Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to another episode of Couple of Nukes. As always, I'm your host, Mr. Whiskey, and there is a bit of a Navy theme to my show at times because I did serve and I'm still in contact with plenty of Navy sailors, and we're bringing that to you today with a woman who calls herself the swearing therapist.There is a saying, uh, cursing like a sailor, swearing like a sailor. Uh, I always found it ironic because I don't really curse at all. And, um, I think I'm one of very few sailors who don't. I have had plenty of, we've actually talked before on the show about there are certain leaders out there, especially military, who think if they throw in an F word, every five words that they'll teach you better.Uh, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't depends on the audience. And sometimes you need your therapist to swear at you, but um, that's not what we're talking about today. Today we are going to touch upon a couple of different subjects from depression and abusive relationships to Navigating and thriving from hardships rather than being a victim and how mindset plays a huge role into that as well as talking about some culture shock and some Age barriers or lack thereof.So it's going to be a good episode. I am here with Ms. Zoma Williams and yeah, Ms. Zoma, will you please introduce yourself for us? Hi, Mr. Whiskey. Thank you so much for having me. I'm gonna try to tone down a little bit of my casting, but who knows what's gonna happen. Uh, I'm Zulma Williams. I'm a mental health therapist.I'm originally from Argentina. I'm a breast cancer survivor and I, uh, I don't cast at my clients. I cast when I'm talking to them to keep it real. Because with. Them, you know? Right, exactly. With them, not at them . Yeah. No, that's, that's, that's important. So you mentioned Argentina. Can you tell us about, I know from talking to you offline that you didn't immigrate to the US until 31.I mean, that's a big difference. You know, most people, when they say they immigrated. They were four or five years old. They don't really have much connection or culture to where they came from. But you, I mean, you had over three decades of growing up in Argentina, probably not speaking English. So how was that moving to the U S?It was, it was hard at the beginning. Uh, I had English in high school. Uh, so I knew how to read and write, but I didn't speak the language. Actually, when I landed in Miami airport, they were asking me. A couple of questions. I'm like, I'm innocent. I didn't do it. And then the guy was kind enough to bring the paper.And he was like, if my luggage with me the entire time, or if I have something in my luggage that was given to me, and I didn't, I was like, Oh, Yes, no, like, you know, because, but it was, um, it was certainly a cultural shock. I, I decided to move to the United States due to the socioeconomic situation in Argentina.I didn't have a job at the time. I was still living with my mom because I couldn't clearly afford to live on my own. And I was like, I didn't, uh, I was single and I didn't have any children. And I was like, well, if I don't do it now, I'm always. I'm gonna be thinking like, what if? So I packed my bags and I came here and it was very hard in the beginning.I was in California for a couple of years, then I moved to Nevada, uh, but I was living in a Hispanic, uh, neighborhood. So I was going to school to learn English, right? How to and there was like 20 of us in English as a second language class and 19, we were Hispanic, like 18 Mexicans and then me and then a poor Chinese girl that she couldn't communicate with anybody.So I think I learned more. Mexican that I learned English, right? But then during class, but then, um, I move into a white neighborhood and that's when I really pick up on the English. Like I was working, um, in a laundromat and I needed to ask the clients how they wanted their shirts, if they wanted starch or not.And, and they're like, right, because we do speak very fast in our native language. So I was like, um, what is slowly, please? Right? And then little by little. And then, um, it's funny, very, very funny thing that happened. One of the clients, um, were flirting, right? And I said, I'm very easy. So he started laughing.And he said, I know what you mean. But the way to say it is I'm very easy going. Yeah, yeah, I can have a different context. Like, you know, I'm very easy, like, you know. But I learned, here I am. Uh, uh, it was a cultural shock in the sense of, like, things, although we have a lot to fix in America. They're like a lot more organized than they are in Argentina, and your opinion is more valued, and you have a voice, which is things that I haven't experienced.Back in my country of origin. So I, um, as soon as I could become a citizen of the United States, I did it because I felt I owe to this country to learn the language and to be a citizen and to respect the flag and all our values. Because this country gave me in 10 years at that time, what my country didn't have.didn't give me 31. So I always say that I'm more American than a lot of a lot of Native Americans because like when I was studying for the test, they give you 100 questions. So with the answers, so you can study. So I was like, you know, I was working at a corporation at the time. And I will ask, And go and ask people like, okay, what this question, right?And they, they're not going to know the answer. You need to give your citizenship back. Yeah, yeah. I know all these questions, you know, like so, but it wasn't matter. For me, it was a matter of, uh, being grateful for all the opportunities that this country gave me. I always said I didn't become a hard work, hard working individual when I moved to the States.I was already hard working, but over there you do that to survive. So here I, I work hard and I'm able to have a car and rent an apartment and which are basic things, but I value them more because I wasn't able to do that over there. Yeah, you know, it's interesting that you say that because in my episode with Alan Lazarus, about, you know, uh, getting to the next level in your life.He said he was really grateful that he lived in a country that invested in education because, you know, if college wasn't so important, if his home state didn't value college so much, there wouldn't be scholarship opportunities. There wouldn't be education opportunities, you know? So it's very interesting to think about other places that value manual labor more or don't value creative arts, for example.I mean, that's another thing, too. In America, you can be Very creative and work in all kinds of entertainment industries that don't exist in, in other countries. And, uh, I was laughing earlier when you were talking about, you know, barely speaking English because there were people in boot camp, believe it or not, in the military who only spoke Spanish.They, you know, they barely spoke English. They spoke just enough to kind of, like, make it by. And, um, young men do what young men do and they, they only teach people who don't speak English bad words or they tell them the wrong meanings and then they're. saying, you know, F you to the officer in charge of us.And he's like, what did you say? And, um, he goes, it means peace among worlds. Like that episode, I reckon, like peace among worlds. And he's given everyone the middle finger, you know? So I thought it was funny that you said that. And, um, what's interesting and maybe this isn't all, you know, Hispanic and Spanish culture, but what I'll say is I, you know, Uh, my ex girlfriend was Mexican and I remember she was giving me her personal opinion as a Mexican woman on all the other types of Spanish and Hispanic.And Argentinian was her least favorite. And, uh, I remember we encountered, um, two Argentinian women, uh, rich Argentinian women one time in a coffee shop. And there was words exchanged in many different types of Spanish which I, I didn't need to speak any of it. I knew what was happening. They didn't like her and she didn't like them.So when you said you were surrounded by Mexicans and based off my personal experience, it was like, Oh no, you're outnumbered. This is bad. But it sounds like because we are considered the very arrogant amongst, uh, the other cultures and well, we cannot help it. If we have the best, you know, this is why my ex would go crazy.Yeah, they had designer purses and everything, but yes, it's like, Oh my God, like we think that we are better than than everybody else. And it's not true, but we deal with that. Um, so for example, in Mexico or other countries, uh, in Latin American, In Latin America, you will say pollo, which is chicken, right?And we say pollo. So there is a kind of like, we always make fun of each other. Like I will say like, okay, give me pollo. But you know, like, I know that you know that I'm making fun of you in a playful way. Like I had work, uh, in, you know, with many, many Mexican, uh, coworkers, but it is like Soccer is a big contentious thing.Yeah. We kicked them out of the last World Cup. So, so it's kind of like, okay, like we won the World Cup. What can I say? You know, like, so, but yes, it's absolutely, we have our own kind of like subcultures, if you would. And then here we are all in the same I don't like to make a melting pot. I think that we all keep our own individual additions and flavors.So I like more the idea of a salad bowl than the melting pot. But, We are all discriminated the same. It doesn't matter if you are Mexican or Argentinian. Um, you, you survived, you survived a Latina girlfriend. So yay for you, like, I survived a few of them, actually. Uh, I was actually engaged to one who was, but she was half white.So it wasn't bad, but both of them had moms, Catholic moms from Mexico. I'll tell you, it is, uh, it's different. It is different. I remember I, I was a very patient man because my, my ex girlfriend, her abuela came up to me and she goes, her abuela didn't speak, um, English. And, and so my girlfriend, my ex girlfriend said, um, Abuela says, you need to learn Spanish.Um, and I, all I wanted to say was you're in my country. You can learn English, but I can't, you can't dis Abuela in front of everyone. I was wearing American flag cowboy boots. So I felt very tempted to say it, but, um, I just said, uh, see Abuela, uh, you know, I, I see Abuela, I feel like that's, that's a safe answer to say, see Abuela.Don't, don't, don't argue with her. You know, she was like, The highest ranked person in the house there. Uh, but it was pretty cool experience. I got to, uh, work on their Mexican food truck that they ran. She forced me to eat cow stomach and barbacoa and all that, but it's okay. I survived. I did not never eating menudo again, never eating cows.Tell you that was the worst thing I've ever had in my life. I just, I did not, I hate chewy textures and the cow stomach. I think we had it in soup and then she wanted to give me like a beef tongue taco. And it's like, no. And then she said we were going to eat fish eyes or cow eyes. I was like, that's definite.No. I said, yeah, you got me with the stomach was as far and as adventurous as I was going. And then, um, my ex fiance, she, they made me mole, but they, uh, couldn't get it. The sweet sauce, uh, like they could in Mexico, they had to get this, you know, they went to the Mexican grocery store and got a more bitter one.And I did not have a good time with that. But I, I did survive the culture. I learned a lot from the Mexican point of view about, like I said, Argentinians, Dominican Republic, I don't, the people from the DR. You know, I learned about their different ways of talking. And, of course, she had her opinion on all of that, like I said, so.That's, uh, fun. And I mean, it's just like in America you have different types of white people. You have, you know, the dirty south, the deep south, west, northeast. Even state to state, there are accents. You know, I'm originally New Jersey born and raised. I have people being like, oh, you're from Jersey. And I'm like, no one talks like that.No one in New Jersey talks like that. The people who say that are from New York. Um, and then they go to Jersey. And they hang out at the beach and throw a party and then make us look bad, but they're actually from New York. But it's all right. But yeah, anyway total total sidebar You know, I mean, it's not my fault that I I couldn't choose where to be born, right?Right. Yeah Yeah, for sure. No, I I get that too Um, that's why i've always said, uh, i'm northern by birth but southern by heart because I like the southern culture I don't like to be associated What about north? But it's nice because people, they, they say you're, you're, you're, you're smart like a northern man, but you're cool like a southern man.I'm like, okay, I'll take it. Yeah, yeah, I got the best of both north and south. So yeah, but after you immigrated to the U. S. at age 31, so like we said, I think it's interesting you said the, the difference of time and reward for your effort, uh, from one country to another, even And, and even just place to place, but I also know that at 42, you started your Bachelor of Social Work program.And, um, you know, most people would say that's a late start. Why even bother doing that? What's the story with that? Why did you start something so late in life and what was the success you found with it? Absolutely. So I was working in a corporation doing accounting and I was like, I don't think I want to be doing this for another 25 years until I retire.And I always had a passion for helping people. And I would have people come to me and say like, Oh, I never told this to anybody. So I was like, Okay, well, um. You know, lemme go for therapy, you know? But I do have a passion for what I do. But, uh, I started school at 42 and uh, I graduated at 46 with my Bachelor of Social Work.And you know, it is kind of like when people come to me and said, oh, I'm too old, or I'm like, okay. I started at 42, my bachelor's, and I started my master's at 50, which I'm gonna. into that in a second. And English is not my first language. Like, what's your excuse? Right? Like, because this is not, I did it. So you're, you're barking at the wrong tree basically.Don't tell me it cannot be done because I did it myself. So, oh well, English is not my first English is not my first language either. So I graduated at 46.I was getting ready to do my master's, uh, of social work. The idea was to be independently licensed by age 50. And then I graduated in December of 2011 with my bachelor's and then in February of 2012, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. So clearly God had other plans for me. Um, and I took care of my health and I came back.So I moved back to Argentina. Then I came back to the States in 2015 and I was like, um, six weeks shy of turning 50. And I started the Master of Social Work program at age 50. Instead of being independently licensed, I became independently licensed, independently licensed at 53 and a half. Who the fuck cares?Oh, here is the first way. It took a while. I'm already old. So it doesn't matter that I didn't do it at 50. I'm doing it at 53 and a half. One advantage of Going, especially for this profession, when, once you graduate with your master's, you need to do 3000 hours of internship, uh, 2000 hours of direct contact with clients, and 1000 hours of Other stuff.And so I had interns who were half my age, right? Like they're 25. Right. And let's say that I have a client, uh, having issues with their child and I'm telling them, Oh, okay. Um, have you considered doing A, B and C? They never ask me if I have children. I don't, I never have told the truth, but they assume because I'm old I already have children.So, my 25 year old colleague, she's like, they are asking me if I have children and what do I know? Clearly, like, I mean, she's 25 and she looks 13, right? Like, so you're not going to tell me what the fuck to do with my children, but I'm like, okay, that is the advantage of being old in this profession, because they assume that, okay, and I did have life experience, but I didn't, necessarily had to have children in order to give you a different approach or a different idea.So it was very rewarding to say the least. I had professors who, because I, I, Always be in the first row and raising my hand and having an opinion and, uh, in asking questions and the way that I approach school at that age, and I think that it professors are, uh, have that idea to that you are there because you want to.So it's not because daddy's paying for the credits, I'm, I'm paying out of my pocket for this. I still have a hundred thousand dollar student loan and I pay a lot of, I, I think I paid fifty thousand already, but I still like, you know, I'm going to have a bill in my grave. Like, I'm going to be working until the last day of my life and then still going to be a bill in my grave of a student loan.But I took it as a, as a, means to an end, right? Like, I couldn't afford school. So this was what I needed to do in order to be able to take those credits and graduate. So when I'm doing therapy with my clients, I'm very direct and very, I, I keep it real in. I, I think that my job as a therapist is to provide you with a different perspective.When you are in the picture, you cannot see the picture. So I, you will tell me stuff and I'll be like, oh, have you considered blah, blah, blah? Or did you think about blah, blah, blah? Right? Like, so I'm not telling you what to do. Like, I'm not your mom, like, but I'm, I'm, I'm, Kind of like asking you questions for you to find your own answers.I don't have the answer. Like, I don't barely know what to do with my fucking life. Like, let a mom tell you what to do with yours. But I will, like, kind of like guide you into finding your own answers, if that makes sense. Yeah, no, I think sometimes we, we need that for sure. And I think too many people go to a therapist or their friends and family looking for a babysitter.Rather than, you know, some advice and uh, uh, a little siren. You got me reminiscing. I actually used to talk to a girl from Guatemala and uh, she didn't speak English, really. She, she wanted to be an English teacher, which was the irony because she didn't speak English and she would get mad if, uh, you know, I tried getting her to speak English.So I was learning Spanish to talk to her and I would translate stuff. I would type up paragraphs, then translate it, and then send her, uh, Audio recordings and me talking to her in Spanish and she liked my accent and then um, she bought one of the books I wrote and published and was translating it one page at a time And uh, she was she was great.Um, yeah, so I So you have a real lesson that you keep dating I don't know how this happens to me I uh, a lot of people think i'm hispanic come up to me and they start speaking spanish and uh, i'm like No, and I, I don't want to give more dirt on Mr. Whiskey. I've already exposed myself for dating Latinas, but I was arrested one time.I was falsely accused of a crime and I was arrested. I remember they, um, I was in this waiting unit and a few minutes later, this Mexican guy gets arrested and he doesn't speak any English and he comes up to me and he starts speaking Spanish. I'm like, sorry, I don't speak English. Um, I mean, I don't speak Spanish.I was like, yeah, I was like, I don't speak Spanish. I speak English and I knew enough from my exes because they taught me more than you know If you're in love will take you places when you learn when you're in high school and you're like, oh this class is boring It's always miablo is you know, it's like yeah, but When you, when you've got a nice Latina and she wants to teach you bachata, but then she dances it with someone else.Mmm, that's a different story. Yeah, that's a different story on its own. For those of you who know what bachata is, you understand why I'm upset with her. After she told me, she goes, you can never dance bachata with someone else. And then she went and danced bachata with someone else. She's like, well, it was my girlfriend, you know, it doesn't count.I was like, okay, but um, yeah, salsa. I am, I do know a lot of Romeo Santos songs, but anyway, you know People don't, people don't expect this, but he, I knew enough to understand what he was saying And he, he kept calling me Maestro. He was calling me the, the prison master teacher because I had, he goes You've been here so much longer than me.I said, buddy, I Five minutes ago, I don't know how much English you know, five minutes before you, but he's coming in calling me maestro and all this, saying I'm the jail teacher. And then I knew enough to, this is crazy that he said this to me, but everyone else there, there was black. So there was me and him and he goes, those, those are the enemies.You and me are amigos, right? We got to look out for our own kind and there's going to be a race war and we got to stick together. I was like, but they like me. They like me. I'm not, I'm not, I don't know you. I said, I'm friends with them. I said, I don't know about all this. I'm not trying to be in no race war.Like they like me, you like me. Let's, let's, let's leave me in the middle, but not in the middle, if anything happens. And so this was the, and he didn't speak any English. So then he just kept, Like misbehaving because he didn't know what was he didn't even know he was arrested He didn't even know what was going on.I felt bad. I couldn't explain to him what was going on So then he just took off all his clothes and started walking around naked um But yeah It's a funny story. I yeah I've had it before where People have just come up to me, start speaking Spanish. And then I explained, I don't speak Spanish. And you're like, Oh, sorry, a traitor.And I'm like, Oh, I'm not, I'm Italian. I said, I'm a, I'm a, I'm a tan Italian. People get confused. Right. It's funny that you mentioned you are able to understand better. That's how we learn. If you think about a baby, a baby is, is hearing the language for. Almost two years until the baby, right? Like they say in the ball or mom or dada or whatever, but to actually Um, make a sentence.It takes about two years, but when you tell a baby to three years, but when you tell a baby, no, they understand, right? Right. It's just they cannot communicate. When we are learning, in your case, you were exposed to the girlfriend speaking Spanish with her family. So you're like, your, your ear is like, I know what's going on.I might not be able to actually respond, but I understand everything that you are saying. Yeah. And the same, like if you, if I speak Spanish slowly, you're going to understand a little, a lot more than if I go right, because you're like, if I'm speaking, I had a, um, a girl that was working at a clinic. I was working, uh, A couple of years ago.And she said she spoke Spanish. So I started speaking in Spanish to her. And she's like, oh, no, no, no. The poquito I'm like, oh, bitch, you don't speak Spanish. You're lying. We can have this conversation. Yeah. So I talked to her like the first day. Cause she's like, poquito. I'm like, then you don't speak Spanish.Like, don't, don't be lying. Right. Like, so, and I, Always when I, now I'm in private practice, when I used to work with other people and a new person will come in, I will ask them, like, do you speak Spanish? And they will say, no, I'm like, okay, so I can't talk shit behind your back in Spanish, right? Because you're not going to understand, like, and if they say yes, I'll say, okay, so we can talk shit about all these green guys that they don't know what we're saying, right?Like, so either way, like a very playful, but It is so important that, that, you know, like when I first came to this country, I was listening to the radio in English all day, like to, to kind of like get my ear accustomed to that, watching, uh, movies in English, like I didn't understand, but I kind of like got the idea, right?And I remember. This was many, many, many years ago, probably like 27 years ago or some, but I remember very vividly the first time that I understood the radio guy is saying the temperature at the time, I was like, Oh my God. You know, I completely understood what he was saying. I was like, Oh my God, this is so amazing.Yeah. And I, I've been exposed to different kinds, right. Mexican, Guatemalan. And then, um, my other buddy. who looks completely white, who I served with in the military. He, he's, I can't remember what he is, but he was speaking Spanish one time thinking no one knew what it meant, and I, I knew it. And um, he speaks a lot slower.He's, so I've been exposed to a lot of, and then half Mexican, half, half white women as well. There's been a few of those. So I, I have, Taking in a bunch of different kinds. Like you said, I just, I remember he was calling me maestro. I'll never forget that. I thought it was so funny. And I, I, one time I accidentally spoke Mexican slang at a breakfast restaurant with my ex girlfriend and her family, and I was trying to order eggs and I said something else.I won't get into it, but I said something basically, I said I was giving their daughter a different kind of breakfast, which was funny but that's not what I was trying to say to her mom at breakfast. You know, I was trying to say, trying to order her eggs, and, uh, eggs meant something different the way I said it.But yeah, I'll never forget that. Right, right! And, um, shoot, I've forgotten most of the words now, because like, once I stopped dating them, I stopped using it. But when I was with them, it was like I knew so much Spanish. And, um, I can't remember the term. They had a nickname for my ex girlfriend, like a Spanish term, that uh, uh, it meant the girl with the big boobs.That was what everyone in her village called her. And so I can't remember the word for it. Say again? Maybe. I can't remember. It's been a few years. Because in Mexico, they, they call, the boobs are called chichis. Yes, yes, I do know that much. So I do know that, that's one of the few words I do remember. Not to be a pervert, that, that, I remember that specifically because in Dragon Ball, Goku's wife Or no, is it?Yeah, Goku's wife is named Chi Chi, so, I do know that word from, from Dragon Ball. So But yeah, I mean Yeah, I forgot, I forgot about the girl from Guatemala. I tried to put that out of my mind because I ended up breaking her heart by accident. I remember she had said, You taught me to love again, and that love is real.And I was like, oh, she bought my book Was reading it in language, but it was not the right time and place, but I hope she's doing well Oh, that's all I'll say so yeah, I It's great to talk about Uh the the culture and stuff And, um, let's focus back in on, you talk about wanting to help people, about people kind of using you as a therapist before you were, you know, qualified, and, uh, I know you're the founder of Dragonfly Therapy Services, so what exactly is that and what are you doing right now to help people?So, I, after I work in community mental health for many years, uh, as an intern and even as a fully licensed person, um, there are certain populations that I don't want to work with, and I will tell that to the clinical director, and I will not be heard because, for example, I don't like working with couples and, um, they will give me a couple because they speak Spanish.And I'm like, how's that my problem? Like, no, I said, I don't want to work with couples. So I ended up, uh, funding my own therapy. Um, agency. So it's just me. Uh, it's not really an agency, but, um, it's like I, I was like, okay, I want to work with clients who experienced trauma, anxiety and depression. Adults only.I worked for a long time with children in foster care, a lot of trauma. And I'm like, this is what I what I can connect with your trauma. I can connect with anxiety and depression. So let me focus on that. Those populations in. Uh, I started, I mean, private practice, uh, cash pay only because insurance dictates how many sessions you're approved for.And I'd rather have our, um, therapy relationship be based on what you and I decide together, not what somebody behind the desk thinks. Oh, well, uh, trauma is, uh, 12 sessions who said like right? You may have like multiple traumas, right? Like so I don't want to start Digging into shit and then it's like oh, yeah.Sorry the insurance doesn't cover by good luck, right? Like so I I was like, well, you know why since that I'm not being heard And I'm, and I know I have an accent, but what part of I don't want to work with couples, isn't you understand? I, I opened my, my own, uh, office. And right now I'm working, uh, I do teletherapy and in person, but I'm only licensed in Nevada, so the client needs to be.within the state. Um, like I have clients in Reno. I, I am in Henderson in Southern Nevada, not too far from Las Vegas, the strip. Uh, but I have people in Reno, which is like eight hours driving from Las Vegas. And we do teletraphy clearly, but because they are in Nevada, I can. I am, um, you know, it is, it was the right move for me because I was getting burnt out with seeing 10 clients a day, which is outrageous.Uh, if everybody showed, like I was, I was praying for a cancellation and that's not the way that I want to. Be a therapist like it's like 10 people is schedule back to back 8 8 59 40 10 20 and let right there Excuse me like I was I was praying for a consolation so I can go pee and and you know and take a breath like so in creating my Private practice.I'll see clients on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays from 12 to 6. I'm not a morning person. So you don't get this version of fucking 8 o'clock in the morning. So I'm not going to put myself through that either. So my first appointment is at noon. And I give myself a four day weekend every week. So I avoid burnout.Oh my God, like I'm waiting for that vacation. I don't feel like that because I don't allow myself that level of burnout. Yeah. No, that's, that's understandable. And what I got to say for Everyone listening to this show, because I am from the East Coast, I gotta say, it's Nevada, uh, that's how we say it on this side of the country, and I think that's the right way to say it, because who named the West Coast?The people who came from the East Coast, that's technically our property that we're lending y'all on the West Coast, so that's Nevada. Uh, this is a debate I've had many times on the show before, and other shows I've been a part of, so, just wanna let everyone know that. But I do want to focus a little bit on, you talked about specializing in trauma, anxiety, and depression.And I know we talked about your battle with cancer a bit, but when you talk about trauma, anxiety, and depression, it sounds like it's more than just that part of your life. Is this dating back to your childhood in Argentina or I mean when you talk about Relating to it. I mean what happened in your life that you experienced all of that Yes, absolutely So I seen that we all experience trauma to different degrees throughout our lives, but trauma is so subjective The same thing can happen to you and I and it will be traumatic for me and not traumatic for you so it's kind of like What did you go through that you consider traumatic or anxiety provoking or, um, depression?My, my mother, she passed away, uh, 10 years ago, but she had clinical depression all her life. And she refused, she had a bad experience with therapists. So, so, hello? Uh, I moved like, you know, a few thousand miles in order to be a therapist. There it is. Um, because she refused treatment, and she will be so depressed that she will be like, she will not kill herself.Uh, but she will be like, why didn't I die last night? Right? Like, so waking up to continue to fight. So, growing up in, um, in Argentina was, when I look back, it wasn't, my childhood wasn't traumatic. It was traumatic. But as I started growing up, I was like, it has to be like a different way of living life than just surviving, you know, like, and I, um, Out of the Hispanic culture, uh, machismo is very prevalent that you are a girl like shut up.I'm the youngest of four siblings and I'm a girl like shut up like you do. Right, yeah. Sit and, you know, your opinion doesn't count. Like my oldest uh, sibling is my brother. So whatever he said, when, because he's a man, right? Like, so it's like you, like I moved here and then my dad, uh, when I finally, when I graduated with my master's, he will be like, Oh, I will listen to what you have to say.Cause you're a doctor. Like, I'm not a doctor, but I'm like, okay, whatever. As far as you listen to what I'm saying, right. Yeah. Right. But he was. Because I got the education, not because I had the capacity. So because I'm a woman, so in, I've been in mentally and emotionally abusive relationships, uh, I've been in an abusive relationship here in America too.And it is kind of like, I start doing therapy and, um, I finally, um, broke out of that, um, relation, abusive relationship. And I was devastated. And I was telling my therapist, I'm like, don't I supposed to be happy? Like, like, isn't this what I wanted? And she said, um, the reason why you're devastated is because you love this man so much, right?Like if you, I, I will be surprised if you're not devastated, right? Like, and I'm like, I'm crying. And I'm like, Oh my God, you know, like, so. And I experienced suicidal ideation throughout my life, but I never, I learned through my own experience that a lot of times it's not necessarily that you want to die, it's that you are so tired.So, but if you are tired of the pain, could be physical pain, emotional pain, um, that you just. don't want to deal with this anymore. So, but we are so black and white that, okay, well, if I don't want to live with this, then I had to die. Well, not necessarily, right? Like you can take a breath and have a different perspective and start working on healing yourself with the help of a therapist and maybe a psychiatrist.I took antidepressants. Uh, when I was going through my divorce, and I was like, I don't want to take it, I need medication, and, and the doctor was like, you take it while you need it, and then you come out of it, and then that's what I did. And, but I've been in therapy, like probably more than 25 years. And that's what kept me going, having that neutral person because your friends are always going to be on your side, right?Like, Oh, fuck her. She's a bitch. Blah, blah, blah. A therapist will be like, okay, like, well, let's talk a little bit about why is it that you are attracting this kind of girlfriends, right? Like, so it's more about like holding some accountability instead of like, Oh, poor you. It's like, no, which is what a friend will say.So that is the difference of why, I can talk to my friend. Yeah, you can talk to your friend all you want, but is your friend going to call you, call you accountable? So that's what therapy is, right? Like, why is it that you are continuing to check social media when you know that it's destroying you, right?Like, so it's kind of like, that is the decision that you have to make. Like I cannot, like I give my clients suggestions, but then it's your decision. So I'll say like, yeah, don't, don't check on her social media because that's gonna keep you in the loop. Right? Like, and you go home and you check on the social media.Okay, like that is your decision, but then you come back next week and you're still depressed and anxious. So guess what I'm going to ask you to do to not to not check on the fucking social media, right? Like what I do when I, when I give exercises about, Anxiety or depression is I I'm asking you to try it to see if it works for you.If it doesn't work for you, then we try something else. But how are we going to know if this works for you if you don't try it? But again, like I'm not your mom, like I'm just try it and see if it works. It's basically we're working together in this very important thing that I kind of like is my motto for therapy is like, I cannot want this more than you do.I cannot want you to get better more than you want to get better. So the type of clients that come to me are, I call them highly motivated individuals who are ready to get better and you might, you might feel like you're ready to get better than you're not. And then you're, we're not gonna last because I'm gonna be like, okay, like, have you tried this?Have you tried that? Have you read it? I will hold you accountable. And if you're not ready to do those things, I'm not the therapist for you. Like, there are millions of therapists and I will provide you with referrals, but I'm not here to hold your hand. Poor Mr. Whiskey, like, no, stop fucking checking the social media, right, and see what she's doing.Because that is not good for you. But I cannot force you to do that. I'm like, okay, I'm giving you some solutions. You don't want to use them. That's fine. But maybe we are not a good match. So there are other therapists who use other methods and they're like, well, you're not ready. And, and, you know, that's fine.Like I go to them, like, you know, I'm not the only therapist, but do you want to get better? Then we hit the ground running for sure. I think what you said is actually, we kind of discussed it again. The episode with Alan Lazarus, we talked about, uh, you might feel ready. You might be ready, but it requires humility, especially these kinds of conversations and therapy requires a lot of humility because if you're ready, but your pride or ego is in the way, uh, and it's blocking you off from getting that help.Right? I mean, accountability requires humility. It does. You know, I mean, you're owning a mistake, or, not necessarily a mistake, but a habit, a trait, or something you did that resulted in, you know, XYZ when you did ABC. So, I think it's important. But additionally, like you said, there are so many types of healing and therapy out there, if for some reason you're not connecting with a therapist.I mean, there are more. There are more. And you shouldn't hold it, you shouldn't hold it personal against the therapist, their style just isn't meant for you, it doesn't mean Like Ms. Zoma is an awful person because she, she wants to say I did this, this, and that. And um, you know, this isn't a place to be defensive and argumentative.If their method isn't working for you, just say, hey, that's not for me, and respectfully move on. You know, um, but. I'm sure, Ms. Zumla, you could say you've had some, uh, angry clients who, uh, did not move on so politely. Yes, and that's fine. I will take a personal, like, okay, it's your opinion. Opinions are like assholes.Everybody has one and they stink. So, it's your opinion. I'll give you referrals. But I want to mention something that I think is very, very important, especially for men in the military, right? Like, it's the stigma that Uh, Oh, I'm not crazy or I'm not that going to therapy is a weakness and actually it takes a lot of courage to go to therapy.So going to therapy is the opposite of being weak, is being smart about the situation that you're in that can you do it by yourself? Of course, but why? You don't have to. There are a lot of tools available to you, why are you going to do it by yourself when there is so much help available to you? So actually going to therapy is a smart thing to do.However, there is the backlash from the military, like if you have certain diagnosis, it will stop you from moving forward in your career and all that. And I had like, Uh, active, uh, duty members of the military who will pay cash so that it will not go in the record. And one of them was, um, everybody was asking him, What are you doing?Like, you look happier, like you are doing I'm doing therapy! I'm like, yes, take my cards and I tell some of your people I love working with, uh, With the military members, but and then if you are a veteran, right, like all the trauma that you have experienced and all the situation that you might have been through.And it's like, oh, well, like, I had to get over this. Uh, no, you don't. We can work together on helping you with that too. So the stigma that is attached, especially for males, that is like, oh, well, like, you know, I had to man up and I'm like, I, when I was in school, I was You know, I had to write papers and all that shit, and I was like, I want everybody who has been overseas to do therapy when they come back, right?Like, it would be mandatory because if everybody has to do it, then you do it, right? But, it's like, if you want to talk to somebody because you've been overseas and you have seen So many terrible things, but you are the only one that's a problem, especially if other people find out. But I wanted to make it like mandatory for everybody to do it.I agree with you. Right? So it's like you are not single out. Yeah. No, I agree with you because the VA has been talking about for a while now making it where every veteran automatically has 10 percent mental health disability because so many military members have Whether it's anxiety, depression, suicidation, PTSD, uh, whether combat related or not, and I'm like, okay, that's cool that you're giving everyone that percentage compensation, I appreciate that, but like you said, it should be, well, if you're seeing 95 or 99 percent of military members have some kind of trauma that they experienced in the service, or amplified because of the service, Then you should require everyone as part of the separation program, whether, while they're getting out of the military or directly afterward, pay for them, like you said, to have an appointment, and, and maybe they make follow up appointments, maybe they don't.But like you said, if everyone's like, where are you going? You're like, oh, the mand mandatory therapy session. It, it, now it's not like, oh, I'm going therapy and I'm the only guy on my whole ship who did it. So I, I agree with you. Right. Right. I, I agree with you. And you know what? It's. At the end of the day, if the military members go to the mandatory therapy session and they're just like, this is stupid, I don't want to do this, that's on them.But you've provided them the opportunity to go, without any judgment, And to to take care of their issues. So I I agree with you a hundred percent on that. I agree with you a hundred percent Like don't don't you have to have like like physical exams like going to therapy? Is right mental health like going to get a separation physical?Yeah, you get it you get a uh Separation physical but not you know and same thing with joining the military. Uh, you know, you get a uh, Physical to get in but there's not necessarily You They say, like, boot camp is the mental health test, but, I mean, there is so much more than that. I agree, both on the way in and out, you should, you know, be analyzed.Hey, nah, I don't like the word analyzed, it's so scientific. But you should talk to someone and have a medical appointment at least once, I agree 100%. Now, Ms. Zoma, before We sign off here just in the, in the spirit of everything we talked about today, is there a saying in Spanish that doesn't exist in English that you could teach us that isn't a bad, not another, most of them are probably bad, but do you have like a positive one or encouraging one?You got some kids with a sweaty and tongue fizz! Oh my god! I don't want to, I don't know who to align with my image to, to teach Spanish swear words on my show, you know. Trying to mentor young adults to be good people and not to yell stuff. It was funny on my um, on the Podcasters Cruise 2024, we met this uh, Brazilian woman.Gabby de Blabby, shout out to her because she talks so much they call her Gabby de Blabby, and she taught Hirsch some Brazilian saying. She's like, that Brazilian guy over there, go say it to him. And basically he said, um, what's up you MF er? In Brazilian time.He was a few drinks in, I don't know if he even knows what he was saying, but he was speaking half slurred Spanish to some random Brazilian guy. Um, but it was her friend, so we were all cool, but let's see. So this is all from Argentina, but it's, it's used a lot in Mexico and is C se puede. Yes, you can.Okay. So we met all my people. I'm going to be disowned by. But, uh, but si se puede, si se puede, si se puede, which means that, that yes, we can. Uh, but I would like to, um, close with something in English, uh, you can't be on guard. Uh, that is like, if you wake up, if you woke up today, that means that your mission is not completed.So you push through however you need to. Um, And you had achieved and survived a hundred percent of all the challenges that you have experienced in your life. How do I know? Because you're here. So that means that you're going to achieve and overcome this challenge too. You just have to keep pushing through.Giving up is not an option. When one day is too much to handle, you You do it one hour at a time, and if one hour is too much, you do it 15 minutes at a time. So can you do this for 15 minutes? Okay. Yes, we can. Okay. So then in 15 minutes, rinse and repeat, and you keep pushing through 15 minutes at a time.Right. I agree. Continually breaking things down to more digestible, more manageable. You know, slots of time and tasks to do. I think, I think that's important because I think nowadays people try to multitask so much, try to do, especially with technology, they've got like 10 computer tabs open. They're, they're doing this, this and that.Sometimes they have multiple screens and they're trying to take on so much at once, uh, and just rush, rush, rush, but we can slow down. Do one thing at a time. So I agree. And ladies and gentlemen, if you're wondering, asking to yourself, can I find Ms. Zoma Williams information in the description below? Si, se puede.You can, yes you can. And if you are a lovely Latina and you like Mr. Whiskey and you're like, can I get his number? Also, si, se puede, yes you can. And, um, I will be using that saying a lot now. Yeah, and if I ever get arrested again and made the, uh, maestro of the jail and put in the midst of the race war, hopefully that saying will save my life.So, you know, maestro, I think that he meant it in a respectful way, kind of like when you say yes boss, right? And it's like, that, that was your maestro. He thought I was like a prison man. He thought I had been there for so long. I was like, I was still in civilian clothes. It's not like I was even in a junk.Like this wasn't like we weren't in prison We were in like a waiting unit to have the you know, people set up or court dates or whatever I'm wearing like sweatpants and a t shirt and he's like I was sitting on a bench for like five minutes before he came in there But I've never forgotten that it was so funny So yeah, we've we've covered a lot today.Mr. Whiskey's, uh, days of latina ing and Yeah Yeah, then we covered Mizoma, you moved from argentina to the u. s at 31 a huge move you shared with us the culture shock And then pursuing education and work later on in life You Fighting breast cancer in the middle of that and then finishing. I like, you know, your point at that point became You've already started.So no matter how delayed it is or where you are in life, you should finish it You know if you're gonna do something do it and I also like the idea of yeah, maybe we're starting late But we're only gonna start later if we push it off, you know, or we're never gonna do it So I think it's important to you know Push through all of that, you know, your age shouldn't define, you know, whether you pursue education or, or work, and I, I think it's a great thing, so, again, ladies and gentlemen, in the description below, you can find the Dragonfly Therapy Services for y'all, and, you know, that website has a ton of great stuff on it.And so, Ms. Zoma, I want to thank you so much for coming on the show. It's been a very fun episode. I wasn't expecting this, so it was great. There was a lot less swearing than I thought, a lot more, uh, exposing myself than I thought. And, uh, yeah, so, but all, all great things. I really appreciate you coming on the show.It's been a great time. Yeah, this has been wonderful. Thank you so much for having me.
