Jeanette Yates (00:00)
Y'alls. my goodness. Welcome to the podcast, Joanna. How are you?
JoJo (00:06)
Good! Doing great. How are you?
Jeanette Yates (00:09)
I'm good. I'm good. I'm so excited to have you on. We're not friends in real life, but maybe we're going to start to be because this is about as close as in real life as people get anymore. But I connected with you on TikTok and I love you so much. And this is why there's many reasons the more I watch of your TikToks. Thank goodness we got it back after that brief 12 hour, whatever. Anyway.
JoJo (00:30)
Thank God.
the blackout.
Jeanette Yates (00:38)
But when you say hello on your TikToks, you say, hello, welcome to Dementia Talk. I'm so sorry you're here. And I am like, thank you. I'm not even really part of Dementia Talk and we'll get into that in a minute. But I love that you acknowledge, yeah, this sucks. It's sad to be here. I'm not gonna wish you a happy, good.
JoJo (01:01)
Yeah. Right.
Jeanette Yates (01:06)
Sunshiny Day necessarily. I don't know. I just liked you, how you shot it straight from the hip. And I was like, I need this girl on my podcast. Cause that's what we're doing over here. So tell me a little bit about why you, well, you can tell me like why you started the TikTok in general. don't know if you, was that what you were doing before? I don't know. Like I just found you. So tell me about that.
JoJo (01:25)
No, it was. Yeah, it was
really like, this is so funny. I TikToks, I've been making TikToks for a while, but not related to dementia. It was mostly like for me, like cathartic as a mom, as an, was teaching for 14 years. It was just like for me to make funny TikToks is like therapy. And I just talk about whatever's going on and I don't really have a filter either. And then I had not shared my mom's dementia or her diagnosis. Cause I just,
wasn't really there yet. And then we had had a really rough couple days where she was very combative and we'd been arguing and I kind of posted just sort of like a defeated moment in my car and thinking it would just be sort of like, you know, my mom has dementia, this kind of sucks. And I don't know what I'm doing. And I'm frustrated and it's sad. And it kind of like blew up where these
all these people were commenting and they were like, like these thousands of wonderful people, by the way, the nicest people are like, so like supportive and encouraging and they were giving advice. They were saying, read this book, you know, we're thinking of you. I know what you're going through. And it was just like very like surprising to me there that there's this huge community of people that I had no idea existed that was in the same boat that I was. So I started to kind of record my
Jeanette Yates (02:31)
Right?
Mm-hmm.
JoJo (02:55)
my adventures with dementia, just honestly for therapy for myself, but also like people were saying it was helping them just have some kind of like something to watch during the day so they don't feel so alone or just like to make them laugh. So if I can make someone laugh when they're having a tough time, then I consider it a win in my book. That's how it evolved.
Jeanette Yates (03:06)
Yeah.
Yes.
Yes.
Well, I love that. And I wholeheartedly agree. think that the more we can laugh about the, it's absurd and ridiculous, the stuff that goes on in caregiving. like I kind of mentioned, my mother cognitive ability has been...
JoJo (03:27)
Yes, it is.
Jeanette Yates (03:39)
pretty stable, she does not have a formal diagnosis of dementia, but she's in hospice care and now, know, she is starting to have hallucinations and get confused and, you know, we're not sure what. Yeah, it's like, it's a timeline, you know, like we're not, she's not in our timeline, that's okay. But I also know that like, this isn't the beginning of like a whole new thing, this is kind of one of the interesting things that's happening as she's winding down.
JoJo (03:49)
You're entering like another phase, it sounds like.
Yeah.
Jeanette Yates (04:07)
So I don't have the same pressure to try to have to figure everything else out that maybe you or someone who's parent is just starting out with a diagnosis might, which has to be really intense and scary. So I love that you just went to the airwaves and just was like, it's almost like you're just, you feel like you're screaming into the void and to have something come back to you that's like, no, I hear you. I see you. I'm listening. You know, it's nice.
JoJo (04:26)
Yes. Yes.
And it's true because I feel like people do not talk about this, even though I'm finding it is so common. Think about it, everyone has parents. mean, they're going to be elderly at some point. You're going to be potentially a caregiver in some fashion, whether they're sick or have memory loss. And I feel like we are prepared in every other aspect of life. They prepare you for childbirth. They prepare you for, you know.
Jeanette Yates (04:44)
Right.
JoJo (04:59)
getting a job and how about they don't prepare you for end of life care. So we go into it blind and I feel like that's a very like unexplored area that we need education. And I feel like going into this, I'm trying to like educate myself, but if I can educate others, great, that'd be great.
Jeanette Yates (05:12)
Right.
Yeah.
I think another issue with, you know, the online space and caregiving is there is, there are so many potential facets to the caregiving situation that it is very hard to come up with a plan or a process or, you know, because not only do you have different diagnoses that could be happening at different times,
your family dynamics are different, whether or not you're an only child or have siblings is different, whether you yourself are on your own, have your own physical, emotional, mental difficulties, your children do blah, blah, blah. Like there's all this, all this going on. And so to be able to say like, you know, here's how to do self care, here's how to, you know, set up a
JoJo (05:47)
Right? Yeah.
Goodbye.
Jeanette Yates (06:12)
something with your parent. It's like, if my parent doesn't want me to do what you say is best for them? You know, like, I think, yeah.
JoJo (06:19)
people
were like, some comments were very helpful, but some people were like screaming like, just get a power of attorney. And I was like, I am, but she won't sign it. But even still, there's, know, power of attorney doesn't necessarily mean you can control their life. can't, it doesn't really work that way. like, right. And so like, I think people were trying to be helpful, but at the same rate, they don't know the situation that I am in.
Jeanette Yates (06:27)
Right. Right!
Right? It actually, it's not necessarily, it does not mean that. Like it literally is like, that's not what that is.
Right.
JoJo (06:48)
where of course I am working on the legal part of it. But unfortunately with the legal system, I can't force her to do anything. So I feel like I look sometimes bad because they're like, you're just letting her live alone. like, no, like I don't want her to live alone, but I can't legally do anything. it's people don't necessarily understand. It's not like a one size fits all because there's so many different, like you said, facets to it, but also like.
Jeanette Yates (07:04)
Right, exactly.
JoJo (07:13)
dimension memory loss is so different for everybody, like how it affects them and what stage they're in. So like it is so vast. There's a huge spectrum and that's why it's so complicated.
Jeanette Yates (07:16)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, and I think that's one of the things that I have learned over the years of caregiving. And especially to your point, my situation is completely different than yours, as we just talking about. I've been caregiving, when I was a little girl, I was taking care of my mom, but I just thought I was being a good daughter. You know what I mean? I didn't know. And now I'm like, oh, I was really kind of, that was more than.
JoJo (07:48)
Yeah. Yeah.
Jeanette Yates (07:53)
probably most kids were doing. Right. So like in the last, you know, 14, 15 to 10 years, it's been more like, okay, more education, learning more about all the legal stuff and the blah, And it has been very interesting to me to see how there are so many places to get
JoJo (07:55)
But that was your normal for you.
Jeanette Yates (08:23)
where the advice just falls short because there's not an acknowledgement of.
JoJo (08:25)
No.
Jeanette Yates (08:31)
of the eccentricities or the individualized nature of everything. I think we could all extend more grace to each other in caregiving because people...
JoJo (08:43)
for sure.
Jeanette Yates (08:50)
I made the choice to, and it wasn't always, the plan had been, mom, when she gets too tired, or gets too tired, her disease makes her tired. But like, as you all, but like specifically, you when she gets too weak, when she gets unable to care for herself, she'll move in with us. Well, her physical condition declined so much that like, she wasn't gonna be, once she stopped being able to live on her own with,
JoJo (09:02)
It does. It does.
Jeanette Yates (09:19)
AIDS and whatnot, she was gonna have to go into 24-7 care. And while I might have been able to, mean, my brain hurts to even think about this now, but like, could I have maybe like been ever backwards and twisted and figured out how to, I just couldn't imagine it.
JoJo (09:41)
The what ifs are
what killed the caregiver. I feel like those what ifs are what are so heavy because you're constantly questioning yourself at all times. And that's how you probably think back, I could have done this, I could have done that. But there again, there's no instruction manual for how to go through this.
Jeanette Yates (09:45)
Yeah.
Right.
Well, and
like, that's why my mom is somewhere now, is because during that time, I was like, my God, uh-uh, uh-uh. And I really was like, wait, this is not, I shouldn't even have to what if this, because this is not possible. Like, period, end of story. I don't have to quote just figure it out, because that was the plan. know, everything was like, well, just figure it out, we'll just figure it out, we'll just figure it out. I'm like, listen, this is not, and I know there's a book out there that says everything is figureoutable.
JoJo (10:13)
Right. Right.
Right. Right.
Jeanette Yates (10:29)
But I don't think she's talking about caregiving. Maybe she is. I don't know.
JoJo (10:33)
like another thing too that I asked about is when you are, I find that most of the caregivers, not all, are typically female. They're usually a daughter. Because I feel like women tend to do the problem solving and think, okay, I can fix this. can accommodate. I can do that. That's not to say there aren't male caregivers. But I think that for some reason I'm finding when I talk to people, it's typically women. And so we have this like,
Jeanette Yates (10:42)
Yep. Yep.
JoJo (11:03)
feeling to be Wonder Woman and to take on things that maybe will be helpful to everyone else, but then at our own demise. We're going to like, we're the captain of the ship, but then our ship's going to sink because we are taking on too many things because we feel this pressure to be like super mom or whatever the case. And this is like something that is, I think, kind of toxic at times because it's a pressure to be like, well, she can handle it. She can handle everything. Well, maybe I can't, like maybe I can't, you know.
Jeanette Yates (11:25)
Yes.
Right, yeah.
I mean, I don't know. I don't know how old you are, but like when you just talking about that, was like, bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, blah, blah. You know, like, don't know if you remember that. I'm not old. But anyway, like, yeah.
JoJo (11:42)
So I'm 40. I'm 40. And I
have two littles. I had kids later in life. I had my first at 36 and my second at 40. So I'm kind of like that sandwich generation where I'm caregiving, but I also have my own littles. So this is tricky too. So I've kind of been in a opposition.
Jeanette Yates (11:54)
Yes.
Yes. That's really
tricky. that, I don't know, you know, for me, my mom, like I, she, my kids never have known my mom to not need our help, you know? And so in some senses, that's a blessing. Cause it wasn't like, what's wrong with granny? All of a sudden it was just like, that was the way granny was and it was fine. you know, but I will say,
JoJo (12:13)
Right. Right.
Jeanette Yates (12:22)
it has been, as the kids have gotten older and she's gotten worse, it has become a conversation that like we all have. like, mom, what are you doing? Like what, you know? And that was part of the reason I went through my own healing journey from that guilt and burnout and, you know, stress was like, my kids are sitting there old enough to see what's happening to me and recognizing it. And so,
JoJo (12:48)
Absolutely.
Jeanette Yates (12:51)
you know, just as a word of encouragement though, to you as someone who did have young children carry, like they love, like they love the grandmas or the grandpa, you know, like they do. And they like, they're a little bit more forgiving and just kind of like, well, you know, like, okay. Like, and I know sometimes all dementia is not created equally. Sometimes the stuff that comes out of the mouth is and you
JoJo (13:18)
Yep. It's a little,
little spicy sometimes. Yeah.
Jeanette Yates (13:21)
Yeah, you
know, it gets, but kids are resilient. And I say that as someone who also just wrote a book about my trauma growing up with a sick mom, but also like.
JoJo (13:36)
Yeah. But that's before, you know,
before you knew what you know now. Like you've learned probably so much and then you make those changes for your children so that they don't endure that trauma, which is all we could ever want, right?
Jeanette Yates (13:46)
Right, right.
Right.
And I think, you know, that is one thing that I did do that, you know, I try not to what if myself, but like sometimes I'm like, maybe I, you know how like when you're rebelling or you're pushing back, sometimes like you push too far back, you know, sometimes I'm like in an effort to not be like guilt my children into helping care give for my mom, you know, I was like, no, you don't have, you don't have to do that. No, you don't. Because I was like, I don't even want to do it.
JoJo (14:04)
you have. Sure.
course. It's, it's
what's tricky. Yeah, because also it's like kind of scary. It may be for kids too, because you know, grandma could be hallucinating or saying weird things or look different. And I'm kind of in a weird position because my son knew her before. My daughter will not. So that's what's also interesting. I have two children with two different perspectives. Now my son is very aware and he's
Jeanette Yates (14:29)
Right.
Yeah.
Yeah.
JoJo (14:47)
intelligent little creature. So he will at some point have to have a conversation even though he's only four, four and half. We're gonna have to have a conversation because she repeats herself a lot. And so she notices those things and gets like irritated. But I want him to I want him to be more sympathetic but I don't want to I don't want to be like grandma you forget things all the time because he just he'll remember. So I want him to be respectful but
Jeanette Yates (14:54)
Yeah.
Right.
Right.
JoJo (15:14)
and also kind of prepare him for those situations. But it's kind of tricky right now, because he's still little. But it's going to have to happen at some point, you know? And I haven't figured it out yet, but when I do, I'll let you know.
Jeanette Yates (15:20)
Yeah, yeah.
that's so tough,
Please do.
We'll have a whole other episode on what you learned in your first year of dementia caregiving.
JoJo (15:36)
Yeah. And this is the thing
like, what's so crazy too, is like talking to someone like you is so helpful because I'm in such a different stage. So when I'm talking to people that are in a farther stage of memory loss, I'm learning so much of how to prepare myself or prepare my kids or prepare our financial everything. And that's been priceless because again, there's no, there's no instruction manual of how to handle this. And we're just kind of learning day by day, but
Jeanette Yates (15:54)
Yeah.
JoJo (16:03)
talking to others in different stages has been extremely helpful. Just so I can mentally prepare mostly like what is to come down the chute and who knows, I don't know how long it will be. hard to say right. But yeah, that's been invaluable information.
Jeanette Yates (16:16)
Right.
So one question I have for my caregiver friends that I invite on the podcast is, you know, you're relatively new to this, but what thing has just surprised you the most? Just like throwing you for a loop, good or bad?
JoJo (16:35)
what has surprised me the most? I would say the thing that surprises me the most is how, well, so my mom is vascular. Vascular dementia is not necessarily like a slow curve. It's kind of like they take steps, right? So for her, she'll be kind of plateaued at the same like level of memory or functioning for a while. Then all of a sudden there's like a dip and you can feel it. You can tell.
Jeanette Yates (16:53)
okay.
JoJo (17:05)
So for me, the biggest surprise was as vascular dementia progresses. So at first it's hard to notice because the steps happen very far apart. It could be years, right? But then as it progresses, they get closer together, right? So for me, what surprised me the most was the amount of decline since I would say last April when we got her like around that time she was diagnosed in May, but like from that time to now.
Jeanette Yates (17:20)
Gotcha.
JoJo (17:35)
the amount of function and abilities she's lost since then is very surprising. For me, I'm like, know, every day I kind of notice things and it's just very surprising.
Jeanette Yates (17:49)
Yeah, I don't know if this happens to you, but I'm guilty of this sometimes where like I try to start doing the math. Like, okay, so if I can just figure out what's gonna go next, then I can.
Jeanette Yates (19:52)
But okay, so what I was saying is like, I try to do the math on like, what's gonna happen when, so I can try to like, if I can prepare myself and I can handle it, but of course you never can do the math, because you never know when something's gonna happen. So like, I have to work. That's one of the things I've been working on over the last couple of years, is like, no matter how much math you do,
to try to figure out the future, you're not gonna figure it out, so stop trying to figure it out. Does that happen to you?
JoJo (20:26)
Well, that's the thing, like
they're, they, they can't really give you a timeline. And then that's the thing too. Like people will say like, you know, my mom's been going on for years and some people say it was fast for them. It really depends. I'm hearing so many different things. So I really don't know. Sometimes I prepare myself for like the worst where she may decline, continue to decline rapidly. But there's other times where I don't know. Maybe she'll plateau for a while. I don't know. And that's kind of the unknown is scary for me.
Jeanette Yates (20:31)
Right.
Yeah. Yeah.
It is scary for me, but I've learned to be more comfortable there and that has helped me not stress out as much and I've been able to get better sleep because I'm like, what I have learned is to not try to figure out what's gonna happen so I can figure out how to handle it. What I've learned is whatever happens, I know I have the confidence I can handle it. So I just tell myself, get your sleep, take care of yourself.
do your job, blah, blah, blah, then when the shit hits the fan, which it's gonna, then you'll be ready for that. It's gonna happen, you already know that. You'll be able to handle it. You don't have to figure out which way it's gonna go. So that has helped me tremendously. Right.
JoJo (21:26)
Right? Right. It's good. Right.
Right. It's inevitable. It's just, it is what it is. I
think that like the thing that my husband and I have really just kind of, he take it everything day by day, especially because we just had a baby in April. So like we had that happen, then my mom. So like we just literally take everything day by day. We try to like, you know, prepare for the worst, but also we express gratitude for things to keep things positive. I need you to go upstairs, honey.
Okay, do you want to go grab, get him upstairs really quick, Jeanette? Okay, Okay, come with me. Come on, Come on, Come on. I'll be right back. I gotta finish my phone call, then I can come upstairs. I'm gonna come upstairs right now. Come on. Come on, Peter.
Jeanette Yates (22:07)
I'm good, I have nothing but time.
JoJo (22:31)
I need to my phone call before I can come upstairs. Well then I have to leave the house to finish this phone call. Okay? So I need you come upstairs for a little bit.
She
Okay.
So, will get to me. It's just scary because I can't talk on the phone with you on the phone.
Alright, I'm going to finish my phone call and then leave the house and finish. No! Alright, put your hands in the air and you're going to come downstairs. What? want to find my kid. Okay, well then I'm going end my phone call and finish it. And then I'm leave the house and finish. No! Okay, you can come upstairs right now. Come on. Come on.
I'm going to right up.
I'm gonna put in the phone call. No! Okay, but I have no choice. can't talk to her on the phone when you wake up. Okay, I will leave right now or I will leave the house. I love you. What was that? No! Okay, I'm gonna turn my phone off. be right back.
you
Ugh, I'm sorry. I don't know. My son is like a stage five Claire. He's he exited the womb, but like he wants to come back in the womb, I swear. So he, he's like...
Jeanette Yates (26:15)
Are you okay? Do you need to go?
JoJo (26:31)
He like has to have tabs on me at all times. He's like, I love him. He is the sweetest thing, but man, sometimes I'm like, you can sit down here you want to sit down here quietly. But he's like, I want to play. But it's up to you what you want to do. He's upstairs right now.
Jeanette Yates (26:43)
Yeah, I hear you. Well, we'll
try and if needed, I can always do this like after their bedtime. You know, like if we...
JoJo (26:51)
That's fine. Either way,
I don't want to waste your time because like, it's like, yeah, so my babysitter went up to go grab the baby because she woke up and then he like made a break for it. So she was like, where did he go? I'm like, my god, he's down. So she was panicking. She's like, I don't know where he went. I'm like, no, he's down here. So I don't know. Crazy. We can try. And if we can't do it now, then I'm happy to risk. I'm so sorry.
Jeanette Yates (27:08)
Yeah. Yeah.
No, well, we got like half of something so far, or over half, so we're good, we're good. So we were talking about like trying not to overthink the future and try to stay present, I think is what we were talking about. So I know that for me, it sounds really dumb and every time I post something on social about it, I roll my own eyes at myself because mindfulness, which is really just like being present in the moment is actually like,
JoJo (27:19)
Okay. Okay.
Jeanette Yates (27:46)
the most helpful thing for me because, and basically the way I think about it is beating myself up about the things that I haven't done, didn't do, could have done better, or trying to figure out what I need to be doing in the future takes away whatever I'm doing in the present moment. So.
JoJo (27:58)
Sure.
Absolutely.
Jeanette Yates (28:08)
I started and maybe this is something that'll be helpful for you and maybe you can tell me like what you try to do when you're navigating mom, you know, taking care of your mom and then being a mom. But for me, if I'm with my kids, I try to be with my kids. If I'm with my mom, I try to be with my mom. How do you manage that though with babies?
JoJo (28:31)
This is what's hard too, is like I'm always fighting myself like sort of fighting to be present because when I'm with the kids, I'm thinking about what I need to do for my mom. And then also trying to manage a household and make sure my kids have what they need and also like be there and be present for them. It's really hard at times because I feel like I'm kind of like I got one foot in and one foot out. And so like a lot of times I'm trying to make sure they have like
healthy meals are getting, you enrichment, they're stimulated, and that they are, you know, getting the things that kids need. And also a mom who's not like, you know, disassociating all the time. But then I'm also like, you know, trying to make sure I'm there for my mom. And it's kind of like a weird balance where whoever gets my attention, you know, the other person will lack. So I feel like it's a balancing act. So if I give more attention to my mom, the kids will kind of
Jeanette Yates (29:11)
Right.
JoJo (29:28)
like have less. So if I give more to the kids and mom has less. So it's kind of like a no win battle. So I kind of like, for me, I contend with it by saying, well, this is this is all I can do my best is good enough. So I'm giving it my all. And if I can't do any more, that's okay, because this is all I have to give. And like, I can't be everything to everyone at all times without myself getting sick.
or burnt out or, you know, being like, you know, depressed or throwing myself into a panic attack. So you have to take care of yourself in that way and remind yourself that you're not, you know, again, you're not Wonder Woman and that's okay. You, I mean, we pretty much are, but like the expectations have to be realistic, I think, for yourself.
Jeanette Yates (29:59)
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hahaha!
I
well, and I think that is another thing. My next question to you is like, what do you think like should be talked about more in the caregiving space? And one of the things I think should be talked about more is like, there's only so much of you to give and we need to stop trying to pretend like there, that we have an unlimited supply of everything.
JoJo (30:42)
Yeah. And time and energy. Yes. I think people like need to talk about, I think for us, like the legal stuff is really confusing and tricky. also like end of life care or, or not end of life, would say more like, memory loss care or a facility. The cost of that is insane. it's insane. and like all of the things that go into requiring financial assistance or
Jeanette Yates (30:44)
Time, patience, money, whatever.
It is.
JoJo (31:12)
how to handle their affairs, what a power of attorney means, all that legal stuff, I feel like is for us, like a whole nother world that we were not prepared for. And I think that's something that I know that people can't give legal advice, but like just understanding how those things work or what they actually do would be super helpful. Cause we're learning just from doing it, but we have no idea what we're doing, you know?
Jeanette Yates (31:37)
So I need to tell you about this website and this this person this this website's not a sponsor but The website's called buried in work.com I'll put it in the show notes of this podcast, but also it's basically all the stuff you just said it's all on that website and the the the team that runs it has State specific information because that's another thing that's really hard especially on especially on social media
JoJo (31:44)
That's good.
Jeanette Yates (32:05)
where like I can tell you what I've learned about Medicaid and elder care and estate planning in Florida, but that is not necessarily the same as in wherever, right? And so it's, and also I'm not a lawyer, so therefore probably shouldn't give advice, but, right. But, know, I really love that Adam and his team over at Buried in Work have done a lot of that work.
JoJo (32:09)
right.
Correct.
Absolutely. Right.
You are not giving legal advice. That's a disclaimer.
Jeanette Yates (32:34)
And what I really like too is it's the legal, it's the financial, it's that question of like, we gonna, does my loved one want to age in place? How do I help facilitate that as long as possible? Are they open to going somewhere? How do I help that? Do I need them to become open to that? How do I have those conversations? All of that kind of stuff is in there. But I think that is something that, that's another thing.
JoJo (32:45)
Right.
Yeah.
Right? Is very tricky.
Jeanette Yates (33:04)
that I think doesn't get talked about as much. And we may have even talked about this in our text messages. I feel like once you start texting somebody that you met on the internet, you're real friends. You know what I'm saying? Like once you're like, here's my friend. But you know, this, is, the stuff that doesn't get talked about is that there's all of these different,
JoJo (33:14)
yeah, I feel like more like kindred spirits now. That's happened.
Jeanette Yates (33:36)
Like nobody, caregiving is always like, this is how you take care of your parents, you have these conversations and you do these discussions and you set up this plan and you do this and do that and you're like, we need to talk about like what happens when parents don't even want to, you don't know if they have a plan, they don't wanna talk about it every time you bring it up, you know, or their plan is, you're gonna take care of me. And that's all you know. or, you know.
JoJo (33:39)
Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
All right, maybe you weren't planning on Yep.
Jeanette Yates (34:05)
So I feel like there needs to be more conversation. I'm hoping that this podcast can be one of those places where we have those more frank conversations about like that unseen undercurrent that often happens in families where we're just not at a place where we can bring this up or maybe like something like dementia comes and kind of swipes your legs out from underneath you before, like were you ever, like did you think about that? Like caregiving for your parents, caregiving for your mom before?
JoJo (34:24)
Yeah.
We, I always have talked to my mom about it, like before this had all happened for years, like we always would jokingly say like, you'll just live with me. And I was fine with that. But her, her perspective has completely changed. And I think that's partly because we didn't think, you know, dementia is different because she started to, you know, have need help and she has a really hard time needing help. like,
Jeanette Yates (34:34)
like April, you know, last spring.
Right. Right.
JoJo (35:01)
she's not as open to living with me than like she's before she was like, yeah. And now she's like, no, because she wants to be more like reclusive, which is part of it. So that's changed. And like also, you know, she, she likes living in her little town home and I get that she wants her independent and I totally get that. But our plan that we originally had is not the plan anymore in her head. So that's kind of hard. So I'm like, uh-oh, now what do we do?
Jeanette Yates (35:03)
Mm-hmm.
Right.
Right.
Yeah, right.
JoJo (35:31)
because
like now there is no plan. So that shifted with her diagnosis because now she is more resistant to help. And that's part of it. And part of it is her personality too, but part of dementia can be like resistant to accepting it and resistant to getting help just as it progresses.
Jeanette Yates (35:47)
Yeah.
Well, I think there is a difference too, like if you're in your head and maybe it's your family dynamic, because like I know like when I was growing up, my mom's from like a farm area, like out in the boonies, literally tobacco and whatever else, like green beans, I don't know. But anyway, so like the old, know, grandma so-and-so just moved in and you know, she bounced between the different aunts and uncles and you know, all that kind of stuff. And so that's what she expected, but like.
Bringing someone who is aging into your home and kind of incorporating them into your life as their independence slowly wanes is different than a person with a diagnosis that debilitates them in some major way, cognitively, physically, all that kind of stuff. And so I think we have an image of like, yeah, grandma so-and-so is just gonna come live with us and we're gonna help take care of her. It's gonna be, it's gonna, yeah.
JoJo (36:47)
she's gonna be sweet and she's gonna hang
out and it'll be great. But then, like you said, if it is like a memory loss, it's a completely different rodeo than just living with you.
Jeanette Yates (36:51)
Yeah.
Right.
Or like my mom is bedridden and like it's not the same as having grandma in the house with you, you know, it's just different. Yeah.
JoJo (37:02)
Yeah.
It's like, yeah, helping big cookies or something.
Yeah, it's a very different image. You know, or even just I was saying to my husband, you know, my mom can be, you know, really defensive and aggressive when she's feeling like we're trying to help her and having my kids around that is tricky. And I don't know, it's hard to do I want that around them? Maybe that basil cast. don't know. That's where it gets tricky.
Jeanette Yates (37:29)
Yeah.
Well, and it depends
on their developmental stage, right? Because they're younger. Whereas if this was happening when they were in middle school or high school, you can just be like, this is the deal. This is how we're going to handle it as a family, blah, blah. You you can kind of, but you're trying to teach them to become more independent as you're watching her become less dependent and trying to facilitate both of those things at the same time. Again, another thing that is not easily explained
JoJo (37:37)
Yeah. Right.
Right. Yeah.
Jeanette Yates (38:04)
And that's why I think building confidence as a caregiver, like just knowing that like you're gonna screw it up in some ways. there's gonna be 10 different ways you can handle each situation and not, maybe none of them is completely wrong or right. It's just the way you're dealing with it at the time. And I think learning to just be able to say like, yeah, I'm doing the best, like you mentioned, I'm doing the best I can. That's gonna be, gonna have to be enough. And it goes for caregiving, it goes for parenting, it goes for household management.
JoJo (38:10)
Sure, absolutely.
Right. Sure.
Right.
Sure. Sure.
Jeanette Yates (38:34)
You know, and I think it is important. I was gonna give you a hard time, but then you fixed it. When you were talking about like, when I'm with my kids, I'm not with, you know, I'm thinking about my mom, when I'm with my mom, I'm with my kids. And I was like, and how often are you thinking about yourself, Joanna?
JoJo (38:44)
All right.
self-care and that's a thing too like this is so like this is another like TMI so like something that I have I have to have as a therapist to get through all of this and I've had one for a while therapy and this is another thing too like I feel like my mom's generation therapy was like a don't talk about it don't do it and now like everyone now it's very like common to say yes I have a therapist so
Jeanette Yates (39:01)
Yes. yes.
We're big therapy people.
JoJo (39:17)
therapy has been wonderful. And he's always like, why do you feel guilty for taking time for yourself? Why do you feel guilty for trying to take care of yourself? And I think like, it's sad that so many people feel that way. Where I was, he's like, well, what are you doing for you? And I was like, well, sometimes I, one of the babysitters here, I'll go take a hot shower at the gym. And he's like, that's it? I'm like, well, yeah. He's like, well, what if you go work out a little bit? I'm like, I feel funny, like.
Jeanette Yates (39:42)
Hahaha
JoJo (39:46)
taking more time, he's like, this is ridiculous. Like this, we, this has got to stop. We feel guilty for going to take care of your body and go take a workout. And I'm like, I do. He's like, why? I'm like, I don't know. I don't know. And I think this is something that is a downfall of not only character, but moms in general, people in general, feel this, this like guilt and like taking time to take care of our physical bodies, drinking water, eating, going and working out.
Jeanette Yates (40:05)
Yeah, right.
Mm-hmm.
JoJo (40:14)
getting rest and that's my biggest downfall is for sure. Yeah.
Jeanette Yates (40:18)
Yeah.
Well, I think so. I have been in addition to being a caregiver for forever, I've also worked in the fitness field. You know, I was a Pilates instructor. did nutrition, nutritional coaching, things like that for a long, time. And one of the things I learned in that, and then again, when I was like trying, because I was doing like the height of my burnout five, six years ago.
I was doing all the things. I was exercising every day. I was doing yoga. I was writing in my gratitude journal. I was praying. I was going to church. I was getting massages. I was doing all the things. And I still felt like crap all the time. And what I came to learn for myself, and this is, and I share it with caregivers often is any self care will work. No self care will work if you don't think you deserve it. And
JoJo (40:54)
Yes.
Yeah. Yes.
Jeanette Yates (41:13)
if you're not present while you're doing it. for like the thing I always would talk about is like being at the massage, right? And then like freaking out about like, I turned my phone off so I could try to relax, but now my phone's off. So what happens if the phone rings? Well, the hour goes by. Yeah. And the hour goes by and you're like, wait, did you do anything? Like, I don't, I don't remember. Yeah. I don't even remember. And so.
JoJo (41:23)
Over to you.
Yes. my, like you're like, yes. And you're like, my God, does this mean? my God. Yeah.
Did you enjoy it at all? No. That's what's crazy. I was not relaxed at
all. Yeah.
Jeanette Yates (41:41)
Yeah, so I felt, know, so I learned to be like, okay, when I'm there, I'm there, when I'm, you know, and that was really hard, but it was a huge change for me. And then I also learned, and this is something that I learned too in my own life, and maybe this is the same for you, maybe you can relate, is like, I was doing all the self care that everybody had always told me I was, you're supposed to do for self care.
JoJo (42:07)
Right.
Right.
Jeanette Yates (42:10)
But I didn't ask myself, I was so disassociated, was so disconnected from my own body to ask like, what do you need right now in this moment? And again, I know, I roll, you're like, what do you need? But seriously, when I started actually trying to listen, my body was like, yeah, we probably don't need to run every day and maybe sleep more than four hours at a time. You know what I mean? Like just, and also introduce some more protein, you know?
JoJo (42:28)
Right.
Get some rest. Right. Right?
Jeanette Yates (42:38)
You know, I learned like, okay, what I need for my body and my heart and my mind right now is totally different than what I needed 10 years ago. So I don't need to keep doing the same stuff I was doing. You know, and so I think that is another thing that gets sticky with the whole like self care, like take a walk, take a 15 minute.
JoJo (42:59)
I hate to say they go meditate. I'm like, if I had the time to meditate, then I wouldn't need self care. Okay, like if I have one more doctor like, like, how you doing like postpartum, like I'm tired. Yeah, I'm overwhelmed. you just need to meditate. I'm like, if one more person tells me to meditate, like I'm I'm gonna barf like, I'm a mom with two kids and a mom with dementia. When do I have time to sit down and meditate?
Jeanette Yates (43:04)
Right.
So do you know
what I teach my caregivers? Let me give you a free lesson. I agree, I agree. It is very hard when you have no time to take 15 minutes to shut, like seemingly like shut your brain down and zen out, right? Cause that's what you're thinking. And so I love meditation. I do actually meditate every day. just, but I don't.
JoJo (43:42)
Red? Red?
Yeah, I do love,
I love a guided meditation on Spotify, but right now I'm finding I can't focus during a guided meditation. So for me, like you said, I can't really be present during it anyway. So as much as I love it, it doesn't really serve me at all.
Jeanette Yates (43:53)
Yeah.
Right, yeah.
I would say, you know, probably could listen to it anyway and like subconsciously it'll probably do you some good. But what I tend to have my caregivers that I work with start with, start with, and this is what I did, was I would find that time of day where I am really just doing something for myself. So not, and then like, I know like washing my face, first of all.
I just started washing my face with any sort of regularity within the last five years. Okay, so that was like one thing. Brushing my teeth, that kind of thing, right? So sometime when I was by myself, a little bit harder for you because then you have babies so they're probably always at your ankles, but whatever time, in the shower, whatever it is, that time, two minutes, five minutes becomes your time. And I don't need you to zen out.
JoJo (44:34)
I love it. Yeah.
Right.
Jeanette Yates (44:57)
I want you to focus in. So I tell people, this is gonna sound dumb, but you're gonna do it later today and then you're gonna laugh and you're gonna tell me about it, okay? When you're brushing your teeth, I want you to brush the everlovin' out of those teeth. Not in a, like, don't be harsh, know, watch for the gums. But I want you to not run everything you have to do in your brain, not what you have to do next, not.
JoJo (45:09)
Thanks.
You're just brushing those
teeth.
Jeanette Yates (45:28)
You're just brushing those teeth. You are thinking to yourself, do I like this toothpaste? I think I might. I don't like the taste of this toothpaste. I do like the taste. It's delicious. I love it. I could eat it for a snack. I want you to think about the toothpaste. I want you to think about how it smells, how it feels in your mouth. What hand do you start with? you know, whatever. Like totally focus on that for two minutes. Only brushing your teeth. You're only thinking about brushing your teeth.
You're only doing that for the two minutes until your quip buzzes into all corners. I don't know if you use a quip, I do. It's like, you like brush and then it buzzes and you jump to the next side. Anyway, once you, then that is your time. That's two minutes now that you have said to yourself, I'm doing this for myself. And so like when you're putting on your lashes, I know you love that girl. I love it too.
JoJo (46:05)
Yes. Yes.
I do, I do, it's like my new thing.
Jeanette Yates (46:27)
I need lessons, because I feel like...
JoJo (46:29)
I you
know what it took, I had to practice, I'm not gonna lie. That's also been part of my self-care thing is like, I get some new lashes, I go out and try a new pair and then I sit there and I glue those suckers on there and it's been like a new little, it's like, it's my little thing and then I feel a little bit better about myself, yeah.
Jeanette Yates (46:46)
So like,
right, but like, notice, like, does the glue stink? Is it sticky? Like how, you know, how did those things feel? I don't know. I don't know. I can't, because I've never even touched one of those. So I don't know. But you know, like, be present in the moment. That is mindfulness. It's not meditation. It's mindfulness. And when you learn to do that and you're being intentional about it,
JoJo (47:13)
Yeah.
Jeanette Yates (47:13)
for
that two minutes or I'm sure it takes longer to do your eyelashes or that five minutes in the shower. If you're learning to, which is really hard for a lot of people, a lot of women in the shower to be present, because you don't, I don't know, can be uncomfortable, but really learning to enjoy that.
JoJo (47:23)
I guess. Sure.
Jeanette Yates (47:34)
that you're training your brain to be present in the moment it's in.
JoJo (47:40)
Right. And then in a way you're almost, I wouldn't say meditating, but you're, you're kind of, uh, you're putting the racing thoughts at bay for a bit.
Jeanette Yates (47:51)
So meditation is a type of mindfulness. Mindfulness is being present in the moment. One expert says it's breathing and knowing that you're breathing.
Literally, if you sit there and you breathe and you just are like, huh, I'm breathing in, I'm breathing out. I feel it in my shoulders. I feel it in my tummy. It's cooler when it goes up, it comes in, it's warmer when it comes out. If you just do that, that's mindfulness, that's it. Meditation is a layer of that guided or where you're trying to focus your thoughts in a certain way.
JoJo (48:10)
See you now.
Jeanette Yates (48:31)
So I start with mindfulness because it's like, oh, I don't have to stop thinking. I can actually just really think about something. Just really think about it.
JoJo (48:38)
That's actually, it's
like a focused thinking, but not so scattered, which is exactly how I feel all the time. So scattered, especially with the littles.
Jeanette Yates (48:42)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, right. And like,
and like another thing that really helped me, cause I've got like, I've got a, my brain is always, and I always thought that meditation meant like kind of like clearing your mind, right? It's not, it's not that. It's non-judgmental awareness. So instead of being like,
JoJo (48:57)
Yeah. Yeah.
That's what I thought too. Right.
Done.
Jeanette Yates (49:11)
I can't stop thinking. can't stop thinking. Gosh, I'm such a loser. I can't meditate. You're like, there's a thought.
JoJo (49:17)
I have a lot of thoughts today. Yeah. Yeah.
Jeanette Yates (49:18)
there's another one. Yeah, look at that. this
is like, it's like they say one of the people are like, wait, is this a meditation podcast? I don't know. just like teaching.
JoJo (49:28)
No, I think it's important because
these are the actual things that are a struggle for caregivers is the feeling of being split between so many things, feeling overwhelmed, and then the guilt that comes with taking time for yourself and what is actually realistic for quote unquote self-care. Because I mean, even when I used to be at like one of my meetings at school for professional development, they would say, it's so important to have self-care. But I'm like,
Jeanette Yates (49:47)
Yeah.
JoJo (49:58)
Like my school's pitching self-care and I'm like, but yet they're like, but yet you need to work, you know, all those hours to be a good teacher. So it was like very hypocritical. So self-care kind of had a bad taste in my mouth for a long time.
Jeanette Yates (49:58)
Gross.
Right.
Well, and self
care too gets a bad rap because like everything's like, self care. Girls weekend, self care. And it's like, yeah, that's important, but are you getting enough sleep? Are you getting enough to eat? Are you hydrating? Like literally look at like, you can go get your nails done and get your hair done and get a massage all you want. That's lovely. I do all of those things.
JoJo (50:16)
Yeah, yeah.
Yes. Right.
Sure.
Jeanette Yates (50:40)
But if you're not getting enough sleep, if you're not getting the right nutrition, if you're not hydrating with actual water.
JoJo (50:48)
Right? Me. Me. Me.
Jeanette Yates (50:51)
If you don't feel safe in your home or connected to other people that you feel safe around, those things are important before anything else. so I hate the term self-care and yet that's what I name my business after because it's like, I want to make sure that when people are talking about self-care, especially to caregivers, that they are focusing on, yeah.
JoJo (51:01)
Basically. Absolutely.
Jeanette Yates (51:20)
That vacation, that weekend away would be great, but the bottom line is you may not get that.
JoJo (51:25)
That's not realistic for some people. But I think that's part of it too. Like, especially once my mom was diagnosed. So before she was on the decline, we noticed some things like leading up to it, but she was watching my son while I went to work. And the year before we noticed, or we were seeing things, but it was, again, it was slow. So she was my caregiver. So not only did I, you know,
Jeanette Yates (51:27)
Right.
JoJo (51:54)
lose a caregiver for my son, I had another child. So then me going out and having like, hey, mom, can you watch the kids so I can go do XYZ is gone. So we had to find another way. So we had to hire a babysitter. So those kinds of things change too when you're a caregiver, because you you might have had to leave your job, you might have had to move in with your parents. So like a lot of those things might not be an option to you. And I think that's what's hard for people to understand sometimes like, just come meet me up for a movie. I'm like, I can't.
Jeanette Yates (52:02)
Right.
JoJo (52:23)
Like I just can't dump my kids somewhere right now because I have to have a person that I trust. So it's different.
Jeanette Yates (52:23)
Right.
Yeah. I remember
when my mom stopped being able to take care of my kids, it was tough. I remember because we used to have a room for her here because she actually went through cancer in 2009. So she stayed with us for a little bit. And so she had a room here. So if like we were doing something, she might like spend the night and then, you know, and it worked. then, like, I remember one time, like calling her, she was watching them during the day.
JoJo (52:33)
Yeah. Yeah.
Yes, totally.
Jeanette Yates (52:58)
and I called and she's like, well, they haven't woken me up. And I'm like, what do mean? Like, they're not gonna come wake you up. They're just gonna destroy the house. But you know, she was so tired that she just was sleeping and she's got the breathing machine. She cannot hearing anything out there. And so, you know, was like, okay, well, I mean, they were fine, but also like, okay.
JoJo (53:11)
like. Yeah.
Yeah.
Jeanette Yates (53:25)
if I want someone to interact with my children or like whatever, I'm gonna have to think of something else. And then there was the period of time where they were going to her house to hang out and she started like, it stopped being fun. Cause it was more like, well, granny just needs to sleep for a little bit. Granny needs to sleep for a little bit longer.
JoJo (53:31)
Yeah, Plan B.
you
Jeanette Yates (53:52)
And they were like, well, we can sit on our phones at home or we can, you know, ride. you know, helping out gets old after, like, at first it's fun to help Granny and then like it eventually got like, that's, know.
JoJo (53:56)
Right. They're not really spending time with her per se. They're just kind of almost like watching her in a way.
Sure. Yeah.
It's not as engaging as it was at first.
Jeanette Yates (54:14)
You
Right.
it was a, and that was a mindset shift for them where they were like, and they didn't, you know, they didn't flat out say like, you know, they weren't, they were too young to just say no, right. But also like, I was like, well, I don't want that to be the experience they take away from, you know.
JoJo (54:37)
You don't want to force
it upon them if they're not. Yeah. Cause like you want it to be.
Jeanette Yates (54:41)
I like the memories
of us cooking Christmas together and making our Christmas treats and things like that. That's what I want them to remember about her, not like when she would just sleep or sleep. Which, mean, there's plenty of that, because she is very weak now. But I hope they have more memories of the fun stuff that she used to do. yeah. Yeah, yeah.
JoJo (54:44)
Yes.
Yeah.
Right, Yeah.
stuff right that's what we all can hope for you know
then
Jeanette Yates (55:08)
So one last question before we wrap up, and I'm gonna give you a choice, because we've kind of hit some of these off and on, but I feel like we've talked about what people should talk about more. What is one thing that you think the caregiving space, and you can talk about it from the dementia talk space or just caregiving online space in general, what do you think they get wrong? What do you think we're getting wrong out there?
JoJo (55:34)
Mmm. Oof. that's a good-
Jeanette Yates (55:39)
Or we
could do better. Maybe you don't want to label people as being wrong.
JoJo (55:43)
don't think there's anything wrong about it. think sometimes, the thing I'm seeing, which I kind of said before, was that people assume they know someone's situation. And we have talked about that everyone is so different. There's so many things that are different. Right. Right. And I think people are, and some people I think understand that and they're just like, you're doing great and keep it up. They're just being very encouraging. Others are...
Jeanette Yates (55:52)
Right.
Yeah, there seems to be too much uniformity in the advice given.
JoJo (56:12)
more like, you you got to this, you to that. I'm like, that's great for your situation. And they're just trying to help. And I think it's not being about wrong. It's just that sometimes, you know, it's just, it's so broad. It is so again, with everyone's different stages or situations, it is so huge. And, you know, it almost feels like, you know, you wish there was like more like
subset groups of memory loss, but even that is complicated, whether they have Alzheimer's or dementia or whatever the case may be. It is so different. But I feel like honestly, at least the conversation is happening. I feel like that's the important thing because I had no idea there was so many people out there looking for information. And just like myself, so I feel like at least there's beginning to be like people coming together and talking about it.
Jeanette Yates (56:46)
Right.
Well, at...
Yes.
JoJo (57:07)
which is positive.
Jeanette Yates (57:10)
I do think social media, my last job before starting my business was working in social media management. And one of the things that I've watched happen since 2009 is the nuance is lost a lot of times in social media. And I think there are so many caveats. are so many, every situation is so unique that
JoJo (57:30)
Yeah.
Jeanette Yates (57:39)
when we speak, especially when we're speaking from our own experience, it's so important to say, this is my experience. This is what I have learned from it. I'm sharing it with you. Maybe you can take something from it, even if it doesn't match your, yeah.
JoJo (57:50)
maybe you're not. Right. And it's like, you know,
it's like, I'm throwing this out there, maybe it's it sticks with you, maybe it doesn't. But it's with good intentions. And I think that's the important thing. We're all trying to good intentions for each other. But it just, you know, if anyone could help, I think I mean, the advice that I got about dealing with my mom about not arguing with her, that was like priceless. And that was one little piece of advice from a stranger. And if that could help anyone
Jeanette Yates (58:12)
Mm-hmm.
Right.
JoJo (58:20)
from my page or your podcast. I mean, that's wonderful. I mean, just to have a quality with your loved one, like a quality of life for you and your loved one, then that's great.
Jeanette Yates (58:30)
Yeah, and
I think that piece of advice right there, because like I mentioned, I've been connected with people who have Alzheimer's caregiver groups and accounts and stuff like that for a while, but a lot of it doesn't apply to me because my mom did not have any, and then now all of sudden she does have some sort of, and I'm like, okay, well, I've heard them talk about this a million times where you don't ask them if they're forgetting, you don't say, don't you remember?
JoJo (58:54)
Yeah.
Jeanette Yates (58:59)
And so like that has been really crucial for me because like my mom has, she's highly intelligent, many degrees, many college degrees, very academic. And she even to this day sounds like she is giving her dissertation when she's completely not in, not talking about anything that makes any sense. Like.
JoJo (59:27)
amazing.
Jeanette Yates (59:27)
you
would be, you know, and so like, for me, I was just like, what is, like what? Like this is nuts. And I literally had to bite my tongue and like remind myself as I was walking into her room, like every single day, like, do not say remember, do not say remember.
JoJo (59:32)
Yeah. Yeah. It is nuts.
Do
not correct you live, like you just exist in their world and and it's I think it's gonna get easier as time goes on though. So I'm learning to just grow with it.
Jeanette Yates (59:50)
Yeah.
Yeah, it definitely has gotten
easier. Now I will say one thing that's happening now that hasn't is like for the first half of our time I'm there, she won't know who I am. And then all of a sudden it'll like somebody will call my name or she'll be like, oh, you are Jeanette. And then I have to, and I'll just be like, hey, how you doing? And just like pretend like I just got there or something or like, yeah, no, I mean, it's cool. Like, and just we just kind of move on.
JoJo (1:00:09)
Look at it.
Yeah, keep it light. Yeah.
Yeah.
Jeanette Yates (1:00:21)
Yeah, because I'm like, she's like, have you been here the whole time? And I'm like, yeah, but you know, we've been having a nice time. try not to get, and it doesn't hurt my feelings as much as I thought it would. So hopefully it won't hurt my kids' feelings either when that happens, because I know that's gonna happen to you. But yeah, like that piece of advice has been a game changer for me. So I think it is important.
JoJo (1:00:32)
That's good.
Yeah, right. That happened eventually.
Jeanette Yates (1:00:48)
for people with different experiences, dealing with different conditions, dealing with different family circumstances, we all just share. I think the more we share our stories and share it for real, like from a place of vulnerability and not like I'm the expert on everything is, I think that's the answer because otherwise it just seems like, you know.
JoJo (1:01:12)
you're doing
it wrong. If I say this is what you need to do and it doesn't work for someone, they're going to feel like they're doing something wrong with. They're probably not. It's just, I'm in a different situation than them. So saying like, again, like you said, I don't think I would say, I don't know what I'm doing, but this is what I do with my mom today. because I honestly don't know what I'm doing. And, it's a learning experience. Yeah. And I'm always happy to admit that too, where I, know, things don't always work out and where my plan and that's okay.
Jeanette Yates (1:01:20)
Right, right.
Yep.
I tried this, it didn't work, so I'm gonna do that. You know, yeah.
JoJo (1:01:41)
I'm not afraid to get criticism, I'm not afraid to accept help or advice. And I think that's been super helpful too. Like when people say, don't do that, I'm like, okay. And like, I listen because maybe they're right. Maybe they're right, maybe I'm wrong.
Jeanette Yates (1:01:54)
Well, and
it depends on who's telling me what to do or not to do. User 52758742 or whatever, if that's a real you, I'm not specifically talking about you. But anyway, my point is that person, I don't know. But you know, someone who has an established, you know, you know,
JoJo (1:01:57)
Yeah. God.
Jeanette Yates (1:02:17)
brand of talking about something and they want to share I'm gonna give them a little bit more credence someone who has some sort of educational background and give them more, you know, like whatever but I think that's important to Joey and I could talk to you all day We should you should come back on the podcast, but we got to wrap it up. I know that you have people with Waiting to hang out with you
JoJo (1:02:19)
Right. Absolutely. Right. Absolutely.
Yeah.
too. Yes.
little rough.
Oh, but thank you. I know when you edit this, you probably won't even know. But for those who were listening, my son busted down and true, you know, stay at home on form, because life is always crazy. And he had to come down, then he went to meltdown because he couldn't stay and Jeanette waited for I know how long.
Jeanette Yates (1:02:54)
I'll leave enough in so they know that happened, but I won't leave the whole conversation, which is between you and
JoJo (1:02:58)
God, my son, he's just, he,
and he also loves to be on camera. So he needs his own podcast, this kid. my God. he, once he's of age, he would love to talk. He is a chatterbox, but you know, again, you just have to, we just roll with it and we made it work.
Jeanette Yates (1:03:04)
I was going to say maybe maybe one day we'll have Ralphie on the podcast.
That'd be great.
Yeah, that's right. That's hey,
that's if anything is on brand for the self caregiver, that is it for sure. That's that's what we do. So I know people can find you on TikTok as long as it's around and I will link that Jojo S A H
JoJo (1:03:20)
That's it. It is what it is.
Yes.
It says, I think it's Jojo,
S-A-H-M, stay at home mom. I knew. I just, I started a YouTube in case TikTok went down. It's called the Forgetful Bartender because I'm sitting in my, we have a bar in our basement that we built during COVID, but the irony is we don't really drink anymore because it doesn't really agree with me. So it's now like my office space.
Jeanette Yates (1:03:33)
Yeah, but you also have a YouTube. So I wanna let you share about that. So what's your...
JoJo (1:03:58)
And I thought it would be funny in the future to have it be like, people can belly up to the bar and invent about their struggles as a caregiver. And it's like a judgment free zone. And I thought it'd be kind of like funny, but we'll see. I haven't posted a lot yet because I wasn't sure it was going to happen with TikTok. So I kind of was like, I don't know, let's wait and see, but we'll see. Yeah.
Jeanette Yates (1:04:05)
Yeah.
Right.
Well, I appreciate you and I thank you. I'm excited to connect with you more on TikTok, hang out with you on YouTube, text, do another one of these podcasts. I'm so grateful that you are here. Thank you.
JoJo (1:04:25)
Yeah, it was way fun.
Absolutely.
Same. Same. I'm sure we'll be chat. I think we're going to be text friends now. I can feel it happening. I like it. Yes. I'm going get the app. We're doing it.
Jeanette Yates (1:04:41)
yeah, for sure. For sure. Marco Polo. Okay.
