons. So it does have its advantages. We're here to have the opportunities to learn, but it does make it more difficult to connect with our higher selves.
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and I love that you mentioned gratitude as one of the higher vibrational levels. Right now, I'm actually in a accountability group for gratitude right now, and it's like this 28-day thing, and we're in like day seven, and I'm already like, I feel so much happier. And just bringing gratitude into this daily practice can really help increase your vibrational level. So if you want to connect with your higher self, one way you could do that is by bringing in gratitude and really appreciating all the things that we actually take for granted all the time, like being able to get out of bed or breathing the oxygen, right? Like imagine if there were pockets of air that didn't have oxygen in them. You know, you'd be like, oh God, you'd be like dodging them. So it's so important and I love I love that that's a way that we can increase our vibrational level and it's so simple. It's so simple.
SPEAKER_00: And I think it's difficult for people because they don't understand that when you give gratitude, then you're going to get more back. So whatever you put out, you're going to be getting that back. So if you're putting out resentment and shame and all those things, you're going to be feeling that back and that's going to be reflected at you. So it's a very difficult concept to teach people.
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's like what you – okay, let me think. Like what you give is equal and opposite of what you're going to receive. So like whatever you – if you're going to give it, you're going to get the equal – so the opposite of giving is receiving. I'm thinking about this in my head. I know. I can communicate. It makes sense. But it's – yeah, so the opposite of give is receive. So you're going to whatever you give is the equal and opposite that you receive. So you're going to receive the exact. Equal of what you put out there.
SPEAKER_00: Yes, universal law says yes, universal law says whatever you reflect will come back at you, whatever you put out there, you're going to attract. So if you're putting yourself out into the world and you're just thinking about how your life sucks and nothing good ever happens for you, then you're going to be surrounded by people who agree with you. And that's what you're going to receive.
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, it's like if you're – I think you mentioned this in your book too. It's like, oh, well, I'm just here to help people and not get – and not have people help me. Like I'm the helper and that's my purpose and I'm just going to have to accept that as my purpose. But when reality is that's what you were telling the universe and so that's what the universe was giving you because that's what you believe to be true.
SPEAKER_00: That was probably one of the hardest lessons that I learned, right, is that I, I just kind of said, well, if this is what I'm here to do to help other people And maybe that's what I just need to accept. And if I, I was kind of trying to figure out, you know, if I accept that, then maybe better things will happen for me. I just accepted my purpose here is to help other people. And what I found out, you know, years ago was that's not true at all. But if you keep putting that out there, the universe will give you exactly what it is that you say you are whoever you tell the universe you are. That's the truth.
SPEAKER_01: And so how did you shift that? How did you go from being, I'm just a helper to, wait a minute, I can also receive? Where did that connection happen?
SPEAKER_00: It was a lot harder to do because I had to understand that if I had to stop putting that out there, that that's all I deserved. it's a daily struggle. And I'm not going to say that I'm past that either. I think that people measure their success with that based on whether it still happens or not. And that's not true at all, because we're human, we still have an ego. And the ego kind of still sits there and says, you know, you know, you really don't deserve anything good to happen to you really just need to lower your expectations and things. So it's, it's always going to be there, that's natural. So the fact that you recognize it, and then move that through and say, you know, I appreciate that. Thank you for that sentiment and trying to keep me safe so that I lower my expectations and don't get hurt. However, I do deserve more. I do deserve good things to happen to you. I deserve to be loved. I deserve to have people do things for me as well as I do for them. It's a daily struggle for sure.
SPEAKER_01: And when did you notice the shift? Like what was like the first moment where you're like, oh, oh, oh.
SPEAKER_00: You know, I can't tell you that it's a, it's a moment. It's more like a journey. It's not like an arrival. And I meant, I do mention this in the book, too, that at the time, it was right when COVID happened. Of course, that's when everybody's shift happens, right? There was a huge energetic shift there. where I needed, actually I think it was right before COVID, I needed more therapists and people, no matter how much energy I put out there, I was not bringing any therapists in, but I was losing therapists because people were going to work for themselves. They didn't want to work for somebody else anymore. They wanted to not make a cut. They wanted the whole thing. They wanted to be in charge and everything, you know, great. But I was not bringing in what I needed to and I was also like my husband who had not found a job and that sort of thing. So a lot of things happened at once when I made that shift. We found another therapist. Actually, COVID really taught us a lot, to be honest.
SPEAKER_01: Yeah. So was there like an affirmation? So what did you do to start? changing it? Did you just start doing affirmations? Did you start thinking differently? Like if somebody's never done this and they're in this hamster wheel of, my life sucks. I can't do anything right. All this negativity keeps happening to me. What did you do or what can somebody do that's like step one? Like, okay, what do I do first?
SPEAKER_00: That point for me was really the gratitude. That's the easiest place to start, because you can, you can easily be thankful for anything, I can be thankful for my glasses, you know, that I that it helps me that I can see right, which I'm not wearing right now. But I just started to like when I would work out in the morning, which I still do, I would turn around in the space that I just worked out in whatever that is. And I would thank it for I think, you know, thank the universe for being able to move my body today and thank the space for for holding its energy from me today and to be able to have a place to be able to work out and have my body move the way that it needs to today. So just being in that state of gratitude, you can actually just feel that in your body. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01: Yeah. Like, what does that feel like now? It's like, wait, I woke up today. I have purpose. I'm here. I'm alive. I'm supposed to be here. And then really, living into the feeling of, oh, I'm here, I get to walk, I get to move, I get to dance, I get to be with my kids, whatever, and just really being present in the gratitude of right now. And it is, I mean, it's literally magic.
SPEAKER_00: When you say, just what you said, I get to, because not a lot of people get to. Yeah. Particularly with exercise. And for me, exercise is the best way to start the day, even if it's just a walk, because there is that notion of I get to because some people don't get to.
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and you and you get to move the energy, right? You got you got it, it helps us get a little bit more in flow. So when we're move in movement, it I don't know, I just feel like there's this profound shift. Like I know when I work out in the morning, my energy just overall is better throughout the day. Always I feel better. I make better choices. I eat healthier. I show up differently. And yeah, you get to exercise. You get to go work out or lift a weight, whatever it may be.
SPEAKER_00: I think it also helps me to relax better because I feel like, okay, I earned this. I already moved my body, so now I'm also allowed to just chill if I want to and sit here and read a book for a couple hours.
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, but I also want to give permission that if you want to read a book without working out, that's okay too, right? Yeah, yeah. I feel like we put so – especially us moms, right, or business owners, we put so much pressure on ourselves like, oh, if I do this, then I get this reward. Yes. Yes. It's not a bargain. All the time, right? Yeah. Right? So I want to give you guys all permission that if you want to read a book or watch Bridgerton like I do, like a psycho and series it, do it. Like you don't need to do something to deserve something else. Like, your essence is beautiful and powerful, but our ego and the mind gets in our way and we are not our mind. Right? Right? Like, you are not your mind. And it's so hard to separate that and realize, like, all this stuff has nothing to do with you. Like you are divine and you are your essence. And when you start really accepting all the parts of you and really living into the gratitude, right, we can shift. We can have the better life. We can show up more fully. And it's such a beautiful thing.
SPEAKER_00: I think the other piece when you, you know, you say, what did you start doing? I really allowed myself to start I'm accepting that when you get little whispers from your intuition, instead of poo pooing them and saying those aren't real, or that didn't mean anything, I really allowed myself to start paying attention to those. I love that. That could be something small, just like you know, when you get into your car and you're like, oh, I didn't lock that door, did I? Or it's just that little nudge that sometimes that we get, that's a guide of some sort that's telling you, hey, you forgot to lock that door. Or sometimes I'd be running payroll and then I'd get a little nudge that says, go back and look at that number again. Then I'd be like, oh, you're right, that was supposed to be a nine and not a seven or whatever. Just allowing yourself, giving yourself permission to pay attention to those little nudges was really helpful too, because I started to realize just how much support that we really do get from those realms that we don't allow ourselves to pay attention to because we poo-poo it. That's crazy, whatever.
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, and I think also trust when things seem like they don't go right, that they actually are. I remember I was driving home from I don't know, it was like a couple hours away. And I went to the gas station and I didn't pull my car up full enough to put or far up enough to put the gas pump in. And I was like, you know, it's super annoying to get back in your car, pull up. And I remember thinking, I think this just happened for a reason. Like, I really was like, okay, like, I'm not going to be annoyed about it. This happened for a reason. So whatever, it added what, 30 seconds to my gas getting experience. And I got gas and I get on the interstate and I'm driving back. It's like raining. I'm driving back. And I kid you not, a car spins out right in front of me across all the lanes of traffic. And I'm like, oh my God, if I would have left 30 seconds earlier, I would have hit that car. And it was just this reminder, like even like the nuances and like the the things that aggravate us, it's kind of this reminder, wait, no, no, they have your back. And if you start thinking, oh, everything's happening for you, like the intuitive downloads and intuitive hits and like the little nudges, like, This is your angels or whatever you believe, your guidance telling you we got you. And I think it's so important to really honor them and be grateful that they're there, right? They want to hear from you. They want you to see them and know that they're there. And I want to hear your input on this because I know this is more your wheelhouse.
SPEAKER_00: They want you to ask them for their guidance because otherwise they're like, what else do we have to do? You're our job. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01: Yeah. I love it. And I'm going to digress for a second, but I'm really curious. We have got do our guides change? Or do we always have the same guides? And or do we have like one angel and different guides? Like, like, give me all the good I want to know.
SPEAKER_00: You so you, my experience has been that you typically have at least one that's probably with you since you were born. They tend a lot of people say, Oh, my grandmother's my guardian angel. Your angels are not people that have been on earth before they can be guides. But your angels are never somebody who's already, who's inhabited a body. They typically maybe have one that's been with you your whole life, and then you have others that sort of interchange depending on the seasons of your life and how old you are and the needs that you have at that particular moment.
SPEAKER_01: And like, can, if you're intuitive, can you like feel the transition or the shift or can you feel the shift if a guide is changing?
SPEAKER_00: Um, you know, again, it's not necessarily like a changing of the guards kind of thing, but definitely if you really tune in, then you can feel there's a different energy there. So the way I tell people that they can tune into their energy really simply is If you're in a everybody's experiences if you're in a room and you have your back to the entrance of that room and somebody comes in and you don't turn around and you don't make any noise you can kind of intuitively know who just walked in the room even if it's one of your pets. Like you can just tell your dog just walked into the room or your husband just walked into the room without looking because you know their energy, you feel what they feel like. And now a lot of people don't realize that that's what they're doing. But if people probably are listening to this and then nodding like, oh yeah, I can totally tell. And that's sort of the same thing. You get used to the energy being around you, but you do need to pay attention to it. You need to kind of spend, you can spend some time in meditation and try to understand what you're feeling around you. You might feel a more heavier energy or a lighter energy, or you might feel just love. You might have a prickling on your arm. You might feel heat or cold, you know, all sorts of things. Everybody, they sort of just have a very different energy.
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah. I'm always trying to connect with my guides. I just want to know their names. I'm like, tell me your name.
SPEAKER_00: That is something, you know, again, you can say, what's your name? And the way that they can answer you could just be like, you just could hear a name pop into your head. Um, you could be driving and see a name on the license plate in front of you. You could see a name on the, uh, you can hear a name in a song on the radio. And like, if, so if you hear the name or see the name, Michael. Three times in a short minute, maybe throughout that day, you're like, Oh, I get it. Your name is Michael. You know, it's so it can happen very subtly like that, but you have to be open to it and tap into it and not just be like, Oh, that, that didn't happen. I'm, I'm making that up.
SPEAKER_01: It's so funny. So a long time ago, I had a reader and she told me that one of my guides' names – because I was like, what's my guide's name, right? And she's like, oh, Serena is coming up. And it's so weird because I had – we name our cars, like all of our cars have names. And at that moment, I had just named my car Serena. Oh, wow. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00: And I was like, oh, my God. Names at the top of your – yeah. Yeah, to that. And I love that you name your cars because then it honors the energy in the things that serve us. You know, the there's a ritual where even when I bring things to savers, I thank them for their service before I bring them to be donated. Because they serve you everything has energy. Yeah. And that's there's that gratitude.
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah. Now I have Molly, my Molly, my Molly is my, my, my takes me to point A to point B. So um, Oh, I love that. That is so helpful. Okay, so you also mentioned homeostasis in your book and I find this really fascinating and I just – yeah, just share all the wisdom around the homeostasis for the human soul.
SPEAKER_00: Homeostasis is actually a word that comes from biology, which means that a system wants to maintain itself. And so what it means when we talk about transformation and people is that if everybody sort of in your life is a system, anybody that you interact with, so your family is obviously a system, but you also have a system if you are at work, or at your gym, you know, like everybody sort of has their place. Everybody has a role, a job. So we have, you know, if you think about it in your friend group, there's usually the one that if you want to know, like somebody to kind of just kind of kick you in the butt and tell you like it is and say, knock it off, just cut it. stop doing that, then you can talk to this one. And if you want the person that's like, you know, whatever makes you happy, I just want to support whatever that is, that you know, so everybody sort of has their role, we can and then your families and that sort of thing. So what happens is, if somebody wants to make a transformation or a change, and change of behavior in particular, then it impacts the system. Now, I'm not gonna say it impacts it negatively or positively, but there is a shift. So the other people in the system, including you, now have to adjust to the changes that you're making. So I like to use the analogy to illustrate this, like if you had an alcoholic in the family. And so let's say that dad's an alcoholic and, The mom has, there's two kids and whatever, and dad goes to work every day and he functions, he goes to work, but as soon as he gets home, if he gets, he kind of gets home late because he goes out and has some drinks with his friends because you know, he deserves that. And then he comes home late, but he's kind of teetering because he's already had some drinks. And, you know, mom's kind of got everything. It's mom and the kids and they eat together and they might save him a plate because he's really not home. And she kind of rules the room. She makes the, uh, the, the dinners, she makes all the rules. And then when he, something happens and he gets, um, he has to get sober because let's say he gets a DUI, something like that. Now, all of a sudden there's a shift because everybody's role now has to change. And although you would think initially like, that's great, dad's not drinking anymore, that's exactly what this family needs. Now he wants to know what some of the rules are and why the kids are staying up so late and why are they watching this show and why are we spending our money on this? Now suddenly he wants an active role in this family and everybody's kind of like, where did you come from? We've been doing it this way this whole time. Who are you to, not that they think that consciously, I mean, they can or they can't, but when you make a change, everybody in the family it becomes uncomfortable. So you have to, it's very helpful to have a discussion about this and say, this is something that you can expect when there's gonna be some sort of shift because that's a normal, homeostasis is a normal function of any system. It's gonna wanna maintain itself and bring everybody back to where things were because that was comfortable.
SPEAKER_01: Right, it's this metaphor of like uncertainty Right? It's like, like there's so much fear around change. There's so much fear around change and that's why, right? Because here's this family that they changed because that's what they thought they wanted and now here they have it and they're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, you're messing it up. Like you're messing the system up. I don't, I don't, I don't like this new system because now it's different and it's change and And it's like you got to get through, right? What is it? The like two steps back or one step back, two steps forward. Am I doing that backwards? You have to. It's not a straight shoe. There's there's adjustments. And when I think it's the same when you uplevel your life, right? Like you take this quantum leap and now you're in this new parallel quantum life and it's like wait a minute like but but I wanna go back to the way it was before because that's what I'm comfortable with.
SPEAKER_00: It was easier, right? It's so much easier to just stay where you were. Now, everybody says, obviously we don't want dad to drink because that's miserable. But when it happens, people don't expect that, right? Nobody expects that they're gonna say, we wanted to go back to where it was because this is so much harder. And the thing is, it is harder in the moment. It takes some time to adjust to that.
SPEAKER_01: I have a really, like, I get confused with the analogies and the metaphors, but it's one of these. I think it's a metaphor. So imagine there's a ship and I'm going to be really vulnerable for a moment. And so in my family, my dad passed away and my mom was trying to be my dad. Right. Like my my dad was really the A type, the strong, like made the rules, made the decisions. That's kind of that's kind of how it was. And, you know, my mom and my dad were married for over 50 years and she didn't have that that freedom of what she wanted to do. So. So when my dad died, there's this rocking boat. Right. And my mom, It's like my family is like, okay, we got to keep my mom strong, but my mom is like trying to be my dad and be really strong. And almost becoming, it's either she was never who she really was and now she's being who she actually is, or she's trying to be somebody else. So then there's this, my family, like trying to keep this boat steady, right? So this is our system. We're keeping this boat steady. Well, you know, my dad had a business. I was working, I went into the family business over 20 years. I was living for everybody else, right? I was living to make everyone else proud of me. I wanted people to be proud of me. Like validation was important to me. I'm a three on the Enneagram, which is like this overachiever, needs a lot of validation and wants to keep creating success. So feelings were swept under the rug. So here we are on this boat. And we're all keeping it steady, right? And at one point I was like, okay, my mom's the one rocking the boat and then the rest of my family is keeping it steady. But then I see a ship way in the distance and I'm like, no, no, no, that ship is steady. I want to go on that boat. So I jump ship and now the boat is rocking more because the system is all screwed up because I'm not there to hold it steady. But even though I wasn't the one rocking the boat in the beginning. It's my fault that the boat's rocking, right? Because I abandoned ship, as they may or may not call it, to go figure out my life and do what makes me happy and live in my authentic self. But now I'm excluded, right? Now I'm pushed out. How dare me? How dare me? Right. You I'm supposed to live for for them, not for myself. And that it's that same thing is like now they have to find their homeostasis without me and I have to find my homeostasis without them. And it's really uncomfortable. But that discomfort is where when we grow and when we become better.
SPEAKER_00: We are really taught this, that our job is to just, that's just what you do. I hate that phrase. It's just what you do. When you're married, you just do this. When you have parents, that's just what you do. You go see your grandparents. It's just what you do. You know what? You need to do things because it's what you authentically want to do, not because you feel like guilty. If you do these, I'm sure so many people are listening to this and nodding their heads. It's very difficult because the pressure is to keep the homeostasis. And if you don't, then that's a problem. You're the black sheep now. Right.
SPEAKER_01: Right. And it's like, and then it's like, how do we handle, how do we handle when our body is all out of whack, our nervous system's going haywire. And it's like, okay, wait, okay, I need to get to homeostasis. But it's like, if we can go through that discomfort and that change, also the vibrational level is going to, raised, right? So now we can circle back and it's like, where do we learn? We learn in the struggle, right? The wisdom is in the struggle. And I know you know that, especially with your dad, right? You had a lot of, like, I mean, please, please share what you're willing, but that was a huge growing pain for you. And I would love to hear about it.
SPEAKER_00: Thank you. This is another book all on its own. When I was writing that book, most of the time my dad was alive, and he passed away as I was writing my last few chapters. So it became a lot more difficult for me to, we were in the process of losing him, and then he actually passed away. And I remember going to write that last chapter, which was where I kind of just finally threw out there, this is really what I'm dealing with. Um, because I didn't feel like I had permission to feel any of those things or, you know, it was ingrained in us. You don't talk about family business outside of this family. Like we just ignore it. So I was, it came out, I think the book came out the way that it was supposed to. Um, and in the last chapter, I just kind of said, I kind of started to put it all out there. I mean, since then, that was, you know, three years ago. So. My dad was a very active alcoholic and sort of the description that I gave before is exactly what happened. His whole life was built around shame and guilt. And from things that have happened, I strongly believe that he was probably sexually abused, probably by the Catholic church and maybe some family members. just by the behaviors that I saw in him, things that I saw instinctively as a therapist picked up on, but also the things that he was doing, like treating his family, et cetera, and some other things that have happened. But even since then, when we had to clean out his house, I found out some things that I never knew, like total family secrets. Like the biggest one is that I have a third sibling that nobody ever told us about, And, and my mom who my parents had been divorced for a long time. So when I found a bunch of letters in my dad's stuff, and this is kind of the first time I'm actually talking about it, even in a podcast, that we found some letters from 1968, that this woman from was writing to him from Las Vegas. So I was looking at him and she's talking about she's going to keep the baby and blah, blah, blah. And my brother and I are reading these letters like, what the hell? So I talked to my mom, and they had been divorced for a while. And she was like, like these, you know, 50 plus years of secrets were coming out and come to find out we have this woman, I guess, right after they got out of high school, he got some woman pregnant, and her family sent them away to live with some relatives in Las Vegas. And so we have no idea who this person is, if it's male or female, I don't know a date of birth, I just kind of know maybe September of 68. So my mom knew who the woman was and told me who the woman was and I tried to look her up and She's like, I don't know if she kept the baby or give it up for adoption I don't even know if she came back to we live in Rhode Island I don't know if she came back to Rhode Island. So I found this woman and she died five weeks before my dad did so I still have no information about that, but it's just this notion of secrets and that I started to realize it kind of almost put everything into perspective. I could see him from a different viewpoint, right? I could see that he had his own demons and that the way that he treated us, I mean, obviously he has responsibility for that, but he was in so much pain. throughout his life, that the way he treated me as as what I thought was his only daughter. He basically put me into a little box, you know, like I he didn't, I think, having known my dad, he probably was very, he was very embarrassed by that, clearly, because he never told us about it. And He probably didn't want that to ever happen to me. He almost didn't want me to be a woman. He just wanted to be able to keep me into a little box so that nothing bad would happen to me. But I just don't think that he realized the way that he did that was very traumatic, if that makes any sense.
SPEAKER_01: Yeah. Yeah. what they think is really helpful and benefiting for you is really quite the opposite. And now it's like after his death, you have to come back and heal that inner child of all the love and abandonment that it received, or I'm sorry, the abandonment it received and then give it love and nurture her and and find her again and know it had nothing to do with you, right? And it's like we fall into this unworthiness, right? Because our nurture, our parents, that's where we need it the most. And I want to say like as an adult with coaching, with therapy, with help, with somebody, with a support system, you can get to that place of reparenting yourself and finding But it's a lot. You have years and years and years of compounded trauma. I'm not a trauma specialist, but that's a lot. It's a lot to release and let go.
SPEAKER_00: I think the biggest piece is to see what has happened to you as an opportunity for growth rather than think about it as what's happened to me.
SPEAKER_01: Right. What's happening for me. How what how is life happening for me? What how it is like when anything negative happens or perceived as negative. Right. Because I know you talk a lot about reframing, too. It's like. We can all see the same accident, five different people and have five different stories, but the reality is, as Byron Katie says, like you cannot. If you argue with reality, you will lose 100 percent of the time. Right? So it's a perception of the story that you tell yourself and you get to choose how you want it to be from within. Like you get to choose the story you tell yourself.
SPEAKER_00: Well, the story, I think that's, you ask, you know, where did that shift happen? And that was really a shift for me when I heard this theory that before we come to earth, we make a decision of what family to become a part of. So And this is a lot of people have trouble with this. So I thought that's like the sole contract, right? Yeah, well, I it's your soul lesson. You know, what do you have soul contracts with other people? Right. So if you if you subscribe to this theory, then before we came down here, I said to my dad, we're going to go into this lifetime, you're going to play the part of the drunk alcoholic who, you know, doesn't love me and you know, has no kind words for me and makes me feel like crap about myself. And I'm going to play the daughter that will do anything to try to help you and save you and the blah, blah, blah. That's a, yes, that's a soul contract. And because it gives me the opportunity to learn the lessons that I need to learn and it gives him lessons to learn. It gives me the opportunity to learn the lessons he needs to learn. And that I think is the essence of my work is to help people to understand all these experiences that you've had, what are you supposed to learn from this? Because until you learn the lesson that you're supposed to learn, that you, by the way, have decided to learn before you came down here, then you're going to keep having issues in your life. You're going to keep having depression, anxiety, et cetera, because you still have not learned that lesson.
SPEAKER_01: Right. And then it's like, okay, it's kind of like, I don't know if this is a good comparison, but I think of like when you break a generational cycle, right? Like it's like you're going to keep getting the same thing over and over and over again until it's like, OK, nope, not anymore. We stop it right now and then we change it. We shift it. We change the the direction of of the path and where and where it's going to go. I have a question. So it sounds like you had a really challenging childhood, but after your dad past, do you feel, I'm going to try to word this properly, like in soul form, right? In angelic form, like your dad is the highest version of himself and he is your cheerleader now, or do you feel there's like, I don't know if that's the right word, like a haunting or like do When somebody dies, especially a father, and they go, and I think about this too with my dad, because the way I choose to look at it is the way my dad is in soul form versus earth form, I see my dad very differently, very differently. Soul form, my dad is like my freaking cheerleader, right? he is like and empathetic and understanding and like just comes from all love. Right. You know, in my childhood, my dad was was it was challenging. He was. He was in charge. Right. And and I wasn't seeing her validated any of those things in my childhood, but as an adult, I feel like the the the higher vibration, I guess. So I'm wondering if you feel that because I know you had a hard childhood and if that comes up for you or if it's still like daunting and hard.
SPEAKER_00: I think it was a hard childhood and probably a harder adulthood. We had a very difficult relationship. Even when I was writing my book, like he'd kind of stop over sometimes and Ed would be like, Oh yeah, my husband would say, Beck's inside writing a book and be like, Oh yeah, right. Oh, okay. He never asked me about it. He just was not interested in me. It was just, I think he gave what he was capable of giving emotionally. because of the trauma that he had experienced. So what we're told is that when you pass away, that you sort of have a life review, you sort of get to watch interactions, almost like you can sit and watch a movie of your life, and you watch interactions that you've had with other people. And you can then see them from the perspective of the person who is receiving whatever, whether it's good or bad. So I fully believe that, which is a part of his learning experience, because his soul continues to learn and heal where he is too. And he has a lot of things, a lot more things to heal from than I do, because he didn't have the understanding that I do. So I believe that now he is healing and evolving where he is, and that Yes, he can see things from a different perspective. He now has more. He has empathy. He's able to understand how I experience things. And but I also understand that I have the ability to either accept that or to decide where I am with that, because there are times where I'm really not ready to receive that from him because it just seems disingenuine to me. To me, it's hard to just be like, oh, OK, now it's different. But there are times where he believe tries to insert himself and I can decide in that moment if I'm going to accept that or not and he Just understands that he goes with the flow and takes my lead on that if that makes any sense. I Um, there was a, a day where I was, I had had his ashes for a while in my house and I was trying to figure out where I was going to put them. And I was really trying to put them in a veteran cemetery, but he wasn't qualified to be buried the veteran cemetery, even though he was in the army during Vietnam. Um, he never went overseas. So I had gotten a message that a final message that he was not going to be accepted into the last cemetery. I was hoping he was, and I was driving in the cemetery near my house and I was passing by the cemetery and I said in my head, Oh, maybe I'll just take your ashes and spread them on that cemetery. And I distinctly heard his voice in my head say, don't put me with a bunch of dead people. And I think that that's how he would have he thinks he's funny. Yeah, that's how he would have talked to me because he's like sentiment was very uncomfortable for him. So that's the way he would have said something while he was here. So I knew instinctively that it was him because for a second I was like, So I think he does talk to me in a way that I am ready to receive it. And I think he does put opportunities in my path. I think he does guide me and love me and is able to see things without ego with our relationship. But he also has to take his cues from me.
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think I also know it's harder when you're a medium. To connect with your own loved ones. I've heard I I don't know if that is true for you So, I don't know if it's more of just like like I know you you heard that voice in your head but like Like it's almost like you choose not to and like this subconscious way I feel Right, or am I way off?
SPEAKER_00: No, you can't you can tap into your own loved ones But I would, I prefer to go to other mediums to do that for me because it's almost like you wonder if you're putting your ego into it. And I'd rather have somebody else's interpretation for me personally.
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. It's so funny because my dad didn't believe in any of the woo. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. And I went to a couple of mediums after he passed And they were not telling me anything that I felt was my dad. You know, I was like, reaching. I just felt reaching. And then I went, I had a spiritual life coach that I was working with. I love her. And I told her, because we had that kind of relationship, I was like, I am not going to believe that my dad is here until you actually tell me something that there's no way you could possibly know it. Like, I don't want this reaching, oh, he's so proud of you. He's watching you, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, whatever. Oh, there's dimes on the floor. Like all the same, right? It's all that same stuff. And then, and so I'm like, she's like, your dad will not speak. He will only do charades. And I'm like, well, that's weird because my dad was like such a talker. But he was like, He was like funny like that where like he would not, he would make things really hard for you, like on purpose. And so I was like, okay. And then she's like, like visual, like telling me all these things that she sees. And I'm like, I don't know. And then she got there. She like nailed it. She got something that I was like, okay, okay. I believe you. And before my dad passed, I was like spiritual and I like really like believe in like abundance and manifestation and all of those things. But actually like talking to spirit, I was skeptical. But I will say when my dad passed away, like I read all the books on the soul contracts and like being able to to talk with spirit. And it's such a beautiful thing when you believe it. And it'll only work if you I think if you you believe it too. It was funny because one of the readers I got from my mom and my mom's like, she didn't get anything right. And I was like, oh, like what did she say? And she starts listing like all of these things. And I'm like, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. And she like could not see like, She couldn't see it because she chose not to believe it. Exactly, right. It was so interesting. I'm totally digressing, but… Which we're prepared to accept, yes. Yeah, yeah. It's just like so, I don't know, I think maybe you believe, maybe you don't, but what's the harm in believing what's possible?
SPEAKER_00: That is exactly what I say to people when they say, I don't believe in that. And I say, well, you can choose not to believe in it. But what if it's true? What if it's actually true? And you're missing out?
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, what if it is possible? Like we all like to say, what if in the negative? I want to shift it like, what if the positive happened? What if you got something from this? What if you became super wealthy? What if you did this and it all worked out? Right. What if you got the message you actually needed to hear? And it's so powerful and such a shift. And I don't know. I love the what if and the positive.
SPEAKER_00: Plus, I think that sometimes people go back to homeostasis. There's that fear of what if I did believe this and things did change, what else could that affect in my life? And that can be scary too, even if it's good stuff.
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I think just to kind of, before we close out, we want something so bad, but if we got it, What do we fear would happen if we got it? And I don't – we're like, oh, nothing. Right. Nothing. Like I'll just give like a really quick example. I remember when I left my business, I left my family business and, you know, the company always paid for my gas. And I was like, oh my God, if I leave the company, I have to pay for my own gas. And it sounds so silly, but it's like, oh my god, how am I going to survive if I have to pay my own gas, right? It was just like, which made me want to stay. Or like health insurance, just all these things, like we fear. That's what I mean, like what do we fear would happen if we up leveled, right? Oh my god, I have to pay my own health insurance. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, right?
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes you need to say those things out loud, to realize like, okay, that's kind of, that's silly. I can do that. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01: And then you can ham it up and you're like, oh, wait, this is ridiculous. Like I can, I can pay for my own gas. Like, come on.
SPEAKER_00: Sometimes people get stuck in their story and it's hard to get out of the story. Totally. So if you're the victim and it behooves you to be the victim, what would happen if you weren't the victim anymore? That's a decision. That's scary.
SPEAKER_01: Right. That's all you know. Right. That's like your emotional home. It's like, oh, wait, I know what anxiety is. That's my home. I know what victimhood is like. If I rose above victimhood, what do I fear would happen?
SPEAKER_00: And a lot of people usually it's vulnerability. If I what if I'm not this angry anymore, then I might be vulnerable. So people don't want to let go of that.
SPEAKER_01: Right. And then what would happen if I'm vulnerable? Right. So they think they're, I might, I might be rejected. Right. Yes. And then it's like, but I want to kind of say this, like the very thing you're trying to avoid, let's say rejection is a very thing you're creating.
SPEAKER_00: Exactly. Yes. And people don't get that. Mm hmm.
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah. So so what is one thing that. Somebody can take away right now that they can start implementing in their life, I know we talked about gratitude, but something that they can do in the next 24 hours where it's not about trusting what you say, but just testing it out for themselves, what's something they can do?
SPEAKER_00: Some people will say, how do I know what the right thing is to do? You know, how do I know if I really want it? Like in York, you're making the leave the family business and do my own thing. How do I know if that's the right thing? The right thing, your body knows what the right thing is. So tune into when you say to yourself, let's say a year from now, I close my eyes and say to myself, how am I going to feel if I'm still in my family business a year from now? What do I feel inside my body? Is that? Yeah. Look at that body language, right? You're like, I mean, when your body knows What you want now say a year from keep your eyes closed and say a year from now I might be struggling, but I have my own business I'm working from home. Look at the smile on your face, right? What are you feeling inside your body? So the first thing is to tap into what you're feeling inside your body and where is that feeling? Is it in your gut? Is it in your chest? Is it do you get a headache? You know and you're because your body knows way before you do so pay attention to it
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I love the semantics. They're so powerful. Thank you so much for today. It was such a wonderful conversation. I hope to have you back because I want to just keep diving into the angelic realm. I love it all. So many good stories about that. Oh, yeah, I want to hear more. I just, I can't wait. So I hope you'll, you'll be back. But where can people find you if anyone wants to work with you? If they want to find you on social media? Do you have a website, your book, please share all the goods?
SPEAKER_00: Well, all the stuff can be found on my website, which is becknelson.com. So it's beccnelson.com. There are links there to buy the book. There's also a journal to to go along with the book But it also has ties to my Facebook page and I have about probably about 65 videos on the YouTube channel Which you can also on the about me section about back section so you can find all the goods there I'm gonna be tying in there's a self-sabotage quiz on the first page and That's very helpful. It can kind of get you started because we do get in our own way because we're afraid of ruining our homeostasis. So where do you trip yourself up? All that stuff is there.
SPEAKER_01: Awesome. Thank you again so much. I will put all of your information in the show notes so people can find you. Thank you. And I can't wait to have you back. Thank you so much.
SPEAKER_00: I appreciate you having me on. Thanks. You got it.
