Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to another episode of Couple of Nicks. As always, I'm your host, Mr. Whiskey. And today we are going to be covering addiction recovery. We've had a few different episodes on it, and each episode I've had has been different because every individual's journey with addiction, whether it's drugs or alcohol or whatever it may be, is different.
It's unique. There are overlapping themes and practices, but Recovery can look very different for everyone, even with the same recovery method. And today, we have someone who wants to talk about all the different flavors of confidence and all the different things that go into recovery, because we are all so unique.
So, Massimo Rigotti, you're here to discuss with us your story, as well as help all of us, whether we're the addicted individual or we know someone who is, which nowadays, we all know someone who is. To get better, so would you please introduce yourself for us? No, thank you, Mr. Whiskey. Massimo Regatti here.
I'm very happy to be with you today, and I appreciate the introduction. I think that I want to immediately touch on something you said, because it really plays well into my overall message, and that There are so many stories out there, uh, from so many people about how they recovered. And I think that there's a sense that once you recover, especially after you cross into the second or third year, that you really want to reach out.
You, you want to help others find their own path and be able to, uh, live the life that you now are living as a, as a recovered individual. And that is somewhat how this story began with me, uh, in my own. to, uh, to get sober. I, uh, you know, I, I went down the somewhat normal path that so many do and, and went through, uh, rehab and I tried to do it on my own.
I went to AA, but it, it just, Once I found sobriety, AA just didn't feel like enough. Like, where, what am I really doing? I, I was sober, but I, I didn't think it was going to be enough to sustain me. And I also felt like I was still a little uneasy with who I was and, and, you know, You know, like, what was my true purpose and what am I trying to achieve in life?
And that's where the Flavors of Confidence comes in, in the, in the, in the Sober Method, which was the, is basically version two of Flavors of Confidence. So I started out with a 10 step program that, that worked on, through all this and I, I, It was working for me. I mean, I felt a lot better. I felt like I had a purpose and I drive and, and so I'd go back to AA meetings, uh, on occasion and people are like, we don't see you here, but you're doing so well.
What are you doing? And then I would share what I was up to. And, you know, I started to get some encouragement. You, you know, you should really, you know, Tell more people, write this down. Eh, whatever, you know. And, uh, I, I didn't do that. And someone who was instrumental in helping me get sober was Samantha Thomas.
And we had met back when I was a horrible addict. And she also was encouraging me to to write this down. And then in, uh, on August 1st of 2020, she was tragically killed by a drunk driver. And so here's someone who's sober who was killed by the substance that she helped me recover from and the the the dark irony there, uh immediately set in and I Decided that you know, i've got to write this down.
I got to get this book out and tell my story and how um So I wrote the first book and I started going out and talking and speaking about it. And what I found was that it was difficult for people to keep track of, you know, well, what's step four, you know, I go to AA. So what's your step five? Oh, that's different than this.
And so it became very confusing. And I realized that even though I was doing this good work and, and, uh, and people were successful once they understood the method. Um, It wasn't easy to remember and that so I went back to the drawing board as One often does to try to find something that would connect better with people and It came to me.
I was like Why don't I call it the sober method and it's like oh, it's somebody has to have that in use today I mean, it's 2023 that there's no way that that doesn't exist um, but uh, I I think that Someone was on my side, the good lord perhaps, and uh, it had never been used. So I created the SOBER method and that stands for Stoic Observe Behavior Execute and Restore.
And so it's a continuous improvement process that works through Uh, it works through yourself, improving one thing at a time, and as you slowly work through all these things, you're framing up your own unique flavor of confidence, because you're different than me, and what take, what it requires for you to be sober might be different than what requires me to be sober, which is what you, you said in your opening.
So that's how I, Came to where I am today without telling my crazy journey story that got me addicted in the first place But but that's that's where i'm at and that's what I I work and speak on today I think you touched upon something so important there even just in the title with the word confidence you talked about in recovery being almost shaken up about who you are and I think that's such a common thing with people who are recovering from addiction or currently addicted they You Think about, well, who am I now?
Or, I'm just an addict. Or, I'll always just be an addict. Which is important to remember that you'll always be an addict in the sense that you always have to be alert in, in trying to maintain your sobriety. Uh, but, associating it as your worth, saying you'll always just be an addict. You can't be anything else in life.
That's The wrong way to go about it. But we see so many people, their confidence is shaken or taken away from them by their addiction. And even in recovery, they don't really cover that part of themselves. They get sober, they get dry, but they're not working on themselves. Uh, you know, in that emotional and mental sense.
So I think that's so important. And so, could we break down just a little bit the sober method? I, the first word that stuck out to me, besides the fact that it was the first word, stoic. You know, nowadays, especially online, there's a lot of back and forth on that word. You know, saying that men need to stop being stoic because they're not expressing their emotions.
There's other people saying that people need to be more stoic in the sense that they need to Be tougher and and work with things more. So what does stoic mean to you, especially in the sense of addiction recovery? Well, first of all, I want to address a lot of those things that you said that are happening online because I think it's unfortunate that there is a somewhat subsection that are playing up that stoicism is bad.
Um, because it or that or framing it in a light that it, it makes you cold and unfeeling because I, I find that it is quite the opposite. Uh, I always encourage that people start by utilizing meditations by Marcus Aurelius. And the reason, even though there are other Stoics, and Marcus Aurelius is not even truly necessarily considered a Stoic, but he was following other Stoic philosophers.
The reason is because this Is a man who was the most powerful man on earth at the time that he was writing this down and and Meditations was really his personal journal and he was he was on top of the world He had everything that anyone could want yet. He still did not have himself put together He still was not confident that he was doing the right things And and if you frame his writing in that light You realize that no matter how much you achieve you always need to continue to work on yourself You He had no reason to work on himself.
Why wouldn't you work on yourself if you had everything? I mean, literally, if you're the most powerful man alive, why would you do anything? You've got it all. And yet he did this. And that's why I always start by framing up Marcus, really. So I, I hope anyone listening understands that a lot of the naysayers in stoicism are generally people who don't care.
Truly understand how it can be utilized and and how it's something that is very Internal to working through and figuring out who you are. Agreed. Yeah, so from from the standpoint of sober method The the way that it works is is that you would pick out a passage, a verse, uh in Uh, meditations and whatever that, that particular verse is, that passage, you break it down and, and, and you look at it and say, how does this impact me in my own life?
What am I, what am I doing? One of my favorites is, is, uh, more or less the, um, don't, don't, uh, I wish I could remember the exact wordings, but basically don't worry what other people say about you. Because you need to then turn it on turn that on its head and look at who's saying that to you Do you like everything?
I mean, do you look up to the person that's saying that to you most likely you don't so their words Have no meaning So, push them aside, look within yourself, why is that bothering you? Is there something that I need to correct in myself? Otherwise, what they said should not bother me. That, often times when we take offense to others, it's because we know we have a shortfall in that area.
And so, we should rather than, you know, attack. We should look within and say what can I correct within myself? And that's where the the the next steps in the sober method come in. So we're looking at that reflection What are my challenges looking at myself observing myself and seeing then how that particular?
uh thing plays out in real life, so Maybe i'm short, you know, that's something I can't help, you know, I can't do anything about the fact that i'm short I'm not but if I were I can't do anything about it, right? Um But if somebody is constantly coming at me like, oh, you're so short, you're so short, and I'm having a problem, I start lashing out about it.
Well, being short is not a challenge. So why am I reacting that way? Is there something else going on with me? And those are the things that you need to work to then correct within your own life. Yeah, I get that. And we've kind of talked before on the show about, you kind of mentioned how there's such a emphasis on you know how it has to be this order operations for recovery.
It has to be rehab a a and whatever else that includes a 12 step method. And we've had people on the show we've discussed before and like we've talked about my father. He's an addict and for him a doesn't work because he needs positive reinforcement. And for him personally, he feels like a is uh, everyone sharing everything negative that happened from their drinking.
And it just, Makes him want to drink more, you know. So, finding what works for you. I know, we had Jen Ally was on the show and she went to five different rehabs and she realized that It only worked the last time because she actually was ready for it and that if you're not ready for rehab If you don't want it, it's not going to work.
And so I think That self development that your book puts out is important because a lot of addiction it is physical Don't get me wrong, but there's a lot that is from the mind and there's stuff because we even had um, laser energy acupuncture addiction recovery on the show And she said, it can cure you physically, your body can physically not need alcohol or drugs to get the effects that it needs.
But if you still want to drink or do drugs, you can overpower that. So, I mean, it is just so powerful, the mind and body connection. And that stems from as little as letting other people's words affect you. And, you know, go in your mind on this cycle and make it, like you said, in your example of being short, You know, luckily there's, there's a lot of, it's a lot more positivity.
There's a lot of negativity in the world right now, especially online, but there is more positivity and stuff like that. You know, the short King movement and stuff like that. But it's like, like you said, that's something you can't control. And it's like, what is the challenge with it? Realistically, nothing in your personal life, just other people, you know, assuming stuff about you because you're sure making, you know, whether that's about your confidence or your personality, whatever it is, Uh, same with drinking too, I think when you're someone who is in recovery or still addicted, you know, people are going to have their opinions about you, but like you said, you said something so important, which was most of the time it's not someone you look up to because I've had episodes about social media content and you know how as podcasters, as guests on podcasts, as people putting content out there, there are trolls online, there are, there's a lot of hate and perversion.
Often for no reason and usually by people who are anonymous or, you know, aren't doing what we do, aren't as successful as we are. People who are just putting hate out there to put it out there. So I think it's really important to reevaluate your self worth when it comes to your recovery, especially. Yeah, no, and you touched on three great things there.
The first, uh, well, I'll start in reverse order. So, uh, you're talking about being short and having people say things, you know, one of the most common, uh, things that I get trolled over is my curly hair. Uh, and I've, it's, it just blows my mind. It's like, okay, you heard my message. You heard what I'm saying.
And it'd be like, great message. That hair though. Oh my God. You need. I have that with my hat. They'll be like, it was such a great message, but his hat's too large. You know, it's like, okay. It's like, really? The hat isn't the point. The point is addiction recovery. You know? Yeah, right. Exactly. And then, uh, going back to the very beginning, you talked about not, um, one of the challenges with, um, With AA and other type of 12 step programs that are out there.
Right. Is that you somewhat glorify the past and so what your your dad going through I feel the same way that was part of the reason I couldn't I'm like all we're doing is sitting here and I want to leave here and go back and party You know, like, where's the party at? Uh, and that's not helpful. And in, in, when you're constantly talking about the past, you don't set up your future.
And, and that's one of the, in the execute step of the sober method, we, we actually look ahead to the future. We create a, One, five, ten year plan for your life, so you're actually taking small steps to motivate yourself towards that, um, in your life. And, and so that's just like, uh, completely, um, it completely changes your mindset.
And then finally, you said something about, uh, going back, uh, standing up in AA. This was a challenge for me. In five years, and I haven't been back since I was five years sober because I stood up and I refused to say that I was an alcoholic. Because I'm not I haven't drank in five years. I had no temptation to drink and I'm looking ahead to the future I'm not gonna stand up and say I'm an alcoholic or I'm an addict any longer because that's a part of my past That's old me.
That's version 1. 0. Right? You know, I'm like, this is the new me and if I Allow myself. It's it's a self. I mean throughout mental health We have this deal where we constantly like don't self affirm that you are something Because you'll become it. Okay, that's great. So in every other area of mental health, we make sure that we have positive statements, that we always reinforce what we're trying to become.
However, in this one small narrow space of mental health addiction, we constantly are forced to affirm our past instead of our future. And that I have a real challenge with. That's a very interesting observation. And we had an episode on my show with Nathan Boutijier from Australia about He, you know, made his new addiction fitness, uh, but he said in all of that, what he said was he doesn't think about not being addicted because he's still thinking then about the addiction.
You know, he said so many people, they're thinking about not drinking so much that you might as well be thinking about drinking, you know, like you said that, that affirmation and I completely agree with you. We've had guests on, on my show and on so many mental health platforms saying, you know, Um, write down sticky notes on your mirror, your desk, or say to yourself every morning, you know, uh, I'm handsome, I'm, I'm confident, I'm successful, I'm going to have a great day.
Um, so why would you wake up and say, I'm an addict? I mean, that's like setting up the day for, I'm going to go, you know, I'm going to go drink. Yeah. So I, I agree because I understand, I'm not saying there's bad intentions behind it, right? Because the intention is to have that recognition. because there are addicts out there who get into recovery sometimes for 20 years and then they say, you know what, I can have a drink again.
And it just, it doesn't work that way. You know, and I remember because my dad read a book, he reads all these, you know, alcoholic and addiction recovery books, but he reasoned from a skewed perspective and he read this study where this doctor was talking about college kids who were binge drinking during college.
If they stopped drinking for a year could reset their liver and could start drinking again. It wasn't for all addicts It wasn't for alcoholics. He they were talking specifically scientifically about the liver and Alcoholic quantities he read that he goes. All right, I'll be sober for a year and then I can start drinking again So that's what he did.
And guess what? He's been drinking for four years since then, you know, so it's very important how we skew and how we perceive the I'm an alcoholic. I'm not an alcoholic. I think that's so important. And I think, I think it requires a lot of confidence to say, I'm not an alcoholic anymore. And I think a lot of people are scared to say that because they think that if they say that, now they're gonna fail.
You know, now if they fail, everyone, they have to go back to AA and everyone's gonna be like, look who it is, mister. I'm not an alcoholic. So much for that. So I, I think our own expectations and our own fears and ego can often get in the way. And so, yeah, I think it's, it's just so important. And I know your website has both of your books.
And would you say it's for the family members and loved ones of addicted individuals as much as it is for the addicted individuals or individuals in recovery? No, absolutely. Are you asking specifically the content of my books, or? Yeah, so for your two books that you made, would you say that it's a great resource for the loved ones of addicted individuals and those going through recovery to help them, to hold them accountable, to give them information?
Absolutely. Especially, uh, the Sober Method book, because, and I actually encourage, In the book that if you really want to have success in this because it's so different from any other Uh treatment plan out there make sure that you give this to a family member or a close friend who is going to be There to help hold you accountable because they need to understand what you're trying to do Because it is so different.
Um, and it's also very interesting in the fact that the sober method has branched out and I, I've began to help people with device addiction, food addiction, um, other challenges and other addictions. I had, uh, a reader wrote me and, and, uh, an email and thanked me for, uh, curing their lifelong habit of chewing their nails.
And they use the sober method to do it. So I mean that and and I think that that speaks to How it builds up your confidence layer by layer over time? And so that you're able to really look at yourself and stand on an ever stronger place in your in your life and feel Um feel like you're yourself And and it this kind of goes back to when you you mentioned.
Um, Not Not being comfortable or not really knowing where you were at in AA. I mean like you're going to the meetings, you're in recovery, you haven't had a drink in let's say three years. But where's your purpose? And where, what, what am I really doing? And that's exactly where I was at. And I know that if I were still, I would still be oscillating between drinking and not drinking had I not branched out and figured something out that worked for me.
Uh, I just know it. Because I think that there's a natural addictiveness in people who are addicts. I think that they uh, you mentioned your uh, the guest and I I forget his name now the fitness guest, but I have listened to that podcast of yours and And when I listened to it, I somewhat in my mind was thinking he's a little bit addicted to fitness now I mean, he's he's split 100 percent the truth Yeah.
Yeah, exactly. And I was like, that's great. And that's healthy. And a lot of, of, uh, here's an interesting thing. I'm sure, you know, already, but most ultra marathoners are former addicts. Yeah. Well, you know, they get into that fitness and we've talked about a lot of alcoholics will become sugar addicts when they, when they quit, because as we discussed in my, in the laser acupuncture addiction recovery episode, It's, it gets that same kind of, as far as physically, related to endorphins, that same kind of, I don't want to call it a high, but that feeling, you know?
And, yeah, I mean, The people that, but I'd rather you be addicted to fitness or, you know, something healthy, improving your life, maybe, you know, building furniture than, than alcohol or something, because you're improving your body. But there is a balance to that because some of these ultra marathon runners and some of these fitness guys, um, go, go a little crazy.
I, you know, one of my, one of my, I don't look up to a lot of people. We live in a day and age of celebrity, you know, and idolization and, um, But I do like David Goggins. At first, I was like, I hate this guy. This guy's a bad example. I hate this guy. Now I love him. But, um, he's a great example of going a little too hardcore, you know.
And I think he puts that out there. He's like, you know, embody the principles. Don't do what I did. Don't do what I did. You know, don't piss blood. Don't break all your bones. But the discipline and the, you know, holding yourself accountable. Yeah, no, that's a big big piece of it and at the end of the day This is where the miss is and this is what I discovered in my own journey is that the miss was Figuring out who I truly was and fixing the thinking that was going on So if you if you shift yourself to fitness, that's great.
You're healthier You're feel you're gonna feel naturally better about yourself. You're gonna look better You feel better all of those things that will kind of like naturally fold into like giving you some level of Confidence that you didn't have in yourself before like look at me. I look good. I feel you know I'm getting attention from people What happens if you were to like break your leg and then your fitness ability is gone.
What happens to you? Have you are you outside of that? Yeah, that's right. Exactly So have you just shifted your personality to be this is who I am. I'm an ultra marathon runner and that's where I I fear that that without fixing the mind You're you've only fixed the body Yeah, and then, you know, if you lose your identity in, in fitness because of an injury or something, that could be a huge trigger event to go back to whatever that addiction was.
And just speaking of purpose, I think, like I was saying earlier, I touched upon, so many people make their purpose, uh, after recovery, their purpose, their life purpose is to not drink again, or to not be an addict again. And then that's just their sole purpose, that's their main purpose. That should be a sub purpose, and I say that with, it's still important, it's still, you know, your number one priority, but you need to, you know, focus on a career, on other hobbies, on, on this and that, so that you have multiple parts to your identity.
Your identity isn't just, okay, I was an addict, and now I'm an addict in recovery, because recovery shouldn't be your identity, like you said, because if anything compromises that, or, you know, that, that's a sad way to live, you're living such a limited life. Um, you should still focus on on that, but it should be a sub focus like if you're and you shouldn't do anything that's going to endanger you, right?
So if your career is going to have conferences and the conferences are some for some reason, which I've seen this a lot are drinking fest. Um, then you have to know, you know, your limits, but it shouldn't be your sole focus. So I completely agree. And that plays into confidence as well, because. I think people need to have the confidence to pursue more and not let them be held back by their recovery or the fact that they were an addict.
So I, I completely agree. Yeah. And I know you well, it, go ahead. Sorry, . No, no, no. 'cause I'm gonna go to a, a different topic, so I want you to finish this off first. It, I all, I was gonna say, to wrap that up is that people spend and focus too much time on what others are maybe perceiving of them at that moment and having the confidence to know that.
What happens in 90 seconds of your life is not going to be the defining moment of your life. If you're walking into a conference and there's drinking, for instance, no one's going to remember that you're the person who had a water instead of a gin and tonic. I mean, nobody's going to remember that because they're all drunk anyway, right?
So it's, it's not going to, but being able to, Uh, exist in that moment and be confident that you are not drinking and be equally as fun. That's where the real Truth comes in and i'm able to do that now because i've walked myself so far Forward that I can go hang out with friends at a bar And not even be the least tempted to drink and have as much fun as I used to when I would get completely wasted.
Yeah, no, I know I have some neighbors who are former alcoholics and they do the same thing. But they also know that certain parties or certain people, um, are more likely to tempt them into drinking than others. So they pick and choose which ones they go to. And I agree, it should be a confidence booster for you to Be able to do that and say I'm not gonna do that's not who I am and all I have to say is I mean I wouldn't listen to those people who are giving you a hard time or demeaning your value because you're because you're not drinking because I feel like a good person is going to respect your choice And in fact, they should be they'll be proud of you and congratulate you on that So again, just thinking about who is the person saying a negative opinion is it's a reflection on on them.
Not you so Yeah, but what I want to shift to was I know you also work as a speaker and that you're available for events. So for people who were interested in having you at an event, what kind of events do you speak at and what do you speak on? So the most common thing that I speak on is, is hidden addiction.
So I do a lot of corporate talks where I will, there's a, there's a lot of hidden addiction, especially in like manufacturing. So I've spoken at manufacturing plants before. Um, and I, I speak, I basically, I just tell, uh, the story and frame it in the light of a device addiction and because there are certain corporate rules that generally apply here, but I'm able to get the message out so that those who are struggling, um, in their day to day life, um, can know that there are tools available that can help them to gain some ground.
So that's kind of the framing I've, I've gotten there. And then I, I do some speaking occasionally at at high schools. Um, one of my favorite talks is, uh, is the high school, like, uh, senior, uh, day, like the beginning of the year, the senior year, um, where I go in and I, I, I, basically I, I tell them that my life had quite an unusual journey and it, you're standing at the precipice of the beginning of yours and you, you can go down different paths.
Just know that any path can work, as long as you have the confidence to. You know, pursue what you want to pursue in life and and anyone who is interested can obviously go to my website. I'm sure you'll put those in the show nights and and book me for a discovery call. Yeah, I was actually just about to mention your website because you also have some blogs on there that are, you know, great sources of information for people and included in one of your blogs is actually a show you were on that I was also on.
Uh, the Catholic life coach for men with Michael Jay. So I was on that show and uh, so it's funny to see that you were also on that show. I discussed um, suicide among children and being Catholic fathers and having those conversations with children. But you know, that, uh, great show, great guy. And uh, but he's a, he's a really great guy.
Yeah. Yeah. I was going to say, you also have, uh, You know, other blogs that aren't podcast related that are for for business for addiction recovery. So we'll definitely have your website below. That way everyone can check out your socials as well as your books. Again, great resource for both the people in recovery or addiction, but also the people in their lives to help them and provide resources for them.
And so before we close off here, I'd love for you to just finish us off with your one final piece of advice for all of us. If I had one thing that I just wish everyone would recognize is that the strength to get through anything in your life, whether it's addiction or any struggle that you have, the power is within yourself.
And that while you can always have support that is outside of you, if you know what you're doing and you know what you want to achieve, focus on it and make it happen because you can do anything. I love that. That's perfect. Yeah. If you can't do it yourself. Then, you know, you're never going to be ready for when you have to do it yourself, whether that's being sober or whether that's doing some kind of other task, business or personal life.
It's great to have support, but that should be, you know, an additional benefit, not the main way you're able to do it. So I completely agree. But thank you so much for coming on the show. I always love the addiction recovery episodes because it's so important. And like I told you when we were talking beforehand, it's Do you have different guests with different perspectives?
Do you have different resources? You never know what's going to help someone. You know, there are so many resources out there for addiction recovery. But like we said, each person is unique. They have their own flavors of confidence that they need to establish. And they need to find what works best for them.
So, thank you for being out there and available for us to try and improve our lives. Thank you so much.
